Numbers, metrics, data–whatever you call it, typically create some sort of drama in our lives because of what we make those numbers mean. Kristen hears it all the time: social sellers who never even look at their numbers because they cause so much anxiety, shame, fear, and doubt. But the numbers don’t create those feelings.
Listen in as Kristen shares how we’re approaching the data in our lives in a way that isn’t serving us–regardless if the numbers are ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
- Why humans hide from data and how that doesn’t serve us
- How the number on the scale is similar to the numbers in our business (social media metrics, back office numbers, points, volume, legs, etc.)
- Kristen shares how healing her story around the number on the scale is similar to how she healed her story about data around her business
- What to do if you tend to panic or freak out when you check your bank statement or your back office report (or if you can’t bring yourself to check them in the first place)
- How an unhealthy relationship with your data can breed hustle
- The first step to fix your thoughts around your data
- The best questions to shift into curiosity around your data
The data/numbers/metrics in your life don’t mean anything about you–they don’t make you less or more worthy of love or success. Learn how to neutralize the numbers in your life so that you can see what story they’re telling and then decide how you want to move forward with that information.
If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out my live coaching program!
The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Download the 3-Day training SUSTAINABLE SUCCESS for SOCIAL SELLERS where Kristen will be going to be giving you the exact tools you need to have success in today’s social selling landscape. Without creating more confusion, complicated algorithms, frustrating funnels, or sales scripts. Check it out here.
Transcript of Episode 50: Data Drama:
Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to purposeful social selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey, bosses, happy Monday and welcome to episode 50 of the podcast. I cannot believe the podcast is almost a year old, and I got to tell you something.
Kristen Boss (00:59):
When I first thought about creating a podcast, I had some drama around it. I was like, oh no, I’m going to have to post something every week. All the time, people are going to depend on me. And I remember thinking about that for a while and that feeling really heavy and almost talking myself out of it for a while. So I would like to applaud my own consistency for the past year. Just so you know, like I am not immune from, you know, avoiding buffering, procrastinating everyday. I’m working to do better and perform better, but this is definitely a milestone that I am so proud of. And I’m so thankful for you. My listeners, we grow every more, every week we grow more and more. We get more, more listeners, more reviews, and I’m just so thankful and it’s just been so fun. So I’m going to dive right into the topic today and I have titled it data drama, and it’s kind of going to be an all encompassing topic.
Kristen Boss (02:02):
So even if you aren’t in social selling or in direct sales, you’re going to resonate with parts of this message. But I felt it was really important because as an entrepreneur and as a business owner, we often look at the metrics of our business, you know, and metrics is very broad. It’s used in a lot of ways. So it could be your monthly recurring revenue, your end of month revenue for my social selling friends. It’s your back office reports. It’s the points in your organization. It’s the balance of your legs? It’s, you know, your volume numbers. You’re also have your Instagram followers, your likes, your comments, or your saves, your shares, your number of Facebook friends. There’s just metrics everywhere. And it’s very easy to feel a lot of negative emotion when it comes to metrics and data. And I want you to notice that I’m just calling it data because it neutralizes what it is.
Kristen Boss (03:05):
It is just numbers. And I remember there’s been multiple times in my years of coaching. I have had people say to me, oh, I just, Kristen, I just don’t check my back office. It just gives me so much anxiety or, oh, I don’t, you know, I don’t, I don’t know what’s going on with my monthly reports. I mean, I don’t know what money’s coming in. I don’t know. I, I just, I avoid it. I kind of don’t want to see it and we do this and it feels very believable that, oh, I’m going to, you know, look at my, my QuickBooks or I’m going to look at my bank account or I’m going to, you know, look at my followers or my engagement. And we, instead of treating that as information that we use, like useful information, even if it’s, if it’s information that is not necessarily in our favor, the numbers we desire to see, it really is information that can serve us.
Kristen Boss (04:01):
However, unless we learn to reframe how we come to the data, we can actually use that to create harm. We weaponize it against ourselves and we self-sabotage, and we end up hiding from our data. And I’m going to give you an example of this. That kind of, I think is a really great parallel to avoiding data and how it actually doesn’t serve you. Like you avoiding your back office or only checking it a couple of times, you avoiding your bank statements, avoiding your, you know, your bills, avoiding metrics that in your mind feel very painful when you go to look at them and trust me, I want you to hear this from somebody who used to have a lot of anxiety looking at bank statements a lot, like I felt dread. I felt really short of breath. It was like, I couldn’t find the exit in the room fast enough.
