To DM or not to DM? That is the question. And the answer may not be what you’d expect.
In the world of social selling, we’re often so focused on the selling part that we totally forget about how to do the social aspect in a way that serves our audience. This week on the podcast, Kristen talks about the importance of reaching out and engaging with a relational mindset and how consistency once again is the driving force behind your future success as a network marketer.
Listen in as she works through these important topics:
- Transactional vs. Relational reach-outs and how they can affect your bottom line
- Why success isn’t found in your follower count
- The importance of prioritizing your influence and authority through consistency
- How social media rewards relational reach-outs
- Explaining the Know/Like/Trust factor and why it should be the foundation of your online presence
The bottom line to this age-old issue is that you’re giving them incomparable value by having meaningful and relational conversations with your audience. As Kristen always says, ‘Selling is serving, and serving is selling.’ When you approach selling with a servant’s heart, it becomes easier to focus on your audience’s needs. Quiet the expectations, and leave your agenda at the door.
Double book bonus ends TONIGHT! When you join the Social Selling Academy before midnight tonight PST, you’ll receive printed copies of the Confident Copywriting book and the Organic Marketing book. Over 100 pages of marketing and copywriting gold mailed directly to your front door! Join the Social Selling Academy here: https://thesocialsellingacademy.com/
Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://kristenboss.com/question
Connect with Kristen:
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Transcript for Episode #67: Relational Reachouts
Kristen Boss (00:08): Hey bosses. Guess what? I have exciting news for you. It is the time of back to school. Kids are getting their school supplies, new backpacks and books, which also means it is the back to school book bonus for you. That’s right. We are doing another book bonus for the social selling academy. When you join this weekend only, it ends Monday at midnight. Here’s what happens when you join the social selling academy, you get the printed and bound, two books mailed to you. You get the confident copywriting book where I teach you the exact framework that you need to write sales copy that creates high converting content. So that people end up in your DMS asking you about your business, your product, your offer. So if you’ve ever sat there confused, wondering, I don’t know what to write, or I don’t know how to talk about my business opportunity without sales sounding salesy or spammy, or how could I be more clear and do this in a better way? I give you all the tactics, the framework, and even the psychology of a buyer’s mindset so that you can speak to them in a way that compels them to reach out to you and ask more about what you offer.
Kristen Boss (01:24): My students love this book. They say it is a game changer for them. And people see a difference with one post. They get a lot more engagement when they use the copywriting framework I teach. The second book you get is purposeful organic marketing. It’s the first edition. And I give you all the tools you need to navigate Facebook and Instagram. So you know how to connect and engage, identify your target market, build a new audience, figure out how to interact in Facebook groups so that you don’t kicked out by admins so that you have people reaching out to you, how to navigate Instagram so that you’re building relationships with people and getting more people interested in what you’re doing. And a lot of people tend to get stuck around, like, how do I build engaged relationships? How do I engage? How do I connect? How do I navigate hashtags?
Kristen Boss (02:14): And how do I know who to interact with and who to engage with? And the organic marketing book gives you all of that breakdown. I even teach you how to navigate and create your own Facebook groups so that you can become a high value creator in the social media space. People love this book because it literally takes out all the guesswork for how to navigate today’s social selling landscape in a way that is value-driven and service oriented without you feeling spammy or gross. So when you join the academy is lifetime access, which means when you join, you pay once and you get access to it for life there’s weekly live coaching with me. We also have this amazing tool called ASCA coach. It is a live portal where you can submit any question you want for coaching. And we have a support network of coaches who are trained in the social science academy framework to give you coaching based on the questions that you ask so that you are never lost, never confused and never stuck in the program.
Kristen Boss (03:15): You are always able to move forward because of the tools we have in there. We also have a private podcast for, you know, our members on the go, who liked to listen to the live coaching while they’re doing laundry or driving. You have that accessible to you at all times. Not only that, but there is more than 30 video module trainings, workbooks, and a very vibrant Facebook group to where you get constant support to help you on your journey. There is no offer like the social selling academy. So listen, I very much teach a framework for somebody that wants to be in this industry for the long haul and wants sustainable success without burning themselves out. And they want to create a predictable paycheck over time. If that is you, the social selling academy is 100% where you need to be. It’s $2,000 you pay once we don’t do payment plans.
