Business and Marriage Part Two Ep #76

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When you made the decision to get into the social selling industry, you undoubtedly had a conversation with your spouse. And that conversation was probably not much different than the one Kristen had with her husband when she decided to take the plunge and launch her coaching business. This week, join her in welcoming her partner-in-crime and spouse of almost 10 years, Scott Boss, as they discuss how they navigated the choppy waters of running a business and household in tandem.

When you made the decision to get into the social selling industry, you undoubtedly had a conversation with your spouse. And that conversation was probably not much different than the one Kristen had with her husband when she decided to take the plunge and launch her coaching business. This week, join her in welcoming her partner-in-crime and spouse of almost 10 years, Scott Boss, as they discuss how they navigated the choppy waters of running a business and household in tandem. 

This behind-the-scenes episode sheds some light on a few of the real-life decisions most couples face when mixing marriage with business. Listen in as they explain the steps they took to propel themselves from two people who never had a day off together, into the power couple who strengthened their bond as a married couple and parents through this journey.

  • Why you should never use your income as leverage in the relationship
  • The importance of learning to communicate effectively early on
  • Adjusting budget expectations when your network marketing income grows from hobby money to household money
  • Why retiring your husband shouldn’t be your goal
  • Learning to be ok with ‘parting with profit’ in order to make life more manageable
  • The all-important lesson of investing in yourself and your business

In marriage, it’s always in your best interest to communicate expectations on both sides. When adding in the possible complications of a business, it becomes even more essential. Being open and honest about money, business goals, and setbacks gives your partner the opportunity to participate and builds a better team dynamic in the end. 

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Transcript for Episode #76: Business and Marriage Part Two

Kristen Boss (00:00:00):  Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses. Welcome to another week of the podcast today. We have a special guest. It has been somebody I’ve been talking about bringing on the podcast for quite some time. And today you all get to hear from my partner in crime, my bestie, my husband, Mr. Scott Boss, you’re on babe. I told them, I told them before he came on today, I’m like, you have got to bring the dad jokes down to a minimal actually don’t have any.

Scott Boss (00:01:19):  So this will be the most boring episode you ever listened to.

Kristen Boss (00:01:23):  No, I think they’re going to love it. So I asked my listeners what they wanted to hear from us. And there’s been a couple things just in my journey and what I’ve talked about, that people ask me on a regular basis that we’ll talk about. But I think what my listeners really want is to hear from your perspective, what this kind of journey has been like for both of us, because you know, in the early days it was really hard and we were balancing gosh, for the first six years in our marriage. I think we didn’t have a day off together. We were ships passing in the night. You were working, non-profit doing youth ministry at the church. I was building you know, my clientele at the salon while also working my online business. So we had some pretty rough years and a lot of people when they first start out, especially specifically the women when they start out. Cause I think I really got into building my business when our youngest was born our daughter right when she was a newborn. And that was just the hardest season because then we were balanced balancing parenthood. So what do you remember of that season in our marriage and like lessons we learned in that?

Scott Boss (00:02:49):  Well, first of all, its a blur, I think your second, it turns into a little bit of a blur. We look back on pictures and we’re like, did we even have a second kid? Yes we do cause they’re here, but there’s no pictures of them as a baby. So it’s, I mean it definitely a blur, but I think about that season, it was a lot of bouncing. It’s a ton of communication. It’s a ton of trying to figure out who’s going to be where and without that line of communication, I think building anything is impossible because you have people in different places, people in different mindsets, different heartbeats, you know, the rhythms are not sinked. And so there’s a lot of give and take that we’ve had to do over the years, just because of our schedules aside from, you know, your current business and our current schedule. But just figuring out who’s going to take certain ownerships of things. Right? So things about the home things with kids things from, you know, babysitters, all of those pieces were just a little bit different than maybe the cultural norms, just because of how our, our, work schedules.

Kristen Boss (00:03:51):  Yeah, I think with both of our work schedules and that we had two young kids who were 15, not quite 16 months apart, I think we were forced to learn to over-communicate early. Cause I think those were some of our biggest pain points was when it was like, oh, I thought you were going to do that. Or can you do that? So we just had to communicate a lot and do a lot of navigating. I just remember for me at one point figuring out like, I think I had assigned to gender roles to certain tasks in the house. There still is you do the yard work. That’s always going to feed no one cares about your lawn. Like you do. It’s a joke. It’s a joke.

Scott Boss (00:04:35):  It’s true. No one does care about my lawn like I do. That’s why no one touches my lawn.

Kristen Boss (00:04:40):  That’s your full-time job now. That’s what you do. But I think we just had to really gosh, make it work just because yeah, we didn’t have a day off together for years. Was it six years?

Scott Boss (00:04:57):  Yeah. Our day outs, our days off were different, you’d never had two days off in a row.

Kristen Boss (00:05:00):  I never had two days off in a row. You worked nights all night

Scott Boss (00:05:05):  All the time. So I’m sure there’s people that have that same kind of story in their own, in their own journey. As they’re figuring out either how to start something or create a side hustle or whatever, it might be in the sense of another, another stream of income for the family. And so we, we tried a lot of that and it wasn’t just our main jobs, but you had a number of other jobs that you were getting off the ground. Normally we just got a letter in the mail from one of them

Kristen Boss (00:05:31):  Clothing, the clothing boutique. Yeah. Like my husband was there for a lot of my startups. Like, let’s try this, let’s do this. And I think that provides a really good kind of leeway for a really big question. People have is the idea of me being the breadwinner in our marriage. And I think a lot of people have genuine concern that if they’re gonna, you know, out earn their husband or make more than their spouse, that suddenly there’s going to be this there’s going to be a lack of equilibrium and the relationship that the marriage is going to suffer. And I, I honestly think some women are afraid to make more money than their husband because they’re fearful that they’re going to quote, like emasculate him. So can you speak to the listeners a little bit about what that’s been like for you because you were in ministry in nonprofit. So I’ve kind of always been the breadwinner in the marriage.

Scott Boss (00:06:31):  Well there’s that piece. I mean, there’s so much, there’s so much to talk about when it comes to this to money and equilibrium, if you want to call it that and the relationship. But yeah. You know, going into ministry, I knew that we weren’t going to make, well, I wasn’t going to make a, a fatty paycheck. Right. I mean, I just, wasn’t going to be the one to bring home a large sum of money, at least not for a number of years, unless I was, you know, an author on top of it or, you know, whatever it might be, you know, some kind of nonprofit president or something. But so there was already that expectation in our, in our, in our relationship that I never forget when I first met you. I remember you telling me about a a client that you were going to do some hair for something one day, and you told me how much you were going to make after that one visit.

