Do you work your business when you’re not feeling motivated or positive/high vibes? Or do you run/shut down the minute you feel discomfort or frustration? You can learn the skill of harnessing the power of your emotions to create more success in your business–with positive AND negative emotion. Today Kristen’s covering:
- Why motivation is a fair weather emotion and why it typically leads to intense bursts of output and then burnout
- Why we’ve been conditioned to work only when you’re ‘feeling it’
- How to create emotions that propel you into money making activities
- The top 5 money making emotions
- How learning to accept the spectrum of human emotions will help you show up in your business no matter what you’re feeling
- Why learning to associate positive outcomes with negative emotions is a game changer in business
- The 5 emotions Kristen believes keep us stuck
Sometimes we have really positive emotions showing up for us when we work our business and that’s great–we can often leverage those moments. But relying on them to be the pillars and foundation of all of the actions we take in our business is not a sustainable strategy. We have to learn to feel bad and take action anyway!
If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Interested in Kristen’s exclusive mastermind for six-figure earners in the network marketing industry? Get all the details and join the waitlist here.
Download the 3-Day training SUSTAINABLE SUCCESS for SOCIAL SELLERS where Kristen will be going to be giving you the exact tools you need to have success in today’s social selling landscape. Without creating more confusion, complicated algorithms, frustrating funnels, or sales scripts. Check it out here.
Transcript for Episode 52: Money Making Emotions
Kristen Boss (00:01):
Hey bosses. Welcome to episode 52 of the podcast. Do you know what this means? It is the one year birthday of the podcast and what’s crazy enough is it’s also my birthday as well. I am a June baby. I am currently when this episode airs I’m actually going to be back home, but by the time you hear this, it will be past my birthday. I will be in Mexico, hopefully enjoying all the yummy drinks on a beach and the sun. I’m just so thankful. And I am just so excited that there are 52 episodes to this podcast where I have served faithfully for a year. And I feel like, I don’t know, I just feel so much joy and a lot of gratitude for this podcast and the ways it’s grown. Also 200,000 downloads in the first year of the podcast. My mind is blown.
Kristen Boss (00:54):
You all are amazing. Thank you. Thank you for sharing with your friends, sharing with your team sharing on Instagram. I just love seeing all of you walking out in your strollers with your babies, folding laundry, getting it on your bike, driving around all the things that you do while listening to the podcast. I love it. I’m here for it. And thank you for being here. So I’m super excited about today’s podcast topic, but before we get there, just a couple of things I want to tell you, that’s pretty exciting coming in the, coming down the pipeline. So if you’ve been listening to the podcast for some time and you are a six figure earner in the social science industry, and you are wanting to work at a much higher level with me, you know, I have the social science academy and that is for any social seller who wants to show up authentically and master organic marketing, understand their mindset and really see consistent results in their business.
Kristen Boss (01:49):
But I also have the purpose and profit mastermind for six figure earners. And it is an L an elite and exclusive mastermind where they get to work with me intensively for six months, we kick off with a live two day in person retreat. So you actually get to meet me. I get to meet you. You get intensive coaching intensive workshop. You also get to meet your mastermind sisters who are going to be with you or brothers. You know, we might, we might have a dude this year. We never know, but you get to meet your mastermind peers, who you’re going to be working with intensively and intimately with for the next six months. And you get live weekly calls with me and that container, it is there’s only so many spots it’s limited and the application process is going to be fairly aggressive. So if you know, you want to be in that mastermind applications will be opening at the end of July.
Kristen Boss (02:39):
I’m going to link the waitlist in the show notes so that you can get on the wait list and be first to know, again, the spots will go fast. When I announced the first mastermind at the beginning of this year in January, I sent out one email and it was totally full in 72 hours. So that happen again. So you need to be ready to play big and invest big so you can check it out. The link is in the show notes, the waitlist is now live and you can join it. And what’s super fun is the two day live event is actually going to be in Denver, Colorado. And it’s going to be in October that lasts the very first weekend of October. So you can check out more details in the show notes. Okay, second, the next thing I mentioned it in the last episode, but I’m going to say it again.
