Purposeful Social Selling

High Performers and Marriage with Dr. Chavonne Ep #96

Feb 28, 2022

Many people join the network marketing business model because they want something better for their families. Whether it’s the ability to work from home or the extra income, it’s easy to see why it’s so inviting. But juggling the needs of a successful business and your family can be difficult even on the best days. 

It can become even more challenging if your marriage is suffering as well. Keeping your relationship healthy is hard enough, but throw in the added stress of a growing business and you’ve got a recipe for potential disaster.

This week Kristen is talking with friend, colleague, and marriage coach Dr. Chavonne, about how to eliminate relationship burnout from putting your spouse on the back burner. 

Listen in as they discuss:

  • How to tell if your self-worth is tied to achievement
  • Learning to have compassion for yourself when you feel the need to escape into your business
  • Achievement addiction
  • The dangers of weaponizing your personal development against your spouse
  • What it looks like to hold space for your spouse in your day-to-day

Often it’s easy to get lost in your business, especially if you’re experiencing success. But if you take the time to refocus on why you started your business in the first place, it can be the first step into relational harmony with your loved ones.

If you’d like to learn more about Dr. Chavonne, you can visit her website at: www.drchavonne.com

Or you can follow her on Instagram here.

And if you’d like to get your copy of Dr. Chavonne’s Marriage Management Guide, you can download it here.

Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://kristenboss.com/question

Connect with Kristen:

If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com

Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.

Transcript for Episode #96 High Performers and Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

Kristen Boss (00:05):  Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industries. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way.

Kristen Boss (00:48):  Hey bosses. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. This week. I have a very special guest that I’m so excited to introduce to you. My friend, my colleague, Dr. Chavonne, and she is here to bless you and me with just her wealth of knowledge when it comes to marriage. And she is a leading expert with helping couples find their best marriage. And I’ve seen the woman at work. She is a talent and just such a blessing. And I really wanted to bring her on today because I have talked about the importance of prioritizing our relationships, prioritizing the people in our life, and the whole idea of, you know, this sustainable business that I preach. And the philosophy that I preach is so that you can have time to be with your family so that you weren’t sacrificing family for the sake of your business goals. And I thought, you know, I couldn’t think of someone better to come on and just be the expert in all, all things marriage. So Chavonne welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.

Dr. Chavonne (01:46):  I’m so glad to be here, Kristen. Thanks so much for having me.

Kristen Boss (01:50):  I feel like my audience is in for the biggest treat. They heard an episode with just me and my husband talking about our context of our marriage and just some lessons we’ve learned in entrepreneurship. And I’m really excited for the, this conversation, cause I want it to be just an honest, raw conversation of just what I’ve seen in this industry. And so often kind of what I’ve seen and I’m sure you’ve seen it yourself. And I just would love to hear from you is what I’ve seen in my, in my, with my audience is this idea of like, they go all in on this business for their family to build dreams for their family and to enrichen their family’s lives. But in the pursuit of their goals, sometimes the family takes the backseat or the kids become the focus. And the spouse kind of is put on the back burner, like trusting like that the spouse will inevitably still be there. And then three years later, they wake up from the grind and their marriage is hurting. And so I’m like, how can we change the conversation so that isn’t happening so that we don’t have business burnout and marriage burnout. So that’s kind of the conversation I kind of want to have today, but I’d love for you to just kind of introduce yourself a little bit to my audience, share with them just how you came to being a marriage coach and the work you do and why you do it. Let my people know all about you.

Dr. Chavonne (03:13):  I love all of this already so, so much. To say to that I actually studied relationships. So I have a degree in public health, but I studied intimate partnerships and I studied interpersonal communication. And so I actually started my career working for nonprofit leading healthy relationship programs. I did trainings across the state trained adults on healthy relationship skills. So they could train adolescence really to, to master those skills and, you know, had really done well in that company. But as my husband and I started our own family, I was like, I want more balance in my life. I want to be home. I want to create a career where I can be home with my daughter, you know, when she comes home from school. And so while I was on maternity leave, I sat down and wrote down my dream job that I would create from scratch for myself and cobbled it together.

