Purposeful Social Selling

Self Concept Ep #27

Dec 21, 2020

Your self concept is probably the most important indicator of your long-term success. Self concept is how you see yourself and how you perceive how you think others see you. It informs how you think, act, and feel in the world right now. 

Today, Kristen shares how your self concept impacts the success of your business and how you can use it as a tool to create different results in 2021 and beyond! 

Today’s takeaways:

  • Why most people attach their present circumstances to their current identity
  • How to determine your current self concept
  • Why it’s a backwards approach to use your current self concept to make decisions for your future 
  • What happens when you make decisions right now from the future version of yourself (vs. the current version of yourself)
  • Specific examples of what a low self concept and a high self concept looks like and the results they each create
  • Why operating in your future self concept is about your long-term mindset vs your short-term mindset
  • How making hard decisions now impact your path to success

Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://kristenboss.com/question

Connect with Kristen:

Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.

If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Interested in Kristen’s exclusive mastermind for six-figure earners in the network marketing industry? Get all the details and join the waitlist here.

Transcript for Episode #27: Self Concept:

Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses. Welcome to episode 27. Happy Monday to you. A few more days, closer to Christmas. Hope you all have your stuff wrapped. I’m sure.

Kristen Boss (00:58):
Recording ahead of time. And I already know myself. I’m gonna be like, Nope, nothing’s going to be wrapped. I know how this goes every year. I’m wrapping the night before. So all of you that are the early shoppers early rappers, if you all could just come out with a course about that, that’d be awesome. I’d probably buy it from you. So today’s episode is going to be short, sweet, but really impactful and powerful because I really believe this sits at the root of a lot of the reasons why people aren’t growing in their business and why they’re not seeing the results. They want to see why they quit really early. So we’re going to talk about that. But first, Hey, next week is the three day pop-up group experience. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I am doing sustainable success for social sellers in a three-day Facebook pop-up group.

Kristen Boss (01:48):
I’m going to be going live in their training for an hour daily, answering your questions. There’s going to be a workbook specifically for the training, but it’s going to be all about how you can build a profitable and sustainable business in the year 2021 so that you aren’t on the emotional rollercoaster of really high recruitment and then losing a bunch of people or inconsistent paycheck, inconsistent team. It’s about building a sustainable business and sustainable business is about not just the money you make today, but the money you make five years from now, there’s this is one of the few business models where you can be profitable today while building your wealth for tomorrow. And if you’re not building your business sustainably, then you’re going to, it’s not going to feel different than a nine to five job. The business is only going to work when you’re working, and that’s not why you signed up for this model for this business for network marketing, so and social selling.

Kristen Boss (02:42):
So if you want to learn how to create a sustainable business and get off the rollercoaster of highs and lows on your paycheck, which also looks like emotional highs and lows, and it looks like your commitment can be high and low. You, you pick it up. What I’m dropping here. Then you need to be in the, in the pop-up group. There’s a link to join in. It’s only $7. The cost of, you know, too tall, tase at Starbucks. So come and swap out your latte and join me in that group. If you know me, I love to over-deliver. I personally want you to feel like it was worth $300 in training for you. And you’re going to be able to take action and have a very clear idea of what you need to be doing going forward. So $7, get your team in, get your upline in rally.

Kristen Boss (03:29):
The troops, we start Monday, the 28th. You’re going to be granted access to the group the day before. And that’s when you’re going to get your walk workbooks. So keep an eye out in your emails, check your spam folders. So if you haven’t joined linked register in the company. So let’s talk about the topic today. So self-concept, I talk about this a lot, not with my students in the academy with my VIP clients, because that’s a really important thing to talk about. And if you don’t know what self-concept is, it’s the way you see yourself in the world. It’s how you see yourself and how you perceive others to see you. And those things inform how you operate in the world, how you act the way you think it even affects how you feel. So it really is about again, how you perceive yourself and your self-concept truly does inform the success you have in your business.

Kristen Boss (04:36):
So what does that look like? Your self-concept informs the way you think informs the way you feel and informs the way, the way you act and the way you make decisions. It is simply your way of being based on how you see yourself. And here’s where I see people having hangups is they allow their present circumstances. And when I say present, meaning temporary, people assign a lot of permanence to things that aren’t permanent, but they assign their temporary circumstances and attach it to their present identity and their self concept. And when you identify that way, you continue to act and be the person of your present circumstances. And when you were building an online business, you are building something for your future, which means you need to make decisions for your future. And it’s really hard to make decisions for your future when you’re operating from your present self concept.