Kristen Boss (03:24):
The academy is going up to $2,000. So if you have been waiting to join now is your time on July 1st, the academy is going up to 2000 and what’s so fun is that students who joined just in the last 30 days are already seeing massive results. They’re seeing people coming to them for the first time. They’re getting new builders for the first time in months, they’re no longer feeling stalled or stuck or plateaued or burnt out. They have more joy, more purpose. And it’s just amazing that people are constantly sharing screenshots of what’s happening with their engagement on Instagram. And they’re doing things that they’ve never done because they are treating and seeing themselves as a business owner. So the social selling academy is not for someone who’s dabbling in this industry. It is definitely for someone who is committed to being in the industry for the long run, who wants to see residual income wants to see significant paychecks.
Kristen Boss (04:18):
So if you want to join us before July 1st, before the price goes up, you’re going to want to do that. The link is in the notes. Okay. Let’s get to the show today. All right. So you’ve heard one of my probably top downloaded podcast episodes is episode seven. I believe success, thoughts. And it’s the top 10 thoughts that I believe as a coach that I have used myself. I’ve seen my students use that create significant success in your business. And what’s interesting is, you know, in this business, you know, about income producing activity, you have your, your trackers, your daily IPA, you know, the things that you do to help produce income in this business. So you have income producing activity, and I’ve talked about success, thoughts, and those are income. I want to call those income producing thoughts, there’s income producing activity. But what I want to focus on today is income producing emotion or what I’m calling money, making emotions.
Kristen Boss (05:19):
Can you believe that? Like, you’re like, wait, what? Moneymaking emotions. Absolutely. And at the end of this episode, I will have you totally bought into how emotions create success in your business. So if you’ve been listening to this podcast for any length of time, I’m always talking about how every action or inaction we take is from an emotion we feel in our body. So, you know, if you’re feeling motivated, you’re going to go, you know, do that workout, get on the bike, write that post, whatever it is like we take action from how we are feeling, or we don’t take action from how we’re feeling. So if we’re feeling dread and despair or deeply insecure or shame, you know, what we might end up doing is hiding, not working our business. So everything we do, whether you’re aware of it or not is from a feeling that you have and feelings, aren’t just feelings that come up for you.
Kristen Boss (06:16):
And I think what’s so interesting is a lot of people look at, look for positive feelings to help them have positive results in their business. But here’s the thing. We can’t be humans with positive emotion, a hundred percent of the time. That is just not a part of the human experience. We’re always feeling a spectrum of emotions in our day-to-day life. You are not always going to be happy. You’re not always going to feel motivation. And I honestly feel like motivation is the most or motivated is the most unreliable emotion to leverage, to have success in your business. I’m going to tell you why, how often is motivation? Not there. I need it, right? How often are you thinking, oh, if I just felt more confident or Mo more motivated or enthusiastic or, you know, driven, I’d get the work done. But here’s the thing.
Kristen Boss (07:10):
Motivation is a very fleeting emotion. It’s very temporary. It’s never there when you need it. Have you noticed that motivation is never there when you need it? So how to really create success in your business? Isn’t about like finding motivation. I mean, when you have it great, you really want to leverage that and get to work. But the problem is, is if you have conditioned yourself to only work, when you feel motivated, you’ve probably noticed by now that you are not consistent working your business, and here’s the thing, 95% of the time, you’re not going to feel motivated. So you have to figure out what other emotions that you can work from in order to consistently show up. And again, one of the things I talk about all the time is how consistency is so valuable in this business because consistency always compounds. It always does.
Kristen Boss (08:04):
And I see people that value intensity more than consistency. So what they do is they go out and they do an insane 30 day push and saying, you know, blitz with their messenger. And they just do this really aggressive push to hit a rank or hit a goal or qualify for that bonus. And I want to say nine times out of 10, they inevitably burn out and they want to take a break. They’ve exhausted themselves. The team is exhausted. And so while you might get a quick return on the front end on the backend, typically that’s when you know you, you lost motivation and you’re burnt out. And you, you find that you, it takes a while to get back into your business where it is so much better for you to work the business consistently. And in order for you to do that.
Kristen Boss (08:47):
And here’s the thing I think intensity comes from the emotion of motivation. I think it comes from very temporary emotions. And so when that feeling of motivation, isn’t there, a lot of business owners don’t know how to work when they do not have positive emotion. I want you to think about that. Most business owners don’t know how to work consistently without having a positive emotion present. So if they’re feeling negative emotion or things like frustration, despair, defeat, doubt, most people don’t work when they’re feeling those things. Most people experience those emotions and think that that’s a sign for them to take a break, maybe, you know, reevaluate, some things maybe reprioritize, maybe find a new strategy, maybe look for a new coach. Like that’s where people often shy away from negative emotion and they don’t know how to work while experiencing feelings. That don’t feel good.
