It’s the new year and with every new year comes the NEW YEAR ENERGY. We want to purge, start fresh, set new and amazing goals! This is going to be YOUR YEAR!
Here’s what Kristen wants to say: you need to calm down. Really.
She’s all about setting big goals, but when you set them from an emotionally high, ‘pants on fire’ place, they are not sustainable. And when you fail to reach those goals, the big negative emotions that you will inevitably have (shame, judgement, and more) are hard to shake and will impact your business negatively.
Here’s what she covers:
- The difference between an emotionally led goal vs. a behavior led goal
- Why extreme goals are not sustainable
- What she defines as ‘sabotage goals’
- Why we need to start small even when we have a desire for big change
- How it’s actually possible to achieve big goals from a low emotional state
- How to build a business from low emotions and bad days
- The top 5 things you must detox in your business right now
- The Business Detox Ep #29
Starting out strong at the beginning of the year sounds amazing, but it’s not sustainable. Listen in to hear what to do instead!
Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://kristenboss.com/question
Connect with Kristen:
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If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
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Transcript for Episode #29: The Business Detox
Kristen Boss (00:05): Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses, Happy New Year. It is 2021. We made it. We survived the longest year in the history of our lives.
Kristen Boss (00:58): I am just, I’m actually still in the middle. I’m recording this ahead of time. I’m still in the middle of the huge three day Sustainable Success experience, pop-up Facebook training event and you all came out. You showed up, you came in droves and I have just been having such a blast serving you. More than 2,500 people registered for the experience. We had more than 700 people watching on the live daily. It was unbelievable. I had such a blast really showing up for you. It was so fun seeing your faces, a lot of listeners were there. Thank you. That was really special for me to see you and to serve you in a way that’s different than this traditional platform. So it was just an absolute blast. And I think a lot of you got surprised by how much value you got for $7. And some of you paid for the lifetime access, but still, I just loved seeing how delighted you were to be served.
Kristen Boss (02:11): And, you know, I really do practice what I preach in that I teach over delivery. That, you know, when you make a promise to your listeners, to your audience, to your buyers, go above and beyond what they expect. So it’s been such a blast serving these past few days. So I want to do a short, sweet and simple episode to kick us off in the new year, to kick us off in 2021. And I think this is when everybody has like those weight loss goals, those restart goals, refresh, reclaim let’s redo reboot. Everybody is kind of on this emotional high to restart and do things differently than the way they did in 2020. And I to start by telling you to calm down, I know you’re in this like really invigorated place. And you’re ready to just clean it all up. And this is when everybody goes on a Marie Kondo, like, you know, throw out anything that doesn’t spark joy phase.
Kristen Boss (03:14): They’re decluttering their closets. They’re out with the old, in with the new, I get it. And we tend to want to do this in our business. We want to Marie Kondo anything that doesn’t spark joy. We, we reset the goals we say this year is definitely going to be our year. And I noticed a lot of really high emotions at the beginning of the year, when it comes to business, everybody is excited for that fresh start to get reacquainted with their goals. And I see people do this with weight loss too. It’s like, this is it! I’m finally over the year, I’m going to lose this 15 pounds. I’m going to lose this five or 10 pounds. And then they are on a great track the first you know, month. And then by March, we all saw this maybe before COVID, but what happens? There’s a massive surge in gym memberships in January.
Kristen Boss (03:58): And usually by March it fizzles out, the gym starts to empty and that’s because people don’t stay committed to their goals. And so I really want to have you just pause for a second here, calm down your energy. Don’t be in such this heightened state, making these huge grandiose promise to yourself when you might not be in a place where you should be making huge grandiose promises. And let me give you an example of that. Let’s do the, the gym and the weight loss and the health goal. If you have been sitting on your butt, all of 2020 eating bonbons and watching Netflix, wow. Bonbons, I haven’t heard of bonbons in years. But Hey, you know, if that’s what you’ve been doing and suddenly you decide on January 1st that you’re going to be paleo, gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free all the things. And you’re going to work out five days a week and only drink water and cut alcohol all month.
Kristen Boss (04:55): That’s just a joke. You’re setting yourself up for failure immediately. That is an emotionally led goal rather than a behavior led goal. In the sense of like, it sounds you you’re, you’re ready for change. And so you go to these extreme measures thinking that that’s, what’s going to fix it, but because it’s so extreme, it’s not sustainable. So I want to caution you against doing that in your business. And a lot of you might be coming out of the gate with that exact mentality. I’m going to go live once a week. I’m going to hit that rank. By this time I’m going to hit those bonuses. I’m going to recruit all these people in and you make these huge commitments to yourself that behaviourally. And historically you haven’t been able to meet before and you were literally setting yourself up. It’s I’m going to call this like a sabotage goal where you even know, like that’s not a sustainable habit for you to keep all year long.
Kristen Boss (05:58): This is literally what the three-day training was all about was building sustainable success and getting out of this. Hustley heightened emotional place about your goals and learning to calm down and bringing it back in and being like, well, what’s one good habit that you can keep up with all year. Is it just showing up on your social media? Is it checking in with your customers every day start small because right now you have a history of broken trust of breaking promises to yourself. If every January you are making business promises to yourself and saying, this year is going to be my year. You have a history of not keeping promises to yourself. So why on earth would you make these huge promises to yourself in the new year and set yourself up for judgment, shame and disappointment. If you don’t hit them, when you inevitably aren’t able to sustain those habits.