Kristen Boss (04:05): And the reason why you can actually go back and listen to the Q and A recruit reboot. I actually address a lot of questions people have about the academy, but we do this so that you are fully invested. You only have to make the decision once. And then you come into the academy ready to just get to work and create the results and never having to revisit a decision to reinvest or repurchase. You were there. You have access for the lifetime of the program. So if you plan to make at least $2,000 and your social selling career over the next few years, and this is a no brainer, it’s just like going to grad school to go and get the tools so that you have a pay raise in the corporate world. I have created this program so that you can guarantee your own pay raise in the social selling world, regardless of your comp plan, regardless of your company or how long you have been in it.
Kristen Boss (04:55): So if you want to read some testimonials, we have an amazing testimonial page on the website. You want to head to kristenboss.com or go to thesocialsellingacademy.com to take advantage of the printed book bonus. We will see you in there. Hey, guess what? The double book bonus is back when you join the social selling academy by midnight tonight, Pacific standard time, the double book bonus is one of our most favorite events promotions that we run for the academy. People love the double book bonus. The book bonuses are the confident copy workbook that teaches you how to write effective sales, copy, and captions, and really how to craft your content in a way that speaks to your ideal buyer and your ideal business builder, so that they show up in your DMS already sold. They are already on board, right? And they’re excited about jumping in with you.
Kristen Boss (05:47): Our students love this book. They notice a difference with a single post when they use the framework I teach. The second book is purposeful organic marketing with all the Facebook and Instagram strategies for you to attract your ideal audience, build your niche, get very clear on it. How to effectively sell market, engage, connect, build relationships. It is everything you need to learn to effectively network and market in the social media platforms. Here is what I want to tell you. If you’ve been thinking about this academy now is your time to join. Why we’re coming up on the last 90 days of the year. And these last 90 days are absolutely vital for you to create the momentum, to have your business exploding in January of 2022, it is the work you do. Now that sets up your momentum for the new year. A lot of you kind of let things fall by the wayside over the holidays, and then you end up, you know, making promises to yourself, and you kind of use the new year to wake up your business.
Kristen Boss (06:49): In the academy, we teach you to be consistent and have sustainable business practices that keep you in the game for the long haul and actually increase your earning potential over the long run. A lot of students notice that when they stay in the game, they actually make more money because they’ve learned to be consistent. So if consistency has been your problem, this is absolutely why you need to be joining the academy. It is a $2,000 program, lifetime access with weekly live coaching. You can go to the website to read all about it, but the reason why we have done that is we want you to only pay once and then join and then get in there to only get results over the lifetime of your social selling career. This academy is the best investment for you. If you are someone who knows that they want to make $2,000 over the life of their business.
Kristen Boss (07:41): So if you know, cause otherwise, if you don’t want to make $2,000 and social selling, then you’re right. This program is totally not for you. But if you want to learn to make that times 10 times a hundred times a thousand, then it’s time for you to join the academy. It is like, you know, getting an MBA in business, but for network marketing, there’s a premium coaching program where we give you all the tools you need to completely set you up for success. So if you’re ready, we have the double book bonus. It ends tonight at midnight Pacific standard time. I do not want you to miss this. We will see you in the academy.
Kristen Boss (08:19): Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey bosses, welcome to another week of the podcast today. We’re going to have some fun. We’re going to talk about how to go about relational reach outs with this business.
