The last quarter of the year is upon us. Not only is it the busiest season of the year, it’s also the last chance to check off any goals you might have set back in January. If you’re left with a goal (or several) that you’ve been slowly hacking away at or maybe too scared even to get started – Now is the time to kick it into gear before another year is gone, and you’re left with the same unmet goals as before.
And that’s why Kristen is here this week to talk about how to set yourself and your business up for success before time runs out. Instead of aiming your sights on a goal, perhaps what’s needed is to enter into an agreement with yourself. Specifically a 90 Day Agreement.
Let’s look at a few details:
- The difference between a goal and an agreement
- Why 90 days should be the minimum time commitment to see results
- Understanding why your brain is fighting your progress and how to overcome those thoughts
- Motivation – why it isn’t always enough to keep you going
Before you hang your hat and declare this year a wash – take a bold step and commit to these last 90 days. You’ll never know until you truly try, and wouldn’t it be glorious to make some progress leading into next year? Momentum is real and you have it within yourself.
The Book Bonus is back just in time to get in on the last 90 Day Challenge of the year! When you join the Social Selling Academy between now and midnight CT on October 3rd, you’ll receive a free copy of the Goal Getter Workbook sent right to your door. Join now by clicking here.
Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://Kristenboss.com/question
Connect with Kristen:
If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.
Transcript for Episode #129 The 90 Day Agreement:
Kristen Boss (00:05): Welcome to Purposeful Social S0elling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way.
Kristen Boss (00:49): Hey friends, welcome to another episode of the show today. We’re going to be talking about something. I am calling the 90 day agreement and we are actually coming up on the last 90 days of the year, the last quarter of the year. And by the time this episode airs, we’re actually coming up really close to the last 100 days of the year. And before we really dive into this episode is I really want you to ask yourself, where am I now in relation to the goal I set for myself January 1st, go back to who you were being January 1st with your new year’s resolution. Has it been like put on a shelf gathered, you know, gathering deaths? Has it been forgotten? Has it been neglected? Have you decided maybe I just was aiming too high, too big. Have you quit on yourself? What has happened between January 1st and now?
Kristen Boss (01:38): And I want you to check in with yourself and ask yourself if you’re telling yourself I’m going to just, you know, restart revamp recalibrate January 1st, 2023 friends, we have to learn to rebound a lot sooner, a lot faster and stop waiting for a Monday. Stop waiting for a first of the month or a first of the year, or these fresh starts. We keep thinking a fresh start will change who we are being, but we have to be different if we actually want to see results, a fresh start means nothing. If we aren’t approaching it with the right mindset, if we aren’t approaching it with a plan and we’re not learning to bounce back from failure a lot sooner, and coming back on a Thursday, coming back on a Wednesday and saying, you know what? I’ve missed a few days and today’s Wednesday. I’m not going to wait for Monday.
Kristen Boss (02:22): I’m not going to wait for the first of the month. I’m not going to wait for new year’s because my goals are that important to me. So I recently did an experiment for myself and I teach something in my social sign academy to my students called the 90 day goal getter challenge. And we are actually running a special to that right now. So when you join between now and October 3rd on midnight, you get our, the journal mailed to you for free when you join and we have reopened the payment plan. So if you haven’t jumped on and you really are serious about recommitting to your goals, becoming someone who’s consistent in your business, consistent with how you show up and really building your consistency muscle, which is what I’m going to be talking about in this episode and what that tangibly looks like. If you’re ready and you want to dig in, and you’re tired of waiting for the first of the month, the Monday, the go, you know, the, the new year, listen, join today, break the pattern right now and decide I’m not going to wait for the first of the month to finally decide that my goals are important.
Kristen Boss (03:20): I can just, I can start today. So just wanted to make sure you knew that that announcement is there. We’re going to be sending out more emails. So start today. Join today today matters. So I want to talk about this concept of what I’m calling the 90 day agreement I made with myself. And for me, it was in relation to my health goals, to my fitness specifically with a weight training regimen and business to me is at, you know, the reason why I didn’t choose a business goal is because business to me right now in my current season of life, it it’s very much who I am. I don’t have to talk myself into working. I don’t have to talk myself into showing up now did I years ago? Yes, but now it’s just part of my habits. It’s part of my rhythms. I just don’t even think about it.
