Building a successful business requires a certain level of grit and resilience. But when the going gets tough, do you find yourself getting bogged down by frustration and setbacks? Developing the ability to push through is crucial for entrepreneurs looking to grow their capacity and see results, even in the face of adversity.
Sometimes you learn the most valuable lessons in unexpected places, which was the case for Kristen. Listen in as Kristen shares an eye-opening experience she had during a session with her fitness trainer about her own frustration tolerance.
Let’s look at a few highlights:
What is frustration tolerance, and how does it impact your business? Understanding the ability to take action while still holding onto the emotions of fear, doubt, insecurity, and frustration. Importance of building frustration tolerance and cultivating a resilient mindset
When you let frustration have the final say, you settle for mediocrity instead of reaching your full potential. But here’s the thing: when we push through frustration, we discover hidden strengths, uncover new possibilities, and experience personal growth like never before. So, let frustration be your fuel, not your stumbling block.
Embrace the journey, learn from setbacks, and keep going. Don’t give up when frustration strikes; let it be the catalyst that propels you to greatness.
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Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https:/Kristenboss.com/question
Connect with Kristen: If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Transcript for Episode #164: Frustration Tolerance
Kristen Boss (00:19): You are listening to the Kristen Boss Podcast. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. As a bestselling author and performance coach, I’m on a mission to share about sustainable and purposeful approaches to both business and life. Each week, I bring relevant topics that I believe are necessary to create a life of purpose, significance and meaning. Entrepreneurship is about so much more than growing your bottom line. It’s about who you are becoming in the process and building a life that is truly extraordinary. Entrepreneurship is really just the beginning.
Kristen Boss (00:56): Hey, bosses. Welcome to another episode of the show. This week we’re going to talk about something that rocked me to my core that I know is probably going to feel like a gut punch to you. So one of the things I’ve been doing recently is I think three weeks ago maybe it was actually we got to rewind a little bit. It’s probably three and a half, four months ago where I reached out to a colleague of mine who’s in the mastermind I’m in, and he is an amazing, amazing in fitness, has a very well-built fitness brand, and kind of does elite coaching, is what I’m going to say. And so I’m friends with his wife and I finally just decided to reach out. I was like, Hey, I’m thinking about maybe trying your coaching, I don’t know. And he was like, Hey, send me your stats.
Kristen Boss (01:45): I was like, I don’t want to, but sent him my stats and he’s like, all right, tell me where you want to go. I told him, and then he sent me this loom video, and there’s a lesson even in how he did the process. So I told him like, Hey, I think I’m interested. See this as somebody reaching out to you saying, Hey, I think I might be interested in joining your team, your product. So what he did was he took the time to create a loom video just for me, which a loom video is just a recording of your computer screen. It’s like a video presentation that you can send to somebody. So he had built a graph, a chart. It was just like, Hey, Kristen, I’m just going to walk you through your journey. He’s the testimonial. Hey, here’s somebody who was in your exact shoes.
Kristen Boss (02:31): Here’s the results they got with this program. Here’s how I would start you. Here’s what to expect. It was about a 15 minute video where he really took the time to educate me about what I could expect, what the experience would be like, and he’s like, and just let me know when you’re interested. But he was also willing to push me away if it wasn’t the right time. So one of the things he said, he’s like, Kristen, what I can tell you is that you have to have desire for change. I can’t do that for you. You have to want this, and if you don’t want this, it’s not going to work. And so just, there’s even a lesson in that. I showed interest, but he showed up in with service. He was not needy for me to say yes. And he was also willing to say, if you are not ready, now’s not the time.
Kristen Boss (03:17): And what was great is in that moment, I knew that I wasn’t ready. I was like, I’m not ready to go all in and take myself seriously and take that level of ownership. And it was actually kind of a good moment for me to admit that to myself and be like, okay, well, if I want to get fit and do these things then get in shape, then I have to take responsibility and ownership for my current results. And if I want to change this, it’s going to take serious effort. I’m going to have to take radical responsibility, and I know what this might look like. And I just had a moment with myself and I said, am I ready to do that right now? Do I want to do that right now? Do I have the desire to do that right now? And the answer was no.
