Whether you’re a coach or working with a coach, it is crucial to understand the various coaching modalities available to us. Understanding these modalities allows you to provide or gain a holistic and tailored approach during coaching. This knowledge empowers both coaches and clients to optimize their coaching experiences, unlock their potential, and achieve transformative results in their personal and professional lives.
Listen in as Kristen introduces listeners to strategic, mindset, somatic, and accountability coaching. She gives listeners a deeper look into when and why you would use each coaching modality.
Let’s look at a few highlights:
By consciously shaping our self-talk, we can become our own coaches, guiding and supporting ourselves through challenges, setbacks, and moments of self-doubt.
Each coaching modality serves different purposes and addresses specific areas of personal or professional growth. Integrating these pillars into your coaching practice can elevate your effectiveness as a coach.
Familiarizing yourself with the four types of coaching paves the way for a meaningful and impactful coaching journey. You can navigate the coaching landscape more effectively, choose the right approach that aligns with your needs, and adapt your coaching strategies accordingly. It is important to remember that coaching is a holistic process, addressing all aspects of an individual’s life to facilitate comprehensive growth and transformation.
Introducing the Social Selling Leadership School: A 12-week Advanced Leadership Certification program for Network Marketers. This program was designed to give you everything you need to be a confident and transformational coach for the people you serve and help your team get massive results. This is the ONLY Coaching Certification program built specifically for the social selling market. Find out more and join the waitlist here!
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Transcript for Episode #166: The Four Types of Coaching
Kristen Boss (00:19): You are listening to the Kristen Boss Podcast. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. As a bestselling author and performance coach, I’m on a mission to share about sustainable and purposeful approaches to both business and life. Each week, I bring relevant topics that I believe are necessary to create a life of purpose, significance and meaning. Entrepreneurship is about so much more than growing your bottom line. It’s about who you are becoming in the process and building a life that is truly extraordinary. Entrepreneurship is really just the beginning.
Kristen Boss (00:57): Hey, bosses. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. This week we’re going to talk about coaching, and I’d be curious, when you hear the word coaching, what comes to mind For you, it might be, do you think of a sports coach? Do you think of someone telling you what to do? Do you think of somebody holding you accountable? Do you think of somebody calling you up, someone running a strategy, giving you a plan? We all have different ideas of what we think coaching is. And so this is going to be an interesting episode because I’m going to actually break down the four different types of coaching, and that might surprise you. You might be like, wait, there’s types of coaching, and I’m not just talking about, sure, there’s nutrition coaching and there’s life coaching, and there’s sports coaching, and there’s performance coaching. No, no, no, no.
Kristen Boss (01:43): That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s actually niche type of coaching. But what I actually want to talk about is the different pillars of coaching because there are many different modalities of coaching. And in my years of coaching, I have learned all of the different modalities, and I’m actually sure there’s more that I can still improve on and learn. I just see coaching as a craft that I’m forever going to be improving on. I love coaching so much. I love how I see the change it facilitates in others. Learning to coach myself, to be honest, has been incredibly life-changing. You might be like, how do you coach yourself? And that is actually a skill that I teach in all my programs is learning how to notice when you are in self-sabotage behavior, when you are thinking a certain way that doesn’t produce a result that you want to experience, how to catch yourself in habits that don’t serve you, how to hold yourself accountable, how to ask yourself better questions.
Kristen Boss (02:43): It’s almost like my therapist and I have talked about this. We’ve almost talked about the concept of gentle parenting yourself, learning the skill of holding space for yourself, having compassionate conversation with yourself and asking, what do you need right now? And what are you feeling right now? That is a form of self-coaching, is being that person to yourself. And that is incredibly valuable for me because oftentimes I coach myself all the time. And really what self-coaching is, is just a form of self-talk. How you converse with yourself, how you talk to yourself when you’re challenged, how you talk to yourself when you’re frustrated, how you talk to yourself when you are going for a big goal. And I heard this from a friend recently. I actually think it was John Gordon, and he’s going to be coming on the podcast soon. He’s a bestselling author and he’s absolutely amazing.