Kristen Boss (09:52):
And so just in my time of, of doing business, especially in the online business world, you have to be really emotionally resilient and be willing to experience the full spectrum of emotions in your business. You, if you have conditioned yourself to only work, when you were feeling confident and excited and enthusiastic and inspired, you’re going to notice that you’re going to be a fair weathered business owner. You’re only going to show up when the sun is shining, but if it’s raining, Ooh, don’t know where Kristen is. I mean, I just couldn’t even imagine like this. I can’t tell you how many times where, you know, I was experiencing a down day or something frustrated and I still had work to do. And I had to learn to move through that instead of being like yeah, I’m not going to, I’m going to do it today.
Kristen Boss (10:39):
You know, I’ve just made working during while experiencing the full spectrum of emotion, my normal, I’ve just trained myself to be disciplined, to learn, to work. Even when I feel like garbage. And the question you have to ask yourself is, do I know how to work when I’m not feeling great? When I don’t have motivation when I’m not feeling inspired, when I’m feeling really defeated, when I’m feeling really frustrated, do I know how to turn that around and show up and do the work? Because here’s the thing 80% of the time, you’re probably going to be feeling a negative emotion. Why? Because 80% of the time you have a negative and reoccurring you have negative reoccurring subconscious thought. And oftentimes those negative reoccurring subconscious thoughts make us feel crappy emotions. So 80% of the time, you’re probably going to be like, ah, I’m totally not feeling this. So that’s 80% of the time where you might be scrolling on social media, distracting yourself with laundry, hiding, you know, making Facebook graphics or Canva graphics and playing with your Facebook or your Instagram profile grid, much doing anything but actual income producing activities because you don’t feel motivated. So I will want to help you identify what the top five money making emotions are. And you can learn to create those emotions with your thoughts.
Kristen Boss (12:16):
Thoughts are always optional. You get to decide once you see a thought and notice it, you get to decide. If you want to keep it, you get to decide what thoughts you want to give the most airtime to. And if you are constantly giving a lot of airtime to really negative thoughts, then you’re going to be creating a lot of negative emotion in your life. For example, if you’re constantly telling yourself why you’re not, not good enough or why you don’t have value, and while you’re never going to figure out Instagram, and while you’re never going to figure out how to do reels, and that constantly creates this feeling of unworthiness or sadness or defeat or insecurity, notice how you keep creating those emotions from the story you tell yourself, if I’m not worthy and I’m no good. You know, I just think of like that, ER, energy from Winnie the Pooh it’s like, hi, and gosh, sometimes I just want to smack that donkey.
Kristen Boss (13:09):
Be like, get it together. Eeyore, like, come on. And then there’s Winnie the Pooh, the eternal optimist, you know? So the five money-making emotions is I want to start with the first one and it’s my favorite emotion. And the students in my academy, it is the number one emotion. I probably encourage them to have the most. And that is the emotion of calm and calm is when your nervous system like your body, isn’t in this frenzied, hurried, anxious, terrified, tight contracted place. And you’re able to control your breathing, access your prefrontal cortex, your logic, your solution brain, your logical brain, right? You’re able to access that only when you are in a state of calm, because have you ever noticed when you’re in a state of panic, anxiety, fear, and you’re just hurried, your brain really is, is using its lower brain, its primitive brain.
Kristen Boss (14:15):
And you’re not accessing the highest reasoning in your brain. You’re not accessing creative solutions. You’re not access accessing. Problem-Solving just, you just have a part of your brain. That’s like everything’s on fire and we just have to survive. So calm allows you to assess the situation, ask really good questions and it allows you to access a different part of your brain. But if you’re not in calm and if you’re in panic, your brain is not going. You’re not going to access the same part of your brain that could present to you the, to your problem. So the emotion of calm, I feel like, well, how, how can I create calm? You have to choose thoughts that calm your butt down. So if you’re choosing thoughts, like every I’m never gonna hit my rank, I’m gonna miss that bonus. And the children are gonna go hungry and I’m gonna be this miserable failure.
