Toxic Thoughts Ep #138

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Way back in episode seven, Kristen talked about success thoughts, and as it remains the most popular episode to date - she decided to do part two. Except this time around, she’ll be walking through the thoughts that can cause you to stall out and keep you from moving forward in your business.

Way back in episode seven, Kristen talked about success thoughts, and as it remains the most popular episode to date – she decided to do part two. Except this time around, she’ll be walking through the thoughts that can cause you to stall out and keep you from moving forward in your business.

This episode is about toxic thoughts and how they can sabotage progress before you even start. Just like the saying, one bad apple ruins the bunch – one toxic thought can get in your way of creating the outcomes you’ve been working so hard for.

Here’s what you can learn:

  • The top 7 toxic thoughts that might be stalling your progress
  • Why it’s essential to look for evidence to support your thoughts – good and bad
  • Alternative thoughts and actions you can use to help combat toxic thoughts
  • Why the fear of being uncomfortable is at the core of most negative thoughts

Instead of diving head first into negative thought territory – first get clear on the facts. So many of our negative and toxic thoughts are based on stories that we tell ourselves and not on real data. Be honest with yourself and watch those toxic thoughts melt away.

The biggest event of the year is back again! Business Reboot for Social Sellers is the brand new, highly anticipated training series to end your 2022 with a huge bang. Join Kristen LIVE December 26-28 for 3 days of intensive training to help recession-proof your business and show you how to turn your social selling business into a real financial asset. Click here to join in.

Looking for a way to maximize your sales this upcoming holiday season? Then now is the perfect time to download your copy of Kristen’s new Monetize and Maximize Holiday Guide. Inside you’ll find simple and effective strategies designed to turn the last quarter of the year into your best. Click here to buy now.

Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast:

Connect with Kristen:

If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy:

Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.

Transcript for Episode 138 Toxic Thoughts:

Kristen Boss (00:05):  Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristin Boss. I’m your host Kristin Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape, in this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way.

Kristen Boss (00:49):  Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of the show, excited to talk about today. It’s actually a take two or a part to one of our most downloaded episodes of this show on the podcast. One of the most downloaded episodes we have is something called success thoughts, where I highlight the seven key thoughts that I use and cultivate and nurture and think about when it came to growing my business. And a lot of you love it, you listen to it on repeat. And I thought, you know what? If we were to talk about the opposite of success thoughts, and I believe the most common thoughts that stall people out, keep them from moving ahead, totally sabotage their behavior and get in the way of the results. I’m going to call them toxic thoughts because they literally make us sick. Just one thought can actually poison the one bad apple can poison the rest.

Kristen Boss (01:50):  And so I was really thinking about sharing this with you through the lens of, I don’t want to say it’s toxic, so that you think you are toxic or through the lens of shame or something’s wrong with you or anything like that. It’s more, I want you to understand the power of how subtle and nuanced these thoughts are. And I guarantee you have thought one, if not all of them at some point in time in your business. So what I’m going to do is today I’m going to walk you through the most common toxic thoughts that get in the way of results that have you self-sabotaging, that disrupting patterns in your business that are really getting in the way of the outcomes that you want. And I’m going to share not just the thought itself, but also what the thought creates and the habits that tend to come from that thought and why that thought is so toxic.

Kristen Boss (02:45):  So let’s go. Right? Okay, so the first one, and it’s one I hear all the time, I should be further along and I know many of you have said this, you’re probably thinking it it right now. Heck, maybe you said it this morning when you woke up. But here’s the thing, when you’re thinking about, I should be further along, think about the place you are saying that from. Oftentimes I should be further along is I would say a direct impact or a direct result of the activity of comparison. Because further along is usually because you are looking at where someone else is and measuring yourself against them or measuring yourself against an ideal. But almost, almost all the time you’re looking at somebody else and seeing how fast your perception of their speed, of their success of their results. Remember there is your perception and there is reality, be it we make judgments of ourselves based on our perceptions of others, and it can be incredibly detrimental.

Kristen Boss (03:51):  So this idea of I should be further along, oftentimes it also creates a lot of judgment because you’re looking at somebody else. There’s the reason why it’s I compare and despair. I compare myself to you and only creates despair in me. And I also think this thought of I should be further along creates a feeling of resentment in your business. You start resenting the thing that isn’t giving you what you want in the amount of time that you want it in. And oftentimes I just want you to think of where do you think you should be at this point and why do you think that should be further along? Just because you’ve put in more time than somebody else doesn’t mean that you have a right to or that you’re entitled to be further along. I’m going to give you an example is in a lot of ways I grew my coaching business faster than most coaches out there.