Kristen Boss (05:00):
And I just wanted to believe that everything was fine. Like out of sight, out of mind, it’s fine. It’s not bad. And I would choose to be naive and ignorant with my numbers because I didn’t want to face that reality of my numbers. And what I really look at is like, I didn’t want to experience the anxiety, but what I didn’t realize at the time, and we’re going to learn this in the episode today is what I didn’t realize at the time was it was not the metrics or the data that created my anxiety or fear or overwhelm. What are other ones that despair like those things did not create those feelings for me, but I really believe they did. So my way of solving for that was avoiding them, not looking at them, not dealing with them. And I’m going to give you another example of my life.
Kristen Boss (05:55):
And I think a lot of my women listeners will really identify with this one is this idea of like, I just don’t get on the scale. I throw out the scale and I’m not saying that you should get on the scale, but I’m going to use this analogy. So for a long time, I’m currently healing a 20 year toxic relationship I have had with my body with food. And that is my work right now. And it’s been a very healing journey. That’s involved a lot of self-compassion. And one of the things I’ve had to learn was, or relearn was my relationship with a stupid square metal device that is on the floor of my bathroom. That my way of dealing with it for years was I would. And I’m going to pull this back to your business and you’re going to relate to this on some level, it could be your bank statements.
Kristen Boss (06:52):
It could be your back office. It could be a whatever it is. I want you to think of a metric that really creates a lot of drama for you. And by drama it like it can make or break your day. It can create anxiety, it can create fear. It can alter your mood. This is why I’m calling it data drama. Okay. So for me, I would be going around and be very, you know, good with my food choices and I’d be working out and I’d be drinking my water. And then I would go and get on the scale, all hopeful and optimistic. And I looked down and the number didn’t match what I thought it should be in my mind. And because of that disparity between the number that was on the, the scale and where I hoped it would be that disparity actually created a lot of thoughts in my mind, but I didn’t know, they created thoughts.
Kristen Boss (07:52):
I literally just thought the scale created so much pain for me. And I would get on the scale, feeling optimistic and hopeful, and so freaking proud of myself and look at what I’ve done. And I’m taking good care of myself. And I’d look at the number and boom, I would have the worst mood. It would ruin my mood for the whole day. If the numbers did not match what I thought they should, or they did not move in the direction. I thought they should. God forbid if they moved up and my husband could always tell when I had stepped on the scale and eventually he was like, I’m chucking that thing out. It, you know, it dictates so much of your joy. It takes away from who you are. And eventually it did get to the place where I’m like, you know what? Yeah, I think the solution for me is to not weigh myself, to remove the thing that causes me pain, but the problem was, and it took me years, years later, getting there is realizing that the scale was not causing my pain.
Kristen Boss (08:53):
I was causing my pain. It was not the number on the scale that was causing the pain. It was my thoughts about the number that created so much emotional pain for me. So I’d get on that scale and I’d be like, life is great. Life is grand. I’m doing so good. Boom, I’d see the number it’s like, Kristen, you suck, you have no discipline. It doesn’t work. You’ll never lose the weight. You’ll always be here. You’re always going to be this. I would just have the worst self-talk and I was such a bully as soon as I saw the numbers. And for a long time, I believed if I just beat myself up enough, I’d beat myself up to go and drink some celery juice and fix the problem. And what that ended up creating was this really chaotic cycle of like, I’m going to do this celery juice, because I feel shame from what I created on the scale with everything I said about myself when I saw that number and from shame and from anger and from self-loathing certainly it wasn’t from self love or self compassion.
Kristen Boss (10:01):
I would go and, you know, restrict and just do water and do celery juice. And I think of the quote in, I think it’s never been kissed. And I, I love quoting movies where the girls are sitting around and they’re in a science lab and one of them is sitting with a skeleton and she’s like, that’s it water? And Ex-Lax tell prom. And that was, that was kind of my mentality at the time. And I see how, how much compassion that version of me needed at the time. But I really believed that like beating myself up was the way, the only way to motivate myself to, to get the results I wanted. So I would do these extreme things. And then what happens? You guys know this, like if you’ve ever done anything restrictive in your life, it works for a while. You drop the five pounds.
