Just like the argument over whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does!), network marketing is a topic everyone has an opinion on. And surprise, not everyone thinks it’s awesome. If you’ve been in this business for any length of time, you’ve probably attracted your fair share of haters.
Well, Kristen isn’t having any of it.
Today she talks about why network marketing has gotten a bad wrap in the past and how she’s made it her personal mission to change that perception. Listen in as Kristen talks candidly about her first time being recruited,(spoiler alert! It didn’t go well) and how that experience changed the way she interacts with her own haters.
Here are a few key takeaways from today’s episode:
- Why engaging with haters can steal your energy from those you’re meant to serve
- Changing negative opinions through actions vs words
- Why you should have compassion for your haters
- How “Hey Girl” marketing tactics give the industry a bad name and what to do instead
- Why you should never create content from a defensive mindset
The tide is changing in the network marketing industry. With Kristen’s approach at marketing and her ‘anti-hustle’ views it’s no surprise that people are returning to this business model like never before. So before you engage with your haters, take a deep breath and remember: you can’t reach everyone. Serve those you’re meant to serve and do it with integrity.
If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://kristenboss.com/question
Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.
Interested in Kristen’s exclusive mastermind for six-figure earners in the network marketing industry? Applications open on Monday July 26th! Get all the details and join the waitlist here.
Transcripts for Episode 60: Handling the Haters
Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to purposeful social selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses, welcome to another week of the podcast. Super excited about today’s topic as it’s something that I see people asking me about, and I see a lot
Kristen Boss (01:00):
Of it online, and I feel like it’s just appropriate. No matter what you do, whether you are a coach or you are in corporate, or you’re just online in any capacity. If you’re in visibility, there is going to be a day when you have a hater and it’s so fun. I’ve I have this joke and I said it in the academy. I’m like, you know, when you have your first hater, you have made it celebrate the here they are. And, and the thing is, is I see a lot of people have fear of haters or they can get hung up on haters or may maybe some y’all you’ll love the love, the fight. You find a thrill out of it. Like you’re like, come at me, bro. I will fight you to the death, but I want to talk about a really positive way to handle your haters.
Kristen Boss (01:51):
And here’s the thing you are in a business model, where there are very polarizing opinions about the model you know, with network marketing and social selling, you know, if you have chosen it and you were in it, you see the beauty of it, you love it. And then there are people who are not on board with the model and they are haters of the industry. They are very, you know, anti MLM, anti network marketing. And that is fine. That is fine. And you know, I know there are forums and Facebook groups and all those types of things and they’re always going to be present. And what I see happening as I see people giving their precious, precious energy addressing the haters, you know, moving into arguing for the business, why it’s great and moving into this explaining proving, you know, they engage. And here’s what I want to tell you when it comes to industry haters do not engage with them.
Kristen Boss (02:58):
Your energy is too precious to engage now. People who are curious and have questions by, by all means, please engage with them and educate them. But when you are trying to change the opinion of somebody who is willfully hating and bullying and trolling or whatever, to try to change their opinion is a complete and total waste of your time when your energy is better served, serving people, helping people showing up online authentically. And here’s the thing when we, and, and what I see people do is, you know, I’m in Facebook groups and I just watch, I watch a lot of interactions. I watch conversations. Cause I like to see, you know, what people in the industry are doing. And so that I can better coach and something that I see is when, you know, there’s always a Facebook post that says, Hey, is, does somebody, can somebody recommend a good skincare cream?
Kristen Boss (03:57):
And then there’s the, you know, at the bottom, no MLM, please. And without a doubt, you know, there are hundreds of comments. And every time there is somebody dropping their company link, there’s someone dropping their referral link. Even when the person says no MLM, please, or I see people explaining why MLM is great and they get defensive in the, in the comments. And here’s what you’re doing is you’re not doing the industry, a service. What you were doing is in your desire to change their mind or change their opinion. You are making the industry not look good because it looks like you don’t care what they think you don’t care. Their opinion doesn’t matter instead of honoring, if they say no, thank you. Don’t want it. The best thing for you to do. And truthfully, if no one was to comment on it, people would be like, wow, people are listening.
Kristen Boss (04:53):
Well, that’s like people, people are heard, it’s not about pushing an agenda. It’s not about doing those things. And, and if, Hey, by all means, if someone says, Hey, share with me your favorite skincare cream and they, or, you know, share me your, share your favorite products by all means, you know, drop your stuff. But I would say be a lot more intentional. Don’t just drop a link and run, like, be personable, leave the best threat, leave the best comment in the group, let it be very service oriented, having a very abundant mindset. But the problem I see is when I see people trying to change other people’s minds through words, instead of actions explaining like, you know, all y’all can hate this business model. And it’s a very defensive posture. And I kind of view it like politics online. Like I think it is a far better use of your time and energy to volunteer, to sit across the table with somebody to hear where they are and, and share your beliefs and really listen to them.
