Happy New Year, friends! Ushering in a new year is the perfect time to start thinking about resolutions and the things you’d like to change in your life. Whether it’s to lose weight, make a bigger paycheck, or kick bad habits to the curb, this is the time to do it.
But what if the reason WHY you’re making these new year’s resolutions are just as important as the resolutions themselves? When you set goals from a place of self-loathing and worthlessness, it can affect more than just those goals.
That’s why, in this episode, Kristen is talking about the ‘new year, new you’ philosophy and why it can be damaging your future plans before you’ve even taken the first step
Here are a few key points:
- Why it can be toxic when we set goals based on past disappointments
- What it looks like to base goals on self-love vs. self-loathing
- Debunking the ‘you can’t bring your old self into the new year’ belief
- How learning creates change
No one ever said change was bad. But making changes because you hate the way you look or because you’re disappointed in yourself isn’t the most healthy approach. Instead, give yourself some compassion. Have an honest conversation about how your circumstances are the way they are, then take ownership of it. Then – from a place of self-love, create goals that align with who you want to be in the new year.
We have an exciting announcement! Starting now, you can join Kristen’s new Facebook Community, The Purposeful Social Selling Community, where you can connect with other like-minded social sellers looking to break the hustle cycle and find sustainable growth in the new year. Join for free by clicking here.
Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https:/Kristenboss.com/question
Connect with Kristen:
If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Transcript for Episode #144 New Year, New You:
Kristen Boss (00:03): You’re listening to the Kristen Boss Podcast. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. As a bestselling author and performance coach, I’m on a mission to share about sustainable and purposeful approaches to both business and life. Each week, I bring relevant topics that I believe are necessary to create a life of purpose, significance and meaning. Entrepreneurship is about so much more than growing your bottom line. It’s about who you are becoming in the process and building a life that is truly extraordinary. Entrepreneurship is really just the beginning.
Kristen Boss (00:56): Hey, bosses. Happy New Year. Happy 2023. I think we’re all too afraid to say it’s our best year yet because we’re all during. If you have suffered from the Covid thing, everyone’s like, maybe if we just move into the new year, slowly and quietly, everything will go well. But I think it’s safe to say we can finally start saying it’s going to be the best year yet. welcome to the show. Welcome to the new show. Welcome to the rebranded show. Speaking of New Year, new things up-leveled things, man, you guys, when I look back on 2022, what a year, what a ride. It was an insane year. It was also a really, really hard year. I learned I got my butt kicked with the best lessons last year, and I’ll be sharing more about that. I’m so excited about where we’re taking the podcast this year.
Kristen Boss (01:49): The guests we’re going to be having on the value we’re going to continue to bring to you it’s going to be amazing. So you’ve seen the new up-leveled rebrand for the podcast. We also decided we just wrapped our three day live event business reboot training, and it was absolutely insane. People were having insane, insane breakthroughs, and we’ve had literally hundreds and hundreds of students join the academy. And if you haven’t heard, if have not heard, this is a big deal because everything’s new and it’s exciting. And my clients are like, are you going to stop leveling up? I’m like, I don’t know. I’m on fire. Which always goes to, I think when you’re willing to do the healing and the inner work, it’s amazing how much that clears for up-leveling and performing better. So we’ve rebranded the podcast. We finished the three day live event.
Kristen Boss (02:41): I also just announced that the Social Selling Academy has been completely revamped. I took out every single recording and a recorded all new training, all new content from top to bottom, from module one to module, I don’t even know how many there are. I mean, there’s real trainings and party trainings and recruiting, and it’s crazy how much we have done, we have done to improve the portal, and my students are losing, they’re losing their minds. I said, I feel like Santa with spoiling my people. And the whole reason why I decided to rerecord the whole academy is just because I recorded it. Let’s see, in the summer of 2022, and when I had students join the academy, I think I had only a hundred students the first couple months, and then it just kept blowing up and I slowly was just adding more and more things.