Dr. Chavonne (04:13):  And at the same time discovered the life coach school podcast and was like, I’m going to be a life coach. This is exactly everything I wrote down. This is the pathway to do that. And so my husband and I started out doing couples events. That was like my first thing. I was like, I know how to do events and I know how to teach people things. And from there it just like snowballed into like getting invitations to talk to groups and I created programs and people bought them. And so I was like, this is like a real thing. This is a real opportunity for me to create a career. And I love what you said about the inspiration and motivation to do a business, whatever that business is in your purpose for your family. And I had the same exact intentions and I still fell into the trap myself.

Dr. Chavonne (05:11):  And what I realized was that I was going through so many identity shifts at the same time. So I was a senior leader in a career in a field that I had studied for years. Right. Getting your doctorate is a very long journey. I had, you know, reached the pedicle of my professional career. I gave all of that up to then be a mother for the first time. And what I didn’t realize was happening for me was that my achievement orientation that got me so much in my education and my professional career just was like transferred to an achievement addiction in building my business. And so the thing that I would say to anyone finding this dynamic going on in their own marriage is to really take a step back and to tell yourself the whole truth about what you’re doing and what I mean by that is yes, the, the inner part of you like your spirit, your higher self is called to create your business and be successful in your business for this end result of what you want your family life to look and be like.

Dr. Chavonne (06:33):  And there’s also the ego part of view that covers that up and masks your identity and how you see yourself and drives you to forget that right, to forget what this is all about. And so the first thing that I had to realize, and this was like at least a year into building my business at least a year into doing all of the things and putting my own husband on the back burner as a marriage coach, right? Like, so I offer that for everyone to like, there’s no judgment in any of this. And I think when we tell our, the whole truth is when we empower ourselves to create the truth that we actually want to live. Right. And so for me, the first thing that I had to do, and I would say for anyone listening is when you tell yourself the whole truth, you see how much your identity and yourself were right now may be entangled in your achievement and in your business success.

Dr. Chavonne (07:45):  And how you will know this is happening for you is if you have very few boundaries for how you spend your time, right? You’re always working in your business, right. You’re de-prioritizing other areas of your life. And you’re not present. Even if you’re sitting in the room, watching a movie with your family, you’re thinking about, oh, I need to do this reel. Or, oh, I need to send this email or, oh, I need to reply to that DM. Right? That’s how you will know that. Like how you see yourself is really entangled in your achievements. Just knowing that is like the light switch coming on to create really what this is about for you in the first place.

Kristen Boss (08:36):  Oh my gosh. There’s a million things I want to unpack just from that. But this idea, idea of like, we start with our why, and it’s a good why. Like this is, this is like the number one thing my audience starts with is they just start with like, find your why. And it’s almost always like a better life for my family. And we end up forgetting our why it becomes this. It becomes skewed. It becomes disoriented. And it like it, the, the original why gets put on the back burner for like a different why and it’s, and everything gets skewed from that. And I just love when you said, like telling the whole truth of your story. And I think we only do that when we have a lot of compassion for ourselves and understand why we’re doing that. Why am I hiding in my work?

Kristen Boss (09:24):  Why would I rather be on my phone? It’s and honestly, like, there’s a lot of neurobiology at play here with like, oh, well I get a dopamine hit when I pick up my phone and someone says, oh my God, you’re amazing. Thank you for changing my life. And you know, here we are in our home and you know, my husband’s like, babe, can you, you know, grab, can you help me with a laundry? And I’m like that definitely not a dopamine hit at all. Right. So it’s just easy to escape in our work. And I, I think you just brought something to light too, is also like my husband and I, we talk a lot about emotional presence more than for physical presence. Like, are you emotionally here with me? Are you? And I do think we can tend to be more emotionally wrapped up in our business, like numb to our family or numb to our relationships and find all of our feeling and our work. I would just really want to ask like, well, where are you getting the most emotional fulfillment? If it’s not family, we need to explore that and why.

Dr. Chavonne (10:19):  Yeah. Why? And I think it’s, there is like, I think it’s a fake emotional fulfillment, right? So even as I was like navigating this for myself, the realization that I had to come to was like, from my spouses, like the relationship I was having in my business was like having an affair.