Kristen Boss (04:09): I, I show up to work every day and this is just what I do. So I knew like that wasn’t where my growth was. But for me, particularly the last few years, my growth has actually been with my health, with my health journey. And I’ll share with you a little bit about how I got here and the lessons I’ve had to learn. But for me, I knew the story I wanted to change. The habits I wanted to change was with all of my health habits, specifically with having a consistent gym routine, changing how I fueled my body, being more intentional about fueling my body, making sure I’m getting in my water and taking care of myself, really wanting to build sustainable lifelong habits to change my life, to change myself. And so I want to walk with you through what that 90 day agreement has been like.
Kristen Boss (04:58): In fact, it’s behind me now I’m long past the 90 day agreement, but I really wanted to take this episode and walk you through how health and business they are so closely related. They are paralleled, and I’m going to walk you through what that agreement was like, what I learned and just some things I did in that time that I know can benefit you. So let’s start with why I decided to make it an agreement versus just a 90 day goal. And I remember watching on, I can’t remember what platform it was, but someone was interviewing Kobe Bryant. One of the greatest basketball players of all time and Kobe Bryant was talking about how he has a contract with himself of how he shows up, why it’s important for him to put in the necessary work for him to literally be the greatest at what he does.
Kristen Boss (05:53): And there was something about the language of like a, a contract, a binding agreement. It’s something that you take very seriously. I think sometimes we erode the importance of goals because we give up on them so much that when we say, oh, I have a goal of, I see so many people not following it, following through with it. And like the word goal, I feel like loses its meaning, loses its value. The more we, you know, break our commitment, break our agreements with ourselves. Like we’re just like, oh yeah, you know, that goal used to be important, but it’s not now. So it’s more than just setting the goal. And I asked myself when I was thinking about the 90 days, I thought, okay, I’m going to change the language here. And I’m going to make it a personal agreement with myself now with anybody else. But I’m going to enter into this binding agreement that I refuse to get out of.
Kristen Boss (06:50): I kind of viewed it like a contract, a binding contract that I cannot get out of no matter what. And so how I positioned this was more than just, oh, I’m just going to set up for a goal for 90 days. I was like, Nope, this is going to, I’m going to enter into an agreement with myself. And there was something about that that made me take it a lot more seriously. And so when I thought about the 90 days I started with, okay, well, what, what’s the purpose of this? What’s the intention and what is the end goal that I want? And I’ll be honest when I first set out for this agreement. Well, first I agreed to the process like this is what I’m going to commit to every day. This is what I’m going to commit to on a weekly basis and a daily basis. So in my agreement, it was, I’m going to stick to this program.
Kristen Boss (07:39): I also enlisted a coach. I enlisted an expert so that I would eliminate confusion and guesswork. I wanted a plan that I could follow. And I knew if I tried to, you know, YouTube or Pinterest, my workouts together, I would get frustrated. And I, I really wanted results. I’m like, I’m going to hire somebody who I know can formulate the plan, eliminate some confusion, take out the guesswork for me and I can follow the plan. So I enlisted an expert. I decided I’m entering into an agreement, decided what does that agreement actually look like? And what does it entail on a weekly daily level? So part of the plan with the expert I hired, it was, you know, five days a week, you are doing a weightlifting routine and you know, there’s also macros and those things, and I’m not saying like this has to be your journey.
Kristen Boss (08:27): This is just the journey I signed up for. And so I knew like part of my agreement was I am going to be doing weight training at least four days a week. I’m going to get into the gym. I’m also going to drink water. I’m going to do my macros. And I’m committed to this process. I’m going to do it for a minimum of 90 days. And at first I will tell you, I had a picture in my mind of what I thought the end result was going to be at the end of 90 days. And there was a couple fallacies <laugh> I was guilty of when I made this agreement with myself is I went in it with, I’m going to call it overly idealistic expectations of myself and how I thought it was going to go, which is so funny because I teach my, my students like expect failure, expect setbacks, expect things to go wrong, expect things to not work and have a plan for it ahead of time.