Scott Boss (00:07:17):  And I was like, man, I wish I made that much an hour. That would be amazing, you know, but but that was kind of the, the understanding from the get-go is that you were, you were in a position that was going to bring in more dollars than what I was going to do. You know, our, my focus was on serving and and unfortunately in some, in a lot of cases, you know, ministry just doesn’t pay as well as maybe it should to, to care for a family. But we knew that going in. And so we made, we made some choices there. Now. It wasn’t easy. I do think that there were moments that we had conversations where I had to be somewhere. And you had an opportunity to either work late or to add a client or something. And it was kind of like, well, how do we decide? Who goes to what spot? Because we do need the money. Right. And so who wins in that conversation? If you will quote,

Kristen Boss (00:08:12):  I’m so glad you said that. Cause I was thinking there was a time where there was attention for like who not, I don’t want to say deserved, but fighting for work hours. Like it’s my time to work. And I think often because my time was leveraged better or we made more money with my time. I think it was an, and I think this was growth for me. Cause I do remember at one time you did tell me like, Hey, I just feel like your, you feel your work is more important than mine. I do remember that you saying that to me at some point. And I think I kind of did default to that being like, well of course my work hours when, because I make more money, not realizing that I was kind of sending a message of like your work isn’t as important as mine because you don’t make as much.

Kristen Boss (00:08:58):  And I think maybe that’s where I maybe had contributed to the harm in that. Like you, I don’t think you were walking around wounded and emasculated that I was making more. I think that I was just kind of, I made my work more important than yours and therefore I can see how that probably caused some hurt. Cause you, you ended up telling me you’re like that hurt. And so that was, I had to learn that. But I think in that season when it just felt like we were hurting for money, it was just like too bad.

Scott Boss (00:09:32):  But you know, back, you know, back to that question about what does it mean if you make more than your husband, is that going to take away some of his identity or whatever it might be? You know, I think the conversation really there, the question is is if your authority or your purpose is coming because of money, that’s a, that’s a deeper question that needs to be solved and communicated and talked through. Then me making more than my husband.

Kristen Boss (00:09:54):  Like your authority as a man, like how much your authority as a man and a woman.

Scott Boss (00:09:59):  Oh yeah. Or as a wife, your authority comes from how much money you make. And that gives you the leg up to schedule or to go on vacations or to get away or to take a break or you know, what, or to work late, whatever it is. If you’re using that, leverage the dollars that are coming in, I make this much, therefore I deserve this. That’s a whole nother conversation that needs to happen in your marriage because your authority can’t come from that. Right. I can’t be the place in which your authority comes from. And so I think, you know, early on we had this discussion not, and it’s kind of just carried into now with your business even now is just like, what does it mean to be the master of your schedule? And what does it mean for me to be the man of the house? Even though you pay me,

Kristen Boss (00:10:46):  I do, that’s your best paying job you’ve ever had.

Scott Boss (00:10:48):  That is true. Right. But that’s where, you know, my, my pride and my authority doesn’t come from the dollars I make and it doesn’t get taken away by the dollars you make. Yeah.

Kristen Boss (00:11:03):  And I never, and I don’t treat you differently. I don’t, I don’t use my money as like, I actually that’s the first time I’ve ever said my money in front of you. Like I have, I’ve never used my income as leverage over you and so much so that I still defer to you for like purchasing. And I’m like, Hey, what are your thoughts on this? Like, and I think that’s really big is that we’ve always talked about our money as ours instead of your money that you bring in from your job, my money I bring in from my job, I think because we viewed it as like, it is ours, we’re in this together. It kind of, it almost like I don’t want to say levels of playing field, but it kind of neutralizes this, a tug of war that could potentially happen of like, well, I’m bringing in this, you’re bringing in this.

Kristen Boss (00:11:51):  And I guess for me, I don’t look to you as like, oh, you’re my provider because you bring in money. I view you as my provider of like emotional support, support stability in our home being my sounding board, you know, helping raise our children. Well, and you were so good at reminding me about rhythms and pausing and like, Kristin, put your phone down, look around like my, I think my audience still needs to hear like, I’m, I’m working on this. I have not arrived, but I have come a long ways, but you have always been really good at like pause, like encouraging me to just pause, take in the moment, be here, be present. This is what’s important for our family and in my eyes, that is how you are. That SU that role to me. Like that is how you are. That’s how I look up to you. I’ve always respected you. 

Scott Boss (00:12:48):  This is a great podcast.

Kristen Boss (00:12:50):  Like, you know, this I’ve just always respected you because you were, you started as my friend and that hasn’t changed. And man, maybe we could just talk about that in a, in a bit here about keeping friendship and marriage and why it’s so important. But I mean, I just think because I don’t your masculinity and your ability, like provision when I look to you like as like provider or head of home, which I think is a cultural message more than it is anything else. And it’s when I grew up with, I see, I just see it different, like, I don’t need you to be out there making all the money. You are like the sturdy place for me to land.

Scott Boss (00:13:31):  Yeah. And I remember when we had our first and we had to use formula, right. And I remember you as a mother had a hard time with that, right? Because your body is to make, to support this life. Right. And for whatever reason, this is not happening for whatever reason. But we have to remind ourselves that like our job isn’t just to do it one way, right. That our job is as a married couple is to provide for the home. And whether that means you’re making more dollars than I am, whatever, or I’m making more than you are, we are both providing and stewarding those dollars. The same is true in the example of like our job is to care for that child. And our job is to feed that child. However we can, however we need to do it. However, you know, if a buyer isn’t working out should be, you know, this is how we’re going to do it and we’re still going to care for that life.

Scott Boss (00:14:16):  And so in, in a home, I think, you know, maybe one issue that happens and I’m just guessing, cause I don’t know your audience as well as obviously you do, but I’m guessing, you know, something that might happen is maybe a spouse and it starts doing you know, their direct sales and it starts as kind of like, well, if you want to earn a little more money, so you can go shopping or you can go, this is why this is very stereotypical, but if you can go on vacation or if you can get away with the girls or whatever, like you need to go make more money to do that. And so maybe that’s how it starts. And then all of a sudden it starts bringing in a lot of money and it started off with that. The money that you’re making with that with your direct sales is yours.

Scott Boss (00:14:57):  Now that’s outgrowing the husband. Right. And so maybe now he’s like, well, what do I do? And I think that, that right there is part of the, I think maybe the tension is when you know, we started when we were married and we started talking about money and that was not an easy road either. That’s another, another story for another time. But it was always an understanding of like, w you know, this is ours, we’re going to steward it well. And we’re going to allow each other to, you know, we got to pay our bills and so forth, but we’re gonna allow each other to use it for things that we enjoy as well. Right. Whether it’s together or you know, vacations or whatever. Right. so I think what I’m trying to say is, you know, if it started off as like, that’s your, that’s your money that you’re going to earn on your own to do things you want to do. And then all of a sudden it balloons because you’re doing so well. That’s a hard conversation to have to enter into, to be like, Hey, with that money needs to also help carry the family too, when it really that’s how it should be from the beginning. 

Kristen Boss (00:15:55):  I think that’s, I think that’s really accurate, cause that is what happens. A lot of women will join just for a couple of hundred dollars. You know, and some of them, it’s not for fun. It’s like, I just need to, we just need to close that gap for a mortgage or for us when it was student loans and Gus student loans, you know, those things. And you know, some people just do it for that, but then as it grows and now there’s all this spending money and now like the conversation has to change. And I think people shy away from the conversation we have had to learn. Okay. I have had to learn, I have had to learn how to, how to talk about money differently. And now it’s no, it’s easy now. It’s now it’s so much better. But in the beginning it was really bad. It was very painful. I like threw a tantrum the first time Scott said the word budget. I thought I like, I literally, Scott has memories of me falling on the floor.

