Disciplined Discomfort Ep #21

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Growing a direct sales business, or any business, isn’t going to feel amazing every day. There will be hard days, uncomfortable moments, and painful lessons. But in order to show up consistently and grow, we must learn to work while we feel discomfort. As humans, our default mode is comfort. It’s our survival mechanism--our brains are simply trying to keep us safe.

Growing a direct sales business, or any business, isn’t going to feel amazing every day. There will be hard days, uncomfortable moments, and painful lessons. But in order to show up consistently and grow, we must learn to work while we feel discomfort. As humans, our default mode is comfort. It’s our survival mechanism–our brains are simply trying to keep us safe. 

If you want to achieve the big goals you’ve set in your business, you have to learn how to feel uncomfortable in the process. Despite how much your brain tries to keep you from feeling it! 

Key takeaways:

  • Why failure feels terrifying
  • The sneaky way your brain keeps you from feeling discomfort
  • 3 typical responses to discomfort that hold you back
  • What does it mean to ‘allow’ discomfort
  • What would happen if you were willing to feel all the negative emotions and show up in your business anyway?
  • The 2 words you are choosing to think that stop all of your growth
  • How hiding behind ‘noble’ choices is ruining your forward momentum

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Transcript for Episode #21 Disciplined Discomfort:

Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses. Welcome back today. We are going to talk about something I’ve been ruminating on for a good three to four weeks, because I’m noticing this coming up a lot with my clients, with my students

Kristen Boss (01:03):
Just in general. And I’m noticing there’s this there’s two sides of the coin for what’s going on with the holiday season right now and with the elections and with a lot there’s a lot going on. And I feel like a lot of business owners are holding their breath right now. They’re just keeping their head above water. They’re getting by their kids are doing e-learning, they’re managing all the things. I’m noticing this collective exhaustion. And I’m seeing a lot of people right now choose to put their business on hold. And maybe not even as obvious as putting that on hold, but I would say they’re putting their commitment level on hold. They’ve slipped quietly into management mode. You’re in this place where you’re kind of just, okay, well, if I can just keep my business afloat, keep my paycheck the same. You’re not really in this growing mindset.

Kristen Boss (02:13):
And so that’s why today I am talking about discomfort and not just discomfort, but disciplined discomfort because I believe this is the secret to people who have wild success. There are people who learn to be disciplined with discomfort. So hang with me because this episode might be uncomfortable, but I want you to not resign yourself to circumstances, to your environment, to chaos, to your feelings right now, and act on those things. Because someone who builds oddly, successful businesses, a six-figure business, a multi six-figure business does not allow circumstances or feelings or things outside of themselves to dictate how they show up in their business. And I’m going to teach you how to show up, even when you don’t feel like it. Because right now, maybe you don’t feel like it. And I’m not here to shame you. Not here to judge you. I just think there’s collectively this feeling of, I don’t want to do it.

Kristen Boss (03:35):
I’m just tired. Right? Okay. So discomfort. I think we talk about a lot in entrepreneurship and I think people have this idea of what discomfort is. I think when you think of like the RA RA going to the conference and like, yeah, push past your discomfort to the hard thing, do the scary thing. And what I think a lot of people think that means is reaching out to the person. You’re scared to talk, to talk about the business opportunity when you’re afraid to do it, show up online consistently, be visible, be yourself, talk about it, the product or service on your social media platform, tell a family member what you’re doing. Like we associate discomfort with that, but I want that’s obvious discomfort. That’s when everything in you is like, oh, I don’t want to do this, but I’m going to talk about the sneaky discomfort that you were not addressing that creating the current results you have for you and your business.

Kristen Boss (04:39):
If you’re frustrated, if you’re wondering why you’re not getting traction while you’re not growing, this might be why so listen up. Okay. So discomfort is a lot more sneaky, but first I’m gonna share with you how your brain as wired your brain is still a primitive brain. Okay? It’s still very much operates as it did in our caveman days. In the paleolithic days, when we were hunting and gathering food, living out of a cave, everything was based on survival. This is why your brain does not do well with uncertainty. Because again, primitive brain associates, anything uncertain with it’s surely going to be the death of us, right? Because back in your caveman days, if you picked the wrong Berry, you were dead failure, equaled death.

