The Push Pull Relationship Ep #187

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We often talk about the "why" behind our business, but do we take it seriously enough? Without a compelling reason to pursue your vision, it can feel like a chore. Your "why" is the fuel that keeps you going, even when things get tough. It's the emotional connection to your vision that makes it more than just a distant goal. Kristen goes deeper into the importance of establishing your vision and its direct correlation to the push-and-pull dynamic.

We often talk about the “why” behind our business, but do we take it seriously enough? Without a compelling reason to pursue your vision, it can feel like a chore. Your “why” is the fuel that keeps you going, even when things get tough. It’s the emotional connection to your vision that makes it more than just a distant goal. Kristen goes deeper into the importance of establishing your vision and its direct correlation to the push-and-pull dynamic.

When the daily grind begins to feel exhausting and pointless, it’s time to sit down with your future and your vision. To make your vision a reality, you need to be willing to invest in yourself. This means not only investing time and effort but also aligning your desires and priorities with your vision.

Let’s look at a few highlights:

  • A well-thought-out vision is more than just a vague idea of what you want to achieve. It’s a clear and detailed picture of your desired future, something that resonates with you on a deep level.
  • When you find yourself grinding every day, feeling exhausted, and questioning the purpose of your efforts, it’s time to sit down and reevaluate your emotional connection to your why.
  •  It’s not just about marrying the vision; you must also marry the workload commitment. Are you willing to invest in yourself, both in terms of time and energy? How serious are you about making your vision a reality?

If you find yourself in a constant state of push, it’s time to revisit your vision, connect with it emotionally, and assess your commitment to the workload. By aligning your desires and priorities with your vision, you can shift from daily exhaustion to meaningful, purpose-driven action. So, ask yourself: “How serious am I about making my vision a reality?”

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Transcript for Episode #187: The Push/Pull Relationship

Kristen Boss (00:03):  I see you with brand new eyes. No, I’ve never been so sure. Take my, you are listening to the Kristen Bos podcast. I’m your host, Kristen Bos. As a bestselling author and performance coach, I’m on a mission to share about sustainable and purposeful approaches to both business and life. Each week, I bring relevant topics that I believe are necessary to create a life of purpose, significance and meaning. Entrepreneurship is about so much more than growing your bottom line. It’s about who you are becoming in the process and building a life that is truly extraordinary. Entrepreneurship is really just the beginning.

Kristen Boss (00:57):  Hey, bosses. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. Real quick, before we get into today’s episode, I want to remind you that in our show notes, we have something called the holiday Guide, the Monetize and Maximize Guide on how to explode your holiday sales, specifically how to grow leads, nurture those leads and sell to them through the holidays. You want to get onto that now, before Black Friday, before all the Christmas sales. Even if you are late to the game, I don’t care if you download this on Black Friday, you’re going to be glad you have it because you can still apply the principles year round. But this really teaches you how to do simple lead generation so that you can nurture relationships with people and enter into conversations. So be sure to head to the show notes and we will link the guide there.

Kristen Boss (01:46):  Alright, so let’s get into the topic today. If I can find my words, blah, blah. Alright, let’s get into the topic. So we are going to be talking about something that I kind of noticed as I was coaching some students, and I’m going to call it the push pull dynamic when it comes to how you’re showing up in your business, specifically your relationship that you have with your vision and why you are doing what you are doing. We talk about this all the time, why know why you’re doing this, but I don’t think we take this work seriously enough because I think some of you maybe come up with a why once a year when you go to convention or maybe when your leader’s like, what’s your why? And you give some blanket statement like to be financially free to retire my husband to have a savings account. And when people say this to me, I like to look them in the eye, specifically my students in the academy. And I watch their body language when they say this to me. And oftentimes I have to tell them right then and there, I say, I’m not sold. And they’re kind of caught off guard. They’re like, what do you mean? I’m like, yeah, I’m not buying into your vision right now. They’re like, no, but I want it. I’m like, yeah, but I can’t feel that

Kristen Boss (02:58):  From you. Is that compelling to you right now? How far away is that? And sometimes they’re talking about a vision that’s like five, 10 years away. And sometimes the vision, if it’s that far out, we tend to have a lot of mental distance in our brain from the goal. And so we don’t feel emotionally compelled towards our vision. And so here’s what I think, think working your business becomes exponentially harder, more frustrating, more annoying, more thankless when you don’t have a vision that compels you daily towards taking action. Because if it always feels like a chore, I’d be like, you don’t have a compelling reason to do this. So of course it feels like a chore. That’s what I’m going to call it. The push relationship where you are pushing against your own resistance to the habits, to the work, to showing up to being consistent, to continuing to put out the work, especially when you are building a following, building an audience.

Kristen Boss (04:04):  I’m going to specifically say in your cold market. The cold market is for people who are committed, who are serious, who are consistent. Don’t expect to be getting cold market customers, meaning people you have never met before, people who have zero connection with you. Don’t expect them to buy from you. If you are posting once a week, that’s not enough. You actually have to really be a boss, pun intended for nurturing and creating a lot of value that converts ’em into becoming customers. But here’s the thing, if it feels like you are waking up every day and you are just like, Ugh, hate this. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I could be spending more time with my kids, I could have more time doing other things, I would stop right there and say, alright, sounds like there is no emotionally compelling reason for you to show up to the work because there’s no emotional attachment to your why right now.