Scott Boss (00:16:50):  Like a toddler, no joke in our apartment, eyes are wide. I was like, well, what, what happened? What did I just say?

Kristen Boss (00:16:57):  And you said budget, you said budget. How dare you? So I just think this idea of, you know, the business, the money starting out having a certain purpose and then it grows. But I also think there’s this really big narrative in, I think in all industries, it’s starting to, you know catch some wind in the coaching business, but this concept of like retire husband, get him out of his job. And I think sometimes that message can be emasculating. Like I want him out, unless he’s saying like, I want out, I don’t want to be there. And that wasn’t the, actually that wasn’t the case for you. I don’t think I ever sat around and said, I’m gonna retire you. I think I said, you know, I want you, I want us to have options. I want, I think I said, I want you to be able to have choices and money, not be the issue behind your choices. Like you could do whatever you want and it not be about that. But I think this message of like retire your husbands to what, like, I don’t want to take purpose from you. I want to help enable you into purpose. So I think some of my listeners might wonder, like, how did we talk about you leaving your job and when to leave the job, why you left the job when you came home to work for the best boss ever

Scott Boss (00:18:20):  The best boss ever, the one I gave the name to. The wife, the wifey. Yeah. That’s a big question. Yeah. I think, I think if the purpose is to retire husband, you know, first you have to ask the question, does your husband even want to be retired? I mean, let’s start there. You know, there’s a lot of, there’s a lot of guys out there that love what they do and probably complain a lot about what they do. Cause that’s, that’s our culture. It’s just what we do. We, if you’ve got nothing to complain about, then something must be going wrong, which is really a twisted way of looking at the world. Right. but I think, you know, there’s some, there’s some guys that really love their job, love what they do. And there’s some that don’t and are, and are miserable and are there because there’s no other option.

Scott Boss (00:19:03):  Right? Yeah. And that’s also an unhealthy place. And so there is a conversation that needs to be had about that. You know, we, we talked about this early on. I mean, we talked about it a little bit kind of in passing for awhile and I didn’t give much credit to it I guess, or much weight to it. Because I didn’t think I needed to stop working. And not that I have quote unquote, stopped working. I just do something different. Right. But in the, in the, in the more normal sense of, you know, clocking in, or you know, I guess at this time I was working for a para-church church and organization and, and trying to figure out what does it mean for me to walk away from this? I, I find great joy, great purpose in what I was doing.

Scott Boss (00:19:47):  But there was also a lot of things that were not great and that I didn’t have a voice to change. And and so I think, you know, as we came to a place of discussing, okay, what would it look like for us to change some things? I think it was one, you know, your, your business was, was growing to we were, I think we were hitting even more scheduling conflicts. At, at that time of talking about me stepping out of my position then when we had younger family, I mean, cause we were trying to, because we were that at that time we were figuring out I hate when an even busier schedule actually believe it or not mornings afternoons, evenings every day, always something to be done. And so we’re trying to figure out how to make meetings and make things happen and get to places while having two kids. I think kind of made us force that conversation, not in the sense that we, you know, on a whim made a decision, but made us have to have that conversation about whether I was gonna leave or not. Because my decision to not leave at this particular junction was either going to mean we had to spend some money to hire someone to help us manage our home. Or I was going to handcuff your business.

Kristen Boss (00:21:07):  Yes, I am so glad you said that because I also, there was a season where you were unemployed for a year and you were a stay at home dad for two, nine months, nine months. Okay. But that was, I think the hardest season for both of us. Like I look back and I kind of get emotional thinking about that season. Like, man, that was really hard. I was so deep in hustle. I was on my laptop all the time. And I think that was because, because you were home, I felt this permission because you weren’t distracted by a job. I lost myself in my work. It’s just like, well, you’re here, you can. And you did the hard thing. And it was, oh my gosh, how old were our kids? I think Colette was like,

Scott Boss (00:21:49):  I don’t remember. It’s a blur.

Kristen Boss (00:21:51):  It is a blur. I think we’re both like what I think she, no, she was a year. She was a year old. And so you were home with a 12 month old and a, not quite two and a half year old, not even just over two and four, nine months. And I remember that being a hard season because you truly were holding down the Fort and we were just trying to get by so far. And then you went into the para-church ministry and you went into fundraising, blah. That’s tough. But I, I remember thinking if you, I was very fearful of you leaving your job and I didn’t want you to feel unfulfilled. Like I, I wanted you to be happy. That was so important to me. And I was afraid of you coming home and like not liking being Mr. Mom, which was interesting because, so we talked about this.

Kristen Boss (00:22:49):  We talked, we realized that my business was growing and I, I noticed that your mind was, we’re busy working for another organization and thinking how to grow that organization. And it took your mental bandwidth. And my business was growing so much that I needed you. I needed your bandwidth to come with me and help grow the business. I needed your brain to be available for growing my business. And like you said, we noticed that it would handcuff the growth because it would be two people divided. And, and had you not wanted to leave your job. We would have hired somebody full time. Like we would have had a full-time, you know, nanny running like a house engineer, all those things. And we had a really important conversation. And it was so genius that you said this before you left, you told me I want you to write me a job description. And so..

Scott Boss (00:23:45):  Cause if you fired me, I want to know why.

Kristen Boss (00:23:48):  You’re still in good standing.

Scott Boss (00:23:50):  Can we get past the 90 day? You know? Okay, good. I never got a review, so we’ll have to talk to HR.

Kristen Boss (00:23:55):  You have a great 401k package. So he wrote down, he had me write down a job description and I wrote down everything. And then I showed it to you. And we talked about like, what’s reasonable. What are you going to be doing? And so I think people are very curious, like what your job looks like now, but before we go into that, speaking of like society and gender roles and cultural norms, when you left that job, you know, someone said to you, you know, oh, you going to go be Mr. Mom, I remember feeling so enraged. I’ve never been more angry on your behalf. Like really? Really?

Scott Boss (00:24:37):  Yeah. That was it didn’t, it didn’t hit me as hard. I mean, it, obviously, it’s not what you want to hear. Right. Cause I’m already thinking through that as I leave my job, you know, you know, what are people gonna think? And, you know, whatever, but really that’s not up to me to control so you can think whatever they want. And that’s fine. But but yeah, that was, it was something that was said. And, and you know, that person later recanted from saying that, but it’s still, I mean, it’s, it was, it left the lips and it’s like the toothpaste model, right? Like when stupidest comes out, you can’t put it back in the tube. So but at the, at the end of the day, I’m reminded of, you know, what they say is fine. They can think what they want, but we’re in a place where we’re able to be working together, being stewards of a great business, a great home. And so there’s going to be things that are going to be said to you throughout your life, not just in business, but even as in the social realm, they’re just going to cut you and they’re going to leave you a mark and you can allow that to have whatever power you want it to have. And so in the moment it was a bummer, but now it’s a, it’s a behind us and that’s okay.

