If you’ve been in a social selling business for any length of time, you’ve probably felt like quitting at some point. You won’t hear any judgement from Kristen as having this thought is totally normal. She’s getting real about what it means when you or someone on your team wants to ‘take a step back’ or hit the ‘pause’ button in their business:
- What to do when you feel like quitting
- Why you shouldn’t feel guilty if you’ve been fantasizing about quitting
- What your downline really means when they say they are “scaling back” on the business
- The best questions to ask your team if they want to quit or step back
- Why Kristen wants to give you permission to quit
- How you get to decide how you want to experience this business: in misery or in joy
- Why it’s not helpful or healthy to simply give yourself a pep talk and talk yourself back into working your business when you feel like quitting–and what you should do instead
If you’ve ever felt like throwing it all away and are stuck in the depleting energy of overwhelm, ask yourself: Why haven’t I quit? You may be surprised to hear what your brain offers you. You can also use this question with your team to get them to see that working a social selling business is a choice.
If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Interested in Kristen’s exclusive mastermind for six-figure earners in the network marketing industry? Get all the details and join the waitlist here.
Download the 3-Day training SUSTAINABLE SUCCESS for SOCIAL SELLERS where Kristen will be going to be giving you the exact tools you need to have success in today’s social selling landscape. Without creating more confusion, complicated algorithms, frustrating funnels, or sales scripts. Check it out here.
Transcript of Episode 53: When You Want to Quit
Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to purposeful social selling with Kristen boss. I’m your host, Kristen boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses, welcome to episode 53. So today the topic is going to be kind of a different take than you may have heard on the topic of quitting before. Cause I just feel like when we speak of quitting
Kristen Boss (01:05):
In business or anything in life, we have this rhetoric that we often think winners never quit and quitters never win. You know, you, you, you can never quit. And there’s like this really negative connotation and fear around the idea of quitting. So in today’s episode, my goal for you is to shift your thoughts of quitting. Especially if you are in a season where you’re just sitting there and indulging and playing with the idea of like, I should quit. Maybe I should just quit. Oh, should I quit? I I’m so close to quitting. And my goal for you is after this episode for you to have very clear steps on what to do when your brain starts telling you, maybe we should quit. I think the first thing I want to tell you about feeling like quitting is that’s a very normal feeling. And I almost want you to expect your brain to offer that to you from time to time.
Kristen Boss (02:04):
And it’s most going to offer it to you when things aren’t going your way, when things are hard, when things are challenging, that’s normal, your brain’s just gonna be like, Hey, we could just take the exit. We could just not do this. Like we don’t want to quit when things are going amazing and really well. And usually when we are quitting, when things are really well, it’s going really well is because we know that there’s something better waiting for us. But sometimes we indulge in the idea of quitting because we believe staying where we were or staying with. What we know would be less painful than staying where we are like, oh, I could just go back to what I know. And you know what, maybe it’s not that bad. So I think what’s really interesting is a lot of times I will hear people talk about all the reasons why they want to quit in their business.
Kristen Boss (02:59):
You know, it’s really hard. No one seen my content, my entire team quit. You know, I, the company comp plan just changed. Everyone’s partied out. I’ve li I’ve heard all of it. I don’t know if I believe in this business model anymore, you know, no one even likes network marketing, everyone thinks it’s predatory and none of my friends want to invite me out anymore. No one even cares what I do. And kind of the conversation I want to create around this is that a lot of times when people are walking around with this narrative of all the reasons why they’re thinking about quitting and because they’ve heard the rhetoric, winners never quit and quitters never win, they have a lot of guilt for that feeling. And they hide in that feeling. And they’re just sitting there kind of entertaining it. It’s almost kind of like being in a relationship where you’re constantly thinking about a breakup.
Kristen Boss (03:54):
And while you’re thinking about a breakup, you’re never really present in the relationship. You’re very preoccupied and you’re kind of thinking now, do I, do I want to go on and with this person, do I, do I want to go on another day, especially when I’m feeling this way. So just notice that when you’re entertaining, the idea of quitting you already kind of are because you’re not fully present and you’re no longer giving your best to the thing you decided to commit to. And so, as long as you’re indulging in the idea of quitting, you kind of already are in your mind because you’re giving less to it already. But what’s interesting is I see in this injury industry, sometimes that uplines, we’ll hear team members that come to them and say, I think I need to take a step back. And the upline hears, oh my God, they’re quitting, they’re leaving, they’re gone.