Kristen Boss (03:34): And John Gordon said something that was quite profound. He said, I learned to talk to myself more than I listened to myself. And this idea of listening to yourself is listening to all the dialogue that your brain offers you on any given day dialogue. I’m never going to be good at this. I suck at this. I’m not a good mom. I’m not present enough for my kids. I’m sure I’m not meeting my husband’s needs. There’s no way I can do this. I wish I was better at this. I’m not good at this. She is that constant dialogue. Our brain is always offering thoughts about ourselves. And the question is, are you somebody who listens to the thoughts? Are you listening to yourself more than you’re talking to yourself? If you’re listening to yourself more than you’re talking to yourself, you’re just, what I imagine that your brain, that your day can feel very volatile, very high, very low, because the brain is constantly, usually it defaults to the negative.
Kristen Boss (04:27): We have 60,000 thoughts a day. 80% of them are recurring, not just recurring, but they’re negative. Their thoughts that we have over and over again and thoughts that we think enough about ourselves become stories and stories that we tell ourself enough about ourselves, become beliefs. And when we have beliefs about ourselves, those beliefs become identity. We just take it on instead of, it might have. Let me give you an example of that. Maybe you listen to your brain constantly telling you you’re lazy, you’re so lazy, you, you’re not productive and you can never get it together. You’re so disorganized, you’re lazy, you’re lazy, you’re lazy. And then you start instead of realizing, oh, I wonder why I think that, or wonder, where is that story coming from? Why am I being so hard on myself? That’s not need to talk to yourself. Listening to yourself is like, Ugh, yeah, I am so lazy.
Kristen Boss (05:15): I’m just no good at this. I’ll never be good at this. And starting to believe it. And then when your brain tells you it enough, you start to disbelieve that that’s who you are. And you start to tell people, I’m, you know what? I’m just not very organized. I am kind of a procrastinator. I’m lazy. And then instead of seeing this as this is something that I need to work on, you see it as a fixed part of yourself, of this is who I am. And then you start to identify yourself as that person, and then you live into the identity. So for me, if you like, for the longest time, I identified myself as a procrastinator. Now here’s the thing. I’ve figured out how to live my life while procrastinating. I haven’t made it a problem, but if I keep telling myself like I’m lazy and unmotivated and I that about myself, I’m going to start operating and living as a lazy and unmotivated person because if it’s between watching TV or getting on the treadmill, if I see myself as a lazy and unmotivated person, I’m going to choose the TV every time because that’s how I see myself.
Kristen Boss (06:12): So this idea of learning the skill of talking to yourself, so actually I know I said there’s four types of coaching. We’re going to say five now because the very first art or pillar of coaching is self-talk. Learning to coach yourself first. Because if you can learn to navigate your own brain and catch your own BS and learn to be with yourself and understand why I’m thinking that way, why am I feeling that way? Why do I have those habits? The more intimately you become acquainted with yourself, the better you can serve others. That’s why a lot of people are like, Kristen, it just feels like you’re reading my mail. You totally get me. It’s like you’re in my head. It’s like, yeah, because I get me. I’m in my head. I’m very clear of here’s how, if I don’t let this thought, if I don’t check this thought or challenge this thought, what might that look like in my life?
Kristen Boss (07:01): This is how my habits would flush out. This is how my results would look. And so I know, and I don’t think of myself as a unicorn. I’m like, I think this is just part of the human experience. So almost all the time, if I’m telling somebody, Hey, here’s why you’re frustrated and here’s why you keep giving up on yourself. And people are like, are you reading my mail? It’s like, no, I’ve read my mail and I know I’m not a unique human in the world having a unicorn experience. I know if I’m feeling this way. Others feel this way too. This is why learning to talk to yourself, learning to understand your own thoughts, your own patterns, your own habits, the more self-aware you are, the better aware you are when you are coaching and leading others because you’re like, oh, I’ve totally seen myself do this.