Kristen Boss (03:33): But after running 4,000 students through the program, I started to notice, okay, this question’s coming up a lot. We’re looking at the coaching submissions. I’m kind of just watching and evaluating. I teach my students evaluation is everything. So I’ve been evaluating my students and the program for at least the last 18 months. And I, after doing the evaluation and really kind of getting more clear on, okay, what’s relevant with the industry now, where are we going? Where headed now that we’re in a post pandemic climate and after all the coaching, the hundreds of calls I have done with social selling students, I’m like, it is now more clear than ever. So I simplified it. I made it more clear. I went in depth in areas that I hadn’t gone into depth before. It is crazy how amazing that portal is. I know I’m very biased, but also when you have tested something and you’ve put 4,000 people through it who were already getting results, we already had people double ranking, triple ranking, triple and tripling their pay all while, by the way, all with having more time freedom with their families, which is so key.
Kristen Boss (04:41): It’s like, no, it’s not just more pay. It’s also while experiencing more freedom to be, it has to be both. And so if the old portal was doing that, imagine what the brand new portal where I have literally up-leveled every single piece of content in there to be totally relevant. And I took like, oh my gosh, I think I was working on it for six months, developing the outlines, thinking about the content, watching old coaching calls and being like, okay, we’re going to really solve for that. So less people get stuck on that particular topic. And I literally sat my butt down for two weeks in December and just spent days, I mean days doing 6, 7, 8 hours of recording over and over and over again. And I’m just so excited that it’s out. The Social Selling Academy 2.0 member portal is insane. People are losing their minds, which means the results are going to be better than ever.
Kristen Boss (05:33): We’ve even up-leveled our G goal getter challenge giveaways inside the academy. So if you’ve been waiting, now is definitely your time to join friends on top of that, since I’m telling you all the new things, it is just absolutely bananas. On top of that, I also decided for the first time ever, because if you listened to the earlier episodes of my podcast, you heard me talking about a free Facebook community, and I had a free Facebook community for two years, and I decided when I launched the academy that I was going to shut down that free Facebook group. And it’s just been on my mind for, I don’t know, maybe the last year of like, but what if I did have a free community where literally tens of thousands of social sellers were there and I could drop helpful pieces of value, challenge them, drop, drop, drop, thought provoking things, give them announcements about what’s new, what’s up and coming.
Kristen Boss (06:24): And I’m like, after our three day event, I just decided that’s it. I’m going to create the best free Facebook community for network marketers, and we’re just going to keep it open. So I now officially have a free Facebook community. So we’ll link that in the show notes. If you’re not in it, even if you’re an ssa s s A student, you can get in there too. I’m going to be very clear. The content is completely different. Like the S s A has, literally, that’s where all the trainings are. That’s where the live coaching is. The community is going to have lots of value. I’m going to be offering just a couple tips and some, it’s, it’s still going to be highly valuable. So there’s definitely a difference between my paid programs and the free community, but it is a way for you to be a part of a really positive, impactful community that rallies around the same goals and the same vision for the industry.
Kristen Boss (07:21): So I am so excited about that as if that wasn’t enough. We have more coming. So you’re going to hear another announcement in the coming weeks. And if you have been like, I want to be in your mastermind, but I’m not sure when I’m going to get there, or I can’t afford it. And if you haven’t heard, I discontinued my mastermind last year and I thought, okay, what do I need to create in order to serve on a bigger level? And man, y’all are going to have your socks blown this year. Your socks blown off. Is that what I’m saying? Yes. Okay. So all that to say, that’s all the new exciting boom, boom. Let’s talk about this idea of new year, new you that people tend to come into the new year with and where people come in with resolutions and all the things they want to change about their life.
Kristen Boss (08:09): And this is going to kind of be a different spin. And I think a lot of times when people start the new year, they’re starting off the new year with a list of things they don’t like about themselves with a list of things that they’re sick of, that they’re tired of. They’re like, oh, I’m just so sick of this. I’m going to change it. And it’s coming from a place of judgment and annoyance instead of a place of self-love and massive compassion and driven, literally driven from a place of love where most people, I feel start the new year driven from a place of, I want to say self-loathing, self disgust. Think thinking that there’s a part of you like that you need to fix this year. So I’m fixing myself, but what if we didn’t look at ourselves as if we were these things to fix if we weren’t broken and we saw ourselves as just humans who we just needed more love.