Kristen Boss (10:43):  Mm. Yes.

Dr. Chavonne (10:44):  And when I came to that realization, like, again, with all of the self-compassion, it’s just like, oh my goodness, no wonder he’s having the reactions to the decisions I make. He doesn’t understand it. And yet, like all these things are snowballing. And so I think like when we feel like our business is that dopamine hit is that place where like, we feel like we are successful and valued and appreciated. You want to just look at that, right? Because it really is a one-directional relation because your business isn’t going to scream at you. Like, I need you to do this for me. Everything we do for our businesses is because we’re pouring into it and it’s just there to receive whatever we give. Right. And that’s a very, like, it’s it, one of those things, like, it can feel like a very fulfilling experience, but many people find that they’ve spent so much time building a business that they don’t actually have anyone to enjoy the fruits of that labor with. Right. Like their family has been feeling so neglected. No one’s even celebrating the accomplishments anymore. It doesn’t even matter when you.

Kristen Boss (12:02):  Oh, the family starts to resent the accomplishments because it’s like, oh, well that, you know, it came at a cost to me. Good for you.

Dr. Chavonne (12:08):  Exactly.

Kristen Boss (12:10):  Right. And then it just becomes, and then the person who, who is busy out achieving feels unloved because you’re like, but you’re not celebrating this. And this is really important to me. It just becomes a really sticky mess. And I do think you, you were really onto something with this idea of like, it’s not like real fulfillment. It’s like, it’s, you know, we’ve talked about this. Are you LCS certified as well?

Dr. Chavonne (12:33):  So I am not officially certified, but I have listened to every single podcast and like podcast certified. Yes.

Kristen Boss (12:41):  Oh my gosh. I think that’s like a real thing, but like Brooke talks about this, she talks about like, we have false pleasure. We think that things that are like bring a false sense of happiness, a false sense of security, and it’s very fleeting and it’s like the two different types of feel-good neurotransmitters, there’s the dopamine, which is your instant gratification. And like, as soon as it empties out, it’s gone, you have to go find more. Whereas oxytocin is like the slow bonding hormone. It lasts a long it’s the nourishing neurotransmitter that I’m safe, I’m secure. I’m seen. And that one, like, I feel like oxytocin is what we get with our families. And dopamine is what we get with our business. So it’s learning to like leave our dopamine brain and become more like a nourished brain instead of like a, you know, I need that hit.

Kristen Boss (13:31):  I need that high. And that’s really what it is. Like, there is no way around it, this idea of achievement addiction. And I talk a lot about this in my upcoming book, but it’s like, when I saw that in myself first, I had to have a whole lot of compassion and realizing like, oh, I’m always going to like be dismantling and healing. I don’t even want to say dismantle. Cause I don’t think that’s the kindest words to say, but it’s like, oh, I’m, I’m always going to be healing. This part of myself and reorienting myself towards the healthier, more true vision of fulfillment. And it is hard. Right?

Dr. Chavonne (14:07):  It is hard. And I have been doing a lot of thinking about that too. And it’s really the process of like creating safety and slowing down. And when I look at that, for those of us who are so achievement-oriented and successful, right. Cause there’s a difference when like you’re achievement-oriented and it’s not working. Right. But like you’re achievement-oriented and it’s successful. So you are, you know, constantly getting those dopamine hits. I think what’s required in that journey is recognizing that your value is really independent of your accomplishments. Right. It’s seeing how, like, if you strip away what you do if you strip away what you’ve accomplished if you’ve stripped away, what others think of you? Like what is the core of who you are and how can you always be tuned into that? How can you always be living into that? And I think it also requires that you see just how much there’s more to the life you want than working so much. Right? Like, amen. Again, it’s sort of like, we, we have this like fake belief that, well I have to work so hard to create so much abundance. So then I can enjoy the abundance,

Kristen Boss (15:23):  Right? Yes. It’s yes. It’s like, I’m going to work so hard now. Well, it’s the idea of like, I’m going to work, I’m doing this for my family. I’m going to work really, really hard and then put my nose to the grindstone. And then when we get there, then we are going to be this happy family and enjoying the fruit of my labor. And it’s like, it’s not like that at all.