Kristen Boss (07:47): Right? When you offer somebody advice, you’re like, oh, wait, I’ve been there. I totally get that. Now here’s the thing, if you have never experienced coaching, you might see coaching as somebody that just offers advice and tells you what to do. And I think offering advice very much comes off as giving somebody your unsolicited opinion. And I’ll never forget this. As a hair stylist, people would come to me and they would pay me for my opinions on what would look best on them, what their hair should look like, what length it should be, and those things. So in the hair chair, I just kind of acquainted them sitting in my chair with, they’re paying me for my opinion on this. And what was funny is I had to learn when I wasn’t behind the chair, I couldn’t just go around giving people my opinions because they weren’t asking for them.
Kristen Boss (08:35): And so I was like, oh, yeah, wait, hold on. This isn’t about giving unsolicited opinions, and it’s no different with coaching. Coaching is actually not giving opinions or offering advice. I know that’s shocking to a lot of you, but that’s actually what consulting is. And we’ll going to be our first pillar we talk about is consulting is different. Coaching consultants come in and they assess the situation and they say, okay, this is what I see as going wrong. This is what you need to be doing differently. The checklist or the strategy that I think you need to apply or implement in order to solve this problem. And here’s what you need to do moving forward, and I’m going to check back in with you after you’ve implemented. It’s kind of like looking for a diag, looking for the problem, giving a diagnosis, and then prescribing the strategy.
Kristen Boss (09:26): That is what consultants do. They just come in, they look, they’re like, here’s the problem. Here’s my diagnosis and here’s a prescription. This is what you need to do about it. Okay, so I almost want to view it kind of Consultants are doctors where they look at the symptoms, they do the diagnosis and they give a medication for, here’s what can alleviate some of the symptoms oftentimes. Now, if you are familiar with symptom, this is why it’s called, I call it symptomatic coaching. Now, is there a place and a time for strategy and consulting? Absolutely. There are times when businesses, they just need the consulting, they just need the strategy, and it’s just another pair of eyes saying, here’s what I would do different. Try this, right? But when we’re talking about somebody who’s deeply struggling in their business and not getting results, strategy usually doesn’t lend to the results that we want to see.
Kristen Boss (10:16): The transformation we want this person to have, and I know this because this is 90% of what people do in the industry that I coach with, the people that they lead, they just tell ’em what to do and they wonder why aren’t they doing it? I look at their business, I tell them what the problem is, I give them the strategy, and then I tell them how to do it, and then they do nothing. This is when strategy falls flat. And so that is pillar one. Pillar one is strategy and consulting. There is a time and place for it, and I usually do it later in my coaching, but that’s the one we’re most familiar with. And I think that’s the one most people lean on the most heavily. And I will say when I first started as a coach, that was like 90% of my coaching.
Kristen Boss (10:58): I would just get on the call and just strategize. I’m a naturally strategic thinker. I am. Strategy is one of my top strengths. You can say. So I am great at strategizing, but however, if I’m not helping somebody either feel safe or we’re not addressing a story or we’re not addressing a mindset, a strategy always falls flat because they’re not able to implement the strategy because of all the other stuff getting in the way. So I love strategic coaching, but I learned after coaching dozens and dozens of people while giving them million dollar strategy and they were implementing, I was like, well, if it’s not the strategy, then what is it? And that brings us into pillar two, which is mindset coaching. Now, I do think people do see a lot of value in mindset coaching, but that’s where they’re like, okay, what are your limiting beliefs?
Kristen Boss (11:48): And let’s do affirmations. But what mindset coaching is is remember when I about strategy, it tends to look at the symptoms. Here’s the problems we see. Here’s what you need to do to manage the problems. The mindset looks at the root cause being like, well, this is what’s causing the problems. We’re going to the root. Instead of just treating the symptoms, we actually have to go to the root cause of what’s actually causing this person to not implement what’s actually causing this person to look at the strategy, to know what they need to do in their business and then take no action. And that’s really 80% of people in business is most people know what to do, and you can buy the strategy, but so many people are walking around with a strategy and the how-tos and the books and the guides, and they’re on YouTube, but there’s zero implementation.