Kristen Boss (00:25:44):  Yeah. And I feel like we’ve kind of grown closer because we’re doing something that’s not normal. Like and people kind of give us looks.

Scott Boss (00:25:54):  The side eye, like what do you do?

Kristen Boss (00:25:57):  Yeah. And you know, maybe some family doesn’t even understand and it just caused us to like lean more into each other. And you’ve done that for me so much. Just so people are like, what does Scott do? Do I tell people what you do?

Scott Boss (00:26:13):  Well, what part do you want me to say? I have a long list. I wear many hats.

Kristen Boss (00:26:17):  You do wear many hats.

Scott Boss (00:26:18):  I’m an electrician, I’m a plumber. I’m a housekeeper.

Kristen Boss (00:26:21):  He’s Mr. Fix It, yes.

Scott Boss (00:26:23):  I’m a landscaper. I mean, so you’d be talking about in terms of the business, what I do for the business.

Kristen Boss (00:26:29):  Yeah. And the house, I think, I think people would be very curious to know like what you do in the house. Yeah.

Scott Boss (00:26:36):  Oh, so from the house, start with the house. Well, right now I’m a project manager for our rentals. We’re in a renovation right now. I didn’t apply for that job. It was given to me another episode yeah, I think, you know, at home I carry rhythms so that she can focus on her, on her business. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t continue to be a mom. And it doesn’t mean that I missed her mom. Right. Yeah. I can’t be Mr. Mom. That’s impossible. It’s just not, it’s not good for our kids. It’s not good for our family rhythm, so forth. So, but when it comes to it you know, I do drop off if you pick up I help kids with homework when I can, and I’m signing up for doctor’s appointments and extracurricular activities and we have swim coming, you know we can take care of the house, put things away, picking things up, you do the laundry, do dishes. But you know, I, I grew up in a home that was I would say a Galatarian in the sense that in terms of like chores and things.

Kristen Boss (00:27:42):  Now everyone knows egalitarian.

Scott Boss (00:27:44):  Well equal. Right? They were, they were both shared. In fact, my mom actually did landscaping. So we will talk about this another time. But you know, there was an expectation that this is a home that we all live in. We all make a mess and we all have the responsibility to take care of it. And so whether that means dishes or laundry or whatever. So, you know, I do the mage, I would say I do the majority of those things. And Kristen still does some of those things on occasion too. I think the thing that you can still carry a lot is cooking and that’s because you don’t like anything that make, so that’s the truth. I grew up with a dad that like, if, if dad was cooking, it was spaghetti or tuna melts. That was it. So sometimes it was four nights in a row. So, you know, so that’s kind of, that’s my role. I basically, in terms of the home I own the rhythm of the family. And I, I set that rhythm in a lot of ways. So yeah.

Kristen Boss (00:28:45):  Yeah. And you also take care of all the financials, you make sure all the bills are paid.

Scott Boss (00:28:51):  I forget that that’s two separate things now, but I started doing that from the get go from the time you hit the ground. When I said budget, that’s true. That is true. And because I think it’s, again, I think it’s important that you have an eye on your dollars, be a good steward of your money. And even if it’s not very much of it, you got to know where it’s going. And it make decisions wisely based upon, you know, the dollars are coming in and out of your house. And so, you know, I’ll never forget this might, this might be a tangent, but I tell this story all the time. I remember in California growing up and driving on the freeway and there was a big billboard from Dave Ramsey, whether you love him or hate him, who cares, but th th the billboard said this, it said, act your wage. And that has stuck with me for forever. It was a billboard, like it’s crazy act your wage. And it, it just consistently comes into my head and it makes me, it reminds me of how to be a good steward of your dollars, but also not just dollars. You think about time, social capital your, your influence as being a good steward of all of those things based upon what you have and what you’ve been given. So

Kristen Boss (00:29:55):  Yep. You’re also in charge of helping with charitable contributions run that, and you run, and then business wise, I’ll start by saying, you are like, you’re one of my key emotional support coaches. Like you are a safe place for me. You are helped me process a lot that that is support. That is just invaluable to me. I mean, you’ve, you’ve seen me on bad days on good days. And and you are, you’re there for me. That’s why I paid the big dollars, you know, that right.

Scott Boss (00:30:27):  I didn’t, I that’s, because I did a really good job sending envelopes in the mail

Kristen Boss (00:30:34):  Two, and then you run all the financials of you’ve just helped me understand where all the dollars are going with the company. You’re my CFO. And you make sure all of our contractors are paid you’re on top of business communications. So, which is a lot it’s, it’s busy, busy.

Scott Boss (00:30:51):  Yeah. but it’s good. I mean, the other piece there is, I think I here’s how I would say this. I would, I think I would struggle if I wasn’t in that part and had left my job. When I say by that, and I, I’m not, and I think that’s because it gives me a bit of you know, ownership or at least no knowledge of what’s going on in the business and allows me to speak into the business. And you know, and I, and I’m never in a place where I’m, you know, disagreeing with where you’re going or anything like that, but I am a sounding board. And so in order to be a sounding board, I got to know what I’m sounding. Right. I mean, I got to know what’s happening in the business. And I also know that I just, I’m more meticulous, very much more meticulous. She’s looking at me like way more than me. Don’t give away my secrets. 

Kristen Boss (00:31:41):  I’ll own it. I’m just like, let’s just get it done. And you’re like, yeah. But like, it was like, when we used to build furniture together, like, I’m like, yeah, square enough. You’re like, what? No, no, you can’t have square enough. The entire table will be terrible if we don’t. And you’re the exact example of measure twice cut. Once I’m like, measure enough, cut it. Hope it works.

Scott Boss (00:32:03):  One degree off.

Kristen Boss (00:32:04):  That’s actually, I think that mindset has served me so well in business because it just, I just keep moving forward and it’s like, it’s good enough. We’re gonna keep going. I’ll refine it later. But you’re there to remind me, like, okay, but.

Scott Boss (00:32:18):  Well, it’s a bit, it’s, you know, it’s a balance in marriage is a balance in businesses amounts. You need to have that, you know, gung-ho mentality, you know, let’s just go for it. And, and that’s how you learn a lot, right? If you are, if you were, if you’re shackled by the unknown, then you’ll never take that step. Right. but you, you also need to learn in that step. Right. And so what are some educated things that you can mix anyways? But I think it’s, it’s been, it’s been good for me to be able to have that the ability to, you know, work with the business do the dollars. Is it financials? I do it for a house and because I do it for a house, I know that you don’t do it for our house, so that’s true. But we also have someone that helps us with that too. So this is a good note too, is we, she has a financial coach who she also talks numbers with. And most of the time says exactly what I say, but is a neutral.

Kristen Boss (00:33:14):  Yes. Oh, that’s so that’s really helpful. It’s and we joke about this sometimes Scott’s like, so you’re paying a coach to tell you what I say to you. I’m like, yes. So you get to know you’re right. But I’m also hearing it from a neutral third-party place. But also I am, you know, that financial coach is, you know, he does offer things differently than he does. He’s, he’s amazing. But let’s, let’s talk about that a little bit of just like how many people we outsourced to for our life to be what it is and how we are okay. With partying, with profit in order to be more present for our family. So I want to backtrack a little bit before we talk about all the people that help make our life run as smoothly as it does, because we do have a lot of people. I think I want to rewind back to something that might be a little more relevant to where the majority of my listeners are now. And it’s when the first time I invested in a coach, when I knew where I wanted to take this business, where we were financially, things were tight. They were, it was not a fun season. But I wanted to work with this coach in 2019.