Kristen Boss (05:39):
When, when you were a cave person, right, your brain still operates that way. That’s why failure feels so terrifying to you because your brain equates it with we could die. So if you’ve been beating yourself up like, oh, I’m just so afraid of failure. And I just to get over it, that’s like saying, I need to reprogram my primitive brain to stop trying to keep me alive because that’s what your brain thinks it’s doing. It thinks that you avoiding failure is keeping you alive. Your brain is designed to keep you safe. It still is a primitive brain. And you still have responses that are primitive responses to your circumstances. The brain is wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. I want you to think about that. This is the motivational triad. All your brain wants is to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy.

Kristen Boss (06:40):
That’s how we stay alive. That’s how your brain keeps you safe. So it’s really important that you keep that in mind. When I talk about how sneaky discomfort is in your business and how it’s been quietly showing up and sabotaging you. Okay? So first knowing that, Hey, your brain is still primitive and it still views uncertainty as a risk and everything in you is going to kind of going to go into fight or flight mode. Like, Nope, we can’t do that. Surely that equals death, but your brain has evolved a little bit. And it’s a little more sneaky than that, right? Because when you’re thinking of doing something that scares you, your brain, isn’t telling you you’re going to die because that’s obvious to you. It’s obvious to you. If you reach out to a friend and talk about your business, if your brain says, don’t do that, you’re going to physically die.

Kristen Boss (07:36):
Your brain knows. You’re not going to believe that. So it’s going to do anything else for you to avoid doing the thing that’s that it believes will be risky for you, your brain views, risk to your identity and risk to your physical safety on the same level. Okay? So just think about that for a second. So your brain is not going to say, if you reach out to that person, you’re going to die. It’s going to say, Hey, you know what? She probably doesn’t even want this. Anyway. Now is a bad time. She’s got a lot going on in her life. She really has a lot of documents about this business model. You know what I think? I think that was your laundry. That just buzzed. I think we need to go change your laundry out or, oh, is that, is that, oh, you know what?

Kristen Boss (08:28):
Let’s do some research a little bit. Let’s listen to a podcast about failure. Let’s do a few journal prompts. I want you to notice this is what your brain is offering. That sounds responsible, normal, and reasonable for you to avoid doing the thing that you are afraid to do. This is the part of your brain that is avoiding pain. It’s like, okay, well, we don’t want to avoid pain. So what do we need to do? And it’s going to present you with things that feel important and feel responsible and feel urgent. The kids need this. I have to do the dinner. I have laundry. I have housekeeping. There’s a lot going on in my family. There’s e-learning, there’s a pandemic. There’s the elections. I I’m still breastfeeding a baby. Your brain is going to offer you all those things in order to avoid pain, whether it’s physical pain, emotional pain, or even something that would be mentally draining for you, your brain is going to avoid that.

Kristen Boss (09:30):
So just know you are wired to desire, comfort. You’re wired to crave, feeling safe and secure, and I’ll cozy in a blanket, right? Your brain is not wired to desire. Discomfort. We are not wired that way. This is why a lot of people don’t stick with business. This is why a lot of people join. They have the desire, but as soon as the discomfort kicks in, they leave your ability to welcome and handle and experience. Discomfort will determine the success you experienced in your business. If you want success in the world of online business and the entrepreneurial journey, you are going to need to become someone who not only is okay with discomfort, but you welcome it. And you learn to operate in it. Many of you have programmed yourself, or you have this belief or you wait until you’re motivated or it feels good or it feels right.

Kristen Boss (10:48):
And it’s the right time. And you feel like you have all this knowledge and you wait to feel comfortable to take action. And if that’s what you’re doing, that is why you don’t have the results you want in your business right now, because you’re only operating in comfort. So I want you to challenge yourself to be willing, to be somebody who experiences, who is willing to experience discomfort and who is willing to work even when they are experiencing discomfort. Because oftentimes as soon as discomfort kicks in, that’s when people give up. I want you to think of like, when you’re working out or running or lifting weights, it’s like, yeah, I can do it. But as soon as my muscles start hurting, as soon as my brain is saying, stop, stop, stop, right? I, you have to learn to work through discomfort in weight, loss and fitness in all areas, in your marriage and parenting your children. There, there is discomfort, no matter what, this is why I, it’s not growing pleasure. It’s growing pains, which means it’s uncomfortable.

