Suffering for Success Ep #24

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If you’re talking about ‘time freedom’ and then hustling in your network marketing business, you’re out of alignment and your followers and your team can feel it. Your success can be joyful and come to you easily!

If you’re talking about ‘time freedom’ and then hustling in your network marketing business, you’re out of alignment and your followers and your team can feel it. Your success can be joyful and come to you easily! 

Today I’m sharing more about my past story and the story I see in so many who are hustling right now and how you can change that for you and your team. 

Today’s takeaways:

  • The lie that network marketers believe that pushes them to their limit
  • How to know when you’re tying your worth to your business success
  • Why the network marketing community must stop sacrificing joy in the name of success
  • The 2 beliefs that you think when you’re burned out from working so hard
  • Why when you’re not building a business with boundaries, you’ll miss some of life’s most important moments
  • How to work your business in a sustainable AND successful way

Stop missing life moments because you have a belief that you can’t live your life and have business success. I’m sharing exactly how in today’s episode.

Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast:

Connect with Kristen:

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Transcript for Episode #24: Suffering for Success

Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey, fellow bosses, welcome back to another week of the podcast. I hope you had a fabulous holiday weekend. Maybe the weekend looked different than how you thought it would.

Kristen Boss (01:00):
Maybe it was a lot smaller, a lot more quiet, a lot more intimate than you had pictured. But I hope that you felt a lot of gratitude this weekend. And I know this year is not what a lot of us thought it was going to be. And we are actually coming off of the big, huge black Friday weekend. It’s now cyber Monday. This is a really big weekend for a lot of you. And I was really thinking about what, what would people need after coming down from this weekend after this huge push it’s kind of end of month and black Friday promo. So I know a lot of you probably used the black Friday promos and cyber Monday as a huge end of month push. So we’re going to talk about that, but just so you know, what’s going on with me and while you’re here I have my own weekend promo going on, and today is the last day it’s cyber Monday.

Kristen Boss (01:54):
Today’s the last day for you to take advantage of this? When you join the Social Selling Academy, you actually get the confident copywriting book and is 52 pages of everything you could possibly want to know about copywriting, marketing and sales, all proven strategies and methods that I used to grow my business to where it’s at today organically. And so I’m giving that all to you. When you join the social selling academy, it expires at midnight tonight, and you get that printed edition priority mail to you. So you have it at your fingertips. When you sit down to write content and I will tell you the number one struggle I hear from network marketers and social sellers is they struggle with their content. And they think if they were more disciplined or if they just made more time for it, or if they had a content calendar, or if they had sample verbiage from their upline, they might be able to figure it out, but that’s actually not.

Kristen Boss (02:49):
What’s going to help you. You need to actually learn how human behavior and human psychology works when it comes to selling in the marketplace. And that exactly what the confident copywriting book does is it teaches you how to speak to your audience in a way that has them interested and curious in what you have to offer and has them showing up in your inbox saying, tell me more. I’m ready to buy. It’s about bringing in and attracting the most qualified leads to you without you having to chase people down. So if you are tired of the numbers game, if you’re tired of feeling like you’re getting a lot of crickets and ghosted or very low engagement on your social media, this is exactly what you need. In fact, one of my students in the academy this weekend, she hasn’t even gotten through the whole book, just the first 10 pages and social media and content writing used to be very overwhelming for her.

Kristen Boss (03:46):
It caused a lot of anxiety. She would panic and she would kind of avoid it would fold laundry, a workout, do anything but writing content. And I teach you that content writing is actually one of the top revenue producing activities that you can have in your business when it’s done, right? I’m not talking about this vanilla value of like, you can do hard things. I’m talking about strategic copywriting that sells in a way where your audience perceives you as the obvious and only solution to fixing their problems. So the student that was had a lot of anxiety and panic and overwhelm, when it came to writing content, after just reading the first 10 pages, she had written 10 posts, did her Instagram stories cleaned up her website copy, and she signed five new customers and a new team member within 48 hours. It blew her mind because she finally was able to feel clear and confident and was able to communicate her compelling offer that had her audience reaching out to her.

Kristen Boss (04:55):
Your time is worth a lot more for you to know exactly what to do instead of you spending hours on the same post, feeling confused and frustrated and overwhelmed and emotional and feeling like you’re never going to get the hang of it. The copywriting book eliminates that all for you. So you’re going to want to check out the website in my show notes. And when you join today, today’s the last day you’re going to get that printed edition sent to you. All right. So without further ado, let’s get into the topic of the podcast today. And I called it suffering for success because I feel like I see a lot of this, and I’m also going to tell you it’s part of my story. And it was really something I had to heal in myself as a business owner. I didn’t realize until I want to say when I was getting into coaching, I had done a lot of business.