Kristen Boss (04:46):  And they can look at my business and say, well, my business should be as far along as Kristen’s because look at where she got in two years or three years and look at why am I not there? And again, perception versus reality. But here’s the thing, you can look at the time like, okay, Kristen spent three years, I spent three years doing this and I got X number of results built in eight figure business. You have someone that’s been in the coaching business for the same period of time, but maybe they’re making their first six figures. And that person can look at my business and being comparing to spare and think because their perception of my business not having any context. They’ll think, well, because Kristen has been in that amount of time, I also should have that amount of results. But we haven’t gotten clear on, well, what has been the differentiator in our decision making?

Kristen Boss (05:37):  And I could sit down and ask that coach and be like, okay, have you invested over a quarter million dollars in mentorship If you paid to get in rooms, did you live beneath your means? Did you put the majority of your income back into investments? Or did you try to live off of it right away? Did you invest in audience growth early? How serious are you about mentorship? And if they’re like, no, no, no, no, no, and no. Also, I spent 10 years researching. So there’s just a lot there. I’m like, Hey, it might look like an over success, but that is your perception. The reality is this is 12 years in the making reality. This was a quarter million dollars in investments. Reality is this is a lot harder. But again, when we say I should be further along, again, we are thinking about this through a lens of idealism and often our perception of how we think others’ successes or how they got there.

Kristen Boss (06:27):  And we judge ourselves against that. So notice, ask yourself, has the thought I should be further along ever served you? Or does it make you feel like garbage? Listen, 99% of the time you’re going to feel like garbage. You’re going to end up presenting your business, you’re going to be comparing yourself even more. And here’s what I see people doing when they believe they should be further along, they start dabbling in other things. They leave their business, they stop doing the activity generating income, they start dabbling like, well, what’s over here? Maybe here is going to be faster. Maybe here will offer me more money. Maybe I should add another offer. Or maybe I should change my service. Maybe I should change my company. And they leave the thing that’s generating them in income. And because now they have divided attention, now they have less income that they’re making because they’re not staying focused.

Kristen Boss (07:13):  And for me, it was like I stayed so focused, I didn’t look at anything else. I didn’t do anything else. I just kept my head down to the ground. And so what’s interesting is when they start spreading their attention, they start watering down their results and then therefore it keeps, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy of, look at my water down results. I should be further along. And again, let’s just go back to just because you’ve been in it longer doesn’t mean you are owed results. Because think about it. Someone could say, I’ve been in it a certain number of years. But yeah, what’s your effort looked like in those years? Have you thought that maybe someone’s put in more effort and acquired more risk and taken bigger leaps in that same amount of time that you have? Which is why, and maybe they’ve taken more action, maybe they’ve done more messy implementation, maybe they’ve done that in the same period of time that it took you to do one thing.

Kristen Boss (08:07):  They did 10 things because they didn’t think about, they weren’t stuck in perfectionism and overthinking and overanalyzing. Think about that. Okay, so that’s not number one. I should be further along. Thought number two, nothing is working. Love this one. Love when people say it to me as I’m sipping some hot tea here. Here’s the thing, when you’re saying nothing is working, what that’s keeping you from is seeing what is working because your brain goes wherever you direct it to go. So if you’re staying, nothing is working. Your brain immediately starts looking for evidence. Because this is how your brain has survived for thousands and thousands of years. It’s always looking for evidence to support a belief so that you can stay in that belief so that you can have certainty because that is how we create the world around us. Listen, your brain is always working on reinforcing or creating a belief system.

Kristen Boss (09:01):  Think about that. It’s either it’s working on reinforcing a belief system or creating a new one. That is what your brain is always doing. So the moment you say nothing is working, your brain’s like, great, let’s look for all the evidence that nothing is working. So all your brain is focusing on is what’s not working and it’s ignoring what is working. It’s ignoring tiny little hints. If you’ve ever heard the saying, success leaves clues. Well, when you’re too busy looking at all the fails and not intentionally looking for even the smallest of wins, then you’re going to overlook what might be your biggest indicator of future success. But you’re too busy telling yourself nothing is working because the moment you find something that’s working, you double down on that. And we have this, and I see students do this is for example, they’ll be like, nothing is working.