Kristen Boss (05:38):
Let me give you a good example of that. If you’re making $500 a month in your social selling business, and you want to be making $50,000 a month in your social selling business, I see a lot of business owners operate as the $500 a month business owner. They make decisions based on that. They’re afraid to invest because they still see themselves as the $500 business owner, rather than the business owner. Who’s going to make $50,000. And I’m not talking about this, like just to invest in my program. It could be samples, how you serve your people, giving discounts to your loyal customers or incentives you could do, or just in ways to invest in yourself and become a better leader. And a lot of people have financial resistance to invest in, in their business because of the, the present circumstances of their business. Like I’m, I make $500 a month.

Kristen Boss (06:33):
I can’t afford to do that. When I grow my business, then I can afford to invest in that way. But how are you going to grow your business without having the tools that you might need to pay for? This is, this is really operating from that present self self-concept. If you know what I’m saying. So let me give you another example is I’m going to give you a specific example with one of my students. One of my students has been in her company a while and she had not yet hit the current rank in her business. Like the first rank she was going for the first rank. And she was really discouraged. She was starting to feel like, maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I should quit. I don’t know if I should keep going. And she was sitting on a lot of shame and a lot of judgment because her self-concept was, I’ve been doing this a long time and I’m, I’m not even at that rank.

Kristen Boss (07:26):
She kept operating as that person. So when it came to talking about her business, she didn’t have confidence. When she was talking to people, when it came to promoting the product, she didn’t do it with confidence. When it came to posting, she was really inconsistent because she would get discouraged by her current results, rather than thinking about the future she was building, she’d be easily caught up in what she could see presently in front of her, which could have been low engagement, no people buying no new customers. So that caused her to take her foot off. The gas pedal stopped, showing up, stop being consistent. And when you’re not consistent, you’re not getting results. So she kept operating from that self and I coached her on this and I said, Hey, so tell me a little bit about what you would do differently if you were at this rank at this next rank or making this money.

Kristen Boss (08:20):
And I’ve talked about this this in an episode before, but I want to talk about it again, because it is so important because a lot of you do this. And when I said, tell me about that version of you. She was very, she had a very clear idea of what she would be doing. She said, well, I’d be talking a lot more confidently. I’d be a lot more bold. I’d probably be going live. I’d be sharing more in my stories. I feel really good about talking to people about the opportunity. And I watched the, just, I watched her body shift because I coach with people on camera. I can see them because non-verbal cues are really important. And that’s when I know we’re onto something. So I watched, I watched her shoulders straighten. I watched her, her tone and her voice changed. She was more confident because I had challenged her. Tell me about your future self concept. And that literally informed her body to sit up straighter, to project her voice differently too.

Kristen Boss (09:19):
Carry herself differently all from a self-concept. And here’s, what’s interesting. That’s when I said, you need to take action from that version of yourself. And she totally signed her first business partner the next week, after a year, a year of not dining somebody, the same thing happened again. I had someone else, I was coaching and a team sweet gal. And she was, she had just a real heart of gold. And she was really insecure about talking about the business and she wouldn’t talk about it. She, she could find customers, no problem. But talking about the business, she had a lot of imposter syndrome around because in her mind, she’s like, I haven’t had success. So how can I talk about this business if I haven’t had success? So her self concept was, I am not somebody who’s had success in this business. So she was operating as somebody who didn’t have success in the business, meaning she wasn’t talking about, she wasn’t talking to potential.

Kristen Boss (10:22):
She wasn’t making offers. She wasn’t sharing about the opportunity at all, because she kept operating from that. Self-Concept the self-concept that was, I take care of customers, but I don’t recruit people. But then I challenged her thought and I said, well, tell me about, you may not have had success yet, but you know how to write? Can you help someone get customers? And she’s like, yeah, I can help someone get customers. I’m good at that. It was a great, it was like, and look at your team, has that person had success. I was like, you need to look at things outside of yourself to inform, to inform your belief. Like, Hey, if they can do it, you can too. So I challenged her. I said, okay, tell me about the version of you. Who is this rank? And we talked about that. I watched the same exact thing happen.