Kristen Boss (12:39): And that is the mindset gap. It’s like we have to solve for all the limiting beliefs, the stories you have about yourself, the stories you have about others. That’s when it’s like, well, nobody’s listening to me. I have nothing of value to offer. I don’t know my niche, I don’t know what to talk about. We think that’s a strategy problem, but almost always it’s a belief problem. Everybody that’s like, oh, time management is my issue. I just need to get better at my time. And I’m like, that time management is not your issue. I’m going to tell you why. We make time for things we believe in. There are things you do in your life that you make time for because you have deemed it valuable because you’ve deemed it important. So we can sit here and talk about your schedule, or I think the better work to do is we have to dig deep into why you don’t think this is valuable enough to make it happen in your schedule.
Kristen Boss (13:28): Why aren’t you seeing this as important? Where are your beliefs? If you don’t believe this is possible, then it would make sense. You’re not going to make time for it because you’ve already decided there’s no way I can have success. Most of time management issues, time management at that time is not the problem. It’s lack of belief always because we make time for things we truly believe in. I know this. I can see people that prioritize all these other things because they believe in them or because they see the value or because they deem it important. So if someone’s not making time for their business, it’s not like, Hey, what do we need to clear in your calendar? Hey, what about this business? Do you not see that’s valuable or important or possible? And let’s really explore that because if we answer those things, time management is no longer a problem.
Kristen Boss (14:14): You’re going to find the time. So we have strategic and consulting, we have mindset. And then pillar three is somatic coaching. Somatic somatic coaching is learning to partner with your nervous system. It’s understanding that we have a brain that has thoughts, and then we have a nervous system that has feelings and a nervous system response. You’re very aware of it. It’s when you feel triggered. It’s when you feel the racing heart. It’s when you shut down. It’s when your chest gets very tight with anxiousness or you feel that pit in your stomach and you feel yourself literally starting to shut down. It’s when you are entering into your fight, flight, freeze, or font responses, you will always be having nervous system responses in your business as you were getting close to the end of the month and you’re getting closer to your goal and you’re feeling the stress, and suddenly you’re in a conversation and someone’s like, I don’t know if I want to buy from you.
Kristen Boss (15:09): And suddenly you feel immediate panic and fear. That is a nervous system response. And when you are in a nervous system response, your prefrontal cort cortex goes offline it, it’s impossible to think rationally, think logically, and then you move into your primal state, which is your lower brain, and therefore you have lower level of thinking and reasoning. If you’re in a high emotional state, the logic is low, low emotional state logic is high. And so oftentimes I’ve learned, I can’t even touch strategy if somebody is in a really heightened state of fear, panic, stress, anxiety, overwhelm. So sometimes we can’t even get to the beliefs. What we have to do is we have to get them back into their body and help them realize, I’m safe. I’m not being chased by a hungry bear. Let’s regulate your breath. Let’s get you calm. Let’s get, let’s address that tightness in your chest.
Kristen Boss (16:01): Let’s help you feel safe in your body. But that is, this is somatic practices. And if you’ve ever done worked with a therapist and they’ve taught you tapping or hugging your body or rocking or swaying or dancing or deep belly breathing, those are all somatic practices to help bring your nervous system into a shoot. Is it a parasympathetic response? It’s the calm response to shift your nervous system out of the fight flight and into a regulated calm state where your body believes it’s safe. Once your body believes it’s safe, we can talk about strategy, but listen, we’re not going to talk about strategy. If your lower brain is like, we’re, we’re all going to die. I’m not going to be able to pay my mortgage and not being able to pay mortgage emotionally feels as dangerous as being chased by a bear. That’s why it’s so stressful.
Kristen Boss (16:52): So then there’s somatic practices being like, how can I help this person feel safe in their body so that we can get them out of their lower brain and into their frontal lobe faster so that they can truly solve the problems? But I noticed this when I was coaching people for a while. I would give them the strategy, I would give them the beliefs, but I didn’t realize that they would be in a chronic freeze response where they would just, I would give them a plan and then they would have their homework for the week, and then we’d get back, and then nothing would happen. I’d be like, well, what happened? Well, I was like doing this. I was doing hobbies. I just couldn’t motivate myself. I was in bed. I was on the couch a lot. Every time I sat down at the computer, I just felt like I had nothing.