Kristen Boss (06:52): So start with, one start small. I’m inviting you. This is when everybody is talking about detox, right? You know, like the juice cleanses and getting out the alcohol and the gluten and the carbs, whatever have you. But I want you to cleanse yourself of this need too. I’m going to say, prove yourself, being like to prove myself. And when we’re in that, that need to prove ourselves. That really comes from shame in anything we do from shame is never a sustainable. And if you’re setting a goal to feel worthy and to feel proud of yourself and to prove that you’re, that you’re not someone to laugh at your wanting to prove those friends I’ll show them. That’s not a good place to start your business. It really needs to be from a place of service and self-trust and joy. And what am I committed to do in the longterm?
Kristen Boss (07:48): Am I going to want to be doing this August 10th of this year? Will I still do this? When conflict, crisis, or events happen? Am I setting myself up for self-sabotage? Am I setting myself up to be disappointed 60 days from now and have all kinds of judgments on myself? Because I couldn’t keep my promises to myself again. Don’t do that. So I know you’re, you’re feeling it. Pants are on fire. You’re so excited. You are lit up, calm down, calm down, get centered. And I want you to be thinking about yourself eight months from now, when that lit up motivational new year, new everything. When all of that motivation has faded and is gone. Who are you? That is a type of goal you need to be setting. Is like, what will last? How do I want to make sustainable commitments and promises to myself?
Kristen Boss (08:50): And as I build that self-trust and as I continue to show up for myself, I can start adding more because I’ve learned to trust myself because I now see myself as someone who makes commitments to myself and follows through, start small and go from there. I see a lot of people do this. Don’t do it! Stop it, right? We all have those emotional highs. Don’t set an emotionally high goal. Get out of those emotions, get really calm. Get present in your body, ask yourself what would I do if I was having a garbage day and everything was going wrong? What? I still hold to those things, if not adjust. And again, I talked about this in my three-day experience, I was telling people and it blew their minds. I said, you know, it’s possible to work a business from a non-emotionally high place from this nonmotivated, not excited place. It’s possible to work a business while feeling disappointment and frustration and grief and anger and anxiety and depression. It’s learning to work with those emotions.
Kristen Boss (10:04): It’s learning to still work and put in the time. Even when you’re dealing with negative emotions, I like blew people’s minds. They’re like, wait, what? I can build a business. Even when I’m experiencing negative emotions. Yes. Yes, because life is 50 50. It’s 50 good, 50 bad. You’re gonna have good days and bad days. You need to learn, build a business on your bad days. Just as much as you can on your good days. It’s really important. I had someone tell me once they’re like, Kristen, if you had a bad day, I would never know it. You’re consistent. You’re steady. You’re always showing up. That doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. I’ve just learned to manage my mind around my bad days. I’ve learned to still do the work, even when it’s not feeling fun because that’s what a lot of people start to check out.
Kristen Boss (10:54): This isn’t fun anymore. I thought this would be fun. I thought it would be easy. What happened? You’re going to have a moment this year. I guarantee you, you are going to have a moment this year, when you will entertain the idea of quitting, you will entertain the idea of doing something else. Putting a pause, stepping away, taking a break, because there’s going to be a time this year, where you’re going to be frustrated. It’s not going to be as fun. It’s going to be hard work. It’s not going to be easy, but you’re going to have to learn to show up for yourself even on those days. I do. Cause I remember my long, I remember my longterm vision. I don’t get caught up in what’s happening today because I’m so fixed on the goal a year from now two years from now, three years from now and all the people I know I’m meant to serve and all the women whose businesses I know I’m meant to help elevate.
Kristen Boss (11:52): And when I think of that, I think of all the sweet little family sitting around a dinner table and how they’re not worried about money because of how I’ve served them. That is what helps me keep going on days when it’s not fun. But most days I find it fun. I look for reasons for it to be fun. I always look for reasons for it to be. I would encourage you to do the same thing. Let’s talk about the things that you need to detox this year. Let we’re going to be the business detox. Number one, detox, your crappy thoughts right now. You are, you might not have as many right now. Maybe you’re in this like great place where you’re like, hi, I’m invincible. Anything is possible, but I want you to commit to detoxing the phrases. I hear a lot. I don’t know what to do.
Kristen Boss (12:46): I don’t know how I don’t any, anything that starts with, I don’t know. You have to get rid of that because whatever you choose, I don’t know. It shuts down creativity and thought processes. Yeah. Your brain. Another thing to detox is detox. Get rid of your concern or your need for approval from others is probably the number one thing you need to detox this year. Your need for approval from your family, from your siblings, from your friends, from your Facebook audience. Only showing up if there’s high engagement, only showing up. If that post got a lot of likes and hearts and comments, not needing the approval of that one person. You went to high school with that one friend that doesn’t get what you do. You have to stop looking for approval in your business. You have to detox that, get rid of it. This is why I talk about self-validation and why it’s so important is looking to yourself to validate what you’re doing and, and cheerleading yourself all the way to the end.
