Becoming Resilient Ep #6

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Last week Kristen talked about resistance and how we should expect resistance in our business. The year 2020 feels like a year of resistance. And to Kristen, resistance is when it feels like nothing is in your favor, and everything is frustrating.

Last week Kristen talked about resistance and how we should expect resistance in our business. The year 2020 feels like a year of resistance. And to Kristen, resistance is when it feels like nothing is in your favor, and everything is frustrating.

It feels like you’re moving through quicksand to get to your goals.

Everything feels heavy in your forward progress.

You can’t seem to find the inner energy to take those necessary steps forward.

Kristen walks us through: 

  • What is Resilience?
  • Why is Resilience so Important? 
  • Why Entrepreneurs Need to Be Resilient
  • Characteristics of Being Resilient
  • 6 C’s of Building Your Resiliency

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Transcript of Episode #6: Becoming Resilient

Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses. Welcome back to another week.

Kristen Boss (00:51):
I am so stoked about this episode because it is building on last week’s episode. And last week I talked about resistance and how we are to expect resistance in our business. And if you have not listened to that episode yet step right here and you go back and listen to that and meet me right back here. Because that episode, I promise you, you will relate to it because I feel like 20, the year 2020 needs to be the year. It is the year of resistance. And to me, resistance is when it feels like nothing is in your favor, everything is frustrating. It feels like you’re moving through quicksand to get to your goals. Everything feels heavy in your soul forward progress. It just zaps your energy. You can’t seem to find the inner energy to take those necessary steps forward. You know what I’m talking about? Resistance feels like moving through quicksand. Quicksand? Yeah. For some reason, as I thought of quicksand, I immediately had the picture of the princess bride and go through my head and I was like, not quicksand.

Kristen Boss (02:03):
Wesley went right through that thing. No, but then I’m like really in real life, quicksand is you’re stuck in there. So let’s just, just sum up and say, resistance feels like you’re moving through a mud pit or a slow sand. Everything right now with the year 2020 can feel like resistance, pandemic politics, riots, conspiracy theories. If you’ve been reading them, man, that’s a rabbit hole. You want to talk about killing your vibe? Just go do that for, for an hour. No, don’t don’t do that. But I really believe that this is the year of, of unparalleled resistance that we are facing on a social level, on an economic level, on personal levels on family levels, which is why we can’t be surprised as entrepreneurs when resistance comes. Our, and I talked about that last week and I wrapped it up with saying like what we actually need in order to move through resistance, to fight resistance, because you have to fight it as an entrepreneur.

Kristen Boss (03:10):
There’s no going around. There’s no choosing the long road around your growth. You don’t get to shortcut that we have to go through it. And if we’re going to go through resistance, if we’re going to come out strong on the other side, then we need to learn to become resilient. And man, I’m sure many of you listening are thinking, huh? Resilience. This is the year 2020, the year of resistance and resilience. And you can choose. I’m going to say, resilience is a choice is a choice you make in the face of resistance. It’s choosing to become resilient. We’re not given resilience overnight. We just don’t decide like, Hey, I’m going to be a resilient person. Resilience is like a muscle it’s built. And it becomes stronger with time. And with resistance, it’s like weight training. You have to win in order to build muscle, you have to like do I’m by no way.

Kristen Boss (04:12):
Here’s my disclaimer. I am not a fitness trainer in any capacity, but I know enough to, to say that when you weights is a form of resistance and as it puts stress on the muscle, it creates in the muscle has little tears. It creates strength, it rebuilds stronger. And eventually you work your way to a higher weight, more resistance. We build our resilience, our strength through our exposure to consistent resistance. There is no getting around it. So when we welcome resistance, when we see it as a good sign, that it’s coming our way, because it means we’re in our growth. That means we’re, we’re moving forward. We’re making progress. If you haven’t felt resistance in a long time, I would, I would do an internal check and be like, why am I not facing resistance? Are you not sitting there reaching for a big goals or change?