Kristen Boss (10:55):
I that’s what I would do again, scale, whew, look, five pounds lost. I’m going to go celebrate with some cake. Or I would suddenly like want to consume all the things I had been denying myself. And then guess what’s what happens. The scale goes back up. I beat myself back up and it becomes this vicious vicious cycle. And so my answer for awhile was like, you know what? I just need to get rid of the scale and just work on me. And it wasn’t until much later that I realized that my growth actually was getting on the scale and choosing a different story, no matter what the numbers said. And that’s when I realized, oh, my growth, isn’t running away from the scale. My growth is learning to look at numbers and neutralize them, make them neutral and not let them control me. And the only way I do that is the thoughts I choose about me in that moment.
Kristen Boss (11:56):
It’s about the assigned meaning. I give those numbers and prior the meaning I would assign to numbers I saw on the scale was like, you suck, you’re a failure. You have no discipline. You’re always going to be the big girl or whatever. Like whatever stories I had just noticed when I, when I even say those things, I feel weight in my chest and just my shoulders drop. And I feel my posture slouch. And I feel this wave of shame that I’ve created because of a thought I’m choosing about myself because of a number. I see a meaningless number. That’s just about the gravitational pull to the earth. So if you’re like, well, how is this relating to business? I’m going to bring it back for you. So I want you to notice the thoughts and the assigned meaning you give, when you go and check your bank stem statement, when you check your back-office report or you check your spreadsheet to see where your monthly revenue reports are and notice the thoughts that come up.
Kristen Boss (13:00):
And I don’t think the thing is, is you’re not going to notice the thoughts. You might just only notice the feelings for me. I’d get on the scale. Immediately cry, immediately feel AME, anger, right? I’m not aware that I’m thinking I’ll always be here. I’ll never be able to fix this. All I, all I notice is I get on the scale and I’m crying. I get on the scale and I’m angry and I feel shame and I feel rage. And I feel frustration it’s because our subconscious thoughts are so fast. They’re so automatic that oftentimes all we know is the feeling when it’s happening. So when you say, you know, Hey, when I check my back office reports, when I check my bank statements, when I look at my engagement, I feel anxiety. I feel nervousness. I feel fear. I feel pressure. I feel overwhelmed.
Kristen Boss (13:51):
Those feelings are caused by the story you’re telling yourself, even at a subconscious level feelings, don’t just show up. Feelings are created by a thought in your brain. So when you think, when you look at the numbers and you think I’m not going to hit my goal, the babies aren’t going to eat, I’m going to go without like being me. Now we have signaled your primitive brain that is used to, you know, surviving. Its only job is to keep you fed and alive. That’s it. And so now it’s like, oh crap, I know this. We gotta, we gotta protect. We gotta survive. And it true. It triggers the fight or flight response or the freeze response in your body. You have a surge of adrenaline or a shutdown and fear and all that anxiety and panic because your primitive brain just got told the babies won’t eat.
Kristen Boss (14:49):
We’re not going to eat. We’re going to be hungry. Oh no, we’re going to have to go in and hunt. Right? Your primitive brain doesn’t understand that you are in, you know, the 21st century, you don’t live in a cave anymore. Now your prefrontal cortex that your reasoning part of your brain, that’s where you have to choose your conscious thought. And you actually have to kind of talk to your primitive brain and be like, okay, wait, wait, hold on. We’re not in danger. We’re going to be okay. We’re going to make it. We’re fine to kind of calm down the fight or flight response that’s happening in your body. Because when you saw the numbers, the automatic thought that your brain offered to you was like, we’re never going to make it. The children are going to go hungry and we create this worst case scenario.