Kristen Boss (09:20): I didn’t do that. I kind of was just like, okay, you know, this is what I’m going to do. And I had all these great intentions and I had an okay start. And I will say starting was the absolute hardest part, starting as the hardest. I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but starting is the hardest part of changing your habits and you changing your life and getting the results you want. Starting as the hardest. The second hardest is restarting after you’ve quit on yourself for a while. So just something to consider. But I will tell you at the beginning, it was, I had a lot of days where I would say, I, I have maybe 150 workouts behind me at this point, maybe less. I’m not really quite sure, but I can tell you out of the 100 workouts, 99 of them, I didn’t feel like doing 99 of them.
Kristen Boss (10:13): I wasn’t motivated. I wasn’t excited. It wasn’t like, Woohoo, let’s go to the gym today. It was like, oh, the gym, like it was, I felt so much resistance at the beginning because I realized what I was doing was I was going against all of my old patterns, all of my old habits. And when we think about how the brain is wired, the brain is wired for three things to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. When I think about that, I’m like, there is no part of a fitness journey that my brain is wired to want seek pleasure. I’m not somebody that finds pleasure until much later in, you know, doing Bulgarian, SQUI split squats and squatting my body weight and, you know, sweating and pushing the weight. Like, you know, seeking pleasure. That’s not my brain’s idea of like, that sounds like a pleasurable activity.
Kristen Boss (11:09): No. And then again, so seek pleasure, avoid discomfort, nothing about going to the gym and working out and lifting weight is comfortable. It is extremely uncomfortable. So of course my brain is like, let’s just not. And then conserving energy. Well, think about what you’re doing in the gym. You’re literally all you’re doing is expending physical energy. So when I think about how much resistance I was experiencing two starting, you know, it makes sense. It makes sense why it’s so hard because all the best results we want in life are a product of us doing the hard things. Consistently things like leaning into discomfort, expending energy, and denying pleasure, denying short term pleasure for the long term pleasure. This is the game we play when we want to change our life. We’re saying no to comfort. Yes. To discomfort. We’re saying no to shortterm pleasure so that we can say yes to long-term pleasure.
Kristen Boss (12:11): We’re saying no to conserving energy and yes, to expending energy, to problem solving and really putting in the time and the work, right. We, we have a natural resistance to those things. So of course I had resistance at the beginning. So what didn’t, you know, and here’s, here’s what I will tell you, man. I have done, let’s see the goal getter challenge. We’re about to have a full year of having that behind us, inside the academy. And I will notice statistically over and over when we see the most people like fall out from the challenge, quit on themselves, tell themselves next time or give up on themselves is somewhere between somewhere on like week three week, four week three seems to be the week where you get challenged. It’s not fresh ex or exciting anymore. Real life kicks in. Maybe the motivation is gone. I always tell people I’m like, motivation might last you two weeks, maybe.
Kristen Boss (13:08): So what’s happening when motivation isn’t there. And that’s when I had to find my commitment. That’s when I had to remind myself, Nope, I’m in an agreement with myself and I don’t break agreements with myself. I don’t break promises. There was something about the word promise for me too, that really compelled me to honor my word to myself. Being like, no, Kristen, we made a promise that we were going to do this and we’re going to, we keep to our promises today. So wouldn’t, you know, it, week three, I get knocked out with COVID and it was brutal. Didn’t feel great. And it was right before a huge live event. I was hosting like a virtual live event with, I think we had 12,000 people in attendance. And all I could think about was like, I got to feel better because I, I have to, you know, present and teach in front of all these people and sure enough, I get COVID and you know, can’t go to the gym, can’t work out in front of a bunch of people.
Kristen Boss (13:57): And it took a while for my energy to come back. And I remember so like literally knocked me on my butt for a week where I didn’t work out at all. And I was just working on like, okay, well what can I do? Well, I can have, I can get my water in. I can get work on my macros, making sure I’m getting adequate protein and those things. However, here’s what happened after a week of not going to the gym. I noticed that my brain wanted to use a lot of guilt and shame and start using language. Like now we have to start all over. Look, you’re not being somebody who honors your agreement. Look, Kristen you’ve broken promises to yourself. It was just, my brain was just looking for a way to cultivate tons of shame. And anytime we are indulging in shame, feeling shame, and in that pity party, we’re never propelling ourselves into action.