Kristen Boss (09:15): Yes, and I see a lot of people getting confused and kind of getting hung up and spinning out with a lot of mental drama about when to reach out to people. And if it’s okay to reach out to people, is it wrong to reach out to people because things have changed a lot just in the past few years. And I think most, if you’re listening to this podcast, you already are you know, aware of, or not on board with the idea of sending canned,”Hey girl” messages to complete strangers that you have no relational equity with and just spamming people. You’re already there, but you might be asking yourself, but what can I do? What should I do? Is it ever appropriate to send a message? Can I reach out to people? And the answer is, yes, you absolutely can and should be reaching out to people, but it looks different.
Kristen Boss (10:11): And we’re going to talk about that. We’re going to talk about the difference between transactional reach-outs versus relational reach-outs and it’s going to be a pretty powerful, you know, a simple, short, but power-packed episode, just so it’s very approachable for you to take. All right. So let’s talk a little bit about the business model you’re in. You are in social selling or network marketing, even if you’re a coach online because again, we’re getting more and more people online with all kinds of services, listening to this podcast. And I love it, but my main audience is network marketers who are trying to figure out how to do this business differently and well, and with integrity and with social selling, a lot of you have got either gotten on board with selling and you’re like, yeah, selling and selling, but you’re not quite sure how to do the social part of this business.
Kristen Boss (11:06): You’re not quite sure how to build the relationships, build your network, build your audience, and how that looks. And you’re kind of caught in the selling. And what I mean by that is, and I see people swing between two extremes. They’re either fully in selling where they’re just posting about the business posting about the product all the time. That’s all they do, but they’re not building relationships, adding value to their audience, creating trust with their audience. And they’re not leaning enough into the relational aspect of this business. And then there are those on the other side who are purely relational and they’re terrified to talk about their business and their product. And they just kind of sit there, stuck in the I’m building trust and building relationships. And they never feel confident to make an ask, make an offer, have that conversation because they’re so caught up in the stories over there.
Kristen Boss (11:59): So I see people get caught in both. I see people get stuck in this. Like when is it okay to send a message? Should I ever send a message? And so we’re going to clear that up. Okay. Now the thing I’m totally against, and you guys know this is sending a cold pitch to a complete stranger that you have zero trust built with. Because honestly, for being honest, that is not, that’s not a relational reach out. That’s a transactional reach out. That’s, I’m going to reach out to you. And I expect a transaction to happen. At some point in this conversation, I expect to convert you from a complete stranger into a hot lead in this conversation, you enter into it with an agenda. Whereas with a relational reach out, there is no agenda relational to is all about growing your network and being in as many conversations as possible, not as many sales conversations as possible, but you’re adding to your sphere of influence by being someone of value to as many people as possible.
Kristen Boss (13:05): And you do have to prioritize networking in this business. You are in network marketing. Some of you are like, yeah, marketing, marketing, but networking. You’re like, I don’t even know how to do that. And you have to just think what is networking and networking is meeting new people, getting to know them being of service, to them being a resource or an asset to them, and connecting with them with solutions that they’re actively working on. You might be the solution to the problem that they’re working on. You might not be, but you can still probably point them to a solution. Just so you know, even when you are not the solution yourself, but you point whoever you’re serving to a solution that could help them. You are becoming a valuable resource and being a valuable resource is being someone of value to someone. So I think a lot of you sometimes think I have to be the answer.
Kristen Boss (14:02): I have to have all the answers. I have to be this expert, but listen, sometimes just helping people like pointing them in a direction is valuable. You don’t have to be the expert and have it all together to be someone who is influential and valuable to others, just being a resource to someone is helpful. Okay? So you must prioritize networking, which also means you need to be prioritizing meeting new people consistently being in new conversations consistently, not new co not new sales conversations, every new person you meet me and like, Hey, nice to meet you. I’m Kristen. And Hey, have I told you what I do? You should, you should like watch my two-minute video pitch. No, it’s just like being in a conversation without an agenda with as many people as possible. So I see people kind of get caught in this loop where they think they need a bigger following and they start chasing and they prioritize all their energy towards growing their following instead of growing their business.