Kristen Boss (05:10):  Because if it feels like you’re dragging your feet, I’d be like, eh, there’s something we’re lacking here. And that is push. And it becomes a lot more exhausting when you have a very clear, very clear and compelling vision for why you are doing what you do. A vision that is well thought out, a vision that is compelling actually pulls you into taking consistent action. Action. Your action has a lot less resistance. You’ll have to face a lot less internal resistance when you know why you are doing what you’re doing. I want you to answer the question next time you say, why am I doing this? I’d be like, answer that question. If you and I were sitting down and having coffee and you’re like,

Kristen Boss (05:57):  Just don’t know why I’m doing this anymore, I’d be like, awesome. Let’s start with that. You’re not, why are you doing this? And I would actually probably play devil’s advocate with you. I’d be like, so why aren’t you just picking up a nine to five? I mean, it’s easier. You could just go in, clock out for the day. You don’t even have to be on your phone. Or do you actually need the extra money? Is it that important to you? I mean, you’re getting along just fine. As long as you stick to your budget, you’re not feeling too much strain. I mean, it’s a little tight, but I mean, is it worth all this work that you’re doing online? Is it worth the trouble? And if you are hearing me say this and you’re like, no, hate it, I don’t know. And if you feel like a deflated balloon after I just said that to you, I would say, oh, we are lacking a really compelling reason to do this work.

Kristen Boss (06:50):  Because I will tell you, if you haven’t listened to it’s way back episode five of my podcast, my vision where I wanted to go was so emotionally compelling to me that when all kinds of resistance was happening circumstantially in my life, while I was like, okay, I’m going to go for it. I’m going to really put my all into building this business. When all of the circumstances were around me were falling apart or adding to my resistance, it didn’t stop me because I felt so emotionally compelled towards my future vision. I felt an internal pull towards my future where excuses were, it was non-negotiable for me. It wasn’t an option. I was like, no, failure is not an option. Quitting isn’t an option. But some of you, I don’t think you’ve even put that on the table. I don’t think you’ve even asked yourself, wait, hold on, what if quitting wasn’t an option, then what would I do?

Kristen Boss (07:52):  But some of you, you’re like, you put quitting on the table once a week and you’re like, well, we’ll see what happens after this post and maybe I’ll quit. Or well, let’s see what happens after this paycheck. It’s just like instead of quitting is not an option for me, I will pivot, I will adapt. I figure it out. But quitting is not one of them. And for me, I know I felt so emotionally pulled towards my vision. So when I’m sitting there and asking my students, what is compelling to you? A lot of times they get a blank look in their face. They’re like, I don’t know. So let me, I’m going to walk you through, it’s kind of a little mental exercise we’re going to do on the podcast today. I’m going to walk you through as if you were sitting with me. I’m going to walk you through how to really build a compelling vision. Okay? So I’m going to ask you, why are you doing this? Why? Why are you selling a product or a service in the online space? What is your goal? Why are you doing it? And you might say, because I want to quit my nine to five and I want to be home with my kids. Okay, great.

Kristen Boss (08:55):  Not good enough. I would say, okay, and why do you want to quit your nine to five and be home with your kids? And then maybe you were to say, well, my husband and I both work and he works late shifts and we pay for daycare and my kids don’t see a lot of us. I see my kids maybe three hours a day and I feel like somebody else is raising my children. And me being the primary voice in their life to instill certain character traits in them is really important to me. I’d be like, okay, now we’re getting somewhere still not good enough. I’d be like, and why? Now I’m, I’m at the third Why and why is that important to you? Why is it important that you become the person that instills this in your children’s character? Why do you want to be the primary caretaker?

Kristen Boss (09:42):  Why is that so important to you? And then I would probably hear some emotional story from you of how maybe you didn’t get that as a child yourself or how you have noticed one of your kids needs special attention, or you’re noticing that they’re struggling in school or that you’re just noticing my, because I didn’t get that. Suddenly we’re going to tap into something that is very emotional, that’s at the core of who you are, and that is what’s going to compel you. I’d be like, alright, so now describe that future to me. Describe what a day is like for you to be home with your kids. And I want you to actually imagine that picture that, what does it feel like? What does it look like? What does it smell like? Seriously, use all of your senses. Friends, I did this. I did this when I was creating a vision for my future.