Dr. Chavonne (15:38):  Not it’s like how you build it now is how it’s always going to be. Right. Just like whatever you practice is what you’re going to perform. So if you’re building from this like quest for achievement validation for who you are, there’s no dollar amount that’s actually ever going to satiate you. Right. And then I think what is also so necessary, and I love just doing this exercise even in my own life today. And I teach my clients this all the time is getting present to all of the sources of fulfillment in your life. Right? So it’s really the most beautiful thing to just be able to expand all of the inputs of fulfillment. I think about this a lot when I talk about the five love languages, right? So many people know about that, but they use the five love languages, like a weapon against their spouse.

Dr. Chavonne (16:32):  Like this is my love language. So you should absolutely focus on loving me this one way. And what I think is like, there are five love languages. Like what if you just focused on experiencing love in all five areas? How much more love would you experience on a daily basis? Same with fulfillment. If right now your relationship, I mean, your business is the main source of your fulfillment. You’re cutting off all the fulfillment that can come from the relationship with your spouse, all the fulfillment that can come from the relationship with your children and your extended family and other sources of life. Right. Because it’s all here. All of the like inputs are available. You’ve just gotta plug into them by getting really present to it.

Kristen Boss (17:20):  Oh my gosh. I’m like, okay, what do I want to like expand on? Because that was so good. Like the, I just want to reiterate when you said, how can I live into the core of who I am? Oh man. That is so deep and so rich. I love that so much, cause it is reminding us kind of like to return to our true selves instead of this, our work selves, the, the achieving self and like what’s how, who am I truly, who am I at my core and loving that core and being available for all forms of love for that. I also love the idea of like being open to all areas of, you know, fulfillment. Like you’re, if you’re only getting in one channel like your life could be so much richer if you opened up to other channels. And also my mind is still blown about the idea of the five love languages.

Kristen Boss (18:06):  I’m just like, wait, hold on, wait, hold on. If someone was to like sit in their marriage, instead of thinking, the best way I’m loved is through acts of service and words of affirmation, which I think those are no minor gifts and acts of service. And if I was to only tell myself to receive love in that way or see love in that way, then I’d would miss my husband, loving me through words of affirmation and quality time, and physical touch. And like, even though it’s not my primary language, I’m still like, I’m still seeing that through the lens of, oh, he’s loving me. Maybe it’s like not my most favorite way, but it’s still a language of love that he is speaking to me. And I’m my mind is just a little bit blown with that right now. I’m like, I just think my audience just taking that instead of like, Hey, you know, this is avenue a or B that I want you to speak to me instead of like, wait, there’s all these ways that I can feel love from you and always, and just feel love more deeply. And I guess vastly is the word I’m looking for.

Dr. Chavonne (19:08): Always like you just feel it always.

Kristen Boss (19:12):  Oh my gosh, so good. Like you’re just always happening.

Dr. Chavonne (19:13):  Yeah.

Kristen Boss (19:15):  That’s so good. Okay. Here’s something I really want to explore because I think you do work with a lot of high-achieving couples and couples who are in entrepreneurship. And I do think there is a dynamic that happens and I’d love your thoughts on this. So when my audience comes into their business, there is a ton. And, and you know this too, like for us, a ton of personal development that comes with being an entrepreneur so much. And so what happens for my clients is they start their business and they go on a personal development journey and they are aware of so much and they change. They see a lot of growth in themselves. Like my students, they realize that their mindset is changing. They’re, they’re putting themself in, they’re in a growth-oriented state a lot of the time. And here’s what I notice.

Kristen Boss (20:05):  There’s a couple of stories I see happening. One is this, like, I’m afraid my husband’s going to stop growing into like, what if I’ve outgrown him or I’m so I’m growing faster than him. Or this idea of like expecting the spouse to grow like, Hey, grow with me. And, and I even see women and maybe that’s part B is like, they’re afraid to have success because they’re afraid they’re going to leave their husband behind. So I would really love to hear just your thoughts on that when someone’s like they’re growing in their personal development journey and they’re having thoughts about their spouse.