Kristen Boss (15:39):
And of course, the moment we think that what, we, we have a physiological response to that thought, which is insane, anxiety or pressure or fear or worry. We feel that flutter in our chest and we start to freak out. And if we’re going to go back to the scale analogy, like my story, and you know, I would have all those negative feelings and I would want to fix what I saw metrically and fix it with a fast fix because all I wanted to do was avoid the negative emotion. I was feeling of shame judgment and self-loathing so I’m going to just drink celery juice to fix that. So with your back office, if you feel that anxious, overwhelmed, fear, freak out that fight or flight response that intense like adrenaline kick the celery juice equivalent is you going out and messaging 45 people that you have no relationship within the DMS and you just drop a cold pitch or you start bugging people.
Kristen Boss (16:41):
And I say bugging because it’s in the energy of not serving them. It’s you’re in the energy of like I’m in for my survival. I have to take care of me. I have to look out for number one. So you go into your hustle mentality, you go back to the things that you remember used to work for you. I wouldn’t have done celery juice unless I knew, oh yeah, there was this time where I fasted for 60 hours and I lost six pounds. I can totally do that. My brain offered a fast fix because it knew it worked. It’s like, oh, we’ll just hustle our way out of this. And we’ll drop these five pounds and we’ll feel better. And then we can leave the self-loathing and shame. So we do this in our business where it’s like, okay, I’m just going to go back to old things that I knew worked.
Kristen Boss (17:28):
So maybe you’ll go into your old hustle methods. You’ll say things to your downline that you regret. You’ll make a post in your Facebook group, your team, Facebook group that you regret. Maybe you make a post from this really inauthentic place, but you go back to old methods that you remember you that used to work, but you do it from the wrong energy. Just like I was the seller juice. It was not from a place of love and compassion. It was from a place of self-loathing. And I just want to fix the metrics to make me feel better. But clearly that’s not going to be what makes us feel better? So it’s like moving back into hustle. I’m going to go and do those things. And then, oh, you might, you might get a new customer that you convinced to join you. And you guys know my saying, like, if you convince them to join, you’ll have to convince them to stay.
Kristen Boss (18:14):
So they come in and then you deal with attrition. Suddenly they’re not reordering next month. They’re not answering your messages anymore. And then guess what? Next month it happens all over again. The next end of month comes and there it is that feeling, you know? Well, the anxiety, the panic, the overwhelm, the fear that hurried frantic energy that I see all look like I can smell it a mile away with a social seller. Who’s not in my academy because my academy members, they learned the first rule calmed down. They learn to calm their butt down so that they can stop operating out of their primitive brain and access their prefrontal cortex, their reasoning brain, and make better decisions. They learn to move out of that response. So notice how, just like I was trying to run away from, you know, feelings of, of the feelings I created for myself with my thoughts. When I saw a metric, your first work is not to go and hustle to fix the number. Your first work is to fix your thoughts about the data.
Kristen Boss (19:31):
The data is that’s all it is. It is just black and white numbers on a computer screen. That mean Jack squat, about you. They actually mean nothing about you and you only feel fear, panic and anxiety. When you make them mean something about you, they make you make them mean something about, you know, your ability to survive or get through the month and nothing but that fear response kicks in. So your work is to first fix your thoughts. And I actually want to encourage you to just notice what comes up for you because you might, this might be the first time you’re hearing like wait or excuse me. You’re saying my bills. Don’t create my anxiety. Your saying that my back office report does not create my overwhelm. Nope. Only your thoughts create those feelings. Feelings are the emotions that are created by a thought you have, it’s your body saying, oh, I’ll, you know, if I’m supposed to feel this way, I’m going to physiologically have those feelings, anxiety, fast heart rate, you know, that constricted tightness in your chest, the tightness in your shoulders, that breathing, feeling like the room is closing, closing in.
Kristen Boss (20:51):
I mean, can you tell like I, me and anxiety we’ve been buddies for a long time and I had to learn that anxiety just didn’t happen to me. That I was creating thoughts in my life. That was literally creating anxiety. Like it was, it was just what I knew. That’s what I kept creating for myself. I kept choosing thoughts that made me feel anxious all the time. So when you’re approaching data, you need to decide your thoughts about you and your thoughts about your business, your thoughts about your life. Before you look at the data, I want you to kind of have a game plan. When you go to look at your data and it’s almost like you got to have a little pep talk with yourself and be like, okay, hold up here. My brain is going to want to tell me that everything is going terribly.