Scott Boss (00:34:39):  So that would have been, I started fundraising.

Kristen Boss (00:34:42):  Yeah. Yes. Okay. yes. You, you had just started at your para-church role, you officially had started. Yeah. So is that right? Nope. Cause I think you started para-church a year before. It doesn’t matter. So I wanted to work with this coach and it was going to be $2,000 for six weeks and we’re going to put on a credit card and I think people need to hear a little bit about what that decision was like for us specifically for you. When I came to you saying like, I want to spend this money on this business, you had seen me start a lot of things. You had seen me start things. So walk my listeners through a little bit of like, if they’re, cause I know there are a bunch of listeners that really want to invest in the academy, but the expense terrifies them and they don’t know how to talk to their spouse. They don’t know how to get their spouse on board. Maybe they’re a little afraid of not having their own back and not making their investment back. So I think this is just a really good relatable story for them. Yeah.

Scott Boss (00:35:51):  Yeah, there’s a lot, I would say there’s a lot there too. I keep saying that because there is, there’s just not very black and white, but I would say, you know, I remember that conversation and we were laughing on the inside when you’re like, yeah, I want to do this thing. And I’m like, yeah. And where’s that money coming from? We’re going to plant a money tree. Cause that’s not a thing it’s not going to happen. We don’t have those dollars. But you know, there’s also context here. There’s some history here, like, you know, you, you were already self-employed prior to this. And so we had some understanding of how taxes worked, how write-offs worked. Right. So we had some tax knowledge. So there’s some of that working in our favor that maybe some people don’t have. So first, you know, figure that piece out.

Scott Boss (00:36:33):  Second, you had some big expenses that you would do for that when you were, you know, a stylist back in the day where you’d have to go do some trainings and they were big ticket, big expensive things. Right. And we didn’t have money for those either, but somehow it always worked out. And you know, making sure you were growing yourself in terms of education and knowledge and equipping yourself to be a better a better person in, in your, in your work. And then the other piece with that too, is also with with the boutique, for instance you know, I wouldn’t, it wasn’t a, it wasn’t a huge success. In fact, I think we ended up, no, I broke even. I thought you made like 500 bucks.

Kristen Boss (00:37:14):  Oh, I thought I broke even

Scott Boss (00:37:15):  One of the two, but it, I saw the way you worked it. I saw the way that you went after it kept inventory, you know, and balanced the books and so forth. And because of the way I think you showed up in those, in those other arenas. My, my issue with hiring the coach was not where you worth it, if that makes sense. You know, I didn’t doubt you in this, in that sense, because I saw the way you showed up in other ways, in other areas, I think the bigger issue was like, we literally don’t have the money. Like it just is not there. And you want to invest in a coach that is not going to be doing what you’re currently doing right now to make money. Right. What do you mean like the job you were doing, you were investing in a coach that was completely separate from that.

Kristen Boss (00:38:04):  Oh, from my career. Yeah. It had nothing to do with growing myself as a hairstylist. Correct.

Scott Boss (00:38:09):  It was a completely different trajectory. And for me it was brand new. I’d never heard of it. I heard a consultants and you know, that kind of thing, but not in the sense of what you were talking about in terms of coaching. I didn’t have a real clear picture of where you were headed with this. 

Kristen Boss (00:38:23):  I think that’s just, just to pause for a second there. I think that’s a great parallel because I think some husbands don’t know what their wives are getting into. They’re like what you’re selling makeup. Okay. I don’t understand. We have $500 to buy the kit for you to get started or this idea of like, you know, oh, you want to pay for this coaching program? Why? I mean, we don’t second guess, you know continuing education for careers. So kind of doing this development with a coach is not something that is talked about or even encouraged in our culture. It’s different, it’s abnormal, right?

Scott Boss (00:39:00):  Yeah. It, well, it depends on your sphere, on your sphere. If you’re in a, if you’re in a, if you’re in a a bubble of people that all went to formal education for years, grad school completely, like, what is this? What are you talking about? But if you have other peoples that have gone through, you know, certificates or getting their licenses, whatever that might be as a plumber, journeyman, whatever electrician, then it’s, I think a little more in line with what people would think of, but it’s not traditional. Right? So all that to say, you know, we finally every part of me wanted to say, no, I just, and that’s the truth. I didn’t want to say yes to this. Cause I was like, I don’t know who this dude, this coach coaches, I don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t know where this is going. But we decided to have a conversation and make a compromise about how we were going to make this work. But was it, do you remember?

Kristen Boss (00:39:52):  Of course I do. Because I had this aversion to not touching our budget and not owning it our entire marriage up until that point. So Scott had told me if you want to do this. And I think part of it is you wanted me to feel the weight in a healthy way of the financial decision I was choosing to make. And you’re like, you need to own the budget for, was it for the rest of the year? Cause this was in October?

Scott Boss (00:40:20):  I think it was three months.

Kristen Boss (00:40:22):  Yeah. So it was, yeah, it was for the rest of the year. And I was like, okay, I’ll do it. And I think that’s when you know how serious I was, because it was like pulling teeth to get me to be involved in the budget before that it was like, whatever it takes, whatever it takes. Yup. I’ll do it. And also I think, I mean, we really had to, I think a lot of people have a lot of stories around debt and putting something on the credit card. And I think that was us a little bit at the time. Like, we’re like, no, we don’t put things on a credit card. And I get that for personal things. Like for like a couch, a couch does not give you an ROI. Shoes does not give you an ROI. It does not increase your earning potential. And I think that was the first time we were spending significant money to give me a skill, to increase my income potential in the world. Right. But there was some deconditioning of like letting go of the, we don’t put things on credit cards. Would you agree to that? Would you agree with that?

Scott Boss (00:41:26):  Well, and it’s in a sense we were, we were using the credit card to earn points and things cashback. It wasn’t, but it was, it was everything that was budgeted. Right, right. So everything that went on the car, we knew we had cash in the bank based upon our budget and so forth, that was gonna get paid off every month. This was a, an outlier in the sense that this was not a line item, right. This was not planned for, there was no dollars to allocate to pay this particular expense off. So yeah, that was a big kind of like, you know, are we actually going to do this, everything inside of me? That was the one doing the budget was like, I remember you telling me, I remember telling you, like, this is the things that we have to pay for. You’re like, I know we have utilities and we have groceries.

Scott Boss (00:42:07):  And I was like, and all these other $2 things that add up. Right. and so when you did on the budget, that was a time for me to go, okay, she’s serious about, about it. She’s serious about it. And I know you because of what I’ve seen in your track record. Right. I knew how you were going to show up. And you, weren’t going to let that, I guess, float, like it, wasn’t going to it, wasn’t going to, we, weren’t going to sit there and just let that fester in terms of earning interest and all the, all the fun stuff with credit cards.