Kristen Boss (17:34): I’d be like, oh, what? What’s happening is the body, the nervous system is in a freeze response for some reason, and we need to offer regulation techniques for this client so they can get back into action. And then the fourth one that you might be familiar with is, I’m going to call it accountability and performance coaching. It’s like, what is it that you want to attain? Here’s the plan to attain it, and I’m going to hold you to that plan. I’m going to ensure that you are hitting these specific marks, and we’re going to talk about why you don’t hit those marks. But we’re going to figure out where you are now, where you want to go. We’re going to implement the strategy, but not just the strategy, but I’m going to ensure that you’re actually following through. And then if you’re not following through, we’re going to explore why you’re not following through.
Kristen Boss (18:19): But accountability, I find that the two that people hide behind the most is strategy and accountability. I’m going to tell you what to do and then I’m going to ask you why you didn’t do it. And that’s coaching. That’s not coaching. That’s actually a very limited scope. And it’s why a lot of people, they’re like, well, why isn’t my client getting results? Why isn’t my team getting results? I’d be like, because you might not be using the right modality of coaching. So in my years of coaching and literally I think 3000 hours of coaching, that’s when I was like, okay, I’m going to create a program that teaches all these modalities of coaching to truly help leaders lead people better so that it’s truly effective coaching. Because most times certifications, you can go to school and just get somatic coaching. You can go to school and just get strategic coaching.
Kristen Boss (19:06): You can go to school, get a certification for mindset, get a certification for accountability. But what I did was I actually, I think I did get certified in all the modalities where I was like, okay, and now this is when we incorporate self coaching, your ability to talk to self so that you can better talk to others. Strategic, strategic and consulting mindset, somatic and accountability or follow up coaching. When we understand, when we use all the modalities, then it becomes we’re holistically coaching the person. We’re coaching their desires, we’re coaching their heart, we’re coaching their mind, we’re coaching their beliefs. We’re coaching their nervous system. We’re actually following through on their habits. It becomes much more effective coaching, and this is what I teach at the Social Science Leadership School in my coach certification. As you become certified in all in these modalities to best serve somebody holistically, coaching is holistic.
Kristen Boss (20:00): And so I want to just something for you to think about is when you are either working with a coach or maybe you’re trying to coach somebody in your organization or your team, or maybe if you’re just leading somebody, maybe you’re in a position of leadership, this might be an opportunity for maybe if you’re in the workplace being like, what’s actually needed in this moment? Do I actually need to be firing at them 20 different things they need to do, or will that shut them down? Do I need to hold space for them? Is that what they’re needing right now? We need to come up with a plan. Do we need to just work on some of their beliefs on, Hey, what are some thoughts that are coming up for you right now? Why do you feel hesitant behind this? When we understand what the actual problem is, being like, okay, what is the problem here is really a lack of strategy where they truly don’t know what to do.
Kristen Boss (20:50): So I can tell ’em, is it a lack of belief where all their beliefs keep getting in the way of them taking the action? Or are they feeling unsafe in their body where I need to help them feel safe in their body so that they can implement strategy where they can actually take the scary action without their nervous system falling apart? Or is this a matter of accountability? Someone just having buy-in? I will tell you, for me, when I decided to hire my trainer for me, I knew the strategy. I knew it. What I needed was I needed accountability. That was like I needed accountability, and I also needed somebody to own the plan for me so that I wasn’t troubleshooting. Because I know for me, if I was troubleshooting a plan, I would get frustrated. There’s, implementing a plan is hard enough because I’m trying to form new habits.
Kristen Boss (21:41): I’m trying to overcome limiting beliefs. I’m learning to be patient. There’s the implementation of the process, but troubleshooting the process is a completely different experience, and I was so glad to pay somebody for them to troubleshoot for them to problem solve, for them to come up the strategy so that my only job is implementation. That is my only job. And so I learned like, oh, man, the value of that is it. And my husband has even said, I’ve never seen you trust a trainer so much. I’m like, yeah, because I trust him as the expert, and I see it as his responsibility to solve the problem. And my job is just to implement everything he tells me to do so that it makes his job better. Because if he sees me implementing, then he’s like knowing, okay, this is the adjustments I need to make.