Kristen Boss (15:13):
Then of course, none of those thoughts you have are going to make you feel calm, right? You actually have to choose a better story in that moment. And you actually have to ask yourself in that moment with whatever is creating, you know, the feelings of not calm, you know, like panic or fear or worry, right? You have to ask yourself, okay, this thing that I’m worried about, this thing I’m telling myself, I think will happen. Is it actually true? Is this a fact or is this a story I’m telling myself? That’s just creating more worry in my life. So the emotion of calm because it we’re able to access the prefrontal cortex and our higher reasoning brain. Okay. The second one is curiosity. I love the emotion of curiosity. That is when I feel like curiosity is kind of the opposite of feeling triggered because when we feel triggered, we feel very defensive.
Kristen Boss (16:16):
We feel very afraid. We get very reactive. Whereas curious, we kind of remove ourselves from the equation and we start asking questions. We seek clarity. We’re like, I wonder why that is. We become less emotionally involved with the situation at hand. And curiosity kind of removes us from the situation and kind of helps us be the observer of it rather than someone who’s living in the moment. So for example, you know, someone might say something to you that feels deeply triggering or deeply upsetting. Now when you’re, when you’re choosing the thought of like, oh crap, I can’t believe they thought that about me. You’re going to feel very defensive. You’re going to be very reactive and you might lash out or those things defend yourself. Right? Whereas curiosity, you can move to like, oh, I wonder why they said that. I wonder what makes them think that way suddenly it’s no longer about you.
Kristen Boss (17:15):
You know, you have an emotion of curiosity when you’re no longer making it about you in that moment, whatever is frustrating you because when you’re making it about you, you can’t be curious. You’re just like, why would they do that to me? And what’s wrong with me and why is everything going wrong? Right. Instead of the curiosity of like, I wonder what has them saying that, I wonder what has them doing that? I wonder why it’s this childlike curiosity and we don’t make the answers mean anything about us. That’s the only way curiosity works is when we’re not making the answers mean anything about us.
Kristen Boss (17:57):
The third money-making emotion that I love is the, the feeling of commitment, the feeling of commitment. It is this almost this resolute, very determined. It’s this fixed firm state. Like, no matter what, even when I’m so committed to do this, it’s like this determined energy. It’s like, you just feel focused all those things. So commitment, I think is a really important emotion. And I, and I want to say that what’s interesting with commitment is oftentimes commitment is only present that feeling of commitment when we’re currently experiencing disappointment or frustration commitments, not really commitment when everything’s going great. Like it’s not that hard to commit when everything’s rainbows and daisies, right. Commitment really gets tested when there is trial and setbacks and frustration. So I feel commitment really becomes magnified by how much resistance or frustration you are experiencing in that moment or disappointment.
Kristen Boss (19:15):
Like I think if there’s an opposite emotion to commitment or in order to experience commitment and you also have to be experiencing frustration almost at the same time. Think about that. Like when I choose the emotion of commitment, oftentimes it’s, while I’m experiencing frustration or disappointment and it’s still choosing, okay, what does it look like to still choose to be committed even when I’m feeling this? So it’s an interesting emotion because commitment, it’s kind of like courage, Kerr. The feeling of courage only comes up when there’s something to be afraid of when there is the presence of fear. So commitment is the same way in the sense of commitment is magnified in the presence of disappointment and setback and frustration.
Kristen Boss (20:06):
So I think what’s interesting with that is while you’re thinking, yeah, commitment, commitment, you have to also think, oh, well, if I want commitment, that means that I’m going to be feeling disappointment at the same time. It’s kind of interesting. Right? Kind of like with courage, it’s like, yeah, everybody wants, wants to be courageous. Yeah. I could totally be courageous. Well, you can only be courageous when you’re also experiencing fear. Okay. So we have calm. We have curious commitment for, I love for it is sufficiency and sufficiency is when you are in full belief that your going to be okay. No. What? That you are fine, that you have everything you need in this moment and you don’t need someone else to change that for you. Sufficiency really is believing I’m okay. No matter what I hit my goal this month. I’m okay. No matter what I miss my goal this month. I’m okay. No matter what I recruit this person. Great. I don’t recruit this person. I’m okay. No matter what.