Kristen Boss (04:47):
And they react from that place. And they, you know, kind of get reactive, maybe defensive, maybe say things that they later regret because they’re feeling like, oh crap, they’re, they’re quitting. And now I have this whole other team in this downline to care for more people to care for. Oh, there goes the volume that I need. And that’s a normal feeling. It’s normal for you to panic a little bit only when you’re thinking though that the person is quitting. But oftentimes when people are saying, I need to take a step back, even if they were to say, I need to take a break for a bit, I need to quit. Most of the time, what people are truly longing for is rest. And if you’re too reactive as a leader, when someone comes to you and says, I need to take a step away, I need to take a break.
Kristen Boss (05:34):
I don’t think this is for me anymore. And you move into that reactive state because you believe that they’re quitting. Instead of getting very curious on asking what has them needing this? What has them thinking that, going back to what they knew or going back to their life before, this is better than what they’re currently experiencing. What story are they telling themselves? And almost all the time, the quitting and that story comes from being really exhausted, being very burnt out. And it’s oftentimes from business owners who have been running so hard for so long that mentally, they feel extremely burnt out. Sometimes their body starts quitting on them. Their adrenals start, you know, not functioning very well. They, they start losing sleep or gaining weight. There’s just a lot of signs when our body has taken on a lot of chronic stress over time and it’s needing rest.
Kristen Boss (06:32):
And so sometimes if someone comes to you and asks that the better question you might need to ask in a very calm, very curious way is just to say, do you need rest? How are you feeling? Do you think you just need rest right now? And what does that rest look like? And just see what they say instead of being triggered by someone’s quitting, oftentimes know that most of the time, what they’re really longing for is rest. And most people don’t know how to rest for a minute and get back to the work. Most people, they kind of indulge in the rest because they’ve deprived themselves from rest for so long that when they finally rest, there’s so exhausted that they can’t talk themselves back into going into work because they burned themselves out so badly. And they deprive themselves of rest when they were working themselves to the bone.
Kristen Boss (07:32):
That’s oftentimes when we’re thinking about quitting, you have to ask yourself, when was the last time I rested now, I am not talking to the person who quits every Monday, but you know who you are. You’re like, I quit this business, blah, you know, I’m just going to step away and you know, you’re hot and you’re cold. And the first of the month you get fired up again, you’re ready to go. I’m not talking about the person who micro, quits all the time. I’m actually, I think I really want to address the person who’s thinking about throwing in the towel in this industry. And I’m going to give you a really alarming statistic. And when I read it, it was a little shocking for me, but I was so glad I saw it as a coach. And I said, there’s my work. That is my work.
Kristen Boss (08:18):
And I felt a responsibility in a really meaningful way. When I saw the statistic and the system, the statistic was 50% of people who joined network marketing and their first year will quit. And I got it very curious. And I thought, why is that? Why do people quit in their first year? And I think there’s a few factors there, but we have to talk about when you are thinking about throwing in the towel, because statistically at any given time, someone listening to this episode, they might be thinking about quitting and thrown in the towel and walking away from this industry for good. And a lot of times when people come to me and we’ve, and I’ve seen this sometimes in my academy and I’ve coached on it, you know, one-on-one, it’s just come up in my work is people will give me all the lists of reasons of why they’re so miserable in their business, why they hate it, why it’s not working, or they don’t believe in the business model anymore while every, whatever one’s partied out.
Kristen Boss (09:21):
Like they just have this long list of reasons of why they hate it and they want to quit. And what’s interesting is when people come to me and they say that they often expect me to fix their thoughts and fix their feelings and give them a little, you know, who rah, you know, pep talk like you got it. Winners never quit and quitters never win. And you can do this and smack them on the button and put them out on the field. You know, they could be like, thanks, coach, thanks for putting me back on the field. And sometimes, actually almost every time someone comes to me and says, I’m going to quit. I actually do something quite shocking. I saw, I tell them so quit so quit. And I actually want to tell you today, I want to give you permission to quit. And before you, you know, get your panties in a twist and start freaking out and being like, oh my gosh, what podcasts am I listening to?