Kristen Boss (05:54):
I had done social retail and I had online boutique. I had a storefront, I’ve been in a lot of different business models. I had a wedding business. I’ve just been an entrepreneur for a very long time. And I didn’t realize that I was carrying around this belief that I was perpetuating in my business consistently. And I was using a lot of things to validate that belief. And I deeply believed that you had to suffer for success, that it had to be hard. They had to be miserable that you had to have blood, sweat, and tears and sacrifice. It had to be miserable in order to be worthy of success. Because if it comes too easy, something must be wrong with you. If it feels joyful and light and it flows to you, something must be wrong. You’re either cheating or it’s just, or you’re not working hard enough.

Kristen Boss (06:57):
You don’t deserve the success that comes to you. That was a story I was perpetuating for a really long time. And I know that because for a while, when I was growing an online business, before I changed that story, I prided myself on the hustle and you guys know I’m anti hustle. We talk about this. I’m all for hard work, but hustle is a completely different story. And I will tell you, I was deep in the hustle, really deep. And I look back on that version of myself with a lot of compassion and sadness, because I see that person who, at the time I had a, a newborn baby. I was in the salon 30 hours a week. I had a newborn and a 15 month old. My husband was home. He was unemployed at the time and I was the main breadwinner. And I had never felt so scarce and stressed in my entire life.

Kristen Boss (08:01):
And let me just tell you what, what my day looked like. Just so you know that when I’m speaking to you and giving you some coaching or some way of looking at things, I just want you to know where it’s coming from and how I very much understand where you are and this might be you. So at the time I would wake up, take care of my newborn, helped my husband get things ready, I’d shower. I’d be on my feet for 10 hours. I’d come home and I’d immediately do dinner time, bath time, put the kids to bed and I’d immediately get on my laptop and work until one or two in the morning. And then I’d wake up the next morning at six or 7:00 AM. And I do it all over again, over and over and over and over. I didn’t watch TV.

Kristen Boss (08:53):
I didn’t watch Netflix. I didn’t any books that I enjoyed. I didn’t work out. I didn’t do anything that I loved. I was working all the time, all the time. And at the time I didn’t see anything wrong with it because I thought that’s just what you do. I thought this is what it looks like to put in the hard work I’m putting in the work now to reap the rewards later, I wasn’t connecting with my husband. I was always on my phone. We were fighting all the time. He was always asking me, please, can you put down your phone? Can you put down your phone? And if I did put down my phone, I was in so much anxiety and panic and wondering, but what if someone messages me? Oh, someone just messaged me right now. I have to get back to them because I really believed I did.

Kristen Boss (09:43):
If I didn’t get back to them in that moment, I was going to lose the sale. I really believed those things. And I kept perpetuating that and I made it true because I would respond in that moment. My food would go cold at the dinner table. Right. And I believed in that moment, I was deeply worthy of success, of whatever success that came my way. I was worthy of it because nobody worked as hard as I did. I’ve watched Netflix in like a year. And I prided myself on that. And as you guys know, because I talk about this, guess what happened? I burnt out hard. I was, I was so depressed. I didn’t even want to work. I was exhausted. I didn’t, I didn’t want to go online and didn’t want to talk to anybody. I was so miserable. I was so tired because at that point, I really thought it was going to be further along.

Kristen Boss (10:43):
And maybe you’re there to sweat, blood and tears. You’ve put off all the things you love in life, because you’ve told yourself, I’m just going to put those parts on hold while I pursue my dreams. And then once I pursue my dreams, then I’ll live my life. How sad is that? That’s not attractive. That’s not attractive to your audience. When they see you working all the time and hustling your booty off, people don’t want that. If you’re preteen time, freedom, and that’s how you’re living. I want you to notice that that’s completely out of integrity. Actually, I work with a lot of students who stop recruiting for a long time for a number of reasons. And the reason they stop recruiting is because they’re so exhausted. They’re so tired and they’re miserable. And there’s two things. There’s two beliefs that happen when you reach that level of exhaustion from working so hard.

Kristen Boss (11:45):
I believe number one is wherever they are currently in their business. That current paycheck, the belief is there’s no way I can get to the top or hold this position or re rank or stay here or get better doing what I’ve done. There’s no way because what I did to get here nearly killed me and nearly ended my marriage. I haven’t talked to my friends in a long time. I’ve put on weight or I’ve lost a ton of weight. And so when they look at reaching the next milestone in their business, they think what’s it going to cost me? It’s already costing me all these things. How on earth am I going to reach that next level? And so they buckled down and they start to shut down. They’re not motivated to work anymore. And then they start having the sad story of this is too costly because they believed the lie.