Kristen Boss (21:23):
So sufficiency really is a powerful emotion and I feel like sufficiency and calm are often similar, but sufficiency is kind of, it’s self soothing. It’s saying I’m going to be okay. And I think sufficiency only happens when we have gratitude, to be honest, like we only believe we’re going to be okay if we can look around and be like, look at all these things, look at what I have. I’m okay. But sufficiency is a really powerful emotion because you’re not going to look to external things to inform you or validate that you’re enough or that you have enough and five. The last one it’s confidence and confidence is it’s so interesting. Cause I, I see it kind of as a double-edged sword, it’s like, almost like people are like, how do I be confident without looking arrogant or full of myself? Or how do I be confident when I feel unsure of myself or when I feel like I’m still learning, I feel like I don’t have anything to offer. Confidence comes from you deciding that actually comes from sufficiency. Funny enough. But confidence is created when we decide that we have enough and that we do enough and we are enough as we are like, it really is truly believing. I have value. I have something to offer and I can help someone and actually really believe in that.
Kristen Boss (23:00):
And confidence is built. We’re willing to do things that we feel uncertain about taking action is what creates confidence. If you’re sitting at home being like, okay, when I get confident, I’ll finally make that post. And maybe you’ve been saying that for a while. When I get confident, I’ll finally I joined the academy when I feel more often and myself, but just notice how you not taking action is actually taking away from your self-confidence because it’s telling you, it’s sending you this subconscious message that, Hey, we can’t trust ourselves with these decisions. So that actually takes away your confidence. But when you take action, that’s literally telling your brain, oh, heck yeah, look at me. I do things. I get stuff done. That is what creates confidence. Taking action is a precursor for confidence. It is not all take at all, all find my confidence and then I’ll take action.
Kristen Boss (24:08):
No, no, no, no, no. Confidence is created from taking action and being willing to do it wrong. Being willing to be vulnerable, being willing to experience negative emotion. When you do something, when you do something scary, just like, Hey, courage is great until we realize that, oh, I have to feel a lot of fear. If I want to be courageous. And most people are not willing to feel fear. And that’s only because you have a brain that is designed to keep you from experiencing negative emotion. Like just notice in our life, we run from negative emotion. Nobody wants to feel fear, judgment, shame, humiliation, despair, defeat, disappointment. Like no one wants to feel those things. So your brain is going to be like, Hey, we’re going to do whatever we possibly can to keep us from experiencing these emotions that we don’t like feeling. Cause it ain’t fun. Because again, back in your caveman days, when you were experiencing fear, it was because you were likely dying. But today fear is what we w what we face all the time. But your brain is like, no, we’re, we’re still back in the caveman days. And we can’t feel fear because that means we’re dying. So of course your brain is just going to do whatever can to keep you from experiencing those negative emotions.
Kristen Boss (25:25):
So I’ve talked about the five money making emotions. Now I want to talk about the five emotions that are not serving you, that are not useful, that are keeping you where you are. And they are emotions that you tend to sit in or choose or stay there. So one is uncertainty this, like, I don’t know what’s going on. Like this idea of look nothing. And we like to believe that there are things that are certain in life. And what’s that saying? There’s only two things in life that are for certain death and taxes. Everything else is uncertain, but we are creatures that we are created to desire a certainty because certainty is security. And if I’m secure that I know I’m going to be okay, it’s just, your brain is always looking for security. It’s always looking for certainty. So the brain does not do well with uncertainty.
Kristen Boss (26:22):
The brain starts rapidly looking for a solution to remove the feeling of uncertainty, but listen, nothing in this life is certain. And with business, I can, I can tell you this for certain, that you are going to feel uncertainty almost all the time will this work. I don’t know. You got to figure it out. Will this help? I don’t know. You got to figure it out. So many people want the promise of certainty before they take the action. But the only way you can be certain is if you take the action, that’s the only way, you know, the difference between someone who’s successful and someone who’s not as the person who is successful is the person who was willing to get it wrong a lot and make a lot of mistakes and do it wrong and keep going over and over and over and over again, I was just really committed to getting it wrong as many times as I needed to.
Kristen Boss (27:14):
But most people are like, how can I get this right? And as few tries as possible and that’s okay. It’s just, that’s what your brain is designed to do. It’s designed to, you know, conserve energy and be efficient. So it’s like, no, we can’t make mistakes. Also. That’s your primitive brain sane mistakes back in the caveman days was definitely certain death. So the only reason your brain is terrified of mistakes is because it really equates mistakes as certain death, right? Your brain is like, no, we cannot. That will be death. No, this is where we have to be access our higher evolved brain and realize, okay, wait, I’m actually not going to die. If I make a mistake, I might feel a little embarrassed. I might feel a little uncertainty and that those emotions aren’t going to kill me.