Kristen Boss (00:42:37):  But even, even if it had earned interest for just 60 days, like look at where we are.

Scott Boss (00:42:44):  I agree. But I will tell you from my out that everything inside me, cringes at that.

Kristen Boss (00:42:50):  I know. But like, but we were thinking about that like think, okay. So what if it had been 90 days of accruing interest to learn the skills, to make hundreds of thousands of dollars, that interest is nothing. And I think, you know, we, and now we’re used to investing massively in the business. I mean insanely. And I think so that first $2,000 purchase that first $2,000 investment and I had just broken even. And I was like, Hey, I’m going to hire another coach And a, this one’s going to be 12k.

Scott Boss (00:43:28):  Cause this one’s going to be a way. Well, no, hold on. Let’s be honest with your listeners.

Kristen Boss (00:43:32):  No! Don’t tell them that story!

Scott Boss (00:43:34):  You did not tell me how much it is.

Kristen Boss (00:43:36):  Ok! Marriage lesson. Don’t do this, don’t do this. This was bad. Don’t do this. I can’t believe you just outed me.

Scott Boss (00:43:42):  Okay. You said, well earlier you said you want to be vulnerable with your listeners

Kristen Boss (00:43:46):  Well! Now it’s forced vulnerability. Great.

Scott Boss (00:43:48):  Well, but here we gotta remember though, you know, when you, when you invest in those coaches there was almost, you gotta remember it like this is with a coach it’s a little bit different than, and I can say this because I went to four year, a little bit different than a four year in the sense that when you invest in a four year, you’re paying upfront and over the course of four years, you’re going to try and learn some stuff, right. That to then implement what’s different. I think with your coaching and with, with coaches that you’ve invested in and other coaches or whatever is you invest in that coach. And all of a sudden you are going to them in your exact phase right now and learning how to turn a profit immediately.

Kristen Boss (00:44:27):  Implement immediately.

Scott Boss (00:44:28):  Right. So it’s ..

Kristen Boss (00:44:29):  It’s not student mentality,

Scott Boss (00:44:32):  What I mean by that is you’re not holding off. Right. And so when you made these investments, they were, you know, and they were scary, right. Because these are big investments that we didn’t have money to do. But you were, you’re almost turning a profit almost immediately. I mean, I think it was even within that, in that same month that we’re like, we don’t have $2,000 pay this person. Oh wait, yes. We do have 2000. Where did that come from? Oh, here’s no decals. Right. and so I think that, that I don’t wanna make that promise. Right. But I think that there is something to say about when you’re getting real world in the moment, in the heat of what you’re doing in your business coaching. You’re able to turn that into action immediately.

Kristen Boss (00:45:07):  Yeah. Cause it’s like you said, it’s not like a four year where you’re going to sit in the classroom for four years and then graduate and then start with an internship and hope that you’re going to then get the skills then implement and then wait for pay raises. It’s like, it’s pretty, it’s, you know, one of the best things I heard was like investing with the coaches, like writing a check to go faster. And that was a hundred percent true for me and true for people like coach. And so I’d broken even. And I’m like, okay, now I’m going to pay. And I knew, here’s the thing. I had so much belief in. Like now I know it works. I can, I’m it’s only going to get better from here. And I signed with another coach and it was 2K a month for six months.

Kristen Boss (00:45:45):  And I just told Scott don’t do this. I was not honest. I think I was, I think I was just so terrified that you would, that you would tell me no. And I was just so determined to, to do it. I was like, I just knew I’m like, it’s not going to be a problem. Is it possible for me to make $12,000 over six months? And in my gut I’m like absolutely a hundred percent. So I was like, Scott I’m going to hire another coach. And he’s like, how much is it? Like 2000? And then ..

Scott Boss (00:46:12):  Left off the month part.

Kristen Boss (00:46:16):  And so, and then, but that month was like, that was my first massive, massive month in business. And I made $25,000 that month. But that was before, that was literally I’d invested. I had signed a contract to pay $12,000. And I, at that point, all I had made, I had just broken even from my first $2,000 investment. And so I had that proof of concept like, okay, I can do this. And then, you know, sign a contract for 12 K and then made 25,000. And then I also decided to invest in a mastermind to be in other peers at the same time. That was 8,000. So I signed.

Scott Boss (00:47:01):  Three coaches. One time you had three coaches?

Kristen Boss (00:47:05):  No, it was two coach. It was just two. Oh yeah. So I signed with two coaches. So people would have thought I was insane because I signed contracts before the money was in. And then my entire month of profits went immediately back into the vision and the future of the business. Instead of like, I think, I mean, we had fun. We went and bought a big screen TV. We were like, woo, this is amazing. But pretty much all of it went right back into the business and we’ve kept that investment muscle strong and that’s really served well. And now our investment conversations very different just because we’re the businesses now. But I think just, it would, I thought it would be helpful for my listeners to hear just what it was like for me with that first investment that I asked you for about a coach or like a coach. What, why do you need this? And and how that changed so much for me.

Scott Boss (00:47:58):  Well, and I, and I saw change. I mean, it’s not like, you know, you made that investment and and that was, this was early. I mean, we, we were working, we were all working. I mean, then you’re working two or three jobs. I was working a couple jobs, you know, whatever. And so one of the, I think that first coach you were on with that coach in the evenings or something. And so that was tough. But you know, understanding that that growth is, is hard for a reason, right? It’s not, if it was, if it was easy, everyone would do it. Right. And so, and it does take risks and, but I saw that you were growing and the way you were showing up was changing the way that you were running, your business was changing. And so there was the track record was just continuing to be strong. Right. and so it just makes those decisions that much more easier to swallow. The next go round. And like you said, if you keep that investment muscles strong then it grows with your business. It’s not like a, all of a sudden now I need to take all of the money that I depend upon and put into my, you know, whatever, but right. So that’s, it’s important. It’s important to grow your business and important to educate yourself, but yeah.

Kristen Boss (00:49:07):  Yeah, I think that’s a good story. I want to add one more thought, and that is now we invest, you know, for our company and we pay a lot of people to help keep our company running strong. And actually I think the first investment we ever had where we really understood outsourcing and we had to was house cleaner because you and I were just like, we were working so hard that our Saturdays were spent cleaning our house and we weren’t even able to enjoy each other. We’d spend seven hours cleaning. We’re like, wow, that sucks. So that, I think that was my first like outsourcing muscle. Like, this is what we’re going to do, but now I think it’d be good for people to hear. Like we have a large team, like it is not the two of us. And I think people have this misconception and I think it’d be good for people to hear, you know, what it takes to run a multi-million dollar company so that you and I do have the life we do and we’re present with our kids and we have, you know, we enjoy each other and we get date nights and it’s wonderful in that way. Right?

Scott Boss (00:50:16):  No, that’s, that’s a hundred percent true. I think you said something about earlier, like sacrificing profit for what did you say?