Kristen Boss (09:03): I know that sounds, I don’t know, maybe a platitude or I don’t like guru ish, but after all my years of coaching and all the students I’ve worked with, what I see over and over again is a shortage of self-love and self-compassion and choosing goals from a place of love, because those are the only goals that are sustainable. Imagine you choosing a habit because you’re sick of yourself or because you’re disgusted with yourself like that. Sure, it might get you going, but it doesn’t keep you going because disgust is going to be right there on the days that you’re not consistent being, see, you’re worthless. That’s why you shouldn’t do this. But instead asking yourself, okay, so many people have weight loss goals for the new year, and I’m not going to say there’s anything wrong with that, but I think you have to get to the why.
Kristen Boss (09:57): If you can’t love yourself now, why do you think you’re going to love yourself later? And I would just, instead of moving into deprivation from a place of self-loathing, like, Ugh, I totally overdid it the holidays, I’m going to take out all these food groups and you know, but ask yourself, is this driven with love and compassion towards myself? And by the way, love and compassion towards yourself can also look like choosing to eat more vegetables at a meal, drinking your water, prioritizing movement goals, not for the sake of I’m trying to shrink my body from a place of, I care about myself, I care about my wellbeing, and because I care about my wellbeing, these habits matter. The habits are created from a different place. So this idea with this new year new you, what if you didn’t feel like you had to be new?
Kristen Boss (10:48): And it was just about loving yourself into a healthier place? Whether it’s your business, whether it’s your body, your mindset, your habits, whatever it is, you know, don’t have to throw out the old version of yourself and act like that version of you is worthless, but that’s what I see people do. It worthless me from 2022 is going to become worthy in 2023. And I would just ask you to ask yourself, when you’re looking at your goals, do this inventory, is this from a place of self-love? Or is there any flavor of self-loathing that is coming through or shame or judgment or annoyance, any negative emotion towards myself that is driving these behaviors? And if it is, revisit the goals and ask yourself, okay, well, what would love say if I didn’t have to fix myself if I didn’t believe I was broken? Well, what would love say about this habit?
Kristen Boss (11:40): Again, the habit could look the same, but it’s coming from a different place. Again, there’s drinking more water because you love yourself and there’s drinking more water because you know, are trying to ignore your natural hunger cues. And you’re like, no, I can’t eat. I ate over Christmas, now it’s water. I think of an old movie that I love what is it? Never been kissed with. Drew Barrymore. And all of them are sitting in their science class and they’re hanging around a skeleton, like a skeleton prop. And one of the girls is looking at the skeleton, and she goes, that’s it. Water and exlax until prom. And I always think of that when people are coming from a place of judging themselves and thinking, I need to shrink myself to be worthy, or I need to make more money to be worthy. But what if it’s just about loving yourself to your goals?
Kristen Boss (12:31): What it’s about, loving yourself in your resolutions. So that’s my challenge for you this year is, you know, do have to form a new way of thinking, a new way of being. And this idea of you can’t bring the old you with you into the new year. Yes and no. Again, it can’t be from a place of disgust and loathing. It has to be like, okay, I can see that the version of me that didn’t love myself enough to move consistently five days a week, or didn’t love myself enough to prioritize drinking water and eat eating nourishing foods. I can see how it was not having enough love for myself, or I prioritize those things. Like, yeah, the unloving part of myself can’t come with me into the new year. I have to learn to become the loving version of myself. And so you are going to have to change your habits and change your thinking, and change your behaviors and change your beliefs and how you walk around in the world.
Kristen Boss (13:25): And if you want to change your results, you have to change who you’re being, period, the results you’re currently sitting with on whatever day of the week you’re listening to this, you have to look at this and say, okay, the results I’m currently sitting with right now is all from compounded choices and decisions I’ve made that have led me to this point. And I’m not talking about circumstances that are completely beyond your control. Maybe someone being sick in your family or dealing with a crisis or your house flooding like. You can’t help that. Those things are out of your control. But really it’s just about you sitting down and asking yourself, well, what do I need to take responsibility for? Okay, I need to take responsibility for the fact that I was playing the victim for half of 2022 in my business. I was playing the victim to my calendar, the victim to my role as a mom.
