Does your partner support you and your social selling business? Today I’m sharing with you the reasons many spouses and/or partners don’t appear to be supportive of your social selling business and my best tips to getting your them on board.
- How to know if your spouse doesn’t support your business (or if that’s your interpretation of his behavior)
- Why your partner might not be a fan of your business–the main reasons he’s likely not giving you his full support
- How to take responsibility for your role in your current relationship with your spouse
- The top 3 practical tips to getting your partner to support your social selling business
Your spouse and your kids are the shareholders of your business. Getting them on board and supporting you is an important piece of your success.
For show notes and more visit the episode webpage:
And if you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out my live coaching program!
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Transcripts for Episode 43: How to Have a Supportive Spouse:
Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to purposeful social selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hello friends, bosses. Welcome back to another week of the podcast. I almost called it the old podcast name. I was like, nope, nope. Don’t do that. We’ve just changed it.
Kristen Boss (01:00):
Welcome back. I just had a fabulous this fabulous weekend. I had the joy and privilege of speaking a keynote for a large company over the past weekend. And it was just so fun for me to see all their takeaways and how they were encouraged. I just truly love serving this industry so much. So I thought today we would tackle the topic that inevitably comes up. I hear about it a lot. And I hear this saying that is kind of thrown around and it’s often taken as fact, or I see people not approach it or receive it or handle it the right way. And it’s when I hear someone say, I just don’t have a supportive husband. My husband does not support what I’m doing at all. My partner does not support this. My husband would never be on board with this. My partner like this, this idea of like my husband is not supportive.
Kristen Boss (02:04):
I’ve heard it many, many times. And it’s often presented to me as fact, you don’t understand, he just doesn’t support it. He doesn’t support me. He doesn’t support my dreams, blah, blah. This sad story. Okay, this is going to be gold for you. If you are currently feeling like you do not have the support of your spouse while you are building your dreams and you know, creating, going for something big and doing something for yourself and less, the words have actually come out of his mouth, where he has said, I do not support this business at all. And I don’t like it at all. You cannot say he doesn’t support you in your business. It might be that you are translating what he is, his words or his actions or his behavior. As you’re interpreting, as he doesn’t support me. He doesn’t not want this for me.
Kristen Boss (03:03):
And that is not a good thought to have because it doesn’t unite you with your spouse. It doesn’t create closeness. It doesn’t create intimacy. A thought like that is what creates division and can create resentment and hurt and woundedness and the story of why can’t I chase my dreams and he can chase his. So I thought this would be a really great episode to give you a couple helpful, very practical tips so that your husband can be on board. And it’s not about changing him or asking him to be somebody else. It is about you taking responsibility for how you might have contributed to his behaviors, thoughts, or the words he has had, what he, how he has behaved or what he’s said about your business. You have to take responsibility for your part in that. Okay? And I’m going to give you some, some reasons as to why he might not be a fan of your business or why you might not feel like you have his full support and is full.
Kristen Boss (04:06):
You got it, honey, so excited for you or why he feels reserved. Okay? Now this isn’t, you know, across the board apply to all men. There’s always nuances. And I understand that I’m talking about just your average dude, who has a wife who wants to build an income for herself with this business model. And a lot of times I would say 80% of this demographic is women and women with children at home and women that also work a nine to five and have children at home. So if you want him to be on board, here’s a couple things you’re going to need to do actually, before we even start that, I’m going to tell you why he might not be on board. Okay. He might not be on board because of the emotional toll. He sees this business having on you. And let me give you an example.
Kristen Boss (05:03):
If the first of every month you are a puddle of tears, because you did not hit that rank, or you did not hit that goal, or you did not hit that incentive. And you are so discouraged and your husband is picking you back up and dusting you off and putting you back up on your feet at the first of every month, he’s going to eventually say something to you. That sounds like, are you sure you still want this? Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe you should do something else. Not because he doesn’t believe in you, but because he sees the emotional pain, it is causing you. He thinks he’s helping you by saying that, but you’re interpreting it as, oh my gosh, he doesn’t support me. He doesn’t think it’s possible. He doesn’t think I’m capable. That’s not it. He just sees you getting your heartbroken over and over again.