Kristen Boss (06:03):
I, I have never, ever, ever heard of somebody who, you know, said, you know, thank you because of, because of your political opinion on Facebook, I have now decided to change political parties, changed my presidential vote and vote differently. Like very, very rarely is that done. And it’s the same with, you know, moving into the posture of explaining a way your business decision to people who don’t support your business decisions, your energy is far better served, letting them think what they want to think and showing up differently, online, your actions speak far more than your words. And also, I think it’s important to have a little bit of compassion for your haters. And I think it’s funny because I wrote a very like pro this industry is amazing. And some people think it’s a scam. Some people think it’s a pyramid scheme, okay. Let them, but you know, focus and do your work.
Kristen Boss (07:07):
Oh man, I brought the haters for me and I had someone reach out and call me despicable. He’s like, you’re a despicable human being. And I’m like, I don’t think you’ve heard a single episode of my podcast because I think you might actually like what I’m teaching people. I didn’t bother telling him. I just delete block goodbye. But I had a lot of compassion for that person because I thought, you know, anger, you know, is, is the visible emotion and hurt is the invisible emotion behind anger. So what sometimes what we actually needs is instead of responding to anger with anger or defensiveness like, oh, well, you’re just misinformed. And here’s what my business is better. It’s so much better to have curiosity and compassion and think, you know, I wonder why they have such an opinion, strong opinion about this. I wonder why they feel so fiery and angry.
Kristen Boss (07:58):
And I wonder why they’re using these words. And oftentimes it is from a place of hurt. They, you know, there has been mishandled thing of this business model by people, but there are mishandled things of the business model, no matter where you go, there are corporate companies that make very poor businesses decisions that is not in favor of the consumer or the buyer. You know, they’re in the coaching industry. There are coaches that do not have integrity that, you know, make big promises that they don’t back on the, you know, there’s integrity issues in every industry. It is not exclusive to this business model and where there is lack of integrity. That is where people get hurt. So, you know, the next time there’s a, there’s a hater instead of feeling judged or criticized and getting angry and defensive and trying to change their mind.
Kristen Boss (08:49):
It’s far better for you to observe it with curiosity and compassion and think, you know, maybe they got hurt, maybe somebody misrepresented or mishandled the information and made promises that they didn’t keep. Maybe they, you know, maybe they had a really bad experience and they are allowed, listen, they are allowed to have their feelings based on their experiences to try and change their mind and say, you just don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re totally misinformed. And you’re such a hater is not validating an experience that they may have had where they were truly hurt. And I’m going to, I’m going to give you a little story about this to help you understand this, this happened, I think four years ago, maybe. Yeah. About four years ago. And I was, you know, building my online business and I was working in the salon full-time I had two kids, 15 months apart and, you know, someone had reached out to me on Facebook and she seemed to very sweet, very kind.
Kristen Boss (09:53):
She was, you know, a leader at her church and, you know, my husband was a pastor at the time and I thought, oh, we have some things in common. And she invited me to a business networking lunch. And she said, you know, I see that you, you know, do this type of business, bring your materials. You can present and share. It’s an opportunity for you to get to meet people. And I was like, oh man, that sounds great. So I made sure, and here’s what I did. I hired a babysitter. I went out and bought brand new business cards. I made sure I had all the materials. I prepared my presentation and she sent me, you know, a, you know, a, what is it, the address, you know, the day of. So I was all excited, a little nervous. I’m like, oh, this is so fun.
Kristen Boss (10:39):
And I drove up drive up to this house and there’s someone in the military kind of flagging me down and pointing me where to park. And I noticed that there are about 10 cars of the same make and model with a company sticker on the back of the cars, all parked in front of the same house. And I just thought, huh, that’s interesting. Okay. And I go in the house and I see that everyone’s wearing a name tag and everyone knows each other. And I was kind of the outsider and it was a beautiful lunch and they were very kind people. And so I walk in and I noticed that they all are also wearing like company shirts. And I clearly see I’m very much the odd man out. Like I want to say there was maybe 20 people there and 16 of the 20 were all in a company.
Kristen Boss (11:33):
And I was, it was very clear. I was the outsider. And I S I started to feel a little unnerved and I just kept going. And, you know, they, you know, they’re like, welcome introduce yourself. And I had a little, hello. My name is sticker on me. And I had my tote bag of all my materials. And we sit at the, you at the table and we’re eating lunch. And, you know, the person who runs the event, they said, Hey, you know, we’re just going to go around. And I see on the counter, there’s like all these samples of their, their products. And they’re like, try this and try this. I was like, oh, okay, sure. I’m like polite. Okay. And they go around and all of a sudden everyone’s going around sharing a testimony of their experience with the company. And everyone’s standing around the table and me and four other people who are wearing hello.