Kristen Boss (12:00):
So it’s important for you to know that your results are not going to change. If you keep choosing comfort and comfort, isn’t just, you know, snuggling up in a blankie and having a spa day. Comfort is something is merely you avoiding the thing that causes you pain on some level or takes energy on your behalf. So avoiding pain is comfort to you. Okay? And a lot of us seek comfort. In a lot of ways, it could be reading a book, binge watching Netflix, turning to food, turning to relationships, finding the next best thing experiences. Oftentimes we run to those things because we don’t want to feel discomfort. But if you want to grow, if you want to have life-changing results in a life changing business, you need to be somebody who not only experiences, discomfort, but welcomes it.

Kristen Boss (13:05):
So here’s what happens when discomfort, when discomfort presents itself, you have kind of three responses. You avoid, you distract yourself or you buffer. And the biggest way I see this flushing out is procrastinating. And many of you take procrastination as an identity. I’m I’m somebody who procrastinates. I’m a procrastinator. It’s just what I do. It’s not who you are. Procrastination is how you handle discomfort. I want you to think about that. Procrastination is really just avoidance of the thing you don’t want to deal with. It’s an action. It is your particular action that you take in order to avoid a circumstance, a thought, a feeling, an emotion, things that you feel will take a lot of work or you think will take a lot of work. Procrastination is an action. You take to avoid discomfort. That’s it, period. It’s not, I’m just a procrastinator. This is what I do. A lot of you think that that’s this habit you have, that you need to break when that’s actually not the case. It’s a coping mechanism. You use to avoid feeling discomfort in your life.

Kristen Boss (14:36):
I want you to think of other areas outside of business, where you use procrastination to avoid discomfort, paying the bills, having that necessary conversation with somebody, where else are you buffering or avoiding, or just finding anything else to do, except for the thing, you know, that needs to be done. Procrastination. Procrastination is just how we are avoiding our thoughts, our feelings, and our emotion. So how do you handle discomfort when it comes up? It’s important for you to be somebody who chooses the commitment, even in discomfort. And the reason why I see people not choosing to still work in discomfort is because they ha they say these two words. And it’s these two words that are keeping them stuck. It might be keeping you stuck. Ready? It’s fine. My paycheck, it’s fine.

Kristen Boss (15:48):
I mean, we don’t need the paycheck. It’s fine. This is, what’s keeping you where you are because you have this narrative somewhere in you that saying, it’s fine for you not to get to the next level. It’s fine for you not to advance. It’s, it’s fine for you to not make more money. If you are unhappy with your results. It’s because somewhere you have chosen, it’s fine to have those results. Every time you choose to do Netflix or read that book or go home, hide behind productive activity, doing other things. It’s because you have subconsciously or consciously chosen that you are fine with your current results. I really want you to sit with that.

Kristen Boss (16:43):
Your current results stems from the thought or the story. It’s fine. So you need to decide ahead of time what you’re going to do when you feel discomfort. First of all, I want you to decide what allowance looks like. You being, somebody who allows and why [inaudible] feeling uncomfortable, right? And uncomfortable looks like if you’re deciding between working your business that day or cooking, reading, podcasting, whatever it is that comes up for you when you were going to, the other thing is because you we’re unwilling to feel discomfort with the activity. You know, you need to be doing what’s uncomfortable about it.

Kristen Boss (17:45):
Are you wanting to avoid the feelings of rejection, avoid what people might think of you for making that post, ask yourself, what am I specifically avoiding? That is making me uncomfortable. That is making me choose to do anything but this activity. So just notice when you’re going, we’re going to do the other thing. I want you to just take a minute and ask yourself, what do I do when I don’t want to feel discomfort? Do you turn to food? Do you turn to Netflix? Do you scroll on social media, podcasts, books, relationships you put on the mom hero hat. Like I’m going to go and focus on being a good mom right now. Of course, I’m going to have to put my business on the side. Listen, I have a three-year-old and a four-year-old. I know what it’s like to prioritize motherhood and business. I get it.