Kristen Boss (10:35):  I’ll never forget, I would go and sit in cars that I never in a million years thought I could afford. We drove very small. We were very economy, small, cheap cars. And I just remember sitting in my dream car and going and test driving. And I remember all these feelings of unworthiness came up for me of who am I to do this? They’re going to know I’m a fraud. I’m going to walk onto this lot and they’re going to know I don’t make this money. But I remember being like, wait, if I cave into that, then I’m letting myself believe the subconscious story that I’m not worthy of this and I’m going to internalize that. And so I was just like, you know what? I’m going to go and I’m going to test drive this car. And I will never forget, guys, I sat in that car, I smelled the leather, I felt the steering wheel. I went on the test drive. I was like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. But what it was doing was it was cementing a future vision. In my mind, it no longer felt like an imaginary thing. It felt like a real tangible thing. I could smell it, I could touch it. I could sit in it, I could see it, feel it, all of those things. And so suddenly, I would say, the more you sit with your vision, the more intimate it

Kristen Boss (11:52):  Is, the more you will feel emotionally attached to that vision. And when you feel an emotional emotionally compelled or attached to the vision, it will pull you into taking the daily action that is necessary in your business. But if you have been in the push relationship where it feels like every day you are just grinding and you’re exhausted and you’re frustrated, and every other day you’re asking yourself, why am I doing this? But the problem is you don’t have the answer for that. It feels pointless if you’re like, this is pointless. If you have said that in the last 30 days, what’s the point of this? I’d be like, oh, sounds like you really got to sit down with your future, with your vision. And some of you might get to the place where you realize like, okay, the vision I want, is it worth the work to me that I’m going to have to put in to make that vision possible?

Kristen Boss (12:51):  You can’t just marry the vision. You also have to marry the workload, the commitment to the workload knowing like, okay, am I willing to feel this way, put in this work, invest in myself, invest in the skills, invest in the tools. Am I willing to do that? How serious am I about this? That’s where you have to actually align your desires with your priorities and be like, do my priorities in my everyday life reflect and align with this vision that I’m compelled by? If not, you’re either fooling yourself about your vision being like, okay, it’s more of a wish. Instead of like, okay, I have to align and adjust my habits, my behaviors, and my priorities to align with that future vision. But I think some people, they think, well, when I attain the vision, then I’ll develop the habits. No. Habits always precede the reality.

Kristen Boss (13:54):  Always your habits shape your future friends, your habits shape your future, your habits determine who you are and who you are determines your future. And so you have to look at your everyday habits and ask yourself, is this reflective of the person I say I want to be? If not, why not? We have to go back to the why. And I know for me, I’ve had to do this with business and I had to do it with health where I had to look at, okay, I say I want to lose 20 pounds. And I realized I was just saying that for a while because none of my priorities, habits, and actions actually aligned with what I said I want. So then I had to get really honest and be like, hold on. Why am I not compelled towards what I say I want? Why am I not prioritizing my steps and my workouts and those things? And when I got to the why and really, really dug deep and actually created, gave myself permission, a to want it, believe I could have it,

Kristen Boss (14:51):  And then really sit with that vision of it’s possible for me to attain it, then my habits and my behavior started aligning with that. But you can’t say, Hey, I want to make a million dollars and then sit on your butt every day, not doing anything for your future. Wishing, scrolling, doing a little things here and there. But listen, your results are not from what you do occasionally, but from what you do consistently. If you are working occasionally, I would say you are in a push relationship with your vision and with your business. If you are working consistently, I would say, okay, you are pulled towards this compelling vision you have for yourself. So this is a really good time. We’re getting towards the end of the year, and again, we’re going to be having a year-end event friends, and we have never thrown a year-end event like this.

Kristen Boss (15:43):  I’m so excited. We haven’t even revealed the name yet. My team is excited. I’m excited. It’s going to blow your socks off what we are preparing, because as I was really thinking, not just what do you need, but I’m like, what does the industry need to hear as a whole as we close out 2023, and what is the goal for 2024 friends? I’m not going to reveal it yet. It is coming soon. You’re going to want to be prepared because we’re going to be blasting it everywhere, and you’re going to want to get your team there. I don’t care if you’re like, I don’t have a team yet. Find a team, get a team and get there because it’s going to be that transformative. But I would invite you to sit with your vision before then. You’ve got to have a date with your future self.

Kristen Boss (16:25):  You’ve got to sit down and ask yourself, what does it feel like? What does it look like? What does it smell like? All of those things. I have done that with every single goal and milestone in my life. What does that look like? What does that feel like? What does it smell like? What does it sound like? And I’ll tell you every single time I did that exercise, what happens is once it’s shaped in your mind, your brain actually starts to go to work to figure out how to make it happen. It starts problem solving for that. It starts looking for opportunities that align with that outcome. You start meeting certain people. You start moving in certain circles because you start seeing yourself differently. Your language changes, your habits change. And inevitably, when your habits change, your outcomes change. And when your outcomes change, your future changes. So friends, ask yourself today, am I in a push relationship or in a pull relationship? If you’re in a push, it’s time to reevaluate your vision. We’ll catch you in the next episode. That’s a wrap for today’s episode. Listen, if you love what you heard here today, I would love for you to leave a real quick rating and a review. This helps the show get discovered by new people. Be sure to take a screenshot of today’s episode and shout us out on Instagram. We’ll shout you right back out. If you’d like to find additional resources or discover how to work with me, head to www.kristenbos.com. Start right.

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