Kristen Boss (14:48): Think about what we’re doing when we’re feeling shame, we’re hiding, we’re shutting down, we’re avoiding. We’re not wanting to do the things. So I’m like, of course my brain is going to use shame to stop me to so that I won’t engage back in the hard thing because my brain also knows, Ooh, it’s been a week going back to the gym after a week off, it’s going to be painful. But that’s when I decided I was like, okay, who am I going to be in this moment? After a sit setback? Who am I going to be in this moment? When you know, something has arisen that I didn’t foresee. And so I was like, well I’m who am I learning to become? What is this about? I didn’t get back into, why am I doing this 90 day agreement? What is this actually about? And I was like, well, the agreement is about learning to honor my word to myself and I want to break old habits.
Kristen Boss (15:36): And so I’m like, well, what’s the old habit here. The old habit here is old. Kristen. Would’ve been like, oh no. Now we need to start over everything we’ve done as a wash. But instead I was like, okay, I’m going to reengage. And that’s exactly what I did. I got back to it the very next week. And I reengaged was it hard? It was so hard. And I will tell you the first, like six to eight weeks, it truly felt like nothing was happening. There were no results. And it’s funny because my coach, she said, you know, Hey Kristen, I want you to message me on low belief days, text me. You can bug me. And what’s so funny is, you know, I’ve been in circles like just with business, like where I’ve had to learn to cheer myself on. Like I can’t go to coaches to complain to them.
Kristen Boss (16:20): And I, I teach my students like, no, don’t come to me to complain. You have these self coaching tools. So it was very, almost foreign for me to be given permission, to go to somebody when my belief was low and so to speak complain. And what was interesting was I was messaging her a lot, the first six, maybe even eight weeks, six to eight weeks where she probably got, mm, probably three days a week. She got me texting her saying like, it feels like absolutely nothing is happening. I feel like I’m working so hard and I have nothing to show for it. I feel like I’m busting my butt butt. And when am I going to see things change? And there’s literally, no pounds have been lost on the scale. And she’s like, you have to throw out the scale. We cannot measure your progress on the scale.
Kristen Boss (17:08): So I actually had to learn to celebrate small wins a lot sooner. And that was what helped me stay in the agreement with myself because I noticed this is when I talk about, you know, a couple of the flaws I had when I set out for this agreement was I had this idea of how my results would look during the 90 days. And when my results weren’t looking that way. I found myself frustrated with the process and attempted to give up. I felt myself being like, well, I’m putting all this work in and I’m not seeing the results. Why am I doing this? And it’s interesting. I answered my own question. I’m like, well, why am I doing this? And I had to go back to, well, I actually actually want to build lifelong skills. I actually want to become somebody who regularly exercises and goes to the gym and lifts weights.
Kristen Boss (17:59): I want to be somebody who is strong. I want to be somebody who makes healthy, lifelong choices. And what’s interesting is what helped me was when I actually zoomed out beyond the 90 day agreement, I was like, okay, well, who are you beyond the 90 days? I was like, well, I actually, I want to, what if I’m doing this for life? What if this is a life skill I’m building? And suddenly I was able to have a lot more compassion. And I was like, okay. So what if it’s not about the results in the 90 days? What if the 90 days is not about getting the six packs? Because it’s definitely not going to happen. Like I had to have that like real honest conversation with myself and be like, okay, your first 90 days, you’re probably not going to see these huge results that you want. And I can tell you that’s, that’s a hundred percent true.
Kristen Boss (18:42): Like there were no, no pounds were lost. So I had to find other things to celebrate other things, to be proud of. And so I, you know, started counting like, oh shoot, man. I, you know, had to start. I had to start so humbly as well. And I think sometimes when we’re building new habits, we have to manage our expectations of ourselves and understanding like, Hey, a new habit I’m trying to build. I might actually suck at, at first. And that’s okay. I’m willing to suck at something in order for me to get good at something. And that was me when I went into the weight section and it had been literally years since I consistently weight lifted, like I couldn’t have, I couldn’t squat with a barbell. When I started, I couldn’t even squat with dumbbells. When I started, I had to do body squats and that was so humbling.