Kristen Boss (18:45):
But sometimes I see this story of, I need to be a good and present mom, which tells me if that’s the reason why you aren’t working your business. It’s because you don’t believe that you can work your business and be a good, a good present mom, me that you were hiding behind this noble thing in order to not do the uncomfortable thing. And I know that’s hard to hear, but I get it. This is where you have to decide. I can be a present awesome mom and running business. It just means that I’m going to need to be disciplined with my time.

Kristen Boss (19:27):
A lot of people they say, oh, I can’t, you know, I can’t work my business. I really need to focus on my family right now. There’s a lot going on in my family. My kids really need me. Okay. And then, and they, the first thing that they choose to put on the back burner is their business. That’s the very first thing they decide, gets the act. Right? I see this a lot. But if that were the case, you also stopping, you’re scrolling on social media, which can take you hours when you could be making money on your phone. Instead, are you deactivating Netflix? Because that’s taken away time from your family. I just want you to check in and see what other areas am I cutting? What can go before? What can I cut? That’s not my business. What can I cut and move to the back burner for a short period of time and give that time to my business. Because building future wealth is important for you. You’re in social selling, you’re in network marketing. This isn’t just about building present money, an instant paycheck. This is about building future wealth.

Kristen Boss (20:44):
So what if you were willing to shame rejected, discomfort, vulnerability, fear, judgment. What if you were willing to feel all those things and work anyways, this is the power of learning to work. Even when you’re uncomfortable, not waiting to feel motivated, not on an emotional high, not when you’re feeling fantastic, but really learning to be somebody who works no matter what your emotions is and managing your emotions outside of your work. This is why a lot of clients work with me. A lot of students work with me is because they want to learn to manage their emotions and their mind outside of their work, to protect their energy and time that they put into their work. When you learn to manage your thoughts and manage your emotions, it’s a lot easier to show up consistently and learn to work. Even when you’re feeling uncomfortable. That is the key.

Kristen Boss (21:59):
So again, practice taking a pause when you’re going to do the other thing, asking yourself, what am I avoiding in this moment? What am I not wanting to do? And what thoughts am I choosing about the activity that might not be true? Are you telling yourself it’s going to be a lot of work? It’s going to take a lot of time. It’s going to take a lot of energy and I don’t have time. This is, this is what I see a lot of people deciding about whatever task it is they have ahead of them. It’s just going to take a lot of time. It’s going to take a lot of energy. And I just don’t have that. I remember once I felt that way, when I let my closet get out of control. And every time I walked by it, I felt stressed and I knew I wanted to clean the closet and the story I kept telling myself, every time I walked by the closet was, it’s going to take a lot of work. It’s going to take so many hours and I don’t have the time. And what happened. I continued to avoid it. I didn’t do it. And guess what? The closet got worse. Didn’t it. So every time I walked by, I felt even more stressed. And now it felt like even more time.

Kristen Boss (23:05):
So what got me out of that rut was I decided, okay, what if it doesn’t all need to be done, done in one go. And what if I just put a dent in it? What if I could get more done in less time than I think so I set a timer. I was like, okay, I’m just gonna, I’m gonna do this for 20 minutes. You want to know what happened? I got that whole closet done, I think in an hour. And I like seriously, the 20 minutes went by and I was on a roll. I was in energy. I, cause I realized, wow, this isn’t as hard as I was it to be in my mind. And when we do that, the task before us feels really heavy, your brain loves to look at something and think that’s going to take us forever. And then you just feel overwhelmed.

Kristen Boss (23:58):
But what if it doesn’t, it takes as long as you decide for it to think about that, the timer for 20 minutes, I’m like, okay, we’ll see what I get done. When 20 minutes came by, I saw how much I was getting done. And what do you think happened? I love, I love this principle objects, emotions tend to sustain motion. So then I was motivated. I was feeling pretty good and decided I’m going to finish this. And I finished it in an hour. And let me tell you what that did for my brain. From that day forward. I learned that whenever I looked at a task where I felt like it’s going to take me forever. I learned to question that narrative and think, but what if it doesn’t remember the closet, Kristen, remember how much you can get done in 20 minutes. I want you to think about this. The moment you feel overwhelmed with something. I want you to set a timer and commit to 15, 20 minutes. You will blow your own mind with what you can get done. You will blow your own mind with what you can get done because you are, you are focused and you have energy, but it’s willing to experience the initial discomfort of getting started.