Kristen Boss (10:11):
When I can’t have any of my downline listening to this or my friends or anybody else listening to this and do you know how much money I’ve put into my business? And I can’t believe Kristin’s telling me to quit. What I’m simply doing is I’m giving you permission to actually sit with the thought, because when you are thinking winners never quit and quitters never win, win, and I have to do this and I have to, and I have to, and I should. And I should, you’re never really sitting with the thought of quitting. You’re just pressuring yourself to go back into the work. And when you pressure yourself to go back into the work, it feels forced. It just feels more heavy. It just feels like more resistance. And then you just continue to constantly nurture that thought in your mind of like, well, maybe I should quit.
Kristen Boss (10:57):
Maybe I should quit. It’s like, you’re constantly talking yourself back into the work. But when we sit down and I say something really shocking, like so quit and people look at me like with just shuck, like, did you just say that to me? And when they get over the shock, then I start asking them some questions. Like, so why haven’t you quit? Like, you sound so miserable. Why haven’t you quit? And what I see most of the time for most people is they think the misery is like, there’s no choice for them that they’re miserable and it’s just happening to them. And they have to be here and it feels like a chore and there’s no joy. And they’re like, I have to do this in any time we tell ourselves the story of like, I have to do this. And there’s nothing else for me that puts so much pressure. And it just, I think it takes joy and fun and purpose out of the equation. So sometimes when I tell people so quit, what’s interesting is they get defensive in the best way, because what happens is when I’m saying so quick, it actually wakes them up. It wakes up that part of their brain. And then they start remembering the reasons why they’re staying when 99% of the time, they’re, they’re usually thinking about the reasons why they should quit instead of the reasons why they’re choosing to stay.
Kristen Boss (12:27):
So sometimes when people are thinking about quitting, yeah. I want to challenge telling you with us today. If you’re like, I’m going to throw in the towel, I would just say, so do it. So throw in the towel and if you’re feeling triggered and upset, I also want you to feel a little bit of relief with me telling you, okay, so quit we’re on the towel. And then I would ask you, and then what, and then what, what do you think you’ll feel? Do you think it will get better? And then what, oftentimes we are just sitting there. And when I noticed people doing this, they’ll just sit there in all of this resistance and this dialogue they have of like, I should quit. No, I should stay. I really want to quit. No, I should stay. And they’re like bullying themselves into stain. And what I’ve noticed is most people forget.
Kristen Boss (13:16):
I get that. They choose this. Most people forget that they choose this business and they choose this industry. It’s like, they have suddenly felt forced into it and they’ve lost choice and they feel a victim to the business. And sometimes when I tell people so quit, it reminds them, oh yeah, nobody’s making me do this. Nobody’s holding a gun to my head and saying like, listen, you have to work this business, you have choice. And sometimes I see people forgetting that they chose this. And when we forget that we choose the work, we start treating it as if it’s this huge burden. And it, when it becomes a burden, we start indulging in the idea of quitting of putting the burden down because it feels so heavy. And, but when we remember why we chose something, we also remember why we choose the hard things too.
Kristen Boss (14:20):
You don’t get to just choose the good parts of this business or any business. I don’t care what you do. You know, it’s, it’s interesting. The podcast is getting a lot of listeners and we’re actually growing in non network marketers. A lot of people just in the online business space are listening. So this still applies for you is sometimes we just sign up for the shiny fun things. But we forget that when you sign up for the residual income and the time freedom and the financial freedom of your own boss, you also have to sign up for fear, discomfort, failure, people not liking what you do, people not getting it. And we kind of talked about that in the episode. Misunderstood. If you haven’t listened to it, you need to listen to it, but you can’t just sign up for the good. And then when the bad happens, they, I didn’t choose this.
Kristen Boss (15:14):
I, I didn’t sign up for this. Maybe I should quit. Actually. You did sign up for it. It’s like when we sign up to be, I don’t know if you’re a parent or maybe you’re you’re married or you’re single. But when we choose to love someone, we’re not just choosing to love the good parts of them. We are choosing to love all of them warts and all, when I said, when I had vows with my husband and I married him, it’s like, I chose to love him no matter what all parts of him. And just because there are hard seasons and believe me, we’ve had hard seasons doesn’t mean, I thought, okay, things are hard. I didn’t sign up for this part. I did not sign up for this part of marriage divorce and then indulging in the idea of divorce. Now I’m not here to make judgements on anyone who has had divorce.