Kristen Boss (28:04):
Part of, part of this growth is being willing to experience crappy emotion and realizing those crappy emotions. Aren’t going to kill. You. Just think about that today. Crappy emotions aren’t going to kill me. Are they fun to feel? No, but they’re not going to kill you. So what if we just stopped fearing negative emotion? What if we just started allowing it so emotion, that’s not serving you that you, that you’re afraid to feel as uncertainty two is confusion. Oh my goodness. Confusion is what I’m going to call your blanky emotion. That, or your little stuffy earlier, your little wubby, it’s your little lovey that you like to carry around because here’s why, if you find yourself saying, I don’t know, or I’m confused a lot. Here’s why that emotion is kind of a w is a Blinky or a security blanket. When you choose a Mo like the emotion of confusion and you might not, you might not even think you’re choosing it, but your brain defaults to confusion.
Kristen Boss (29:16):
Here’s why, if you stay confused, what happens? You don’t take any action. You don’t go to the right and you don’t go to the left. You just stay exactly where you are. And your brain is totally fine with that because there’s no risk. If you stay where you are, your Rand’s like, oh, we know how to operate right here, because we know what to expect. But if we make a decision, then we’re gonna, then that’s going to feel scary because, oh, there’s one certainty with making a decision. So your brain will choose to keep you in the emotion of confusion in order to keep you exactly where you are and confusion makes you $0. Just so you know, it does not serve you at all. And that is where I see a lot of people choosing the story. I’m stuck kind of interesting, right? You’re like, oh crap, am I choosing the story? I’m stuck.
Kristen Boss (30:16):
Okay. The next emotion that is not serving you is overwhelm. I just have so much to do. I have all the things I’m so busy. I have so much going on. Listen, everybody in the world can say that I have so many to do. I have so much going on. I get overwhelmed, overwhelmed, overwhelmed. Guess what I’m overwhelmed does it does the exact same thing as confusion. When you are overwhelmed, do you to actually get things done? Think about this. When you are overwhelmed, do you get things done or do you just sit and think about how overwhelmed you are, spin your wheels. Don’t know where to spend your time. Don’t know what to do. And you stay in this crazy state of overwhelm. And the more time you see, go by the more overwhelmed you get, because you see more tasks not done. Overwhelm is not a useful emotion, but we like to think it is just want you to notice how often you might choose feeling overwhelmed in your life. I’m just so overwhelmed. What if you’re not?
Kristen Boss (31:25):
It’s interesting. Like just noticing overwhelmed does the exact same thing. Confusion does. It just keeps you exactly where you are not taking action. Your brain likes that overwhelm also makes you $0. Another one is shame. This idea of this self-loathing judgemental. Why am I not good enough? What’s wrong with me? I’ll never amount to anything. Like shame is the emotion that keeps you small. And so you’re doing one of two things. It has you either hiding thinking, I’m just not worth it. Why bother or it has you wanting to prove that you’re worth something and we’re working and hustling for validation working 80 hours a week to show how worthy you are. That is why I believe. Shame is the root of how it’s, when we believe that we’re not enough, we’re not doing enough. We don’t have enough. So we run into that shame. Doesn’t serve us. It just keeps us small. And it keeps you from impacting and serving others.
Kristen Boss (32:49):
And the last emotion is actually kind of a 50, 50 emotion. Doubt. How often do you indulge in doubt thinking this isn’t going to work? I don’t have what it takes. It’s taking too long. I don’t trust myself. What if it doesn’t work? Just, just notice that doubt also keeps you small. I also love that saying like doubt kills more dreams than failure ever does. I think that might be the same, but doubt is the dream killer. It’s when we decide ahead of time that we can’t do it before we’ve even tried, or we judge our efforts and we think our results aren’t good enough. And then we allow that doubt to creep in and be like, see told ya, told ya.
Kristen Boss (33:45):
So those are the dream killer emotions. Okay. I want to talk about emotions that you think you need that are really unreliable. I’m going to call them bonus emotions. Like if they’re there, great, woo. Leverage them like crazy. And I kind of talked about them in the beginning. Motivation, excitement, enthusiasm, and positivity. Those are all nice. But I want you to think of those as cherry on the top emotions, the day you have those awesome go to town with them, but to use them to rely on those emotions as your pillar, emotions of getting work done, you’re going to become very inconsistent in this business. You’re going to experience a lot of highs and lows, but when you realize, and when you come to accept that, you’re going to feel things like fear. Hey, fear is actually a great feeling to have. It’s a negative one, but it helps you take action.