Kristen Boss (19:26): It was so humbling for me to start in that place. But I will tell you, in that 90 day agreement, I became somebody who celebrated now I’m squatting with dumbbells. And by the end of 90 days, I was squatting with a barbell and with added weight. And so I was celebrating, okay, there’s definite progress because I’m not the same person who walked into the gym on day one. There’s definite progress because I like I’m getting stronger and I can see it and I can feel it. And I was losing inches. So I had to celebrate other results before I was waiting for my bigger results. But I think that’s where I see a lot of people get caught up. This is where I see so many people get caught up is they don’t see the results fast enough. And they, and they talk themselves out of the habits, say they start saying like, well, it doesn’t matter if I go to the gym today, but I had to tell myself every single day going to the gym today matters.
Kristen Boss (20:16): It matters because it’s keeping a promise to myself. And I know that consistency compounds over time. I know that the results I want are be from consistent results that have consistent habits and actions that have compounded over time. This is what I teach in the academy. And it was, it was interesting for me because as I was doing the 90 day agreement with myself, I even told myself, Kristen, this is exactly how your students feel when they’re doing organic marketing and they’re building self trust and they’re showing up online and they’re doing attraction marketing. Like this is how they all feel in the beginning. This, there is so much doubt. They, they always tell themselves like nothing’s happening, nothing’s working. And then boom, out of nowhere, seemingly nowhere you know, they tend to see results because they were consistent. But the people that end up quitting and saying, see, nothing’s happening.
Kristen Boss (21:12): Those are the ones that don’t see results because they never allow enough of their actions to consistently build up and compound over time. Like this is why most people don’t get the results. And I saw this in myself in this 90 day agreement. I noticed there were so many times I wanted to quit and throw in the towel and then I ask myself, okay, well, if you, you know, throw in the towel, then what, then what, what’s your plan then? Kristen, because sometimes we, we don’t have that conversation with ourselves being like, okay, I either stay in the pain of building this habit or I quit. And then what’s on the other side of quitting. And I realized, well, I am going to go back to exactly where I was at the start of this. And I really didn’t like that. And that was painful too.
Kristen Boss (21:57): So it was this idea, you know, and you’ve heard this concept before choosing your hard and I realized I’d rather choose the hard of staying in it than choosing the hard of quitting and being upset with myself. And again, having a story of like see more broken promises, more reasons why we can’t trust ourselves. So for me, I was like, this is so much more than about, you know, getting a six pack and changing my physique. This is about changing my relationship with myself first. And honestly that was what the 90 day agreement was. It was, it was me going on a relationship journey with myself and saying, okay, if I say I’m going to do something I’m going to follow through and here’s how I’m going to do it. Another thing I did in this 90 day agreement with myself was I believed in the power of micro habits of starting small and not trying to change everything at once.
Kristen Boss (22:50): So for example, at the beginning, like I knew, I inevitably want to be somebody who’s getting in a minimum of, you know, a hundred ounces of water a day, hitting my macros, hitting my protein goals, you know, doing my weight training four to five days a week and getting in my steps. Now me trying to change that all at once would immediately have overwhelmed me and I would’ve freaked out and thrown in the towel. And I just asked myself, what is the first micro habit I want to start? What’s the first habit that I want to establish for myself to normalize where it feels normal. And that was honestly, for me, it was getting to the gym. Like my first goal that first week was like, Kristen, the goal is getting there. The goal is getting there. It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s not about crushing it.
Kristen Boss (23:37): And I remember like with my program, you know, beginner, I think she told me she’s like a beginner can do two rounds of this workout. And then eventually as you get stronger and better, you could do three or four rounds. And I had to start with two rounds and I had to tell myself, okay, here’s why I’m proud of two rounds today. But my first micro habit that I really wanted to get in place was being in the habit of getting to the gym consistently four to five days a week. And that started to feel like a part of who I was about eight weeks in about eight weeks in is when it started to feel like a normal part of my routine where now it’s something I look forward to and I will tell you for me, weightlifting is huge for managing anxiety for getting back on my body for mental health.