Kristen Boss (09:51):  It’s just so frustrating. And then they’ll tell me that they got a new customer. And I’m like, well what did you do to create that customer? And they walk me through the steps that created the customer. I said, sounds like you do know what’s working. What if we were to double down on that? But what’s fascinating is that’s not what their brain does. Oftentimes my students, when they create a result, they actually dismiss the result. They’re like, well, I think it was lucky. I think it was because they’d been following me for a long time. I think it was because there was a sale going on instead of, well, hold on, let’s look at what created that result. Well, I had been consistent for a while. I was talking about my business, I was being friendly, I was making offers, I was consistent. But instead, most people, what I see them do is I see them dismiss the result they got and then they think, well I think that was a fluke.

Kristen Boss (10:41):  Let me try something else. They actually leave what’s working and they don’t double down on it. So you have to look for evidence of what is in fact working. Otherwise. If you tell your brain that as soon as you say nothing’s working, your brain’s like, great, then we’re just going to focus on everything that’s not working and feel like we’re failing. Okay, so that’s thought number two. Thought number three. I love this one too. So notice how I’m pointing out extremes in or vagueness. So I should be further along. We’ll wear and how and by when, there’s a lack of specifics there nothing is working. That’s again generalization. And if you’ve ever been in a relationship or in counseling, they would say Never speak in Es. Like always, never nothing, right? Nothing. Everything. Notice the absolute language. So nothing is working. Here’s the next one. I’m doing all the things.

Kristen Boss (11:35):  This is another one that I hear all the time. When people come to me, they’ll say, I’m doing all the things, but here’s what happens when you say, I’m doing all the things again, remember your brain goes where it directs it. So all it does is sit with what you’re doing and you’re not thinking critically because you haven’t asked yourself the question, what am I not doing? Or better yet, you want to know what’s really going on. Ask yourself, what am I actively avoiding or resisting that I know needs doing in my business that I know is keeping me from results? And if you were to have an honest conversation with yourself, you would know the answer like that. You would know immediately. Yep, I’m not talking to people. Yep, I’m posting and then I’m scrolling, I’m lurking online, I’m not talking to anybody, I’m not having meaningful conversations.

Kristen Boss (12:22):  I’m not following up with people because I think I’m bugging them. But again, when you’re saying I’m doing all the things, your brain is like, that’s it. We’re out of solutions because we’ve done all the things instead of there must be something I’m not doing and I’m not going to judge myself for it. I’m just going to get very curious. So again, your brain is a super computer that is always working in your favor. So ask it the right questions. What am I maybe not doing that’s keeping me from my results? Your brain will tell you, you just have to put it to work. So it keeps you from saying what you’re not doing. Which again, at the same time here, so interesting too is when people say I’m doing all the things is they come to me, they have an excuse to stop. Or it’s almost like when they get to keep the story, because sometimes I’ll ask people, okay, what is that story giving you?

Kristen Boss (13:19):  It’s because for some reason your brain thinks it’s beneficial to believe this. Why? If I give you the story, what do you get from the story? And I think what you get from the story is I’m doing all the things as you get the story that you are the exception and that it cannot be fixed. That you’re right. This works for everybody else, but not for you. It actually gives you an out, it gives you an excuse. It lets you believe I don’t have to try anything else. I don’t have to get uncomfortable. This is just how it is for me. I can’t help it. It very much lets you be in this place of I can’t help it. It lets you have the victim mentality that doesn’t serve you at all. I’m doing all the things. Almost also feels like a little bit of, I think it also creates just a hint of entitlement of I’m doing all the things, so where’s all my results?

Kristen Boss (14:12):  And you might be doing all the things, but with the thousands of students I’ve coached, the people I’ve coached in group programs and intimately it’s, it’s very, very rare that they’re doing all the things. I’m actually going to say, it’s impossible. It’s impossible to do all the things. Maybe the bigger point and the more honest point is you’re ready for this. It’s going to feel so uncomfortable me saying this to you, but it might hit home in a way you need to hear. Maybe the truer statement is, I’m doing all the things that I feel comfortable doing, but there are uncomfortable things I’m actively avoiding. That is the honest statement. I’m doing all the things. Well, maybe you’re doing all the things that you feel like doing. Maybe you’re doing all the things that feel most comfortable to you. But when it comes to going out of your comfort zone, building a new skill, learning a sales conversation, learning to feel clunky through that conversation, you’re not having it.