Kristen Boss (11:13):
She’s normally very, soft-spoken very sweet. Doesn’t want to rock the boat again. The inflection in her voice changed her body shifted. And she immediately told me three things she would do differently. And I said, there’s your work? That’s what I want you to do. I want you to operate from that version of yourself. And by the way, I didn’t pick a rank that was 10 ranks above where she was currently at. I just picked the next one. I’m like, tell me about that version of you. And she was very quick and you want to know something really cool. She’d been in the business a long time. I think two or three years. One of those, something really cool. 30 days later, not only did hit one rank above that. She went to ranks above. Yes. All because of self-concept and how that informed the way she thought, the way she felt and the decisions and the actions she took.

Kristen Boss (12:09):
She thought like the future version of herself, meaning I can help somebody. I know what I can do to get someone results. And she operated with the feelings of competence and knowledge. Don’t when she had value to add. And she took actions based on that person, on being that person again, self-concept is your way of being so really wants you to ask yourself, sit, look at your current results and ask yourself how long you want to keep operating in the self concept of someone who keeps getting those results. You have to get really clear on the version of yourself that makes double your paycheck. What are they? What is that version of you doing differently than what’s doing now?

Kristen Boss (12:55):
It informs your decision-making. It changes how you interact with people. It changes, honestly, it changes your relationship with yourself. Because if you see yourself as someone who is accomplishing something, rather than someone who’s failing at something, it removes shame from the equation. And by the way, shame never gets you very far in business. Just like it. Doesn’t get you very far in diets or weight loss, right? It changes your relationship with yourself. You have more self-respect you appreciate yourself. You trust yourself to make decisions. It changes your perspective on things. For example, here’s a great example. If you know that you were putting in the work to create $50,000 a year in your social selling business, and someone shows interest in your product, and you know, the $50,000 is inevitable. Like, you know, it, you feel it in your bones and somebody reaches out to you that says, Hey, tell me about your product.

Kristen Boss (13:55):
Let me give you a scenario of two different types of people operating from two different types of self-concept. So let’s do the person that has yet to hit their first rank and is struggling to make money in their business. And someone finally reaches out and says, Hey, tell me more about your product, the person who identifies as I’m a failure. And I’m always struggling is going to feel very insecure. When this person reaches out, she’s going to be like, I don’t know what to say. And they’re also gonna feel very scarce as in, they can’t lose the sale because they’re very afraid because they see themselves as a failure. So their mindset around that one lead coming to them is they have to get it right, because no other lead might come. Oh no. So suddenly the very graspy they’re very needy. And this is when people verbally vomit all over the interested party.

Kristen Boss (14:44):
They say way too much. They don’t practice constraint. They don’t have restraint and they don’t ask strategic questions. They’re not in a calm place of service. They’re in a panic place of scarcity and needing the sale, which what ends up happening. They scare the sale off, which then reinforces. I am somebody who fails in this business. Do you guys see the pattern here? Okay. Now let’s do the other scenario of the person who is, who deeply believes they’re going to have success in this business. They’re operating the somebody who makes good money in this business. They feel calm and they trust themselves. They know that the work there that they’re putting out in the world is going to come back to them. So let’s do the same scenario. Someone reaches out to them about their product. They are not looking to that one person to be the solution to their business.

Kristen Boss (15:45):
They’re calm, they’re asking questions. They don’t need the sale. And by the way of potential loves feeling like you don’t need them. Because when that happens, they’ve the consumer. The potential feels like they have all the power in the conversation, but when you need it from them and you’re desperate, they don’t like that feeling because someone who’s desperate is trying to have power in the conversation. And no one wants that. So when we are calm and when we are in this deep trusting place, we’re literally handing the power to the consumer and helping them feel confident in their decision-making the least pressure, the better. So the person who is asking the questions is really calm is truly okay with the person saying no is three times more likely to secure the sale than the person that was scaring the other person off. And I actually taught this.

Kristen Boss (16:45):
One of my students was telling her this, like I realized that you’re all taught that fortune is in the followup, but you have to be really strategic about your follow-up. You need to do it from a very detached place instead of like, Hey, you need to do this. Hey, Hey, Hey, like don’t Badger them. Check in once. Let it be someone who really wants it. They will come to you. I promise. I promise you. Here’s what happened. One of my students, same thing. She sent the potential, a like an analysis, a hair quiz. And she, the person filled it out and she was really, it was, she reached out to me, she’s like, oh, you’re not going to believe this. I sent out this quiz. And I remember what you said about not scaring off potentials with my neediness. So I just decided to be calm and assume she was going to come to me.