Kristen Boss (12:39):
In the beginning, that success had to be hard. You had to suffer in order to feel worthy of the paycheck in the end. And that’s simply not true. And it’s also not sustainable. I know that because that’s probably 80% of business owners that come to me. This is the truth. 80% that come to me are people that have had a measure of success in this business. And they have put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, and they are exhausted. They want to quit, but they can’t quit because now it’s their primary source of income or their family relies on that income. Now they want to quit, but they’re just so tired and they can’t even wrap their mind around the next level or a bigger paycheck because they think it’s just going to take more that I don’t have. And what happens is, so they work in this hustle, they grind it out for so long that inevitably they tire out your body.

Kristen Boss (13:44):
Can’t run at a sprint for an hour, but somehow we think we can do that in our businesses that we can sprint. And we’ll never get tired that we won’t burn out. But if you aren’t, if you don’t have boundaries, if you don’t have self care, if you haven’t figured out how to do this in flow and how to create sustainable success, you are going to burn out and you are going to experience months of really high volume when you’re pushing really hard and you’re exhausted or months where when you take a break, your numbers suffer because you’re resting because you haven’t taught your team to work without you, your business. If your business fluctuates massively from month to month, or you do not have consistent predictable income and on a growth trajectory, it is because you are not working your business in a sustainable way.

Kristen Boss (14:44):
And suffering is not sustainable. Your body, your mind, your body. You can only operate in that for very short periods of time, but we’ve made this, I think this is what’s frustrating for me. When I observe the industry is they, I’ve seen people normalize this intense level of suffering for success. It’s almost perpetuated of like, you’re not working hard. You know, you’re not working hard unless you’re up late at night and you’ve let go of Netflix and your managing your time. I don’t even know. I just, I see this. And it’s a problem. I look back on the woman I was in that scarce, desperate place. And I feel so sorry for her. I’m sad for that version of me because she believed that all that suffering made her more worthy, more deserving, and she was so sad and so miserable. I’m going to be really honest with you.

Kristen Boss (15:55):
I’m a little emotional tiny this, but I have, I have regrets that first year of my daughter’s life with my nose and my phone, because I was so desperate and I missed a lot of moments. And I don’t want you to miss moments because you have a belief that you can’t live your life and have success that you can’t serve people and work your business in a way that’s extremely efficient. So you have more time doing what you love. I had no idea at the time, which is why I feel so deeply passionate about serving you and serving this industry, because I don’t want to see women sacrificing things that make them happy, sacrificing joy and their life in the name of success, because here’s the truth. You ready for this?

Kristen Boss (16:56):
You think you’re going to feel different at that big paycheck, whatever it is. I want you to picture whatever that dream income is. That’s on your vision board or in your gratitude journal. I’m going to tell you something that nobody told me. No one says this, but I’m going to tell it to you. When you hit that income, you will feel no different. And here’s a good example. Have you ever thought of like those big birthday milestones where you’re like, oh, your 30th birthday or 25th? I remember 30 thinking, like it felt so big. It was going to feel I was going to feel so different. I remember waking up and being like, I feel no different. I’m 30 feels the same as I did at 29, 28, 27. Nothing’s different. Am I looking at the world differently? I didn’t wake up a different person. And we think sometimes with another zero to our paycheck, we’re going to wake up a different person.

Kristen Boss (17:52):
I’m actually here to tell you, you’re not, it’s going to be the same. And I don’t want you to look back on all the things you missed in pursuit of adding a zero to your paycheck. Because if you don’t create a way of building a sustainable business and doing it in a sustainable way, that allows for boundaries and self care and for you to still be present with your family and to get your head out of your phone from time to time, the problem is, is if you do not change that you will. When you get to your goal, when you see that zero at the end of your paycheck, you’re going to look around and see all the things you missed, all that hurt and all that pain will be there waiting for you. Adding a zero. Doesn’t buy back your time, missed with your babies.

Kristen Boss (18:51):
It doesn’t buy back your marriage. It doesn’t buy back your self-worth. You have to do that right now with your exact paycheck, exactly where you are, and maybe you’re really tired. And I see you, but I also want to start telling you a different story that you do not have to suffer for success suffering. Doesn’t make you worthy of it. On a humorous note. I remember when I was in labor with my first son with my first I was, you know, getting just painkillers through an Ivy and you could get them every hour, but the contractions would show up at about 45 minutes. I remember that 15 minute window being like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, when’s the next round of meds. And all of you, women that do natural birth, more power to you. Good for you. But that was not what I wanted.