Kristen Boss (05:52):
And he’s concerned about your emotional wellbeing. He’s seen you comparing yourself to other people and beating yourself up every month. Okay? It’s like my husband, he threw out the scale at one point in our marriage because he knew I was going to go in the bathroom and weigh myself that I was going to come out in the most foul mood ever. So he’s like, okay, let’s just get rid of the scale. So your husband might be thinking, okay, well, let’s just get rid of the thing causing you pain, right? He, if he’s not hearing about the things you’re excited about and the things that are going well, and he’s only hearing about the things that are hard, painful, emotional, sad, and discouraging all the time. He’s going to conclude that he’s he might even say, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to yourself?
Kristen Boss (06:36):
You should just quit. And he’s not saying that because he doesn’t believe in you. He’s saying you should just quit because you sound miserable. Why are you doing this? So he sees the emotional toll that it’s taking on you. Another one is he might see that take your work seriously. There’s a lot of talk, but your time is scattered. There’s a lot of big talk of your goals and dreams, but then you’re not prioritizing your work. It’s kind of bleeding into other areas. It’s, you’re kind of treating it like a hobby. And if you treat it like a hobby, you can’t expect him to view it as a career or as this viable. Amazing. This is going to retire us and give us financial freedom and pay for our student loans. He’s not going to have that thought. If he sees you kind of dabbling and playing with it, and maybe, maybe a little here, maybe a little here or hearing, or you quitting doing micro quits, these little mini quits.
Kristen Boss (07:35):
Once every 60 days, I’m just, oh, oh, where are you going to go? And do that team call. No, I’m just taking a break. I just, I just can’t that also breaks. Trust. If you are inconsistent in your business, he’s not going to take you seriously. You have to take, if you want him to take it seriously, you also have to take it seriously. Another reason he might not be on board, or he might have said to you, maybe you should just quit. Maybe you should look at something else is because you have no boundaries. Things are being neglected. Maybe you haven’t communicated clearly with him. What all it entails. Did he know that he was going to be signing up for you being on a zoom call every night at eight o’clock at night and that he was going to do bedtime and bath time without you.
Kristen Boss (08:32):
Did he know that? Did you have him on board with that decision or did you assume he’ll do it because he’s supporting my dreams. He has his nine to five. He comes home. It’s my turn. Now I remember having that thought when my husband and I both were working, there was a season guys. There was a season four. I think it was six years. My husband and I didn’t share the same day off together. And he worked a lot of nights. I worked days. We were ships passing in the night and I would come home from the salon and I’d be like, okay, I worked a lot. It’s time for him to be on. And you know, he can handle bath time and bedtime. And there was never this clear communication of what that would actually look like, what I needed help with. And we didn’t decide it together.
Kristen Boss (09:22):
I kind of just decided it for him or assumed he was okay with it. So you’re going to need to have very clear conversations with your partner about what it looks like for both of you, because your spouse and your children are the investors in your business. They are the primary investors. They are the shareholders of your business, which means that they are sacrificing their time with mommy or your husband is spending is, is sacrificing time with his wife or he’s doing the bedtime, the mealtime where you’re running zoom calls. That is them being shareholders and investors in your business. There is a cost to them. It’s not just you. So if they are investors, you have to make sure they are getting a return on their investment. What is their return? Not just, Hey, mommy finally hit that rank. And now we can all go to Disneyland. That happens once a year. That’s not enough for your family. They want to know, is mommy present on Friday nights is what? Where is where’s mommy? Where’s wifey. They want to know where’s their return. The return on investment. Your family does not give a rip about your rank or that car. If they never see you, that is why you might not have a supportive spouse in the moment because you are missed. They miss you. They want to see you.