Kristen Boss (15:16): And those are two very different things. I actually see people through all their time and energy and to just growing a following, growing a following, and trying to go viral instead of working on being valuable with the following, they already have with a sphere of influence. They already have, they go and get lost, chasing a following. And the problem is, is when you’re chasing a following, you’re not working on actually growing your paycheck. You think you are because you’re telling yourself, oh, if I just, you know, if I have a bigger audience and I would sell more, but I see a lot of people grow their audience. And then they don’t know how to convert that audience into a customer. They don’t know how to make an. They don’t know how to sell. Then suddenly they become so afraid to like start talking about their business because they’re, they were just chasing the following and realizing, oh, I’m not making any money.
Kristen Boss (16:08): Like I have 10,000 more followers, but if I’m not growing my paycheck, what’s the point of prioritizing growing the following when that’s, why you did it, to begin with. So that’s, that’s where I see people get really stuck. And the reason why people chase a following is because they’re discrediting and have stories about the sphere of influence or the following they already have. They currently have, they have a lot of judgments about their warm market and their sphere of influence. And they’ve decided for them, they don’t want it. They’re not interested. They don’t care. I went to high school with them and I’m not asking you to go and send a direct message to every single one in there. But, and I actually coached a student in the academy on this. And it was, it was kind of a big light bulb moment for her.
Kristen Boss (16:57): She was, she had 2000 followers on Instagram and she, all she could think about was just growing her audience. And she prioritized all of her time and her energy and to thinking, how can I grow my audience? How can I get more followers? And I said, why aren’t you shifting your energy into the followers you currently have and learning to sell to them and being good at connecting with them and selling to them and talking about what you do through your platform and adding value to them. And it took some coaching, but when she finally shifted her focus from growing more, getting more followers into serving the followers she already had, guess what do you think, what do you think happened? Her paycheck grew. She actually grew her business. And what’s even more fascinating is her following grew too. When she decided to just serve the audience, she currently had and worked on really delivering high-value content and serving them and being a resource for them and being valuable to them and influential for them.
Kristen Boss (18:00): Her following started to grow as a by-product of serving her current audience. So I want you to just check in with yourself. What stories are you telling yourself about your current audience that maybe has you doing this whole, like, I have to do 30 reels a day for 30 days? And I’m, I’m doing that experiment myself right now. Just to kind of see what there is to see and share my lessons from it, with you guys. But I just want you to notice if you’re attaching a story to growing your following like I have to grow my following in order to grow my paycheck. And that’s not true. You have to work on growing your influence with the following you currently have in order to grow your paycheck. Think about that. A lot of you just think, I just need to go and get more people.
Kristen Boss (18:47): Now, what I’m not saying is to not prioritize, meeting new people, making new connections, being you know, being relational, you still need to prioritize that, but you need to learn to do that while you are also prioritizing growing your business, you have to be in this balance of I’m going to do. I’m going to do the work activity that grows my current business with who I currently have and serve them. And then I’m also going to prioritize daily activity of forming new relationships and new connections with people without an agenda. That is when you are in relational reach-out mindset. And we’ll, we’ll talk about that a little bit more. So what does a relational reach out? Look like a relational reach out, looks like you are reaching out to the person without an agenda. And your mindset is giving rather than asking your mindset is how can I give to them?
Kristen Boss (19:45): What might be a little helpful advice for them? Where can I point them to a resource or how can I help them with this or save them a Google search and relational, by the way, social media platforms reward you for being relational? They actually want to see that you are relational on their platform instead of being somebody that posts your thing and then gets off the platform. You actually, if you want people to engage with you, you need to go and engage with them. You need to be commenting and liking their things, being in their stories, and having a meaningful conversation. It is so much better to have less than like the number wise, like less conversations that are higher quality than a ton of conversations that are low quality. You want high-quality conversations where you are giving meaningful, meaningful comments, meaningful feedback, meaningful advice.