Dr. Chavonne (20:41):  Yeah. That’s such a great, a great thing because what’s so fascinating about that is a phenomenon is that your personal growth journey should create the result of you accepting others where they are. Right. And so what’s happening is because you are growing and you’re so enlightened, right? And you’re so self and you’re so committed to being a better person that there’s this sneaky way of judging anyone else, who isn’t doing the same thing. So now you’re using your own personal growth and awareness as a weapon against your spouse. So just like pause and see the, if that’s what’s happening, right. When you could use your personal development as a way of loving your spouse more deeply. Because what we all notice in personal development is you do have to practice self-compassion because you see things about yourself that you’re like, oh my goodness, that is not serving me.

Dr. Chavonne (21:51):  That’s creating a lot of harm in my life and my relationships and my business. So let me address that. Right? And so when you can apply self-compassion to yourself and just be with where you are, while also being intentional about making those shifts to better, you can, can also just see your spouse where they are and hold this space. Right. We talk about this in coaching all the time. I actually have a podcast episode and like holding this space for your spouse’s transformation. And I think sometimes in marriage, it’s a beautiful thing. When you do see where your spouse can grow, where you do see like things and shifts that they could make, that would enhance your relationship and enhance the experience you have with children. A lot of my clients have children. So they see like, oh my spouse, like if they were just a better parent in this area, like that would really make a difference. Right? You can see that and hold the space for it by also being an example of that, right? Like you don’t have to judge them and criticize and harp on them about where they’re not, you can just lovingly lead and guide them and show them how much better it is to live the way that you’re living.

Kristen Boss (23:07):  I really want to like break this down even more cause you and I, as coaches, we deeply understand what holding space looks like. But I think for my listener, what does it look like for a wife who feels like I’m having so much transformation, so much growth? What does holding space actually look like in the day-to-day?

Dr. Chavonne (23:28):  Right? I’m going to make this super, super right. Cause my brain likes to think in steps. It’s the academic in me. Okay. Part of it is being able to see the thing you think is wrong. Right. Just being able to see like, okay, this is one area where I really would like my spouse to be growing and changing and it’s to look at that area and understand it first. Right. So anything you want to change, it’s so important to just understand it. And I think sometimes when we feel like our spouse is not growing, especially for things that we’ve asked them to like be intentional about, it feels like a personal attack on us that they’re not doing it. Right. We get very offended. Like you don’t care enough about me and us and our relationship to make this change. But that’s because we’ve forgotten the like 20, 30, 40 that is shaped them to operate the way that they operate.

Dr. Chavonne (24:29):  Right. So I always invite people to just like ask yourself, like, what do you think has led your spouse to like be in this place that they are with this area of their life. Right. So there’s that. And then there’s knowing what you would like, right. We’re very clear about like this needs to change and seeing them there. Right. Like seeing them there and just entertaining the question, like what will life be like when they’re there? Like how would I be feeling about them? How would I be thinking about them? How would I be interacting with them? If I feel felt like this area about them was better. Right. And it’s really centering yourself on, like, I see this happening in the future. And also like I’m here with where we are now and I’m living into that future. And I’ll tell you, this is what we’re doing in our, this is all the time.

Kristen Boss (25:28):  I was going to say, this is what we do with our clients. We’re like we see them where they are, where they’re struggling and where they are in their not great place. And we’re like, we are holding so much compassion while pointing them to the tools. But we’re also always holding the higher vision that we see and we’re coaching them from that place. It’s like, oh no, I’m coaching you in the energy of like, what I see you will be in three years from now, but I’m also going to hold so much love and compassion for the space you’re in right now. It’s like this really tender balance.

Dr. Chavonne (26:04):  It is. And I think like the distinction that will be important when we try to try that to being a spouse with our, you know, husband’s wives, whichever is also trusting that things are going to align in a way that our spouse can get there without our needing to control, manipulate and drag them along.

Kristen Boss (26:27):  I hope, hope everybody rewinds that again like just rewind that 15 seconds ago. That’s so important.

Dr. Chavonne (26:32):  Seriously. It’s so important where like you holding this space in marriage looks like I see my spouse in this better place, us having this deeper, more productive and fulfilling relationship. And I trust that like my desire has been sent out to God, to the universe, whatever you believe in as the higher power and trusting that they’re going to maybe have a conversation with someone and that’s going to like help them open the door. Like I don’t need to be, be the convict of my spouse to get this right.