Kristen Boss (24:21): I cannot recommend it enough. I’m somebody who struggles with anxiety and I have noticed a, just a tremendous improvement in that arena when I do lift weights. It’s, it’s huge for me, cannot recommend it enough, but this idea of like, okay, that’s the first habit I want to establish. And then when that started to feel easier, I was like, okay, what’s the next habit I want to build? Well, the next habit I want to build is I want to cut out diet soda. I want to cut out Coke zero. I love Coke zero you guys. And I’m like, okay, cut that out. We’re going to cut it out. And so that was the next small habit and I still have it once in a while, but it’s becoming less and less. And so I started just building one habit at a time. Okay. And then what’s the next habit. Okay.
Kristen Boss (25:06): Okay. We have where you feel pretty dialed in with, you know, the weight training. We feel pretty dialed in with getting the diet sodas out. Okay. The next thing to dial in on is the nutrition and that, and I also just had to evaluate my mental bandwidth with each task. And I didn’t expect myself to, you know, crush on all of these categories right away. But this is what I see people do with their business. They’re like when they say, okay, it’s time for me to get serious about my business. They’re like, I’m going to post reels every single day. And I’m going to, you know, write three posts a day and I’m going to do all these follow ups and all these live events. And they spew out all these things that they’ve done, but that’s not a part of their normal routine. So going from like, I’ve never done a real ever to, I’m going to do 90 days of reels.
Kristen Boss (25:55): Okay. That’s great. Let that be the one thing that you master, but I see a lot of people try and change everything all at once and it becomes very overwhelming and very frustrating. But for me, I was like, I’m just going to start with, I’m going to build one habit at a time. Why is this important to me? Because this isn’t about 90 days. This is actually about the rest of my life. And I will tell you my 90 day agreement with myself got easier. When I started telling myself what if this is about who I’m becoming for the rest of my life? What if this is something I’m going to do forever and ever. And I actually found more compelling wise because my original, why for entering the 90 day agreement was a little vain at first. And that’s not a problem, but like the first reason I was like, I’m going to do this 90 day thing is because I wanted a certain physical result in my physique.
Kristen Boss (26:46): And when that wasn’t happening fast enough, I actually had to find a more compelling why that would keep me engaging in the uncomfortable, hard work. Here’s the thing. If you are quitting on yourself and on your business and you’re constantly negotiating yourself and you’re not showing up on days when it’s hard, you might need to seriously reevaluate your why. If it’s not compelling enough to override the discomfort you may feel and doing the hard things, you’re going to resort to doing comfortable things, you have to have a compelling enough why or compelling enough reason for you to move through the resistance of doing hard things. And that is exactly what I had to do as well. I was like, okay, right now, I’m not seeing the, the results I originally wanted. So what’s my compelling reasons to keep doing this now, knowing that the results I want will inevitably happen for me because I believe in consistency compounding with time.
Kristen Boss (27:43): And so then it became, okay, what’s my compelling why? And for me it was, I want to it’s longevity. I actually want to increase the longevity of my life. And I want to go up and down the stairs of my house without getting winded. And I want to run around and chase my kids and not throw my back out when I sneeze, not like that’s happened, but I was just noticing. I’m like, Kristen, you’re not 20 anymore. We’re getting close to 40 here. We, we, this it’s time to build lifelong habits. So that became a more compelling reason for me and mental health. Once I noticed like what was happening for me, like mental health wise, I was like, yeah, I’m going to stay. This is a good enough reason for me to keep going as well. So I had to really come up with a very compelling why, again, in the 90 day agreement, I had to learn to love the process more than the results because the results weren’t coming very quickly.
Kristen Boss (28:35): And I remember in what’s so funny is I noticed multiple times in the agreement. I wanted to go back to old ways of doing things that got me quick results in the past, but they were never sustainable results. For example, just entering into a crazy caloric deficit, doing some crazy fad diet, losing weight overnight, and then it’s staying for a little bit, but because it wasn’t sustainable, I’d always gain it back. And then some so I knew, and even my trainer told me, she’s like, Kristen, we’re about sustainability, which go figure that’s what I’m about to, that’s why I chose her. I was like, okay, sustainability, longevity. I want this to be something I can do for life, which is why it can’t be a fad diet, which is why it can’t be like cutting out in all, you know, a million food groups and entering into an insane caloric deficit.