Kristen Boss (03:56): But just a few months later, I finally was there. I was like, all right, I’m ready. And I decided to work with my buddy in his company because how he approaches fitness is very much how I approach business. He’s a tough coach. I was like, I need somebody to kick my butt, not to shame me, but I need somebody to not to call me on my Bs, to not let me negotiate with myself. And so I got to, he’s like, Kristen, I’m putting with you with my best trainer in my company. So I have my trainer, his name’s Ben and you, you’ll probably be hearing more about Ben as I go through the podcast episodes, and he’s probably like, what? Talking about me on your podcast. But enter Ben. And Ben and I have a chat, and that Ben is nothing but throwing my own coaching at my face.
Kristen Boss (04:47): He doesn’t know this. He doesn’t know who I coach, how I coach, but he’s just talking about consistency and compounding results and playing the long game. I’m like, excuse me. How dare you, sir? How dare you throw all of my methodologies back at me? But it was great. And he’s like, we’re going to have to build your patience with these things. And there has been so many lessons already for me. And I will just tell you, I’ve had so many kind of eye-opening moments, and so many of you will realize that you have similar stories that I did. So when I sat down with Ben and had my conversation, I was like, Ben, here’s the stories that I always have. I’m like, I am convinced I’m a unicorn. I’m convinced there’s something wrong with me. I’m convinced that this works for all your other clients, but it’s not going to work for me.
Kristen Boss (05:40): I’m going to be the one person it doesn’t work for. And he was just like, yeah, I’ve totally heard that before. It’s not a problem. And the first thing I was asked to do was, he is like, week one, we’re just going to get all the data points. And this is where I knew I had to be ready. He’s like, you need to weigh in every single day. You need to track absolutely everything you put in your mouth. Which was so fascinating because man, it got me honest real fast. And I realized that up until that point, I was not taking that level of ownership with the data and my actions when it came to me pursuing health goals. I had counted macros. But there were many times where I was like, I don’t need to count that lick of that here or that serving here, or maybe I didn’t weigh that properly.
Kristen Boss (06:30): There, I guessed. And I didn’t realize how much I was sneaking in calories. And it was so helpful when he’s like, Chris, and listen, even a hundred calories over can ruin the process for you can throw you out a deficit and you’ll maintain. And I don’t want you to be frustrated. So I had somebody just explain to me the process, explain to me the why, but I also had to. And he’s like, and you’re going to weigh in every day. And I was like, no, I don’t want to. Can I weigh in once a month? But here’s the thing. He’s like, you have to learn to desensitize yourself from the data and simply use it as data. And man, that has been a lesson in and of itself, and it’s been so good. I have not missed a check-in since I started, and it’s been so empowering.
Kristen Boss (07:15): But when I started tracking everything, he’s like, Kristen, the whole thing of week one is we’re going to, I want you to measure everything, aim for these targets. If you don’t, it’s not a big deal. But I need the data. And so I understood the why instead of just fighting of I don’t want to give the data. When I understood the why behind the what, turns out I was more open to following through and doing it. So I started doing these things, and I have this thing in my academy called the Gray Box, and my students know it. They have a lot of drama around it, but it’s just a very simple itemized checklist of things to do in their business every day to get results that compound with time. And I have my own gray box that my trainer gives me of things I need to tick off every day, and I have it in the app, and I have to go tick off the things.
Kristen Boss (08:04): And there’s something about he know. I know he’s going to see it every day, and I’m answering to myself, I’m answering to him. And I will also say, this is the most I’ve ever spent on personal training ever. It was almost to the point where I almost felt guilty pain for it. And some of you might have this thought too, is I was like, well, let me prove that I can be consistent in the gym to, or prove that I can be consistent with this by going into my gym every day. And when I do that every day for 60 days, then I’ll let myself invest in myself. You guys, do you think I did that? No, because there wasn’t enough skin in the game. Sure enough, when I cut the big check, there’s big skin in the game, I’m waking up and I’m like, I didn’t pay that to not show up today.