Kristen Boss (22:30): This is the new plan, this is the new strategy. And then he holds me accountable on the implementation. It becomes a very synchronistic relationship and powerful coaching dynamic where I’m getting results and the coach knows how to serve me in the best way. So oftentimes we think, here’s the truth in this business, online business, if you’re in social selling, it’s incredibly simple. Make a post, talk to people, socialize, ask if they want samples, talk about your business, make offers, and then teach people how to do the same thing. That’s really how simple it is. So why aren’t more people doing it? Because oftentimes it’s limiting beliefs. They feel unsafe in their nervous system. So they’re in a chronic freeze response, and they lack extreme accountability. They don’t have an upline is not not painful accountability. It’s just kind of like, meh, if I don’t show up today, it’s fine.
Kristen Boss (23:25): Instead of, but this is why when my students join the academy, they notice they have much more skin in the game because there’s the accountability of the investment. There’s like, I have spent the money, therefore I’m going to show up and do the thing. It brings them into a new form of accountability with much more skin in the game. It was the exact same for me hiring my trainer. I had tried to do it on my own, but there was something like that totally shifted when I paid a large chunk of change and I had somebody else checking in on my reports and being like, are you doing tracking your macros? Are you drinking your water? Are you lifting? Are you sleeping? And knowing I can’t hide. There was something powerful about knowing I can’t hide, I can’t bs, and I certainly can’t complain. I told myself, I’m like, there’s no way I’m going to be able to complain to this trainer if I’m not doing everything they’re telling me to do.
Kristen Boss (24:16): So for me, I’m like, I’m not allowed to say a word unless I am doing exactly what he tells me to. And only then can I say, Hey, I’m confused here. I’m frustrated, but I can’t say this isn’t working if I’m not doing every single thing. Just it’s the same in your business. You can’t say this isn’t working if you aren’t doing every single thing. And I know the people who have plateaued paychecks, I’ve coached enough people where it’s like, no, you are not doing every single thing. If your paycheck has plateaued, I can sit there and I can guarantee I’ll be able to find within five minutes, three key things that you’re not doing in your business, and almost always the number one is lead generation. Every single time people get comfortable, the first thing they take their foot off the gas with is lead generation and conversations with new people.
Kristen Boss (25:05): They’re like, oh, I just brought on 10 new team members. I’ll stop the lead generating activity. I’m like, the reason why you brought on 10 team members is because you were doing ongoing lead generation activity. This is why. Therefore, you can’t stop this as long as you want to be in business. You’re never stopping lead generation activity. Just like if you want to be a healthy person for the rest of your life, you don’t incorporate movement goals just to lose weight. You keep movement goals to stay at that weight and to stay healthy. And so it’s the same thing. It’s not a means to an end. It is a means to doing business. It is a means to changing the financial trajectory for yourself and your family and your business. That’s the truth of it. So I know that was kind of a little bit of a rabbit trail, but I still think it’s incredibly valuable.
Kristen Boss (25:49): So think about this. Think about where am I not showing up for myself? Is it lack of accountability? Do I not have painful accountability in place where it’s painful for me to not check in and not do the thing? Am I in a chronic fight, flight or freeze response in my business that’s keeping me from taking any action whatsoever? And overwhelm, constant overwhelm and shutting down is a sign that there’s something happening in your nervous system where you likely feel unsafe to take certain actions in your business. And a lot of it’s mindset. Mindset of, I’m not capable of this and those things. So commit to today is focusing on one area. What do I need to work on? Where are my blind spots and how do I need to address those blind spots? Do I need to invest? Do I need to be in a program? Do I need to hire an expert? Do I need to maybe work with my therapist about feeling more safe in my nervous system when it comes to my business? Think about what do I need and how do I need to ensure that I solve this so that I can really give myself the best fighting chance in changing my future and my family’s finances through building a meaningful business in the online space. If you do that, everything will change. We’ll catch you in the next episode
Kristen Boss (27:10): That’s a wrap for today’s episode. Listen, if you love what you heard here today, I would love for you to leave a real quick rating and a review. This helps the show get discovered by new people. Be sure to take a screenshot of today’s episode and shout us out on Instagram. We’ll shout you right back out. If you’d like to find additional resources or discover how to work with me, head to www.kristenboss.com.