Kristen Boss (00:50:22):  Profit for peace so that we can have peace? No,

Scott Boss (00:50:24):  I was thinking of one thing. You said peace. I wasn’t St Pete’s and I was going to have this deep thoughts and anyways, we were on the same page, but it’s true, you know, taking some of those profits so that you have the time. And when we hired the, the house cleaner for the first time, I was like, we don’t have this money. What how’s this going to happen? And I remember just thinking, I’ll just make more. I’m like, what do you mean you’re gonna, like, I can’t always be the answer.

Kristen Boss (00:50:46):  Sure it can!

Scott Boss (00:50:50):  But it was, and it was that moment of like outsourcing and allowing ourselves to have a Saturday. And I think it’s important in your business, right? Yeah. Something that, that I learned in ministry is that there’s always something to be done always. Right. And as a business owner, there’s always something to be done. And so Kristen earlier had mentioned about rhythms and family rhythms, you know, in her business, there’s always something to be done. And so if there’s only one of you and there’s always something to be done, you’re never going to get it done. So you’ve got to multiply yourself. Right. And so that’s outsourcing that’s also making sure that you have good schedule and rhythm. And so, yeah we do pay as a team of eight, 10. I think I actually don’t know how many is now that carry different parts of the business and allow her to focus on the important parts of the business and the terms of the things that are going to bring a dollars into the business. The ways that she’s going to be able to focus and really serve her clients and the people that she’s working with. Right. And allow us to have a family rhythm where we’re not working every hour of the day, every day of the week.

Scott Boss (00:51:59):  That’s great. Yeah, that’s great. And so I think some people get nervous and what social sellers don’t know is they have some of the best profit margins in the world. Huge, their profit margins are insane, but they don’t know that because they’re not aware of like the industries and, you know, I was having until the mastermind, this is like, you guys don’t understand your, how much profit to your expenses ratio in the network. Marketing sphere is absolutely insane. There’s no industry like it. So, you know, bringing in coaching expenses, a virtual assistant, a house cleaner, you know a graphic design, a website person, all of those things, it’s just a drop in the bucket compared to their expenses. And so that’s something that I spend a lot of time educating my mastermind around was just like enriching their life to keep them in their zone of genius, which moves the team forward their leadership forward and have their home and their marriages and their relationships in tact and being willing to part with some percentage of profits. And also when you enter control and some control. And also when you understand tax strategy, you’re gladly, you’re like, yes, I want to pay people because it lessens my tax burden on what I pay.

Scott Boss (00:53:14):  And the other side of that too, is to say, if you know, you have, you now have the ability to steward that money. You get to pay someone’s salary. That’s amazing.

Scott Boss (00:53:23):  There’s both the ability to pay someone’s someone’s salary. And there’s the ability to give because of your business. I mean, there’s what, what greater gift is there than to be able to do those things. It’s amazing. And I remember, you know, so I remember early on before you started you know, doing it and doing this, this venture, like you were, you had mentioned like hustling when I had the two kids at home and, and it was, you were working all the time and you were being every single quote unquote position. And so when you went into the coaching world, I was worried about that. I was like, when we had this house conversation about job description, like, what’s the expectation, like you’re still gonna be a mom, right. Like, right. And and that’s important to me. And so for you to hire people, to help you mint to me that you were taking your family rhythms seriously well as well, right. That you needed a schedule, you needed routine, you needed the ability to, to recharge, to do what you are made to do, not what you have to do. Right. and so you got to focus on the things that really brought you life, that you had a great knack for and continue to have a good knack for it. And so you pay people to surround you to lift up the entire business so you can focus on those things. And that does mean cutting profit. Yeah.

Kristen Boss (00:54:37):  And I would gladly do it over and over again.

Scott Boss (00:54:40):  But! If you were to talk business, does it actually cut profit or did it actually increase profit?

Kristen Boss (00:54:43):  It totally increased profit. Yeah, because it totally, but I think a lot of people’s mind, they’re like, oh my gosh, that’s my profit. Oh no, no. And they, I think when they’re operating from scarcity, they don’t want to outsource because they feel like that’s money they’re letting go of, but when they’re, you know, when I’m, when I have somebody that’s handling all of our customer service emails, all of our customer support that’s energy and time, I’m not spending doing that, which is extremely exhausting for me. And I’m focused on serving my clients, serving my students, creating new concept, writing new content. And that is what generates more money. And this is what my mastermind is learning as well. They’re having to learn to think I’m teaching them to think of CEOs of multi-million dollar companies. And it comes with unlearning a lot of things. And especially as women, we have a lot of narratives that like, I should do it all.

Kristen Boss (00:55:31):  We think we have to do it all. Like, and that was something I had to undo for myself because I watched my mom do it all, but she didn’t run a company. I watched my mom have the home cooked meals and the wonderfully clean house. And she didn’t ask for a HomeKeeper or a house housekeeper. And I remember having shame the first time I needed to hire somebody because I didn’t see my mom do it. And so I’ve just had to learn like, what is the most important areas of my life I want to be present for and who do I need to hire to do other things so that I can be present for those areas. And, you know, it’s just been so great. And I think one last question that I want to ask you that I think our listeners might want to know is like, I talk a lot as you know, we joke about it. You know, leaving the hustle, becoming anti hustle and working with purpose and finding joy. And what is the difference you have from me Lee, when I left that, when I left that hustle and working in this place, now, what change have you seen?

Scott Boss (00:56:33):  Well, it’s, it’s, it’s always ongoing. Right. And this is, I think I mentioned this a little earlier is, you know, knowing there’s always something to be done. Right, right. And so a hustle would be, you’re always trying to check the boxes, right. The, to do list.

Kristen Boss (00:56:50):  Operating from scarcity and worrying and just fear.

Scott Boss (00:56:55):  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And trying to hit, you know, end of the month or, you know, whatever it might be. I would say, you know, I think the biggest, the biggest thing that’s maybe has been a shift is really focusing on how to show up and serve. And I think when you’re in a place of hustle it’s not about serving, no, it’s not. It’s about surviving. It’s about, you know, whatever, whatever your business is, right. It’s about sales or it’s about people in seats. Or, and I saw some that you see it’s in ministry too, right? Like we’re going to try and fill every seat in this building. And it’s like, well, does every seat need to be filled? Like absolutely sure. We, everyone want, you know, we want to reach every person, but is that at the extent of hurting people?

Scott Boss (00:57:42):  Like anyways, that’s a whole other conversation. But I think what’s shifted is I see you taking the time to really sit and to rest and to find ways that are restful. And in those places are, I think some of your most brilliant moments, not just for your own heart and your own being, but I think also for your business because those are the places that you find a lot of creativity that comes out of it. You find a lot of ways to serve. And I think it’s still a work in progress for both of us.

Kristen Boss (00:58:16):  It was like, I tell people this I’m like hustle, leaving the hustle is an unlearning for the rest of your life. Like you’re always learning new ways to untether yourself from the story of like, my productivity is my worth and it’s still something I die to over and over again. But yeah.