Kristen Boss (08:53): I didn’t pay that to negotiate with myself today. So I noticed higher accountability. I the finally had the desire. I was willing to submit the data, and that when I looked at the data, I had ownership. And that’s when I realized, huh? I wasn’t fully honest with myself. I think that’s why I didn’t get results fast enough, sooner, because I was the person that said, and I know you guys can agree with this, that said, I’m doing all the things, but it’s not working for me. But when I actually was called to task by my trainer and put my money where my mouth was, suddenly I realized, what do you know? Before this? I was not doing all the things, and he’s preparing me for the process. Hey, it might not be overnight. We’re going to have to. And he asked me, Hey, how do you best work?
Kristen Boss (09:52): And I told him, listen, I’m somebody that I, I’m willing to work hard to see the win sooner, but I know I might need to build in some recovery. So I brought myself awareness to it, all these things. So there I am. I’m actually doing all the things. This time, I’m checking off everything. My macros are on target, I’m getting my water, and I’m getting my steps in. I’m doing my workouts, and I’m crushing it. And in the words of my trainer, he is like, you’re crushing it. He has a British accent. He goes, you’re just crushing it. Just crushing it. And it was doing great. But here’s the thing. The scale was just hanging out at a, it would drop a pound, then it would go up, it would drop a pound, and then it would go up, it drops three pounds, and then it’d go all the way back up.
Kristen Boss (10:35): And I was like, what the heck is happening? And he said something to me that this whole episode is going to be based on. He said, Kristen, you are going to grow the skill of increasing your frustration tolerance. And it knocked me on my butt. He’s like, you have to be willing to experience frustration and staying in the activity even when you’re frustrated that the results have not yet come. You guys, it knocked me on my butt. I was like, wait, frustration, tolerance. I have never heard this term in my life, but immediately it made so much sense because I realized something. I realized in my business, I have insane levels of frustration, tolerance. I’m willing to sit with something and it can fail 15 times. And I’m so freaking stubborn because I’m like, it’s okay. I’m going to figure it out. I’m going to figure it out.
Kristen Boss (11:31): I’m going to stick with this. I’m going to figure it out. Eventually, it’s just going to work out. And sure enough, that always happens. Do I get frustrated? Yes. Do I get discouraged? Yes. But it never stops me from taking the action. Well, what do you know? I have insane high levels of frustration tolerance in my business. But once you know that the levels of frustration, the level of frustration, tolerance I had for my health journey was almost nothing. I’d get frustrated and I’d take my foot off the gas. I’d get frustrated and say, it’s not working anyways, might as well eat what I want. And it feels really vulnerable saying this, but whatever this, there’s just, it’s so good. The lesson is so good. And I even mentioned it on the previous episode with my friend Sean. We talked about frustration, tolerance, and building your ability to stick with something when it’s not yet working.
Kristen Boss (12:25): Feeling the frustration, but not giving into the frustration. Imagine that feeling the frustration, allowing for the frustration to be present, not making the frustration mean something. Because for me, I will tell you, every time I felt frustration, I thought it was evidence that I was doing something wrong or the process wasn’t working. Instead frustration is a part of the process. Let me give you an example. There are so many things that just come with being a business owner. And let’s even pull it out a business. And let’s say you’re, if you’re a parent or maybe you’re a spouse, but right now, I’m going to use the parent example. And if I were to ask you as a parent, I would say, Hey, ever, if someone were to say to me, when am I going to stop worrying about my kids? And I would say, when you’re dead, never.
Kristen Boss (13:21): You always feel anxious about the wellbeing of your kids. When is that ever going to go away? And suddenly you realize, oh, this comes with parenting, worrying about my children and being emotionally invested in their growth and that natural level of anxiousness. I feel that concern. That’s never going away. So I’m learning to hold the emotion of concern and anxiousness as a parent realizing that concern is never going to go away. And I, as a parent, am learning to carry the emotional experience of concern and worry for my child while I’m parenting. I don’t be like, oh my God, I’m feeling worried. Therefore, this parenting experience might not be a good thing. Maybe I need to go hide in my room. Maybe I’ll be a better parent when I’m not worried. Instead of, this is what I signed up for. Being a parent means I care.