Kristen Boss (34:51):
It helps you be courageous. Like again, you cannot be courageous without experiencing fear. There are negative emotions that actually do serve us discomfort, man, I experienced discomfort every day and it was kind of fun. I was I’m in Vegas with my mastermind and it was with my best friend and her husband was going to go skydiving while we were meeting in business in a business meeting. And he was telling her, you know, he had all these butterflies in his tummy and he was really nervous and excited and the anticipation and just the thrill of it. And he just said, you know, I haven’t felt this feeling, this anticipation of my gut, this fluttering in my chest, this nerves, this exhilaration I’ve I haven’t experienced this in years. And what was so interesting was Samantha looked over at me and she said, you know, what’s crazy is we experienced these emotions in our business all the time. And I can’t tell you how true that is. There are times in my business where I literally feel the equivalent of jumping out of a plane, hoping to dear Lord, that the parachute parachute works. Like I make decisions that feel like that all the time. I have literally conditioned myself to lean into feeling like garbage.
Kristen Boss (36:23):
We have this, we have the same where it’s like, oh, you feel like you’re going to throw up. That’s the feeling of growth. That is a money-making emotion, that sick feeling of terror or your heart’s in your throat. And you just feel sick. Welcome to growth. We’ve just kind of identified like that’s a million dollar emotion right there. You’re terrified. Awesome. But you have to learn to associate that feeling that your brain thinks is a really bad feeling to experience terror and uncertainty and fear and discomfort. Your brain’s like, oh hell no, we can’t feel those things. But when you start to associate positive things with negative emotion, your brain becomes a lot more willing to experience it. Doesn’t make it any more fun. Gosh, every time I make those decisions, I’m like barf. I feel terrible. This is awful. Oh, this is how I’m supposed to feel.
Kristen Boss (37:17):
Of course, I feel this way. This is what the brain’s designed to do. But this is also emotions that help. This is also where I get to be courageous. This is also where I get to feel confident. This is also when I get to be curious and committed and determined. I can only experience those emotions. When I’m also willing to experience discomfort, ask yourself, have you programmed yourself to desire and lean into discomfort or have you programmed yourself to run? It all costs as soon as it’s uncomfortable. And the uncomfortable I’m talking about is being willing to be judged, being willing to have people dislike you, being willing to have people tell you why they don’t like you being willing to lose money, being willing to be wrong. Being willing to look like an idiot. Are you willing to experience those things? 99% of people are not, which is why 99% of people don’t see the income they want to see in this business model.
Kristen Boss (38:23):
Not because they don’t have what it takes because they are unwilling to feel the negative emotions that it takes to make huge decisions and commit to your business. You have to be willing to experience feeling like crap, feeling like you’re about to jump out of a plane and your heart’s in your throat. And it’s so funny. All my mastermind members said that they felt that way. When they invested, they all said like, oh, I felt so sick. My great, this is how you know, it’s exactly where you need to be, but we’ve just been programmed to believe, oh no, I feel these things. It must mean I’m doing something wrong. Of course, that’s your primitive brain saying, yeah, if we feel these things we’re going to die. So your brain still interprets that level of discomfort as runaway danger will Robinson don’t do it. And you have to teach your brain, oh, this is the emotion I’m supposed to lean into because it’s the emotion.
Kristen Boss (39:23):
That’s where we’re all my growth is. All my growth is being willing to feel this, lean into it and experience it. And when we’re willing to welcome feelings of despair, disappointment, rejection, judgment humiliation, when we’re willing to welcome and experience those emotions, suddenly things like failure are way less scary. Suddenly going for big things don’t feel as scary because we’ve made feeling scary things safe. We’ve made it normal. Like, oh yeah, I was supposed to feel this. So this week when you’re going and doing something in your business, when you’re making a decision, maybe it’s when you’re going to join the academy, you’re going to click the submit button. And you feel that like, and you want to, you’re sweating and you feel sick. That’s when you decide in that moment, that’s when you say all I’m supposed to be feeling this, this is how I know I’m actually doing the right thing. You feel fear great. That’s your compass. It is not your red light. It is not your stop sign. Fear can always lead you to your next step and where you’re meant to be so lean into it. That’s my challenge. You for you this week, we’ll see you next week.