Kristen Boss (15:12):  It’s like, okay, well that’s the honest truth then. Dang right, feel a little uncomfortable. Let’s keep going. Are you like, please make it stop. This is painful. Are you like, yep, yep. Thought one, thought two, thought three. Holy moly, this is why I’m not getting results ready. Here’s another one. I don’t know enough. On some level, I don’t know enough to be an expert. I don’t know enough to be credible. I don’t know enough to offer value to somebody online. I don’t know enough to have a niche in this. I don’t know enough to talk about this product confidently. I don’t know enough about the comp plan. I don’t know enough about human behavior. I don’t know enough about psychology, just whatever it is. I don’t know enough. And again, what does that story gives you? Give you, it gives you a reason. And actually it gives you a noble reason, an acceptable reason to go and research to consume, to go and get into research mode and think, okay, there must be more I need to think about to gather.

Kristen Boss (16:12):  So you go into consumerism, it gives you this sense of noble consumerism. I’m just consuming for a purpose because I know that I’m preparing myself so that I can serve someone better. But you’re not serving anybody when you’re consuming something and researching it to death. You want to serve somebody, get out there and serve someone because chances are you have exactly what it takes to help someone right now. You don’t have to be in chapter 20 of your story or your level of experience or expertise to help somebody who’s in chapter one. I know for me, in my coaching business who I was able to help, I was able to help more and more people because I kept growing my skillset. It’s like, but at the beginning I was coaching people for free. I was willing to be like, okay, I’m pretty sure I know how to help people, but I’m going to figure it out.

Kristen Boss (17:00):  I didn’t research how to coach. I mean, I did some of that, but also I knew the best way to become a good coach was coach a lot. And so I’d coached, I don’t even know how many hours are under my belt at this point. I mean thousands, I’m sure, but I only earned that credibility through action, not through research. Now I do a lot of research now I’m always studying human behavior and psychology, but there is theory and then there’s applied knowledge. There’s like I can read about it in a book, but then once I’m dialoguing with somebody actually holding the space, reading the energy, watching their body language, noticing when they’re pausing, when there’s a long stretch of silence, when they’re shifting uncomfortably or when I look at their face, all of that is data through action, not research. And so if you want to be the expert, the only way to be an expert is through a lot of practice and implementation.

Kristen Boss (18:06):  That is how I got to be a very good coach was literally. And also, I do think I had what I’m going to call an unfair advantage coming into the coaching industry because I was a hairstylist for 15 years. So I already was in a habit of holding space for people, reading body language, holding conversations, having hard conversations, hearing people share with me their deepest, darkest things. And so for me, I understood people at a very deep level because I was a hairstylist. Think about the conversations you have with your hairstylist. You grow a relationship with them. So I was able to take my knowledge from that and really bring it over to coaching. And I do think that significantly compressed my learning curve because so much of my skills as a hairstylist transferred really well. However, hairstylists, we love to spew opinions and get in.

Kristen Boss (18:57):  We call it getting in the pool with our clients being like, oh my gosh, no, he did not. And I can’t believe he said that. Well, you go and tell him, you show him. We’re like, we’re your ultimate hype girls. We’re always on your side. But as a coach, being on your side looks different. As a coach, I’m not always telling you what you want to hear. I’m telling you what you need to hear. And that is being on your side. I’m willing to piss you off for the sake of your growth. I’m willing to risk our relationship. And you think maybe I’m wrong or maybe trigger you or frustrate you. Of course I do this with awareness for the sake of your growth. But a hairstylist is going to be like, whatever you want to hear. No, this is about you honey. And oh my gosh, I can’t believe you said it. Just very much always on your side. Whereas a coach, it just looks different. So all that to say is you want to be the master of something. Be willing to be the apprentice of something and start small and work your way up. Okay.

Kristen Boss (19:53):  Hey friends, I’m taking a quick minute to interrupt the show, to share a special announcement with you. Guess what? My three day live intensive training event, the event everyone looks forward to every year is back December 26th, 27th and 28th. It is the social selling Business Reboot. Y’all do not want to miss this. Listen, it has been a year, and I know at the end of the year you’re often thinking, okay, what’s next for my business? I’m ready to focus, regain momentum, revamp, refresh my business, wake up my team, set new goals and get serious. Last year we had more than 15,000 social sellers, and I know we will have more present with us this year. And again, I make it as approachable as possible for you. It’s only $9. So it’s literally just change out one of your favorite grande drinks at Starbucks and get this ticket instead.