Kristen Boss (25:16):
A lot of times, it’s our thoughts about the circumstance or the task ahead of us that are, that is making us uncomfortable. And we think that because we’re uncomfortable, we’re not going to be able to do it well because we think we need to be really motivated and feeling all kinds of positive, happy vibes to get a job done, but you don’t need to feel those things to show up and work. You need to be willing to experience discomfort and do it anyways. Nike says, just do it. I say, do it anyways. Even when you’re frustrated, even when you’re overwhelmed, even when your brain is giving you extremely logical response, Constable reasons why you should not do it. I just want to offer that to you. Avoiding discomfort. It’s going to look like responsibility. Your brain is going to offer you things that are very sneaky.

Kristen Boss (26:19):
It’s very easy for you to believe. And your work is learning to question that and ask yourself, is this accurate? True? What if it’s not, this is really interesting because you are in the business where your choices, whether you choose to operate in discomfort, or you choose to have comfort right? Your choices do not provide an immediate reward or an immediate punishment. Think about that. You’re in this business that no matter what action you take, you’re not going to experience, a consequence immediately or reward immediately, which is why your brain is going to default to comfort because there’s no instant reward. Your brain is always going to default to comfort.

Kristen Boss (27:24):
Especially if you keep having the I’m fine story about your paycheck or your current circumstances. Every choice you make when you are facing discomfort is a vote for which comfort is most important to you. Your future comfort. Think about this. You’re building residual wealth, residual income. If you put in the work now, experience all the discomfort to get it done. Now think about what you are going to experience 10, 15 years from now. You get to enjoy the benefits of building residual income, experiencing the comfort of sitting back and enjoying the wealth that you created from all the choices you made. When there was no instant, you can choose that. Or you can choose the instant comfort of watching Netflix, baking in your kitchen, reading the book, doing the podcast, being busy with other things.

Kristen Boss (28:34):
You can choose that instant comfort, or you can choose your future comfort, but just know your brain is wired to desire things far off in the future. It wants instant gratification. Remember it’s seeking pleasure. It wants to avoid pain. So avoid doing the task that you know, you need to be doing for your business and seek pleasure. Okay. Netflix sounds fun. It sounds good. Scrolling my media. Yeah. Dopamine hit. Awesome. You must be willing to go through the yuck, right? I want you to think about this. Oh no. I want you to ask yourself how committed you are, are to your goal. Because if you are deeply committed to your goal, you were so deeply committed to working your business. Even when you’re feeling really uncomfortable, even when it’s, it’s hard, especially when you don’t see an immediate return for your, I always say that consistency compounds.

Kristen Boss (29:46):
But in this episode, I want you to hear that your choices compound, you don’t see an immediate reward or consequence for the choice you make. But over time, that choice will compound and you will create the result of whatever choice got the most votes. Every time you choose Netflix, that’s a vote. I vote for my present comfort. My current paycheck, my current reality, every time you do that, the vote goes there. Or when you work your business, even when you’re feeling gross, even when you’re not feeling motivated, even when you’re frustrated, even when you feel like things, aren’t going your way, that is a vote for the future. You’re going to create that as a vote for your future self, for the wealth you’re creating for your residual income for the business that you know is coming to you.

Kristen Boss (30:46):
I think this is very fitting, especially after the season of elections. I’m literally recording the night before. So I have no idea how that all panned out, but it’s time to start voting for the version of yourself that you most want to become in the future. I think James Clara says this in his book, atomic habits, he talks about every action. Inaction or habit is a vote for the person you are or the person you are becoming. And I don’t know about you, but I think you’re here to learn, to become the best version of yourself, right? This is why it’s becoming bust. By the way, this podcast isn’t becoming bossy. You can be like me. This is about you becoming the most boss version of yourself. And that means you being the person

Kristen Boss (31:44):
Who does the hard thing…is willing to experience discomfort is willing to work, even when they’re feeling discomfort, because your choices will compound.

Kristen Boss (31:55):
So I hope today you vote for the version of yourself that you want to be in the future. We’ll catch you next week. That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for awhile. This is the premier coaching program for the modern work marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

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