Kristen Boss (10:55):
I know this because I had a season like this and I, and I’m tired of that. Being normalized in this industry, this idea of sacrificing your family is sacrificing. And no one says it. No one says sacrifice your family. No one outright says, Hey, you should sacrifice your family to, to hit your goals. But no one is also saying prioritize and time block and make sure that you don’t sacrifice your family. There’s a lot of you have to work really, really hard and put in the time and sweat, sweat, sweat, Hey, I get it work hard. Yes, absolutely. But not at the cost of your marriage and your children and your family and making memories, not at that cost. Okay. So you have to decide ahead of time. You have to have an investor meeting. If your kids are older, bring everybody around the table.
Kristen Boss (11:52):
My are toddlers. So, you know, I know that they just, they want mommy cuddling on the couch with them every night or they want bedtime stories. And they want me to sing to them every night. I know that’s important for my children, right? So I’m not going to plan things around their bedtime. That’s a big, no-no not just for me, but for them because they want that of me. So gather the family and have a shareholder meeting. Talk about everybody’s buy-in to your dream. What does your spouse have to say? Invite him into the conversation. Let him know that his, what he has to say is welcome and talk about it. But if you’re not having clear conversation ahead of time, and there’s a lot of assuming that your partner is okay, and assuming that they’re willing to do those things, you’re going to have resentment and hurt, creep up your little side hustle.
Kristen Boss (12:48):
And I say it because when you aren’t prioritizing your family, it is a hustle. You’re treating it like a hustle. You’re hustling. You’re not prioritizing your family and your marriage and your children. You’re in hustle mode. Okay. So when that’s happening, you have, so you have to put some boundaries in place and be like, Ooh, what’s going on? Yeah. How can we get this in check? Okay. The other thing is, you’re going to have to have, and I feel like this, this goes with it is your spouse needs to see boundaries. Like when you’re working, you’re working, when you’re resting, you’re resting, but this very blurred, everything is blurred and you’re always working. Your phone is always in your back pocket. You know, you’re, you’re making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for your kids while you’re trying to type out a message to a potential new sponsor.
Kristen Boss (13:36):
And that sandwich that normally takes 15 minutes or 15 seconds to make now is taking three minutes because you’re picking up your phone every five seconds. I know this because I’m, I’m a hundred percent guilty of this from time to time when I’m not checking in. And I have a spouse who is very supportive of my business, but at the same time where he’s always helping me be centered and be like, Nope, what’s first family, first priorities first having healthy boundaries. And when you have really good time management skills, you can still prioritize your family.
Kristen Boss (14:15):
Also. I just, I want you to notice how often you’re complaining to your partner about your business. If you’re complaining to them all the time, then of course, they’re going to be saying, Hey, maybe you should just quit. You sound miserable. Why are you doing this? If you’re so miserable, you have to think about where you’re complaining and, and why you’re complaining, planning and emotionally in this emotional low and picking yourself up all the time. It tells me there’s some mindset work to do there. That’s one of the things we teach in the academy is how to not have such high highs and low lows and not being the pit of despair and how to, how to work the business from a, from a place of feeling neutral and calm. It’s one of the most important lessons. A lot of people don’t talk about emotional presence and emotional health while building this business, but is absolutely necessary.
Kristen Boss (15:11):
So if you want your spouse on board, you have to protect your time. You have to protect your family. You have to treat your family as investors and shareholders, which means they deserve a return. Okay? If you want your spouse on board, he’s the chances are, he is on board. He’s just tired of you. Seeing, seeing you hurt emotionally, spent exhausted, exhausted, having no mental capacity, not really present for your family. If you want him on board, you’re going to have to clean those things up. You’re going to have to have a conversation with him, right? They don’t hate this business or are unsupportive for no reason. I’m talking about the average guy here. Of course, there’s always the exception. So if you want your spouse on board, you need to, over-communicate have very clear communications. You need to have emotional and mental fortitude with how you handle your business. Each month, you need to take your work seriously. You need to prioritize your work hours and your non-work hours,
Kristen Boss (16:14):
And you need to treat your family as equal shareholders of your business and make sure they’re seeing a return on your investment. All right, friends, go have conversations with your spouses, with your partners. Be clear, reprioritize and get it in check. We’ll see you next week. That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or have been in the industry for a while. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.