Scott Boss (00:58:35):  So, and I think the other side of that too, is, you know, working every hour, finding ways to put it into every moment of the day you know, the hustle. I remember, you know, we, for instance, wait in line to order food with the kids and you’re, DM-ing somebody or whatever, right. Or we’re driving somewhere and your DME or your messaging, or, you know, and so leaving that behind and allow yourself to be present. Right. So another way it’s just, you know, when it comes to hiring people, to help you with your team is like sacrificing profit profit to be present. Right. same thing with your business, in the sense of like leaving that hustle behind, allow yourself to be present with the people that you’re working with with your team, with your family. So when you’re off, you’re off. And I remember when I had, when I was home, the two young kids that was a hard season because you were never off.

Kristen Boss (00:59:31):  No, it was awful. Cause I’d be in the salon all day and then I’d come home and work the other business. And it was-

Scott Boss (00:59:38):  What husband wants that. I don’t care how much money you make.

Kristen Boss (00:59:42):  I don’t know how you, but you still pick, you still loved me. You still loved me. That was a hard season. I think that was like, if I look back on that, I feel like we were kind of roommates in that season. That was just hard.

Scott Boss (00:59:54):  And you know, and there’s something to be said for starting something and there’s some sacrifice, but that comes with expectations and communication and saying, okay, if you’re going to work these hours work these hours.

Kristen Boss (01:00:04):  Yes. Yup. Yup. and there’s like a difference between physical absence and emotional absence. And like, you could be there with your family, but if you’re emotionally absent, like that’s something to think about.

Scott Boss (01:00:14):  Right. And whats the phrase I say a lot?

Kristen Boss (01:00:17):  Be here.

Scott Boss (01:00:17):  Be here with us.

Kristen Boss (01:00:18):  Be here with us, yeah.

Scott Boss (01:00:20):  Be here with us, a learning of what it means to be present emotionally.

Kristen Boss (01:00:23):  And be here, be here. Yeah. Cause you know, sometimes you see me in my brains like elsewhere, I’ll be in the room and I’m like, you’re like, what are you thinking about? And like customers, people, you know, and it just happens. And it’s constantly reminder to like come back returned to the present, returned to peace, returned to purpose. But I feel like it, I’m sure my listeners just got a lot from just hearing your side, hearing us together, hearing just some of the things we’ve had to deal with. And I’m sh I have a feeling we’ll be back for another episode, probably maybe just to talk about like navigating money or even just navigating, like how not to put your marriage on the back burner when you’re growing and building a business and chasing success. Because I do think that is something that commonly happens that marriages tend to get put on the back burner when businesses explode or things like that. So I think that’s a conversation we can have for another time. You want to come back?

Scott Boss (01:01:23):  Sure. If you want me to be back, I don’t know if I answered any of your questions, but

Kristen Boss (01:01:27):  I think it was a good chat. It was a good conversation.

Scott Boss (01:01:29):  Hopefully it’s helpful.

Kristen Boss (01:01:30):  Yes. Do you have any closing thoughts you want to offer?

Scott Boss (01:01:34):  Closing thoughts?

Kristen Boss (01:01:36):  Not a benediction.

Scott Boss (01:01:38):  You all rise. I th I, I think the biggest thing in business and marriage and raising kids is just setting expectations. You know, it’s being honest with them and and that’s hard because not every, not every marriage has that open line of communication, but I think it’s where you got to start. And that, and that, you know, the same thing happens in business. You know, you, we see some businesses that are failing because they have too many expenses cause they can’t fire anybody because no one will have a hard conversation. Right. And so with when it comes to, when it comes to marriage and business, if you’re both going to do it together, you got to set expectations. You know, if you want to work a business and you’re scared about your husband’s thoughts on that, have a conversation and just get honest and real and it’s probably going to suck and it’s probably going to be hard.

Scott Boss (01:02:32):  But if you never have that conversation, it’s, it’s always going to be this looming cloud. That’s going to stunt you in some way, whether it’s going to stunt your marriage, it’s going to start your business. It’s going to stunt your growth. It’s going to stop, you know, whatever it’s going to be. You’ve got to have those conversations. There’s a our kids are in gymnastics and there’s a sign in their gymnastics room that says I think it says fail forward to success. And that’s, that’s what business is. That’s what marriage is. That’s what life is, is a lot of figuring out ways not to do things. You know, what, what did I, what did Edison say about light bulb?

Kristen Boss (01:03:06):  I didn’t find a way to make a light bulb. I found a thousand ways to, 10,000 ways to not make a light bulb.

Scott Boss (01:03:10):  To not make a light bulb. Right. And so it’s having those hard conversations to, to really be clear about where you’re headed and where you want to go as a family. And I think something that we really, I really enjoyed, we, we started this venture and really kind of like both dove, dove into it was like, what, what could this business allow us to do? And it didn’t, I mean, we talked a little bit about vacations. But really it was like, because I think, I think it’s because we felt this, this hurt or this longing in my fundraising was like, we would be able to ought to give, like we’ve never been able to give before. And it’s, that’s what’s happened is we’ve been able to give, we never even, I don’t think I ever dreamt of what it meant, you know, to give the way we’re giving now. And that’s simply because of how we’ve leaned in and how God has blessed the business. So, you know, as you talked about this with your spouse or whatever, you know what think about those things, you know, dream big, dream big in those ways and set some expectations and then you both have to adhere to them.

Kristen Boss (01:04:10):  Yeah. And a lot of, lot of communication, compromise expectations. So much of that. Now I’ll close with this last thought. Sometimes I feel like you have to allow space for your husband to grow his own belief in what you were building, because in the beginning it might be, you are holding the majority of the belief and he might not have any yet. Scott had enough to get me going to let me start yet enough to keep me going. But I kind of view like a spouse’s belief kind of like pregnancy in the sense of like in the beginning, like we, as women, we know it, we’re aware of it. We feel it we’re dealing with all the symptoms and from the spouse on the outside, nothing really looks different other than us, like, you know, being sensitive to smells and being tired, but they’re not feeling a bond with that baby yet.

Kristen Boss (01:05:00):  Where for us, we feel the bond. The moment we see, you know, that we’re pregnant. And then as they see like the belly grow and as they feel the first kick and like, it starts to become something that they can literally wrap their mind around and like, oh, this is real, oh, this is happening. And then, you know, there’s when they’re actually holding that child. And I think that’s sometimes when the business is fully realized or it’s so tangible and the money’s really coming in, that’s, they’re holding that baby and saying, oh my gosh, this is, I see it. I feel it. I love it. I’m on board with it. So sometimes like just, I’ve heard women, you know, when they’re pregnant, they’re a little disappointed that their spouse isn’t worksighted or the spouse isn’t bonding, but sometimes you just have to keep going and wait for your spouse to get on board and their belief will grow, but you are responsible for your own belief and not to delegate that to your spouse, don’t make them responsible for keeping your belief high.

Kristen Boss (01:06:00):  Don’t look to them for that. It certainly is nice and it’s wonderful, but I know for me, my belief is what got me going. And then Scott, his belief grew with my business and now he’s like, you know, number one, supporter, cheerleader, fan CFO of the company. And it’s been amazing. So all that to say, friends, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope you learn some new things. You got to know me on a different level in relation to talking with, to Scott, to my husband. And so yeah, we will catch you all in the next episode next week.

Kristen Boss (01:06:45):  That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the Academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for a while this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to to learn more.

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