Kristen Boss (21:44):
When I see these numbers, my brain is going to want to make a big dramatic soap, opera level, sob story about whatever I’m going to see. Like it’s important. You anticipate that because it’s just what your brain has just been conditioned to do. It’s just going to go into its primitive state and that’s okay. We just be like, oh look, here’s my brain doing its thing. How cute. So we’re going to plan for that. And then I would encourage you to choose your thoughts about you ahead of time. I want you to decide, okay, here’s what I’m going to think about myself. Okay. My brain is going to offer me this thought, but I’m going to really work on this thought about myself instead. I’m going to really work on now. Here’s the thing. You have to choose a thought that can be a little believable.
Kristen Boss (22:31):
So for example, going to the scale, I can’t go to like, see a number and be like, I’m I love my body so much. Like if I, if self-loathing is all I’ve known, then like, oh, I love my body is going to feel really inauthentic. And my friends will be like, yeah, we don’t, we’re not buying. Like we know the self-loathing thing down, pat. We’re just going to stay there. So instead it might be like, this means nothing about me. I am a human, I have weight. And my weight means nothing. Like I can’t move fully into this like radical self-love, but can I move into curiosity? Can I move into you know, I feel like curiosity is probably the best place to go, like when you’re looking at your data. So for example, and I think this is really important. Don’t let the data dictate how you take action from that moment.
Kristen Boss (23:26):
And let me give you an example of that. I feel like I see people, especially when it comes to social media, they’ll feel really proud of themselves for showing up for making the post. They’re exercising, that social media muscle, they’re learning to be consistent. They’re building self-trust. That really is the first part of the work. You can’t just decide to wake up one day and be like, I’m going to be an amazing content writer. I’m going to be a fantastic copywriter. And my grit is going to look fabulous. Like that’s just not a realistic expectation to have of yourself when you’re growing your social media, following you really, your first work is just learning to show up and be consistent. That really is the first work. And then as you become consistent, that actually creates a lot of self-trust and you start to identify as somebody like, oh yeah, I post I post consistently on social media and then you can move into more advanced things like, okay, now I’m going to work on maybe a carousel slide.
Kristen Boss (24:26):
Now I’m going to try my first real, but some of y’all try to be expert level the first day out. And you set yourself up for a lot of judgment and shame because you’re not good at it right away. So your first work is just learning to show up. That’s really your first job. Doesn’t even have to look cute. It doesn’t have to look fancy. I tell my students in the academy this all the time, like aim for B minus work B minus work in the world is perfect. So I feel like with this, with this data, it’s a lot, like, I feel like when you’re first building that muscle and building that self-trust you need to create your own data of like, okay. My goal was to just show up every day for five days. Great. What does the data say? Data says, I showed up five days this week, man.
Kristen Boss (25:18):
I can feel pretty darn proud of that. Go me now we’re building some self-trust. So when I see people let the data drive their future actions. Here’s here’s what it means. So I see people get really excited. They’re like, oh my gosh, I’m doing so good. I feel so proud of my post. And then they go in and look at the engagements and the engagement, like the scale doesn’t show the number they think it should. And then they start questioning everything. Maybe I should change my niche. Maybe I should change my value. Maybe I should change my Instagram bio. Maybe I should just quit. Maybe I should do something else. You know what? This isn’t even working. My audience isn’t even paying attention. Notice all of those thoughts that are just automatically there. The moment you see data, you don’t like the moment you see data.
Kristen Boss (26:03):
And some of you might have the thought of like this isn’t working because I can have that thought standing on a scale, being like, oh, this isn’t working. And then what happens if we don’t feel it’s working? Well, if it’s not working, I’m just going to go eat the cake, right? Why deprive myself? If I, if I could just go eat cake and it’s not going to work anyways, right? It’s the same thing with business. Like, well, it’s not gonna work. Like why bother? And I should just go fold laundry or listen to podcasts or, you know, live my life and enjoy Netflix. This is why hustle in your life doesn’t serve you. Because if you’ve been living so deprived and you won’t allow yourself to rest and play and have read fictional books and do Netflix notice how like you are depriving yourself. And so when you don’t see results, as quickly as you want to, you’re going to lash out from a place of deprivation, much like a diet and want to go on a car bender.