Kristen Boss (05:15):
Because when you reach for changer, when you want to improve yourself, anytime you want to change your circumstances, change yourself, change your business, or make improvements. You’re going to experience resistance. Even if it’s not your business, weight loss, marriage, family, finances, you’re going to experience resistance. So what does it look like to build resilience? What is resilience? We’re going to unpack that today. So what is the definition of resilience? You guys know? I love looking up definitions. And so resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and spring, back into shape. I love that it’s springing back. It’s the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. Another definition is it’s adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma or other stressors, man, I’ll just rephrase that and say adapting well in the face of the year 2020, which is adversity, trauma and stressors learning to adapt.

Kristen Boss (06:18):
Well, why is resilience so important? Because without resilience, we will get wiped out, knocked on her butt. And emotionally spent. Every time we faced resistance, resilience is what gets us through the other side quicker and stronger. Again, it’s the capacity to bounce, bounce back. It’s about adapting. So why resilience in business? Well, first as an entrepreneur, we know there’s no roadmap. Nobody, nobody handed you a manual and said, this is, this is what it looks like to work for yourself. I mean, there’s so many books on entrepreneurship and everybody has different methods, different ways of getting there, which is amazing, which means you can find your own path. But the downside of that is finding your own path, stumbling around in the dark, figuring it out. You guys know when you’re stumbling around in the dark, you stub your toe, you hit something trip over something, right? That’s being an entrepreneur. We’re all just stumbling around in the dark, stubbing, our toes and writing books about how not to stub our toes in the dark. But we need to be able to have resilience when we’re figuring things out, not turning away in defeat and saying, this isn’t working for me. Resilience is how we move through resistance. Resilience is the key to our growth.

Kristen Boss (07:52):
And the truth is for us as business builders and entrepreneurs with setbacks and failures and adversity. It’s not a matter of if it’s when you know, so it’s not, if you experienced some setbacks and frustration. Nope, Nope, no. It’s when, so because of that, when makes resilience mandatory, it is mandatory. We become resilient as we are out there serving people. We’re online, social media platforms, man, you need to be resilient. Especially in today’s day and age. I’ve just been watching some people with huge platforms. And I, I genuinely have so much empathy and I feel for them, you need to be resilient at that level. I mean, you make one wrong move and people got things to say, that’s what I was saying earlier in my Facebook community today, I was saying, you know, visibility and vulnerability, they’re not different things. They’re the same, which is why sometimes putting ourselves out there on social media. So terrifying because visibility is vulnerability and we need to be resilient. If you’re going to be putting yourself out there, if you’re going to be making offers, if you’re going to be, if you’re making it your mission to change lives and you better darn well, be resilient as you go about doing it because you’re going to have setbacks and frustrations and disappointment.

Kristen Boss (09:24):
So what are there’s two characteristics? I was, I found that I think are so fitting for someone that is resilient and it’s two things. One be gritty, find your grit and grit means it’s a firmness of character and indomitable spirit, firmness of character. Man. I love that. Resistance is an opportunity for you to show your firmness of character and, and your indomitable spirit. How cool is that? I love that. And on top of grit, pluck, yeah, you heard me right? Pluck, not like plucking feathers, but it’s, it’s actually a noun and it’s spirited and determined. Courage. Think about that. Determined, courage. You absolutely need that. And resilience. If you’re going to bounce back and recover quickly, you’re going to need spirited and determined courage. You get knocked on your butt. You get back up that’s resilience. It’s not laying around. And defeat resilience is where perseverance and passion meet for your long-term goals. There’s this great quote I saw and I didn’t see the author of it. So I can’t give credit, but there’s this great quote that I saw that said, if you are persistent, you will get it. If you are consistent, you will keep it.