Kristen Boss (14:19): So I’m going to feel this. I’m learning to hold this emotion as I engage in this activity. And with business, I think with fear, I think B, fear is something, fear and uncertainty. Those are the two fear, uncertainty and doubt. And I feel like they’re all very similar, but those are the three emotions that we learn to have, build our capacity for. We never get rid of it. So if you’ve been waiting to stop feeling afraid to stop feeling uncertain, to stop feeling doubt, it’s never going to happen. You have got to learn to take the action while holding the emotions, while having the feelings of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. But most people wait for the emotional experience to be gone, for them to take the action. But that’s not possible. When you decide to be a business owner, you’re saying, yes, I’m going to serve people.
Kristen Boss (15:08): I’m going to learn to market. I’m going to learn to sell. All while I’m also having the emotional experience of fear, doubt, and uncertainty. Same with health. It was like, okay, I’m going to learn. I’m going to take care of myself, and I’m going to work out and get my steps in and drink my water. I’m going to do these things while also allowing myself to feel the emotion of frustration and annoyance and lack of motivation. I’m just going to call it apathy. Maybe laziness. Boredom. Just like what emotions do I have to be willing to feel in order to move this forward? And I just realized I had no tolerance for frustration. As soon as frustration came up, I was like, I’m done. I don’t want this. It’s too hard. Instead of like, wait, hold on. Frustration is what I’m signing up for. I’m signing up for frustration.
Kristen Boss (15:59): So anytime I started just saying that, okay, the scale, it ain’t moving, does that mean I’m stopping my steps? If I stop my steps, if I stop my water, if I eat what I want, does that get me closer to what I want? No, it’s just me throwing a tantrum because I’m frustrated. If you guys have ever seen your kid get worked up over something, like my daughter used to get worked up when she couldn’t tie her shoe, and then the more she engaged in trying to tie her shoe, the more angry she got at herself instead of like, all right, just stop. You’re not helping yourself. And so with this idea of frustration, it’s like I’m learning, learning to tolerate this emotional experience of frustration while also staying in the activity. So I started telling Ben, every time I’d get annoyed at the scale, I’d be like, he’s, how’s it going?
Kristen Boss (16:47): I’m like, I’m building my tolerance for frustration. I’m building frustration tolerance. That’s the skill I’m building right now, and I’m so thankful I’m building that skill. I’m just like, wow. I told him, I was like, that might be one. The most valuable. Two words I’ve heard so far in 2023 is frustration tolerance. Where are you letting frustration have the last say in your business? Okay, so you’re frustrated that that party didn’t work out. You didn’t get the sales you thought you would. Okay, so the team member didn’t show up when they said they would. Okay, so the algorithm’s not working out. You’re not getting the visibility. You’re not getting the engagement. Okay, are you willing to work through the frustration and figure it out? Or does every time you feel frustration, you throw your hands in the air and say, it’s not for me. See that one more evidence that I’m not good at this?
Kristen Boss (17:40): And we all have different levels. So if you’re frustrated right now, this is where you say, ah, I realize that what I’m at right now, what this is, is an invitation to grow my capacity for more frustration while I’m building the future I want. And so I just thought that was such a valuable saying, and I wanted to share that with you today. Because if you don’t learn to increase your tolerance for frustration, you will end up creating more frustration, which is interesting, and you’ll end up giving up at the first sign of it, and you’ll never learn to overcome that resistance and become somebody who learns to work through the frustration instead of stomping off and saying, this doesn’t work. But saying like, I’m somebody who meets frustration with resilience. I keep going, and I hope you do that because I think if we learn to push through frustration and we don’t give up the first time we feel it, we actually start creating all the results we want in our life. I’m seeing evidence of that. What do you know? Things started moving. I’m like, okay. Now there’s evidence that when I push through frustration, I actually see results. On the other side of frustration is Results, friend. But if you let frustration have the last say, you’ll never truly see what you’re capable of. We’ll catch you in the next episode.
Kristen Boss (19:13): That’s a wrap for today’s episode. Listen, if you love what you heard here today, I would love for you to leave a real quick rating and a review. This helps the show get discovered by new people. Be sure to take a screenshot of today’s episode and shout us out on Instagram. We’ll shout you right back out. If you’d like to find additional resources or discover how to work with me, head to www.kristenboss.com.