Kristen Boss (14:18): I was playing. I was just playing victim. I was so busy just blaming everything instead of taking responsibility for myself. And that’s painful, and I’ve had to do that in my life. I remember for me, one of one, a very clear example, and it was right around New Year’s, actually years and years ago. I remember I had just gotten out of a relationship and I remember thinking, gosh, why do I keep ending up with these toxic narcissistic people? And then it was easy for me to blame them, like, oh, they’re terrible, they’re terrible. But then I had to actually take responsibility and be like, hold on. What parts of me are allowing this to happen? How am I actually responsible for getting into these relationships? Where am I responsible for how it’s happening? Why do I create this? What part of me do I need to take responsibility for this to change?
Kristen Boss (15:11): And I remember that being a huge aha moment for me, realizing it’s not them problem. It’s actually a me problem. And when I started working on those parts of myself, realizing, oh, wait, hold on, this is like, I’m not willing to be alone. I need to be validated. I need to be, I only feel loved and worthy when I’m in a relationship. And I realized, okay, that’s why I keep going into these unhealthy relationships. So again, you can blame the circumstances or blame the people, or you can say, okay, hold on. This is a really hard and painful question, but it might be the key to all of my problems is asking, and where am I responsible in this? And how have I been creating this result? Again, from a place of love, not a place of shame, not a place of self-loathing, but from just a genuine place of being curious with yourself and say, huh, I wonder why that is.
Kristen Boss (15:58): I wonder why I keep doing that. I wonder why I keep running to those habits that I know don’t serve me. Why? And I think why is the most powerful question we can ask ourselves? And your brain is going to want to be like, I don’t know. I don’t know why somebody tell me. Because your brain doesn’t want to do the work to be like, okay, wait, hold on. Let me sit down and expend the mental energy and really sit with, why do I think this is, I’m going to give it my best educated guess. For me, when I’m coaching myself, I don’t let myself just be like, I don’t know. I’m like, no, no, no. We’re going to keep digging this. We’re going to keep digging here until I come up with an answer like, okay, hold on. I’m seeing, I keep believing this story. Okay, I see where I’m responsible here.
Kristen Boss (16:40): And when you’re willing to do that work, the lesson is always available for you. And when you decide to learn from the lesson, that’s when you change. That’s when you change. If you want to know if you’re learning as if you are changing, learning means I’m looking at what just happened. I don’t like the outcome there. I need to change it. And therefore, you learned you did something. You tried something or you evaluated some things. You’re like, okay, I know I’ve learned because I’m out there applying and I’m changing. If you’re not changing, then you’re are. You’re not actually learning. It’s that crazy. If nothing changes, then how can you say you’re learning? I think learning creates change, and the only way we learn is asking good questions, and we can’t ask good questions unless we’re willing to be kind and compassionate with ourself so that we’re okay with whatever answer that comes up.
Kristen Boss (17:30): But if we’re afraid of the answer, because we’re going to be a bully to ourselves when we answer the question, oh, I can’t believe you think that right, then we’re never going to be able to hold space for ourself and ask ourself the hard questions because we know that we’re just a big meaning to ourself when we start asking questions. It’s about, again, being kind, being compassionate. Don’t let self-loathing drive your New Year’s goals. Come at it with love, come at it with care, and you might actually find yourself sticking with your goals, accomplishing your goals, and actually loving the process towards your goals. Happy New Year friends. We’ll catch you in the next episode.
Kristen Boss (18:15): That’s a wrap for today’s episode. Listen, if you love what you heard here today, I would love for you to leave a real quick rating and a review. This helps the show get discovered by new people. Be sure to take a screenshot of today’s episode and shout us out on Instagram. We’ll shout you right back out. If you’d like to find additional resources or discover how to work with me, head to www.kristenboss.com.