Kristen Boss (20:48):  And when you do early registration between now and December 1st, we might extend it, but probably not December 1st, you will be granted immediate access to the recording of Sustainable Success 2.0. It was the event we did last year so that you can watch that recording. You can kind of binge on some of the good content. We’re going to have a live Facebook community, giveaways, prizes. This training is going to be the best training I have given thus far. Brand new material, brand new concepts, how to recession proof your business, how to have sustainable recruitment, wake up your team and really wake up your paycheck and really hit the goals you want for 2023. You’re not going to want to miss it. Click the link in the show notes below and we will see you at the event.

Kristen Boss (21:30):  So again, let’s revisit them. I should be further along. Nothing is working. I’m doing all the things. I don’t know enough. Here’s another one, it’s, it’s a similar flavor to I don’t know enough. This is, I don’t know what to do. Goodness gracious. Yes you do. Yes you do. And I want you to see this as an optional thought to shelf when it comes up. And notice that this thought again, what does this story give you? I want you to think about this. Every time you are sitting with a thought or a story being like, wait, hold on. If I choose to believe this is fact, if I choose to believe that I really don’t know what to do and that feels true to me, what does that give me? And in that, it gives me what I feel is a legitimate reason to not take action.

Kristen Boss (22:16):  It keeps me where I’m at. It keeps me from doing the scary thing. It keeps me from putting myself out there. It keeps me from potentially experiencing rejection or failure or whatever it is that I’m afraid of. So this, I don’t know what to do. It immediately, first of all, puts you into a state of confusion and it takes you out of control. And suddenly you’re spiraling and you’re waiting for somebody or something to tell you what to do. And I know this because I see people do it. And oftentimes it comes up in my coaching with my clients is they’ll say something to me, they’ll say, I don’t know what to do. Or they’re run something by me. And often they, I have to echo back to them. I say, sounds like you do know what to do. And almost always they end up saying, you’re right.

Kristen Boss (23:00):  I think I was just looking for validation. I think I was just looking for permission. And if you were to remove the need for permission and validation, how much would you get done in your life? Probably so much. I’m just curious, what are you waiting for validation from today? Who are you needing it from? And why can’t you give that to yourself? Because the moment you can self validate, the moment you can actually trust your decision making and saying, okay, I’m not sure I know what to do, but I know that these could potentially be my options, so I’m going to try it and I’m going to have my own back and I’m going to see how it goes, and then I’m going to evaluate from there. And then if it works, great, we’re going to keep going. If it doesn’t, I’m going to figure something else out. I was just telling someone, I was actually just telling my mastermind this.

Kristen Boss (23:44):  I said, you’re not supposed to know how to get from point A to point B. I was at a networking event recently, and it was amazing. And someone was on stage and they were talking about building a hundred million a year business. And my brain was just breaking at that concept. And they said, okay, well how are you going to get there? And they said, the person that they were interviewing about the a hundred million dollar business, they said, how are you going to get there? And they said, I’ll let you know when I get there because I don’t know, I’m still figuring it out. And I loved that response. It was so honest and so good. But I think, how many of you think, well, I need to know how before I take my next step. I need to see the whole path in front of me.

Kristen Boss (24:25):  I need to know all the how’s. And I’m like, you don’t need to know how, you don’t need to know before you go. You just need to know the right next step and take that next step and then trust. Okay? And then the next step will reveal itself to me. And I can trust myself taking one step at a time, but I love that she’s like, I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I get there and when I get there, then I’ll come back and tell you how I did it, but I’m figuring it out. But how often are we waiting for somebody to give us a map and the how and tell us, okay, this is point A, B, C, D, step sub point A, sub point B, whatever it is, we’re waiting for somebody to give us all the how’s before we take our first step instead of, I’m going to figure it out as I go, but I don’t know what to do.