Kristen Boss (26:58):
But instead you’re going to want to go on like a, like a rest and you know, Netflix purge, binge bender, because you have felt deprived from living your life because you’re just working so hard. And then when you don’t see the reward, it makes you want to lay off the gas pedal or quit or overcompensate and work harder and then burn yourself out. We can tend to go both ways. So when you’re looking and when you’re, so when you’re proud of yourself and you’re like, yeah, I’m so proud. And you look at the data and you decide in that moment, it’s not working. Notice how it asked yourself is that thought actually useful to you. Is that thought going to help you create more results of what you want? No, because the moment you say it’s not working, how likely are you to quit and give up, throw in the towel, say the same for me, the social media thing.
Kristen Boss (27:49):
I don’t get it. What’s going on here? I don’t got the, I don’t got the talent. I don’t have things that she does. I don’t have the followers. She does. I’m not, I’m not cool. You, it, there it is like, there’s so much negative. Self-Talk that happens there. It’s just data. Now that is approaching it from what I just described was approaching it from a place of judgment. But when you approach it from curiosity, you can start because when we’re curious, we’re trying to evaluate what’s going on. Judgment is what’s wrong with me? Curiosity is, Hmm, what can I learn here? What can I do different? What is working? What can I do a little bit better? It’s from a completely different place. You get to decide when you look at that data, how you want to think about yourself and how you want to think about your business.
Kristen Boss (28:48):
Oh, data is just information to let you know, Hey, you should probably put more time in this place and less time in that place. Just like metrics on a scale. It’s just like, it tells you it actually, it doesn’t even tell you unless you have a special scale. Like we’re the water and body composition and skeleton, but the information just tells you like, okay, was I consistent this week? Was I not consistent? What decisions do I want to make moving from this, moving from this place. And here’s, here’s what I want to offer with your data drama. Your work truly is. And I can’t say this is enough learning to make the data neutral when the numbers are high doesn’t mean that, you know, your more lovable, more worthy, that you’re better than when the numbers are low. The numbers, you know, don’t mean that you’re less worthy or less disciplined or less deserving of success.
Kristen Boss (29:51):
Like you need to neutralize the numbers and the way to just give you information on the actions you want to take next, what actions do you want to take next? Based on the numbers you have seen, do you want to wallow and say like the end of the world is the end of the world. Do you want to hustle and likely end up right back here? 30 days from now? There’s a reason why, like, there’s I tell people, Mike, you know, hustle. It’s like the diet pill. It works. It’s, it’s sexy. It’s fast. People know it works, but is it sustainable? Does do the results last, you know, this burnout doesn’t just happen in business. It happens, happens with diets. People get so burnt out on like the next thing where it’s like, you know, now it’s paleo and then it’s keto. And then it’s, you know, whole foods.
Kristen Boss (30:46):
And then it’s, again, I can’t, I can’t even keep track anymore. It’s just always changing. And eventually we just burn out on those things. Like so hustle. There’s a reason why it looks so tempting when, when you’re in that place where you’re not trusting yourself and you have low belief in your results and you’re questioning if it works, that’s when hustling your way out to a better result looks very tempting because you remember, oh, it used to work. Just like I remember when I was, you know, 20, I could cut out bread for a week and it worked like my brain offers that to me because it knows at one time it worked and it’s like, well, that’s a quick, that’s a quick fix. We’ll get there. But history also tells me it the way it always comes back. It’s the same thing with hustles.
Kristen Boss (31:37):
Yeah, sure. You can take the diet pill. You can, you can do that method. You can get results, but you’re going to have fallout, less customer. Buy-In less lifetime customers, lower conversion rates. And you’re going to be more tired and your team’s going to end up quitting because they’re burnt out because they don’t know how to rest because that’s not demonstrated for them. And then you’re back to where you were and you have to recruit, recruit a whole new team because you keep burning out the teams, you recruit. That’s the hustle cycle. You have to learn to do things differently. And it starts with how you look at data. It starts with the conversation you have with yourself. When you look at numbers and I don’t care what numbers they are, podcast reviews, podcasts, downloads, email subscribers, followers on Instagram, your weight, your income, your salary.