Kristen Boss (16:05):
It’s I’m just trying to help frame the picture of how we love all parts of things. Or even with the parent, as a parent, with our children, we love all parts of them. And trust me, there are parts of parenthood: I did not sign up for this. I didn’t think I did. Like when I was, you know, on Pinterest making a cute little vision board for my little nursery for a little girl, I did was not also thinking I can’t wait to sing, let it go six times at bedtime tonight and fill up her water bottle five times and you know, tickle her back five times. Like I just, I didn’t sign up for that. I didn’t know. But in that moment, I’m like, this is parenthood. I choose this. I love this. I would never quit it. So when you’re thinking about your business and you’re sitting there with a story of like, I should quit.
Kristen Boss (17:00):
And again, I’m not talking to the person that quits every Monday when it’s hard, if you’re quitting every Monday, when it’s hard, there’s different coaching for you. I’m talking to the person who feels like they are forcing themselves to stay in this business. That every day they’re waking up, they’re like, oh God, here we go again. I’m just, I’m going to just sit with them, force it. And like, I’m just gonna force it. And any time you’re in that place, it’s, it’s, you’re, you’re forgetting that you choose this. And I think this is also really common with you know, top earners in companies. It’s just like, they, they make a lot of money. They have really big teams and there are different pain points in that season of this business. You have large organizations, a lot of people who want your time, who want your energy, and it can feel very depleting without boundaries and systems and learning, you know, powerful coaching and understanding leadership.
Kristen Boss (18:01):
That’s what I teach in my mastermind a lot. And so at that stage, sometimes a top earner has to remember, they have to choose the business again, like, Hey, cause it’s very easy in that place. When you have a really big paycheck and being like, got to show up for my team, got to show up for my team, got to show up for my team. And the better question is, and that’s when you feel forced into it, like you’re a martyr of your business or you’re imprisoned by a team instead of thinking, you know, what does it look like for me to still choose this business today? What, how can I remember? I choose this instead of feeling like this is forced on me. So when people say I want to quit and I say, so quit, really what comes up then as they start remembering why they choose it, why they love it, why they want to do it.
Kristen Boss (18:54):
But if you’re constantly judging yourself or thinking of quitting and being like, you know, stop it, we can’t, we didn’t have those thoughts and we just stay in the game and like, you know, just kind of bulldozing your way through things and just being like, ah, we’re just gonna keep going. Instead of really asking yourself, if I did quit, then what would it really be that great? Or like, why haven’t I quit? And you might be surprised of the answers that come to you. You’ll start remembering the reasons why you actually love this business. I love the people. I love the community. I love the customers. I help. I have so much fun showing up. You remember all the good, but when, when you’re thinking about quitting, all you’re doing at the time is looking for reasons why you should be quitting instead of asking yourself why haven’t I quit?
Kristen Boss (19:52):
And what’s interesting is what your brain will offer you. And maybe that’s what you need to ask yourself today is why haven’t I quit? And I’ve had, I have some really extraordinary members in the academy. And I remember coaching this, this one gal. And she was so sweet. And she’d been in the industry for a year when she had joined the academy and had yet to hit her first rank. And I just think that’s so extraordinary that someone is going to invest a thousand dollars in themselves to learn new skill sets, to show up on their social media platforms, better to serve better, to do better in this business. And I remember asking her, it was just like she, she was in so much emotional pain when I was coaching her. And I asked her, I said, why haven’t you quit? Because when I was talking to her, she could only tell me the things that were causing her pain. So I just asked her, why haven’t you quit?
Kristen Boss (20:52):
And then what was so interesting is she immediately just said, because I love this industry because I believe in the potential of this business model, because this is what I want to do because I’m home with my kids. And this is the best thing for me to do. And I love my products and I love my team. And suddenly she was just going on and on about all the things she loved. And at the beginning of the coaching, she was telling me all the things that felt weighty and hard and miserable and why she was just in so much pain. So when I asked her, why haven’t you quit? If the, if you’re so miserable, just quit. And as soon as she went there, she remembered all the reasons why she loved it and why she kept choosing it. And when she realized, oh, I’m choosing this and no one’s forcing me to be here and I can change the narrative and change the story. She started showing up differently. So if you’re thinking about quitting, you have to ask yourself, what do I think quitting will get me? And do I like that outcome? Do I like that result the result of me quitting? What do I think I’m going to get? Do I think I’m going to have more peace.