Kristen Boss (25:09):  Gives you an excuse to stay where you are and it takes all the power away. And what it does is if you’re saying, if you’re focusing on what you don’t know, again, rain’s only going to focus on what I don’t know what I don’t know. Instead of asking yourself the question, what do I know? I know that sounds like such a simple question, but for me, oftentimes when I’m making a big decision or I feel conflicted or my brain wants to tell me I don’t know what to do here, I immediately start with what do I know? What are the facts? I start with the facts. I start with data. What do I know? What’s available to me? What do I know? Who do I know? How have I done this before? If I haven’t done it before? What’s my best guess at this? And I’m like, it’s okay if I don’t know how I’m going to figure it out so that I don’t know what to do.

Kristen Boss (25:57):  Keeps you from figuring out what you already do know, and it keeps you from taking the next right step. Okay, here’s the next one. You ready for this? I’m going to call somebody out with this one. All right. Nobody wants to do the work. Again, here we are with the same generalization, the the extremes, everything, nothing all the time, never, always. Now it’s nobody, everybody. So nobody wants to do the work. And I hear this a lot from people. I’m coaching my students just overall in the industry, people thinking like, well, nobody wants to do the work anymore. Nobody feels like working. Nobody wants to put in the time, nobody wants to have a job. I’m like, well, I don’t know who you’re talking about because I see plenty of people that are hungry for work. And I was actually looking at statistics recently for how many people want remote work online.

Kristen Boss (26:57):  And I think it was like 82% of millennials desire to have remote flexible income from home. Hello. If you are in direct sales network marketing or selling an affiliate, a commission based service or product, that is you my friend, that is you. But again, it’s always where focus goes. Energy flows. And so again, remember your brain is always looking to build evidence on a belief you have. So if you’re like, nobody wants to work, your brain has this thing. It’s called confirmation bias. If I was to tell you a red jeep and you were thinking about a red jeep, suddenly you’re going to see red Jeeps everywhere. Not even if you’re actively looking for them, you just notice them everywhere. That is how confirmation bias works. Have you ever bought a car? You drove it off the lot and suddenly you saw your car everywhere because you were subconsciously looking for it’s confirmation bias.

Kristen Boss (27:55):  Or an example for me was when I was trying to get pregnant, I just felt like pregnant women were everywhere. They were everywhere. And now I see them nowhere. I’m like, oh, there’s pregnant people. I didn’t even know. Again, it’s confirmation bias. It’s like your brain is looking for evidence of what you want. So if you’re saying nobody wants to do the work, then you’re probably reading the content of people that are like, oh, things are so hard right now. I just want to Netflix. I don’t want to do these things. Or you’re giving your energy and focus to people that are constantly complaining to you about the work. Instead of talking to people that are actively like, Hey, teach me more, show me more. If you’re like, Kristen, I have none of those people. My clients are lazy, my down, my downlines are lazy, my teammates are lazy, nobody wants it.

Kristen Boss (28:38):  I’d be very carefully check in if you are assuming that people don’t want to work, are you looking at their behaviors and interpreting their behaviors to mean that they don’t want to work? When? What if that’s not actually the case? What if they’ve lost belief? What if they’re just feeling insecure? What if they’re not feeling confident? What if they’re lacking a skill? But if you’re not having that conversation, you’re just going to continue to believe. Yep, you’re right. Nobody wants to work. And when you’re believing, nobody wants to work, guess who you’re writing content for? All of your content is convincing people why work isn’t terrible and why it’s great and you end up speaking to the wrong people instead of people that are hungry and excited to work and looking forward to work, want part-time work from home. Listen, that is not going anywhere. And even with a recession, people are way more likely and more eager to find ways to increase their live, increase their income than they are to decrease their consumerism.

Kristen Boss (29:40):  They do not want to give up their Starbucks. They want to figure out how to make more money. And if you aren’t learning to talk to those people, all you’re going to be busy talking to or you’re just going to not talk at all because you’re going to assume, well, from what I’ve seen, nobody wants to work. And I would ask you a real hard question is oftentimes we’re projecting our own thoughts onto our audience. So I’d be like, do you want to work? How’s your relationship with work? Do you hate work? Are you frustrated? Do you not feel like working most days? Because if you hate working, it would make sense that you would assume everybody else does too. Yeah, it’s a tough thing to say, but you might need to hear it like, damn, she’s giving me all these thoughts today. And it’s hearting. Yeah, y’all be taken to entrepreneur church today.