Kristen Boss (32:30):
The moment you tell a story that negatively reflects on you about that data is when you become victim to those feelings that you’re like, oh crap. You know that, that creates a lot of anxiety for me as miserable. Nope. I avoid my back office. I avoid those things. Your growth is not avoiding them. Your growth is facing them. Your growth is learning to feel yucky feelings. And in that moment, ask yourself, why am I feeling so awful? And your brain will want to tell you, oh well, it’s because of those numbers. Like you feel so awful because of those numbers. That’s why we’ll look, we’ll look at what’s on the scale. Yeah. That’s why you feel awful. And you’re going to have to outsmart your permanent brain and be like, wait, no, no, Nope. It’s just numbers. Numbers. Can’t make me feel bad. Like, do you look at, you know, numbers, like someone’s phone number.
Kristen Boss (33:28):
And you’re like, who though? That phone number gives me anxiety. That’s a lot of numbers. No, it’s just numbers. So you have to start looking at the data differently. So when you’re in those really heavy emotions, you’re going to think like, oh no, it’s definitely that number on the scale that that’s creating all the shame. Oh no, no, no, no. I have all that anxiety because of that many points or that level of organizational volume on my fifth leg, twice removed or whatever it is, I can never keep track of. Everybody’s like organizational structure with their companies. But you know what I’m saying? It’s like, oh no, no, no, no. I definitely have anxiety because you know, my fifth leg, organizational volume is down by 50%. No, no, no, no. That is not. What creates your anxiety? What creates your anxiety and what creates your fear and what creates your overwhelm is the story you tell right after that, it’s the story of, I’ll never find another recruit.
Kristen Boss (34:22):
I’ll have to build this all over. My business is suffering. My team is dead. It’s all crashing and burning. That’s why you feel like garbage. So when we learn that about ourselves, it gives us power. It gives us our power. Back. When we look at numbers, it means we get to choose how we want to feel. What, when we look at numbers, what Kristen, are you telling me that I can feel calm and curious and open and interested? No matter what the numbers say in my back office or what the numbers say on the scale. Yup. Absolutely it. And it’s all completely within your control. Based on the story you tell yourself, the moment those numbers hit and listen, listen, you can’t just be like, okay, I got it, Kristen, I’m going to go. I’m gonna go. And I’m actually going to go step on the scale right now.
Kristen Boss (35:17):
I’m going to go test myself. Actually, I’m going to go open up my back office. Like you might just be feeling all kinds of motivated and be like, yeah, no, I have such good thoughts about myself. It’s going to be so great. It’s going to be so great. And you still have a permanent brain that has not been trained yet. So it’s going to default to its old way. Like maybe you can get on the scale right now and have like, be like, oh, okay, well yeah, no problem. Not a problem. But tomorrow your brain will do what it’s been doing for the last however many years or however many months, it’s gonna be like, oh, this is when we’re supposed to freak out and tell her that everything’s going wrong. Oh, this is when we have to say like that we’re garbage. We feel like garbage, everyone.
Kristen Boss (35:55):
Else’s garbage. All the skinny people in the world that can eat whatever they want are garbage. All the Instagram fault. People who have like 30,000 followers, they’re garbage. Right? Your brain’s just going to do that. So you can’t be surprised when your brain is just going to do what it’s been trained to do. I hope you laughed with me a little bit in this episode. I hope you learned a lot about yourself because truly I’m telling you this from my own growth and my own stories of just how much your life can be enriched and how much more joy is available to you. When you stop believing that numbers create your feelings, that numbers create your worth. If you’re, if you’re like, oh no, I just, Instagram feels so heavy to me. And I’m like, well, why? And you’re like, well, cause I only have 300 followers Chris, and be like, oh, well 300 followers. That doesn’t mean anything. That’s not depressing. What’s your thoughts about them? Oh, well that none of them are going to buy from me all. That’s why you feel depressed because you literally have decided that no one in your audience will buy from you notice how like 300 followers. Isn’t what makes you depressed. I thought about them.
Kristen Boss (37:16):
I can do this all day, but listen, friends, you get to choose. You get to decide whatever numbers you look at today. You don’t let them be the boss of you. You be the boss of them and that’s the boss signing out. We’ll catch you next week. That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the social sign academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are a new in the business or been in the industry for a while. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.