Kristen Boss (20:46): You’re taking the, because it shows that you care that you see them as a person, more than just a sale or a number you’ll have to excuse. If you can hear some hammering in the background, we’re remodeling our house right now. And I have tried so hard to do my podcast in different hours, but this is just how it is. Years of hammering in the background. That’s what it is. All right. Where was, what, where was it? Oh yeah. Being in that relational, reach out, being generous and sincere with how you engage with them. And it’s not about converting them into a customer right away. It’s simply about adding to your funnel. When you have meaningful conversations with somebody, they come into your sphere, they come into your ecosystem. And then the goal is for you to serve them a lot and consistently through your content.
Kristen Boss (21:43): And when you can understand a felt need for them, and you are not attached at all to the answer that they give you, you can probably do a relational reach out. You could probably say, Hey, I’ve noticed that we’ve been talking about this a lot. You posted about this. Do you have any interest in this from a non-weird place, from a place of like truly being of service to them, but you have to evaluate a few things. Is there a history of reciprocity with this person? Are we, is there a history of them engaging with you and you engaging with them? If that is the case that says there’s a healthy, reciprocal communication going on, where a reach out will not exactly be unwelcomed because you have a history of communication. You also need to look at the law of timing. Who is timing?
Kristen Boss (22:37): Are you concerned with when you are reaching out, are you trying to you know, is it an urgency to meet your own goals? Like you have a deadline you want to rank up, you’re, you know, you are in your own mindset of like, what do I need for me instead of, and that’s a transactional reach out. Like I need this for me. And then a relational reach out is I’m offering this for them. And I want to help them solve a problem that they have. And I’m happy to be a resource. And, you know, you are in doing a relational reach out when you have zero attachment to their answer when you are not worried. If they say no, thank you not today. And you’re like, great, not even a problem, but if you sense any type of emotional attachment going on, you’re in a transactional mindset and there is an expectation of getting a sale from them.
Kristen Boss (23:31): And no one likes being on the receiving end of a seller who expects them to buy. There’s a difference between an invitation for purchase and an expectation for purchase for me, like when I’m, when I’m in my, when I’m selling and I truly love selling because I really believe it is, it is the highest form of serving because I really believe in what I offer people. So when I’m in that space where I’m you know, making an offer, I’m never expecting, like I’m doing this offer. I expect you to buy for me, it’s always from a posture of invitation. Like here’s what I have to offer you. Here’s why it’s amazing. Here’s what’s available for you. Here’s why I think you should, you should consider it. And then I let them have all of their own thoughts, work through it themselves and arrive on their own instead of this.
Kristen Boss (24:32): And they never feel like, oh, oh, this feels really uncomfortable because Kristen’s 100% expecting me to buy. Can you imagine walking into like a store where it’s a commission store and there’s this expectation of purchase on your part, that would make a pretty uncomfortable customer experience? And we’re not about that. We are about creating a really valuable customer experience. And I’ve heard this saying, and I love it so much. The best selling is when the buyer leaves better. Think about that. The best selling is when the buyer leaves better. They love the exchange. They love the transformation that came with the transaction. They loved the experience, good selling people enjoy a great selling experience. I want you to think about that. People enjoy a good selling experience. Like it’s so interesting just even while we’re remodeling right now like I’ve, I’ve had a couple of things where I’m trying to make a decision.
Kristen Boss (25:40): And one decision is more expensive than the other. And I’ve literally told the people we’re working with, or our designer I’ve said like, sell me why this option is better. Sell me on why I should spend more. And the truth is like, I want to be sold because I want to make the best decision for me, a decision that I like years from now, and your audience feels the same way they want to be sold on what’s best for them. And if what’s best for them is the cheaper option right now. Okay. But let them decide that, but sell from the posture of like people, desire, being sold to in a positive and ethical servant-hearted way, they really do. Because when there’s no agenda or expectation on your part, they feel like all the power is in their hands. Okay. another posture of a transit, transactional reach out versus a relational reach out is with the transactional reach out.