Kristen Boss (30:25):  Getting some conviction up in here. All right, let’s go to the next one. Okay, here’s a big one. And I think it’s great to talk about with people being aware of the recession people are making. Here’s the thing, be very mindful of the conversations you are around when it comes to talking about the recession, because not everybody is viewing it the same way. Now, consumer behavior is changing a little bit, but here’s the thing, even in a recession, remember, people are more likely to desire to desire ways to increase their income than they are to decrease their way of living. Humans are averse to pain and they are a adverse to loss. So cutting things from their budget, they are less likely, they have less desire to do that than they do to start to work remotely from home and sell a commission based product online.

Kristen Boss (31:24):  So there is going to be people that want that. Now, I can see people looking at their product and not, I can see it all the time. People think, well, nobody can afford my products right now. My products are really expensive. And statistically, with getting into a commission based product or service, startup kit is anywhere between, I’ve seen them quite cheap, but I would say on average or between $99 and $199. And I see people have so much drama around this, they’re like, oh my gosh, it’s so expensive and nobody can afford it. Nobody can afford it. And oftentimes they’re projecting from their own experience when they bought the products and they’re like, I couldn’t afford it, and therefore nobody else can afford it. But here’s the problem when you’re saying no one can afford my products, is you are putting too much of your focus on the price of the product and not the value of the product.

Kristen Boss (32:16):  The value and price are not the same thing. Give you an example. I have my three day events that I do every year. It’s our three day live training event, and I’m charging $9. That is the price of admission to get there. But the value of the event is probably worth like a thousand dollars. With what people learn with the action steps they take, the intense amount of training, how in depth I go, how detailed I go. It’s not a fluffy rah training, it’s not anything they’ve ever heard before. I put a lot of thought and detailed attention to it. I treat it as if somebody is paying me a thousand dollars for the training, I treat it at super high level. So there’s the price of what someone pays, and I can sit here and focus all my time on what? It’s only $9.

Kristen Boss (33:06):  It’s so cheap. You could just do this. And then there’s the value of it. But let me tell you something, especially when it comes to selling the business model, it is almost never the price that someone has an objection to what they have reservations around is their investment of their time. People right now, we are living in an attention or a time deficit economy. People value their time more than they value their money right? Now. They’re more likely to pay you a dollar to save a minute than they are to give you a minute to save a dollar. I think that’s what I was saying. But essentially for me, if I was only focused on the price of $9 and being like, what? It’s so cheap. Why aren’t you just spending $9? What I actually have to sell people on, it’s not the $9. What I have to sell people on is the departure of their valuable time of why it’s worth taking one hour each day for three days to give me literally their most valuable reset asset.

Kristen Boss (34:06):  You can go and make all the money, but you cannot make more time. So for me, knowing I’m dealing with someone’s non-renewable time and that is their most precious resource, I have to sell it. How is this worth your time? How is this worth your attention? And how is this worth? It’s notice how I’m not putting any focus on the $9 because I understand consumer psychology is how is this worth my time? Because if we’re focused on the price, then I would’ve just said, Hey, it’s $9. Get there. See you there. And my advertising would be pretty low key, but I don’t just stop there. I have a big long sales page. Again, for the perception of value, I’m trying to communicate the value, not the price. If I’m focused on the price, I just say, I would just have a single banner that said three day live event, I’ll help your business.

Kristen Boss (34:59):  It’s so cheap, I’ll see you there. Well, how sold do you feel? You don’t feel sold again, because I’m putting all my focus on the price instead of, okay, hold on, I’m going to put all my focus on the value. And the value gets a sales page that you have to scroll through where I’m thinking about. They need to know what they’re learning, why it’s valuable that they learn it, why it’s valuable, that they give me their time, and why it’s valuable to their business, valuable to their future, and why them giving their time to me creates money later. I have to communicate that that is a value I’m communicating. So again, this concept of you believing people can’t afford it, it’s you thinking, here’s the bottom line, it’s you thinking it’s not worth their time, or that you yourself don’t see the value in what you offer.

Kristen Boss (35:43):  Because if you saw the value, you wouldn’t shut up about it. If you saw the value you’d be willing to sell with intensity, with commitment, and really thinking about, hold on, what might their objections be to this? So yeah, maybe $199 is a cost that someone might pause with and how can I meet them there? But if you’re believing nobody can afford this, you’re not solving for objections, you’re not doing creative marketing, you’re not understanding the consumer psychology, and you’re not meeting them where they are, you end up doing lazy marketing. You mar and or you don’t sell it at all, and you constantly sell your cheapest package because you don’t believe anybody wants to pay for your highest package. And by the way, if you were to start selling with your highest package, what that does is it creates a price anchoring. So you say, Hey, well there’s this $199 package.