Kristen Boss (10:58):
And when I think of persistence, I think persistence and resilience are very similar, but resilience man. For some reason, the mental picture I keep getting. When I think of resilience, as I was thinking of a time when I was a kid on a road trip at a lake in Idaho, and it was sunny and beautiful and all of a sudden boom, out of nowhere, massive storm sweeps in, and these huge wins kick up and I was on the beach and the wind was kicking the sand at such incredible speeds. And it hurt. It felt like you were being stung by a million needles as the sand was just pelting my skin and these really high winds. And I just remember it was a pretty long walk back to the car. And I remember thinking like head down, close your eyes. One step at a time as the wind was pelting me and it felt like myself skin was being graded with sandpaper.

Kristen Boss (12:04):
It was extremely uncomfortable. And when I think of resilience, that’s what I think. I think it’s about the end goal. We see the car, we see the distance between us and the end goal and things are sunny, bright, and sunny, and all of a sudden boom, out of nowhere, sandstorm and it’s, it’s painful. It’s hard. It hurts. Your eyes are weeping water. And, and, and it’s just, everything feels like it’s fire. And it’s putting your head down and focusing one step at a time, trusting that if you keep taking your steps forward, you will get to the car. And I did. But when I think of resilience, that’s what I think when the sandstorm hits and everything hurts, putting your head down and really channeling your grit, Terminus of character, you’re determined, you’re determined spirited, a determined courage to take one step at a time and keep going.

Kristen Boss (13:03):
I love that. So if that is what are a couple character traits that have to do with resilience, I did some more sitting with this and I was like, well, how, what do people need aside from pluck and grit? What are the themes or the common things that it takes to build resilience? And I’m calling it the six C’s of building resilience–what it takes to build resilience. And the first one is courage. And I love the, the saying–What I’ve kind of been telling people lately is courage is doing the hard thing: Even when. And oftentimes I see business owners doing the hard things until then, until it gets hard until it’s so much as required of them until it’s too far out of their comfort zone, until it seems impossible. All have courage until it’s, it’s too uncomfortable. All have courage until the cost looks too great. No friends, courage is choosing to do the hard things, even when, even when, and you’re going through hardship, even when you’re going through trial, even when someone’s sick, even when you are sick, even when you’re dealing with adversity and trauma and stressors left and right, remember this is about becoming resilient. So you need courage in your resilience. The second is choice. And you’re like, wait, what choice is how you to see your circumstances?

Kristen Boss (14:56):
If you want to really build your resilient muscle, you need to start viewing circumstances as just that neutral circumstances, circumstances are neutral, but it’s what we think about the circumstances. It’s the meaning we give to those circumstances, kind of talked about this in the episode about resistance, choosing between two thoughts, is this happening to you or for you to you, you’re taking on the victim hat, you’re wearing the victim hat and it puts you in a state of helplessness for you. It allows you to, to see how this is for your good, how this is about building your strength.

Kristen Boss (15:46):
So it’s about your choice of outlook. How are you choosing to look at the circumstance? Because how you look at the circumstance, determines the outcome talked about that last week too. Okay. The third seat is curiosity. You need curiosity in order to build resilience. And I curiosity is the best thing in the world because when you see circumstances as neutral, it allows you to move into a place of curiosity where you can start asking questions. What can I learn from this? What lessons can I pass on from this? How does this make me a better leader? How does this make me a better spouse, a better friend, a better family member, better business owner. When we get curious, we start finding answers and we start the best thing about curiosity is it forces our brain to actually start looking for the good, even in the middle of adversity and trauma and stressors.

Kristen Boss (16:49):
When we are curious, when we start asking open-ended questions, we start searching for how this is for our good, the next C is compassion. I can’t say this enough, having self compassion, which means allowing and addressing your feelings in the midst of adversity and trauma. I think it’s really important. You hear me say not to just ignore your feelings, stuffed them all down and power through. That’s not healthy. Trust me. I’m going to Enneagram three. We’re really good at stuffing down our feelings and just charging through things. And this is an area I’ve really worked on my own. Self-Awareness so self-compassion is not having shame around your feelings around the adversity and the trauma and the stressors honor. The fact that this is a stressor. This is hard.