Kristen Boss (29:18): This has to be something I can do forever. And what she told me, she’s like, okay, that means the long road. It means like it’s going to be slower. It means you’re not going to see the quick results you typically have in the past with fad diets. And that was a hundred percent true. It’s like, Hmm. Yeah, I can’t do you know these crazy fast and lose 10 pounds because it’s just going to come back. So I noticed that when I was frustrated with the speed of the results or them coming, not at the speed I wanted, I found myself wanting to resort to old unsustainable methods that had given me results in the past. And I had to constantly remind myself, okay, yes, you got results, but were they sustainable? No. Why are we here so that I never have to do this again. That also became another compelling reason.
Kristen Boss (30:03): It’s like, I never want to have to start over and have another day. One like I did months ago. Like I, I never want to be there. So again, I had to be somebody who celebrated and loved the process more than the results because the results were slow in coming. And this is the same thing in your business. If you cannot love the process, you’re not going to be able to stick it around long enough to see the results you want. Period. If you can’t love the process, good luck sticking it out and staying consistent. You want to know the secret to consistency is loving the process. That’s truly what it is. And it becoming non-negotiable for you and deciding like, I love who I’m becoming in the process more than the speed of the results right now. That’s, that’s really what the game changer is. There’s another thing I did in the 90 day agreement was I made the results.
Kristen Boss (30:57): I wanted a byproduct of habits instead of the end goal. So if, for example, with the 90 day agreement, when I first started out, I was like, I want to lose, you know, 15 pounds and, you know, shrink my body, whatever it is that is the end result I told myself I wanted. But then when I really learned that this is about habits, this is about a process. This is about me becoming somebody completely different. I realized this is okay, hold on. It’s not about the end goal. It’s not about me. Just like, okay, I want to get there. It became a lot more important for me to reframe it into, okay, losing the weight, changing my physique, adding muscle to my body. Those are byproducts of my habits. It is not an end goal. Because then what, then what happens at the end goal? You’re just going to stop or is this about lifelong habits?
Kristen Boss (31:56): And, you know, losing the weight, changing your physique, putting on muscle, those become byproducts to my everyday habits of who I am being. It’s the same in your business. Like hitting the incentives, hitting the bonuses, hitting your large revenue months. It becomes a byproduct of all the work you do in your everyday. It becomes a byproduct of your consistent habits that you put in over time, day after day after day, consistent habits. When you’re telling yourself nothing’s working and nothing is happening. I can’t tell you, I would say probably 90 days, nine, the whole 90 days, it just felt like nothing was happening. And I really didn’t actually start seeing significant progress in the mirror. And like, I haven’t, I haven’t even stepped on the scale, but in the mirror and with inches like that, didn’t really come until almost the end of the 90 day agreement.
Kristen Boss (32:48): Can you believe that? Like, I didn’t see real results until almost the end of 90 days and had, you know, my only motivation for saying with it been seeing results. I, I would’ve quit. I would’ve quit a million times over. So again, it’s about making the reward, letting that be a byproduct of who you’re being in your habits. Another thing is I noticed in this 90 day agreement and things I had to work on was I noticed I had this story and part of why I’m here and having to do the 90 day agreement and working on my health and prioritizing that again is because I had told myself a story that was actually quite damaging. My first two years in really building and growing and scaling my coaching business is I told myself this really sneaky story. And maybe you are telling yourself a similar sneaky story, but maybe a little different.
Kristen Boss (33:42): My sneaky story was it’s either I either build my business or my body it’s my business or my body. I don’t have time for both. I remember actively thinking that and saying it aloud to myself two years ago while I was scaling and building that, I was like, well, I feel like I only have time and the energy to prioritize one over the other. And I’m disappointed that I never challenged myself on that story. It felt so true. Like, no it’s either my business or my body. And this is what we do. And you might be saying this about your business or something else. You might be saying like, it’s either I grow my business or I’m a good mom and it can’t be both. And when you tell yourself that story, you end up putting your business to the side because in your mind not being a good mom, isn’t an option.