Kristen Boss (36:35):  Here’s the value that here’s why. And if they say, oh man, there’s no way I could do 1 99 and say, oh, well we also have this smaller package for $99 Now, because you’ve anchored in the price, you started with 1 99. Now $99 feels like a deal. And by the way, this increases your close rate. You didn’t know you were going to be here for a sales training inside of toxic thoughts, but you needed it because I want you to really understand that communicating the value of your offer is everything. And if you’re believing that nobody can afford your offer, what you’re really saying is, I don’t see it’s valuable and I don’t know how to communicate the value of this. Therefore, this isn’t valuable enough for someone to pay that amount of money for. And you have to do the work to think, hold on, how is this actually worth far, far more than what they are paying monetarily?

Kristen Boss (37:25):  And you can’t just get to the place where you’re like, well, yeah, better energy, better sleep. But yeah, do you feel convicted when you say that? Do you feel it in your body when you’re saying yes, it’s totally worth it? Are you like, yeah, I mean, I guess it saves them doctor visits or yeah, I guess it on a trip to target or yeah, I guess it saves them time in the carpool line. Unless you are like conviction is oozing out of your pores, you’re not going to sell. Well, conviction is everything. Okay. The last thought I’m going to cover today, people don’t like the business model. And listen, you’re right. Some people don’t like the business model you’re in. Most people, a lot of people are open to it when it’s done right when it’s done well when it’s done ethically, when you’re marketing with purpose, when you’re being honest about the success rate, honest about what it takes to have success in the industry, honest about the grit that it takes.

Kristen Boss (38:21):  The only reason why people have hesitations or resistance to joining the business model is because how the business model has been historically marketed. And maybe there are associations they have with it. Listen, if you don’t sell them on the first conversation, don’t sell them with your words. Sell them with your behavior. Sell them with how you are responding online. Sell them with how you’re showing up. Sell them with how much value and service you give without being gross online. And so this idea of nobody likes a business model, yeah, they’re going to be some that will never want this business model, and that’s totally fine. Don’t shame them. Don’t judge them. Don’t think that they’re less enlightened than you’re you are. That’s not the case. They’ve just decided, this isn’t for me. And that’s totally fine. And there’re going to be some product. Listen, not everybody wants every product or service out there.

Kristen Boss (39:07):  I am not a coach for everybody, even in the direct sales and network marketing space. Not every network marketer is going to say, that’s totally my coach. I totally align with her philosophy. I think a lot do. But I also understand, I’m not for everybody. That’s okay. I’m not going to have a hundred percent close rate. That’s impossible. I’m not for everyone. Just like your business model isn’t for everybody. But do not let you know the few negative opinions inform your belief and your value of what you are doing in the world. And if you want people to think differently, then do it differently. That’s why, you know, follow my podcast. That’s why students in my academy, it’s so fun when students share, wow, people are noticing my posts are different. I’m a lot. I’m offering a lot more value. I’m sharing with more people. People notice a difference and it’s great.

Kristen Boss (39:57):  And I think we have guys, we got our work cut out for us. There are millions and millions and millions of people in network marketing and direct sales and affiliate marketing. And we’ve got our work cut out. And the best way, we’re going to keep making it better, we’re going to keep improving it. So I’m going to just read through the toxic thoughts one more time. I should be further along. Nothing is working. I’m doing all the things. I don’t know enough. I don’t know what to do. Nobody wants to work. No one can afford my products. And people don’t like the business model. Y’all get your thoughts in check because you heard me talk about what you end up doing, you when you believe that thought. And just remember your brain is always looking for evidence of how that story and how that thought is true. So hey, if this resonated with you, share this episode with a friend, tag a bestie, share with three people. Share in your Instagram stories. Let’s talk about it. Because I really believe when you change your stories, you change the results. And if you haven’t listened to success thoughts, go back into our podcast archives and in our episodes, and I believe it’s episode seven, maybe eight, called Success Thoughts. Give it a Listen and we’ll see you in the next episode.

Kristen Boss (41:17):  That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you are ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy where I give you all the tools, training and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or have been in the industry for a while, this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to to learn more.

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