Kristen Boss (26:41): You’re in the mindset of like this even exchange rate. Like I send out a message. I should get a response. I do this, I should get this. It’s almost like you’re keeping a tally or you’re keeping score. Whereas with relational, reach-outs, you’re very much aware of the law of timing and not your timing, the urgency of what you need, but the law of timing for them when they are ready when they feel the urgency when the time is right. And when you respect the law of timing, you earn a ton of trust from your audience. So relational reach out respects the law of timing. Transactional is all about, okay, I’ve sent three messages. I should probably, I should have you know, there should be a sale by now, right? And lastly is you always want urgency with selling always when it comes to reaching out.
Kristen Boss (27:43): But I want you to notice if the urgency is for yourself and your own results or helping the potential have urgency for their own transformation, not listen, not an urgency of like this sale. And you have to save the $5. That’s a different type of urgency. That’s an urgency of scarcity. That’s appealing to them, the thoughts they have around their money. Like, Hey, save $10. And this is totally why you need to do it right now. Whereas urgency for the transformation is it doesn’t matter how much they spend because they desire the change. That much urgency for the transformation is why is it important that they jump on this today? Why is it important that they don’t wait six months to join your company? Why is it important that they don’t wait to decide to start building an online business? That’s urgency for them, that’s urgency for their own transformation.
Kristen Boss (28:43): And a lot of times I think people use urgency either to meet their own goals or the use like scarcity with the urgency, like, Hey, the sales are going to end. The sales are going to end the sales going to end it. And I get it. There’s a time and a place for that. But if you’re trying to, again, kind of manipulate the love of timing by using scarcity, then you’re still not truly in service of the person you’re talking to. So when it comes to relational, reach out, some of you are like, okay. So when, when do I ask for the sale? Do I ever ask for the sale and listen, when you are about when there’s no agenda when there’s no expectation when it’s not transactional. And when you are not expecting each person to become a customer, the conversations flow very differently.
Kristen Boss (29:35): And again, it’s not about I’m going to add this person to my funnel because they’re going to be a customer. It’s like, no, I just know the more people I’m in conversation with the better I’m going to do. So when you, when all those things are in place and it’s time, and you’re considering, is it time for relational? Reach out, just check in with yourself. Do I have an agenda? Am I emotionally attached to their answer whatsoever? Is there a history of reciprocity with our communication? Do we both communicate back and forth? Is there a felt, need that they have, that I can speak to? And then the law of timing, am I speaking from my own time mean? Or am I respecting theirs? And if you respect their timing, you definitely are comfortable hearing a no, but I want you to notice if you’re just hiding than this.
Kristen Boss (30:23): Like a lot of people think, oh gosh, I don’t want to like, start, like start a connection with somebody and build a relationship and then be thinking, okay, when do I finally talk about the business? When do I finally talk about the product? If you’re thinking that that means you started the conversation with an agenda because you’re thinking, okay, when can I insert this? When can I do this? But when there is no agenda and you’re just in conversations with many people, you’re going to notice the law of timing is going to be popping up all over the place with your conversations. And it’s going to be very clear to you. Oh, I can totally talk to this person about this. Now I’m totally going to make this offer. I’m going to be bold. And I’m going to make an offer and say, Hey, this is why I think it would be great for you.
Kristen Boss (31:06): And this is why I think now’s the right time. What are your thoughts about this? Would you be open to a conversation, but notice only if all those other things are in place, if it’s not in place, then you are in a transactional mindset and you’re doing transactional reach-outs and transactional reach outs are always about the seller and never thinking about the consumer or the buyer, but the best selling is always about the buyer’s experience. It’s always about the consumer’s experience. So today, make sure you prioritize being in connections with people being social, networking, adding value to others because it’s not about. And again, I also want to just say, it’s not necessarily the quantity of your conversations. It’s the quality of them. It is so much better for you to have five meaningful conversations with new connections every day, then 20 surface levels, Hey, how’s it going? Hey, you know, copy-paste, robot-type conversations with 20 a day, quality over quantity, relational over transactional. We’ll catch you next week. That wraps up today’s episode.
Kristen Boss (32:29): Hey, if you loved today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the Academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for a while this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.