Kristen Boss (27:07):  I was just going to say, I was like, you don’t need to be his, their savior. And I think, but I think that’s when we do go into like micromanaging checking in like, like almost like saying like, oh, did you do your work today? It’s like going teacher mode. It’s like, I, I believe when we’re there, we’ve lost belief in the inevitability of their growth. And we’ve inserted ourselves as being like the hero, the savior. Yeah. The fixer, because we don’t believe it’s possible anymore.

Dr. Chavonne (27:35):  Exactly. And one of the, like the one part of the process I take my couples through is mastering relationship skills as a team, which I am in love with this because we do see like both of you are seeing, oh, if we have like if you have this skillset right. Many times for my clients, it’s the skill set of empathy. Right? They want their spouse to like be more empathetic and sensitive. And when you’re focused on how do we master this skill as a team? What that looks like is that your spouse gets to decide what their after version looks like. Right? They get to decide like this is who I want to be. Like, I have this concept level 10 partner. This is me at a level 10 as a partner to you. You hear that. And your role is to work with them as a team. And I C I know you as network marketers, know what it’s like to operate as a team where if someone has a weakness and they’re saying like, this is something I’m working on instead of policing them, which is what happens 90% of the time you are their advocate. We’re having the conversation there about what it looks like for you to support them in making this change, as opposed to you nudging them and pushing them and berating them and judging them for not making the progress that you think they should.

Kristen Boss (28:59):  Oh my gosh. This idea that your spouse decides who they are at a level 10, I think that alone would change so many marriages because the thing is, you might have a picture of what your level 10 spouse is. And they might have a picture of what their version of level 10 is, and they actually don’t match. And so when you’re in that, and if that’s never been communicated, one might feel like they are like getting close to their level 10 while the spouse might be like, you aren’t even close you’re on a three compared to my scale of 10. And so like, of course, there can be no empathy. Like my brain is like, wait, hold on. When the spouse decides what their transformation looks like, we hold space for that. And we, we get on board. We’re like, I love that level 10 of you too.

Kristen Boss (29:46):  And you know what? That’s so even interesting just for like when I’m thinking of my audience and then their leaders, I think they see this with people on their teams. Like people that they’re raising up to be the leader. They have a version in their mind of like, this is my level 10 version of a leader. But in that person’s mind, they might think that they’re at a level 10 and there’s a disconnect somewhere. And I remember even thinking with my COO and my company. I remember my CFO saying, Hey, you might want to ask her if her vision of where she’s operating in your company three years from now matches your vision. I, I was like, wait, what? I was like, I should probably have a conversation with her about where she sees herself. And like, of course, we need to do this in our marriages. Like, my brain is like, it’s imploding right now Chavonne, it’s imploding.

Dr. Chavonne (30:35):  It’s the best thing. Like you let them create their version and you just like, look over at their page and support that yeah.

Kristen Boss (30:43):  That alone would change so many dynamics in marriage. Oh my gosh. Okay. I think I have one more question. My, in my question, that I’m, as I’m really just thinking about my audience and where they are, let’s say they put their noses to the grindstone. They are in that season where their heads up, they’re in all the glory of their business, but now the marriage is hurting. What’s what is their step? What is their work? And I know because I’ve seen evidence of your clients and how they talk about their marriages after they’ve worked with you, like, there’s still hope what is, is, what is their work from that place? Like, we could talk about the preventative place, but now we’re like, oh, now we’re in burnout. What’s the work there.

Dr. Chavonne (31:31):  Yeah. I think the most healing thing in those spaces is vulnerability being willing to be vulnerable. And really, and I know you teach taking a hundred percent ownership, right? So even as I talked about at the beginning, my own uncovering of what was happening for me in the very first years of my business, I went to my husband and I just said, like, I understand what’s happened. And I see how I’ve contributed to this dynamic. That’s not working for us right now. And I just like poured out my heart with what I saw about myself and how I understood its impact on him. And I think for anyone listening, like, if you can love yourself enough and love your spouse enough to just sit with herself for a bit and, to be honest about those things. And to know that like, that is just like the baseline, right?