Kristen Boss (22:09):
I’ll be done with my anxiety, that I constantly feel the first and the 30th of every month. I want to tell you something really extraordinary. You don’t have to quit to have peace in your business. You don’t have to quit. Like quitting is not, does not have to be the answer for getting rid of your business. Anxiety. Quitting does not have to be the answer for misery. I can’t tell you how many students come to the academy. And they are exactly at that place where they are so burnt out. Like, I just feel so many come, and this is their last effort. They’re like, you know what? It’s either the academy or I quit the industry. And what’s so fun. What I love so much is those people that come to the academy of the biggest transformations, they learn to work their business so differently.
Kristen Boss (23:01):
They find peace. They find purpose. They find joy. They actually learn to work their business without feeling constant anxiety and panic and fear and depression like negative emotions are still going to happen, but they’ve learned to handle their business differently because a lot of times I think people quit this business because of the, because they think it will be emotionally easier to just leave it and set a deal with it. Like I can’t handle the anxiety. I can’t handle the pressure. I just can’t handle the pace. But that’s where I want to offer you. You can control that. You have a say in that in your business, you can control the pace. You can control your peace. You can control how you show up in this business. You can decide how you want to experience this business. I don’t know if you know that. I want you to hear that today.
Kristen Boss (23:56):
You can decide how you want to experience this business. If you want to be miserable, you will find ways to make yourself miserable. Trust me. And it won’t be hard. But if you want to experience joy and purpose and peace and fulfillment, you can absolutely experienced that in this business model. And by the way, you and it’s not, it doesn’t come at heading the next rank or your paycheck exploding. Like if you think, okay, well I’ll have peace and fulfillment and purpose. When I hit that rank, it’s a lie. You can ask. You can ask anyone, ask anyone in your company. Anyone, you know, say, Hey, when you finally hit that rank, you were going for, did it give you all the peace and the purpose and the fulfillment that you were hoping for in life? The answer is no, because things can’t create that for us, money, things, material possessions, none of that can create peace for us.
Kristen Boss (24:53):
Our thoughts about ourself and how we view our life and how we treat others. Those are things that create peace. That’s why I talk about this. So much of not needing external validation from people or things to inform you how to feel about your life or your business. And when you let that go, you will feel so much more peace in your business and you will stop indulging in the idea of quitting. You’ll stop telling yourself how miserable you are. And you might ask yourself, what if this could be fun? Maybe you’ve never asked yourself that maybe you’ve never asked yourself. What if this could be fun? What if I actually could enjoy this? No matter what? What if this could be the most fulfilling thing I do. But most of the time, the narrative I see people having all the time is why is this so hard? Why is this so frustrating? Why does this take so long? That’s a narrative. Your brain is just going to offer to you because that’s just what our brain does by default.
Kristen Boss (26:02):
You have to learn to ask the bigger question, why haven’t I quit? I haven’t quit because I love this business because I believe in this product because I love this business model. When you remember why you chose it, you’ll stop indulging in the idea of quitting. So I know this is kind of crazy. I know it’s crazy to hear from a coach saying so quit. And the only reason why I’m saying that is honestly, I don’t want you to quit, but sometimes we forget that it’s an option on the table. It’s an option that we’re choosing to not take being like, I don’t want to quit because fill in the blank. I am staying because fill in the blank. And most of the time people say, I just want to quit because fill in the blank. And they create these really long lists that feel heavy and exhausting and frustrating to them.
Kristen Boss (27:06):
And they stay in that. And they’re not showing up powerfully in their business because they’re constantly thinking about like, I don’t know, I might quit. I might quit where someone who remembers why they’re there shows up a lot more consistently and a lot more powerfully being like, I choose this. I want this. I believe in this. This is for me. So maybe today you need to, you need it to be reminded that you have choice that you’re choosing this, that you want this really getting back to, why did you start? And it’s actually one of my really early podcast episodes. I talked about reinventing your why. And if you started just for a car bonus and just for a rank, that’s a goal. That’s an outcome. You’re going to have to find a bigger,
Kristen Boss (27:50):
Deeper why otherwise quitting is going to sound great. We’ll constantly indulgent. So today friends, remember the reasons why you choose this. We’ll see you next week. That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re are ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the social sign academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are a new in the business or been in the industry for a while. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.