Kristen Boss (12:27):
My name is stickers are awkwardly sitting there, waltz, you know, 16 other peoples are circled around the table, talking about their life altering experience with the products that they represent. And so I’m feeling really uncomfortable in that moment. I’m like, okay, I can just get through it. And they’re like, Kristen, introduce yourself. You know, say what you do. And, you know, I took a couple of minutes. I said, this is I’m Kristin, and this is what I do. And so nice to meet you. And, you know, we, we all wrapped up and I was like, this is, this is so weird. And I was like, when am I going to have my presentation? And then we were all shuffled into the living room. And and all of a sudden, like they put in a DVD and it’s the company opportunity promo. And they have me sit in front and I’m realizing like I’m being recruited, I’m being pitched.
Kristen Boss (13:22):
Like it dawned on me in the moment. I’m like, oh, they’re trying to recruit me to their company. So I watched this five minute video and then this guy gets up and tells this story. And he starts to isolate me in the room and just start talking to me like now, Kristen, now this, and for the price of an iPhone and these things. And I start to feel extremely uncomfortable. I, because the it’s focused on me and I wasn’t able to, in the moment I didn’t feel I was able to pick up my things and, and walk out. I felt very trapped. And what was very fascinating was I was, I was in an abusive relationship. Oh gosh, how many, how long time ago? 11 years ago, my early twenties and I had healed from that. I was with somebody that was very manipulative and narcissistic and very controlling.
Kristen Boss (14:10):
And what was interesting was I started to have a trauma response in that moment and I felt controlled. I felt manipulated. I felt lied to, and the room started to shrink in on me. And I was literally put on the spot, like if I wanted to join and sign, you know, I said, no, thank you. I said, you know what? I think I need to go. And I just even telling the story, my heart rate was so elevated. I, I, I felt sick to my stomach and all I can think of was like, I need to leave. And there was no there, by the way, there was no presentation of my business or anything like that. And I was very polite and I just told the person who invited me. I said, you know just got a text. One of my kids is really sick.
Kristen Boss (14:54):
I have to go. I left the house. I got in my car. I drove two miles down the road, pulled into an empty parking lot and bawled my eyes out. I felt, I felt deceived. I felt naive. I felt like, I felt like the old abused version of myself that got taken for granted. And I, I was really hurt. I was deeply, deeply hurt. Like I had a hard time controlling my breathing. And it w it, I will not, I’m not exaggerating when I say it was a traumatic event now, here’s, I want to be very careful with how I tell the story, because I’m not out to hurt any company or hurt the industry, because I love that. I love this industry so much. And what that experience gave me was a profound and deep level of compassion and empathy for why people can have such a visceral response to their business.
Kristen Boss (15:54):
And here’s the beautiful thing is, is thank goodness. That was not my only experience I’d ever had with network marketing and direct sales. I had had so many wonderful, positive experiences that I was able to take this one really bad experience and remove it and see that as not the norm. Now, imagine if that had been my only experience with this business model. Imagine if that was the only way I was able to view this business was through that one experience and that one lens, I think, I think life would have been a completely different tradition factory. And that is when I see, you know, hatred and haters coming, the end, people that are very against your business model. Sometimes we have to, to understand that they might have had an experience like that. And they might be having a very visceral response that is protecting themselves, and they feel like they are protecting others and those things.
Kristen Boss (16:57):
Now, I truly believe that is that is so rare. And I hope that, you know, and I, and I wrote a very long letter to the woman that invited me. I said, you know, this lack of integrity, lack of transparency. I, I paid for a babysitter. I paid for materials and that was never the intent. And it was a very strongly worded letter. And, you know, I just said, you know, if this is, if this is how you teach things, you know, I’m very sad for your company and your leadership or whatever. And, and if you’re gonna Instagram me and ask me what company I will not tell you that is, it does not matter. But I think that allows for some compassion. And so the work isn’t going out there and talking more, the work isn’t going out there and, you know, having Instagram lives of like, why, why network marketing isn’t bad?
Kristen Boss (17:51):
Because when you’re, when you’re doing that, as you’re talking to the wrong people and those people don’t need your words, they need your actions. They need to see that you do things differently. They need to see that you are about people first, instead of product. First, they need to see that you Def, that you genuinely care about their life and that they matter. And you see them as a person and not a number they want to see and feel those things. That is the only way we change things. And it’s interesting because I have people ask me, they’re like, Hey, do I, do I speak to MLM haters? Do I, do I address them? I said, absolutely not. Nope. You continue to show up with service and love and heart and authenticity. And enough people start doing that. People start forgetting that there was ever another way that business was done.