Kristen Boss (19:51):
And so I remember I was debating if I wanted to do another round of pain meds or if I wanted to get the epidural and I’ll never forget, the labor nurse said to me, I was contemplating it. I was like, I don’t know, what do I do? And she’s like, well, you don’t get extra points for suffering. I was like, send the anesthesiologist, please. And it was great. And I slept all the way until it was time to push. If you ever want, by the way, if you ever want to hear a birth story that makes you not afraid of childbirth and know that things can go well, just, just reach out to me. I’ll tell you mine. Especially if you have fear of, I’ll tell you mine and you’ll feel great. All that to say is that I needed someone to tell me I didn’t get extra points for suffering that my son’s birth, that holding him in my arms, how I suffered to bring him into the world.

Kristen Boss (20:39):
Wasn’t going to make me love him more or less, just like your suffering, growing your business. Isn’t going to make feel more or less deserving. You have to do that. Work on yourself. Now success actually can be joyful and come to you easily. When you learn to work efficiently, when you learn to work strategically in certain ways, and by the way, put your phone down. Sometimes we’re not good at resting as humans. We’re not great about it, but rest is so essential. Rest the quality of your work as directly proportional to the quality of rearrest. So stop saying that you’ll sleep. When you have success, you’ll sleep later. You’ll enjoy life later. Enjoy life. Now that’s a lot more attractive and magnetic to your audience. Who’s watching you anyways. I want you to think about that. If someone’s watching you online and it looks like you’re always working, you’re literally communicating the message. Maybe not verbally, but your audience is drawing an assumption from watching you and they’re thinking I could never do that. She looks like she works all the time. No, thanks.

Kristen Boss (22:04):
So I just want you to notice what story you might be perpetuating, because I will tell you when I was suffering for my success, I felt very entitled to, to money, to rank, to paychecks. I felt so entitled because I felt I worked so hard for this. I deserve this and I felt very, victimy like, no one works like I do. Nobody understands like I do. And I was so good at blaming people. I blamed that person. They’re not ready. I blamed that person for not giving me enough of their time, that person for not enough tools. Like I’m kind of grossed out with myself, just talking about it. But I realize it was all perpetuated perpetuated by the story I was telling myself, you are worthy no matter what is on your paycheck, no matter how many zeros are at the end of your paycheck, your worth is not defined by your output. Your worth is not defined by your rank worth is not defined by how many followers you have on Instagram or how many email subscribers you have that does not determine your worth. You do. You have to stop delegating your worth to everything outside of you. And you decide you’re worthy. I love this thing. It’s you have inherent worth. You were born, your, you were born worthy. You were born with worth as a human. So stop pursuing it through your success.

Kristen Boss (23:46):
Success is just a measure of the outpouring and value that you have served in the marketplace. Success is just measured by the impact you’ve had in a way that you’ve served others. And I will tell you when I was in my suffer for success mindset, I was so consumed with myself, my own story and my own paycheck. It was very hard to think about my audience, to think about who I was serving because I was so consumed with my story, my success in solving my own problems. And maybe that’s where you are right now. So I want to invite you to turn it around and realize that success will happen for you in your pursuit of serving and love people, loving people. Well, I know because that’s what happened for me. When I got my eyes off of myself and back onto others and solving their problems and adding value to their life and not feeling owed anything.

Kristen Boss (24:41):
That was huge for me not feeling owed anything. I was able to serve even better in the marketplace, give value without expectation, give unto others without having expectation of how that’s going to return back to you. I always tell this to my students. Your job is to add value and serve your job is not to know how that value comes back to you. And I know when people are starting to be consumed with the, how is when they’re starting to become attached to the outcome or the engagement, or, oh my gosh, I did this live or I did this webinar and people didn’t buy well. It’s like, well, did people enjoy the webinar? Did people have transformation? Did people, did people interact? That’s what matters, right? So today stop believing. You have to suffer in order to be worthy of your success. You are worthy already, and success can be light and easy and enjoyable and purposeful. That’s my mission. I want to see more

Kristen Boss (25:59):
Women, more people out there stepping into their purpose and serving others and operating from a place of joy while on their way to success. Because when you do that, success does become inevitable and it doesn’t have to happen at such a speed that wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for awhile. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer go to to learn more.

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