Kristen Boss (17:45):
Give yourself compassion to grieve, feel, process, be in your body, address things, and then start moving forward. Don’t charge forward, stuffing down your feelings because we stuffed down our feelings. When we feel too ashamed to face them. When we feel like we aren’t allowed to have those feelings, if you were going through adversity, if you were going through trauma and stressors, you’re allowed to have feelings. I don’t know if you needed a permission slip today, but I’m giving you one. You’re allowed to have feelings, give yourself compassion and grace to feel them, process them. Use your curiosity, ask questions, choose how you’re going to look at the circumstance and then have the courage to take the next step forward. Compassion, friends. Next commitment. If you want to be someone of resilience, you’ve got to have unshakeable determination for your long term goals. Commitment is unshakeable determination for the longterm goals. It’s the same thing. Commitment still moves forward. It embraces the even when, even when it’s hard, instead of the, until it’s hard, commitment says I’m in this. Even when it’s hard, even when it’s not fun anymore. Whereas my Enneagram sevens listening to this, even when it’s not fun anymore, I’m going to lean in and trust that this is only for a season. And I know when I press through, it’s gonna get better commitment.

Kristen Boss (19:46):
Even when it’s not fun. The last C is conviction. It’s unshakable belief in your outcome. You need the conviction and why you do this. Why you keep moving forward? We’re going to go back to my sands. The sandstorm analogy is I knew if I keep taking one step..if I kept taking one step forward at a time, I would inevitably reach the car. You could not. You could not convince me otherwise. Conviction is the unshakeable belief that you are going to reach your long-term goal. You were going to get there. Conviction is about trusting the process, even when it’s hard, even when it’s slow, even when it’s frustrating, even when you’re in a season where it feels like nothing is working for you and everything seems to be working against you. But again, you have the choice to look at how you want to see your circumstances, how you want to perceive that.

Kristen Boss (21:02):
So friends, if you want to be resilient, if you want to have the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and spring, back into shape, you gotta have grit. You gotta find pluck and you need to really hone in on your six CS. Have courage. Choose how you want to see your circumstances. Have curiosity, ask questions. How is this working for me? How is this for my good have self-compassion honor. Your feelings honor. That it’s hard, but don’t stay stuck there. It’s so easy to stay stuck. There’s compassion. And then there’s wallowing there’s self-compassion and then there’s, there’s the petty party and self compassion. Give space to grieve, to process, to learn what you need to learn so that you can move forward self-pity or wallowing actually wallowing. I don’t think I have the definition on hand, but I think it’s, I think it’s the term for an animal that wants to like roll in the mud and stay stuck. Like they wall low. We don’t wallow. Don’t stay there.

Kristen Boss (22:25):
Choose your outlook. Be curious, have self-compassion stay committed. Have the unshakeable determination for your long-term goal and then have conviction. The unshakeable belief, unshakable belief that the outcome is in fact on its way to you be resilient. This is the year of you learning resilience. I know it’s hard. I know firsthand my, my own personal story of resistance and resilience, which is actually going to be released in a bonus episode because I think it would serve you to hear my own story of moving through massive resistance in my life and how I became more resilient and how that equipped me to be a better business owner, a better wife, a better friend. So I’m going to release that in the next bonus episode. So listen, if this blessed you today, if this served you, if it spoke to you, I’d love to hear about it. Screenshot the episode, share it on Instagram, give me a tag, give me a shout out and I will shout you out.

Kristen Boss (23:39):
If you’re not yet in my community, I would encourage you to get in there. It’s free. I’m always dropping fun, free, valuable content. [note: Free FB group is closed.] As always. It’s a pleasure. Find your grit, have pluck, and be resilient friends until next time, that wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for awhile. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network market. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

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