Kristen Boss (17:38):
And three days later, that person in fact did come back and say, Hey, I’m totally ready to order with you. And it’s so great. When the customer comes to you on their terms, they feel they have all the power. And it really does position you to be in a place of service. I mean, like I’d love to serve you. I’d love to help you let’s get started. And you secure the sale because you’re, we’re operating from the self concept of I’m creating future wealth and success with this business. I don’t need the sale from this one place. Same thing. It was when I was, when it was earlier in my coaching business. And someone decided I wasn’t the coach for them. I wasn’t beating myself up and hoping or praying that they’d come back to me. I was like, it’s fine. Someone, someone else is coming.

Kristen Boss (18:24):
Who’s a good fit for me. And I’m the coach for them. And that’s exactly what happened. I have people ask me all the time. They’re like, well, did you, did you message people that you wanted to work with? Did you ask them to work with you? I was like, no, I never did. And I never chased people. Even if they were to book a call and say, Hey, I want to learn about working with you. And they didn’t show up. I didn’t, I didn’t make it mean anything. I’m like, it’s fine. There’s so many people out there and you need that mindset. You need the mindset of there’s so many people out there. There’s so many people for you to serve. But when you are identifying in your self-concept is I’m a broken, struggling person. It makes you very needy for every single person that comes to you. Instead of really seeing yourself as I’m someone who’s going to have success. And I’m, I trust myself and I make good decisions and the paycheck, I see myself having this inevitable and you operate with so much more calm in your business.

Kristen Boss (19:15):
So if you’ve been stuck at a certain rank or stuck at a certain paycheck, I really want you to check in with yourself and ask, what is your self concept? What are your thoughts about, about yourself right now? How are you thinking, how are you feeling? What decisions are you making? Right? This is like, this is how I was able to personally invest over a hundred K in my growth in my book business in a year. Can you believe that? But it was because I knew exactly where I was taking my business. I knew where I was going. I didn’t wait for the results to show up in the bank account first and then spend that. I mean, I didn’t spend it all at once, but I’m just saying, like, I was always operating from the future vision of my business. Being like, of course, I’m going to invest that because I see this, my result is inevitable and this is going to help me serve my audience at the highest level. That’s what I invested for. That’s what you invest is learning to serve at the highest level it’s paying for the tools. I love the same, like writing the check to go faster. So my, even my personal investment decisions with my business growth is from a self-concept of the future vision of my business. So you have to stop looking at your present circumstances to inform you of your decisions.

Kristen Boss (20:38):
It’s trusting. Again, I say this a lot, having your own back with your decisions, being like I’m going to be fine, but I know the future I want, I know the vision I want for myself. So am willing to make this decision for that future self and operating from that place, operating with your self-concept is really about your long-term mindset than your short-term mindset. It’s really thinking about your future. And so many of you are caught in what you see today, and it’s almost like you’ve assigned permanence to it. Like it’s always going to be this hard. It’s always going to be this miserable. I’m always going to be this broke. It feels never ending because you entertain that thought you keep operating from the person who believes that that becomes your self-concept I’m broken, struggling, and broken, struggling. So you make decisions the way someone who broken, struggling makes decisions.

Kristen Boss (21:35):
I know this cause I, this had to challenge. I had to change this about myself. When I wanted to create this business, I didn’t have this little pile of cash sitting on the side to grow my business and invest in my dream. It was really risky. Like it was put on a credit card and things were really scary. I sold furniture. I sold old clothes to make it happen. Okay. Because my future self concept, my self concept was I’m going to be somebody who creates this. So of course, I’m going to make the hard decisions now. And right now your heart decision, and may not even be an investment, it might just be like how the scary things you do in your business, the necessary decisions, the necessary daily action that’s required of you. That’s going to have no instant glory, and it will be painful.

Kristen Boss (22:28):
It might feel like a struggle, but it’s about the results you’re going to create in the future because your future self knows it’s worth it. So this is what I mean by self concept, really sit down and ask yourself, how am I operating today? How is my business a reflection of my current self concept? Where do I want my business to be? And who does that require me to be, who must I become to attract and create that business to make sure that business becomes inevitable and guarantees my results, who must I become today? And now how would I show up differently in my conversations in my life and my engagement in my Instagram, that is the question you need to ask yourself. And when you operate from that person, you will create

Kristen Boss (23:18):
The results that you were looking for. That’s it for this week, short, sweet, powerful, have a really blessed holiday season, have a blessed Christmas, and we will see you next week. And if you have not checked out the show notes for the link with a three-day popup group, go ahead and do that. And I will see you in the live group. Then that wraps today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for awhile. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network market. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

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