Dr. Chavonne (32:33):  Like that conversation is the baseline. And the next conversation you want to have is the finish line conversation about this is where we are now, where do we want to be? And the first step in my process is deciding and committing to your ideal marriage together. So it’s literally going through. And so where you want to take yourself next is that finish-line conversation, right? This is our starting line, but this is the finish line. If we could create something better, what would that look like? What would be like the one thing right now that would make such a difference in our dynamic and how we are interacting and feeling towards each other right now, what is the one shift? And I think sometimes people are so unclear about what they want, especially when you run into marriage problems, you become so seeped in the problem. And all you focus on is like, I don’t want this. Okay, great. You don’t want this, but what do you want? Right? Because you can’t create what you want from nothing. You have to be clear about what it is you want. And I just make it very tangible for people. I’m like if you could create an ultimate win even this week, what would it be? What is the one shift that if this thing was just a little bit better right now would make all the difference and create like the snowball effect of like consistent action towards that finish line?

Kristen Boss (34:16):  Oh man, that is so good. I just love the thought of like, what is just the one shift you can make this week? Almost like the philosophy of 1% better. If you just wake up, like what’s 1% better and you do that every day. It’s three hundred  fifty six, you know, better by the end of the year. Actually, I don’t know how many years are, how many days are in a year? 365.

Dr. Chavonne (34:35):  Right? 365.

Kristen Boss (34:37):  Oh my gosh. Okay. 365

Dr. Chavonne (34:39):  For holidays. You know?

Kristen Boss (34:42):  Exactly days off PTO. Okay. But still like, I just, I just love how tangible that feels to maybe somebody like, I think you’re right. I think we can be so seeped in our problems that we can’t think about. Well, what do I want? And starting with the end in mind. And I, I just think my audience like just might need that little nugget for this week. And I’m sure they have a million things written down. And I know that you’ve just given them so much value. So I know my audience, I know they care about their families. I know they care about their marriages. So where can my people find you? I think you have a podcast, right?

Dr. Chavonne (35:18):  I do. I do have a podcast. That’s called Love Marriage Again with Dr. Chavonne. So just scroll right into that search bar, type it in right now and subscribe.

Kristen Boss (35:29):  I love that. And then we’re going to link you in our show notes. If they want to find you on Instagram, cause you’re always just dropping great stuff. There’s a way to get on your email list, we’ll make sure to put that there. I’m also going to like, make a really hard pitch on your behalf because I just believe in your work so much. And it’s just like, I think about how much we spend on weddings. I think about how much we spend on things and our children’s education and want to give the best for our kids. And I truly believe like investing in your marriage is one of the most important investments we can possibly make. Like you, and I’ve, I’ve said this to you over and over. I’m like you are the premium marriage coach. And if someone was to be like, oh, do I decide between investing in Kristen’s mastermind or healing my marriage with Dr. Chavonne.

Kristen Boss (36:17):  I’d be like 100% Dr. Chavonne first and then come in my mastermind because your life deserves to be rich. It deserves to be fulfilling on all levels, especially in marriage. And I, I will say like women in my, in my mastermind, they have seen extraordinary changes in their marriage, but I just feel like I cannot emphasize the importance of this work and enough of like putting the money into healing, our marriages, loving our marriages, believing that they could be whole and wonderful. Like I love hearing your people say it’s so fun. I love hearing your people say I have never been more in love in my marriage. I’ve never appreciated my partner more. It’s so fun to see your testimonials with your people. So I’m just like, I’m making the bold pitch for you because I just really believe in your work. I’m so thankful for your work. I’m thankful for how you show up in the world. You’re such a light and I’m just so thankful you came on the show today.

Dr. Chavonne (37:07):  Thank you for having me. It’s been my pleasure.

Kristen Boss (37:10):

You’re welcome. Okay, everybody, we will see you in the next episode next week. Bye.

Kristen Boss (37:20):  That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you are ready to join me, it’s time for you to jump into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the Academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for a while, this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

the Podcast for the modern day network marketer and social seller.

Click below to listen on your favorite podcast player.