Kristen Boss (14:03): Another one to detox is negative people. If there is someone who constantly comes to you, complaining it is because they see you as someone they can constantly complain to because you haven’t put a stop to it. You can redirect the conversation. You’re like, Hey, but tell me about this instead. Hey, you know what? I’m really working on finding joy and gratitude in my life. Let’s talk about something else. You have the power, you have power in that conversation to redirect it or not engage, but you have to decide, you have to stop engaging and entertaining and getting an, and I call this getting into the pool with like you’re getting into their emotions. You’re buying into what they’re saying to someone who is negative. Someone who always has something to complain about. Something’s always wrong. They’re the biggest victim ever. They’re not happy unless they’re miserable.
Kristen Boss (15:05): You know what I’m talking about? You all have one eye there. Their face came up in your mind, right away, stomach. You can detox from giving them your time and your energy. You can redirect that another one is detox. You’re following detox, your digital following more. So who you are following. If there are people that have you in ultimate compare and despair, always questioning yourself, not showing up for your business in ways you want to. And you are in your company, stint, Debbie Downer. Every time you look at their platform and you’re like, oh, I suck. Just snooze, mute, follow for a while until you get your feedback out from under you, but detox, compare and despair out of your business because it’s not serving you. You looking at what that girl over there is doing and her followers and all of her engagement and how cute her reels are.
Kristen Boss (16:05): And she just seems to have it so much more together than you and her house looks so clean and perfect. Does she even have children? I thought she had eight children. Why does her house not look more of a mess? You comparing yourself to them is only propelling and promoting shame and judgment on yourself. And that’s not serving you. Right? Stop the compare and despair. Another detox is get rid of your hustle. He has no, this I’m just I’m. I’m always going to have to remind you of this because we have the innate propensity to hustle and hustling happens when we stop trusting the process. When we’ve lost belief, when we’re frustrated, when we’re desperate, when the results, aren’t what we thought they would be. It’s like hustling is how we force to fix things. And that is never in service of our audience and the people we’re serving when we’re hustling, it’s always, self-serving, it’s never in service of others. Now we are working hard when we’re doing hard work. It is in service of others. We are thinking, how can I serve them? How can I better their life? How can I add to them?
Kristen Boss (17:33): So detox from the hustles. Stop it the moment you’re like you. And I can tell you, when you are in hustle, you feel that tightness in your chest. It feels like that pit in your stomach. It feels a racing heart. Your mind is racing. You’re not sleeping. Well, you’re not eating. You’re not prioritizing rest. Your, your brain is somewhere else. While your body might be present with your family, stop it. I should just call this episode, the stomach episode. But these are the things you need to be detoxing from detox, from the, from caring about the opinions of others. Please stop caring about the opinions of others and their opinions are really just opinions. But we tend to treat them like facts. Like she thinks what if we get really, we get really hurt or upset or, you know, we just, we put too much value on the opinions of others.
Kristen Boss (18:40): I love this. There’s this part. In Bernay Brown’s book, I think it was in her daring greatly book where she talks about this tiny little square piece of paper that she keeps, you know, folded up and tucked in her jeans pocket. And she, she wrote down like a list of eight names of the people who most mattered to her in her life. And she said, you know, these are the names of the people whose opinions matter to me. So any time, you know, she heard an opinion that was hurtful or someone offered her an opinion she would remember is their name on my paper. Nope. Then their opinion doesn’t matter. Maybe that’s what you need to do today. Maybe you need to take out this little slip of paper and write down really small, make sure it’s real small and write down the significant people in your life whose opinions do matter to you.
Kristen Boss (19:28): And why are their opinions? Do they make you better? Do they make you show up better? Do they make you, do they, do they encourage you? Do they lift you up? Do they empower you? Or do they tear you down? If the answer is yes. Do you trust them? Do they have a life you want? Do they embody the things you desire? Are they the type of person you endeavor to be and check against those answers? Write the names on the piece of paper and you hold that all year long. And you think the moment someone else’s opinion comes up, you say to yourself, are they on that piece of paper? Nope. Hard pass. We’re moving. We’re moving on. You can just say in your mind, no, I don’t have to take that. Person’s opinion. That’s a part of my detox plan. Nope. That’s not on me that’s on my opinion diet. I’m not taking that.
Kristen Boss (20:26): So I just wanted to give you that, that little pep talk for the new year, but mostly I want to tell you calm down, stop making these emotionally high emotionally charged goals. Because when you make very emotionally charged goals, you tend to have a lot of and judgment. If the goals are missed, the emotions on the backend are almost as painful. Like they’re, they’re they’re as big in their pain as they were in their joy in setting the goal. If that makes sense. So get centered. Think about who you’re going to be in the habits you’re going to have in place August of this year. Detox, do the digital detox for your business, with people, your mind. If you do that, you stick with it, we’re going to have a great year ahead of us. All right. Catch you guys next week.
Kristen Boss (21:42): That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for a while, this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.