Kristen Boss (18:42):
And like I said, it’s not, it’s not this isn’t exclusive to this industry. It’s everywhere. There’s always, you know, the industry itself is a wonderful thing. It’s the people that sometimes can mishandle a wonderful business model. And so when you have a hater come and you have a haters savings and say, you know, I can’t believe you joined this or did this, you know, I would encourage you instead of responding and defensiveness, because when we respond defensively, it’s almost insinuating that we, that we’ve done something wrong, or we have something to apologize for. You have nothing to apologize for with choosing this business and how you want to support your family and how you want to create financial income and future income for yourself. But I do think if we, if we want to shift the tide of this industry, which is already happening, it’s already happening.
Kristen Boss (19:35):
And I’m, I’m so hopeful for where the industry is growing, going. And I think we’re going to continue to see it grow significantly in the years, because here’s what I’m seeing. People are coming to this business model that have never entertained it before, because they’re seeing how marketing is done today versus how it was done. 10 years ago, people are coming back to this business when they didn’t like how business was done 10 years ago. And now they’re seeing, oh, I really like this value driven marketing, this service oriented selling. I can do that. People are joining this model. People are coming back to it. More people are open to it than ever. And it’s not through what we say. I can’t say it enough. It’s not through us going out there and saying like, here’s why this is the best business model. It’s about how we live it, how we embody it, how you serve, how you show up, because people are eventually going to see, wow, this truly is different.
Kristen Boss (20:38):
It truly is different. So, you know, I, I just, I thought it would be good to just share my story, to give context so that we can collab have collective empathy and compassion for people who might have a very visceral response to the business model you’re in and, and understanding like maybe they got hurt and that’s okay. And the work isn’t to convince them that that is not the work. It’s not to convince them why your business is good and why you’re not bad. That is not the work. The work is to go out there and serve well and show up differently and let them watch you, let them see that you’re doing things differently and that will shift it. But don’t, don’t spend your precious energy trying to change the mind of people who, and, and here’s the thing they’re going to be people who will never join this business and see no value in the business model.
Kristen Boss (21:35):
And that is 100% okay. Because we still need people doing other jobs we need. I goodness, I, I, I want you know, a really gifted pediatrician that my kids go see, I want, you know, not everybody chooses this business model and that’s okay. Think about that. That’s okay. But there are millions of people on this planet that are totally open to it that wanted, that are curious about it. And so many people are coming back that should, that should just light you up. So many people are coming back to this business. So do not focus on the haters. Focus on the curious, the people who are open, the people who are watching you give no energy to it, because when you’re giving energy to your haters, you’re literally taking energy away from better activity. You’re speaking to the wrong people. Don’t. And I just want you to think about that when you’re writing content, too, when you’re talking about your business model, I want you to notice if you’re writing your content from a defensive posture, from a, my decision is better.
Kristen Boss (22:38):
You don’t know, you can judge, don’t judge me, you know, that very defensive quippy. I’m gonna call it like micro, aggressive content writing. That is not how we serve, because if we are in a great business model and we have nothing to apologize for, then we also have nothing to explain and nothing to justify and nothing to prove and nothing to convince with. Right. So just, just notice that as you go on and, and when you have a hater, no, that you’ve arrived. If there, you know, like badge unlocked, you know, there’s those apps when you like, you know, drink all your water, you’ve unlocked the, you know, 100 ounces drank and a week badge you’ve unlocked, you know, 500 pages of reading badge, you know? So when you get a hater, I think I’ve unlocked a badge. I’m showing up online, I’m showing up authentically and powerfully.
Kristen Boss (23:36):
It was only a matter of time before someone with an opinion came my way. And I don’t have to explain, justify, convince, and get defensive. I’m just going to show up differently. And eventually people will see a change in the industry. I really believe our work is just beginning friends. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, but it’s good work. It is great work. And I really believe this industry is heading in a really beautiful direction. And I’m just so thrilled that I have there’s 2000 students inside the academy, and everyone is committed to doing it better, to elevating the entire industry and doing it differently. And every day their minds are blown that they are getting results. They’re getting powerful results, doing it differently. And I think that’s, I think it’s amazing.
Kristen Boss (24:30):
So friends don’t give energy to your haters, give energy to people that are curious and were open, who desire to do what you are doing.
Kristen Boss (24:44):
And again, we’re going to show what’s possible, not through our words to, through our actions and how we show up online serve while friends that wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the social sign academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals
Kristen Boss (25:22):
In the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for a while. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.