Kristen Boss (34:37): And then you feel like you have to choose between business and motherhood and you don’t or business and parenthood and you don’t. But we tell ourselves we have to, because we think our, our energy is limited. Our time is limited. Our capacity is limited. But the problem is, is I saw myself as someone who had limited capacity instead of unlimited potential, when I was telling myself business or body like I could, when I look back on that season, I’m like I could have made my health a bigger priority. And because I didn’t, here’s the thing, all of your decisions are always compounding always. And so my decision, my decision to focus on my business and not my health every day where I chose, you know, sleeping in or Netflix or hanging out on the couch and not moving my body every day, I decided to not move my body.
Kristen Boss (35:31): All of those days compounded to where I am today. And I had to own that. I had to own, okay, hold on. And it, you know, it was kind of, I kind of view it as, you know, women when, after we give birth and there’s this concept of like, oh, bounce back to your pre-baby body weight or whatever. And it’s just like, I constantly had to remind myself at the time, like, hold on. It took nine months for my body to get here. Why am I expecting to undo that in six to eight weeks time? That’s unreasonable. It’s the same way with habits that we have negative habits that we have allowed to compound over time. And when we want to change into positive habits, we have to realize, Hey, listen, the reason why we’re here is because there’s compounding results of negative habits. I’ve let compound over time.
Kristen Boss (36:20): So now in order for me to change my life, I have to create compounded results of positive habits. So it’s going to take equal if not more than the amount of compounded negative habits on the other side. And that’s the truth of it. So I had to realize, okay, hold on, Kristin, you decided to be a little bit of a couch potato for two years, because you told yourself business or body. And so all of those tiny little decisions when you decided to not move your body and sit on the couch instead, that’s two years of you saying, it’s my, it’s my business today and not my body. It’s my business. It’s my business business. And here we are realizing at a weight that you haven’t seen before and having to put on muscle. Like I lost so much muscle part of that is also because I was a hair stylist for, you know, 15 years used to being on my feet all the time.
Kristen Boss (37:06): And then I became like a desk jockey, literally sitting the majority of the time. And so I lost a lot of muscle tone again. That was all of these things that compounded. So now like I’m I was expecting, think about this and you might be thinking this too, with your business. Like at first with my 90 day agreement, I was expecting my 90 days of taking care of myself to undo two years of compounded negative decisions, compounded negative habits. I expected 90 days to fix two years. So now I’m like, okay, what if it takes two years to get the results I want? What if it takes two years to get the physique and the body composition I’m aiming for? Okay, am I, am I willing to do that? If not, why not? Why do we only value things that happen fast? And this is why we break agreements with ourself because it’s not happening fast enough because we’re not valuing the process because we only want the results.
Kristen Boss (38:07): So my challenge to you is, as we are coming up on the last 90 days of the year, the last hundred days of the year, I would encourage you to enter into a 90 day agreement with yourself. Plan for failure, plan for setbacks, plan for frustrations, and you have to plan for it. How am I going to stick with this agreement? Even when the results aren’t showing, even if there are no results, when I’m telling myself nothing is working and if that’s you, you need to be in my goal, getter challenge inside the academy that it, it is a game changer for anybody who actually decides, okay, I’m ready to figure out what it actually looks like and feels like to be consistent in business. I’m I’m ready to undo all of these compounded negative habits. These compound all these times when I’ve quit, I’ve given up too soon.
Kristen Boss (38:50): I’m ready to undo that and create positive habits and have those compound over time. And I’m in it for the long road. If that’s you, you need to, you need to join. It’s your time. If that’s not you, I still want you to do the 90 day agreement because you are going to change for me at the end of 90 days, I didn’t even realize when 90 days had hit, because I was like, I’m just going to keep going. I love who I became. I became a different person. I became somebody who desired to go to the gym. In fact, I’m going literally right after I’m done recording this because now it’s something I enjoy. I look forward to and I want, and I like how it challenges me now. I enjoy it. Now I seek it out. The 90 day agreement changed who I am and it gave me, it was the start of building all the habits I knew were required to create the results I want. So ask yourself what habits are required of me to create the results I want in my business and what am I doing? What am I willing to do in order to build and create those habits so that I can build and create the results I want? We’ll catch you in the next episode, guys,
Kristen Boss (40:01): That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you loved today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you are ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the Academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or have been in the industry for a while, this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.